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FLUKE

Since I already agreed to Ohm that we would have a talk, I decided to just invite him home. 

I took a deep breath before walking out of the kitchen to the living room with a tray of some coffee and croissants. There was no backing out now. I had to face this or it would bother me even more. 

"Thank you." Ohm said as I put the cup on the table. I sat opposite to him. "Do you live alone here? This house is huge."

"Yup. Since grandma died. I got used to the silence and just being by myself, I guess, so it's fine with me to stay alone at home. But when I get bored, I visit my baby munchkins and play with them." I said and smiled thinking about the kids.

"You're good with the kids." He complimented.

"I love kids! Maybe living as an only child, I've longed for siblings since I was a kid. I sometimes wonder how it would feel like if I have a brother or a sister." 

"It was a chaos, actually. Especially when you are still younger." He uttered. "My brother and I only have just a year and a half gap, so we used to fight a lot, you know, toys, food, our parents attention. . ." He smiled at the thought. "Then when my sister came when I was seven, we had different fights on who to feed her or stay by her side when she's sleeping. But as we got older, we matured and became the best buddies."

"I wished I had one, too." I somehow envied him. We went into a comfortable silence. "I . . . I was able to. . . to experience to have a brotherly companion, though. But it didn't last long."

"Why?" He looked like he wanted to ask something more, but I guessed he was thinking whether he was going too personal. 

"Ohm," I started, "Since yesterday, you've been telling me, New and Liza about yourself. And I know that you gave honest answers to all Liza's questions. I think it's not fair that I know a lot about you, but you don't know anything about me. Let me tell you about myself this time, so you know what you're getting yourself into. Hmm?" 

Yes, I decided to tell him about myself. When he told me he loved me even without knowing who I really was, it still made me question his sincerity. I was that pessimistic when it comes to romantic love and relationship. 

"I would love that." He said gently.

Taking a deep breath, I started, "I met Piyapon when I moved here after my parents died. He was the caretaker's son. We were the same age. His parents had been working here since my mom and dad got married and moved to live in another place, so there would be people helping grandma with the chores and other stuff." I closed my eyes and smiled as I remembered him. "He was like the brother I'd never had. Since we were the only kids here, we became close right away. We did things together -- ate, played, studied, cooked, and we even protected each other from those bullies at school, oh. . ." I chuckled. "He was the one who protected me most of the time. I was a little weak, you know and I didn't have friends except him, so some students tried to bully me." I could feel Ohm was just looking at me. I didn't know why, but I felt comfortable to share my stories to him so I just continued. "He was like my knight in shining armor. That was also the reason I developed a crush on him. From brother to best friend to crush, then crush turned to love. I fell in love with him. But I wasn't able to tell it to him."

I didn't know that Ohm was already by my side. I just knew it when he held my hand, letting me know that he was ready to comfort me. 

"He died before I even had a chance to tell him." Tears just fell freely after I said those words. I felt Ohm gently held my shoulder to face him and he wiped my tears with his thumb. 

"You can stop now." He said gently.

I shook my head a little and continued. "I didn't know he was sick. He hid it from me. . . He had an acute lymphocytic leukemia. He was sixteen when he was diagnosed. He didn't tell it to anyone at first, even to his parents. His parents knew almost a year after. That meant that he did not get treated for it for a year and that worsen his case. When his parents knew about it, they told it to grandma and she was the one who paid for the treatment. He told me his family would be visiting their relatives back to their hometown, so they needed to leave, but I guessed that was the time he had to stay in the hospital for treatment." I took another deep breath. "I waited for him to come back, but he didn't. A year and a half passed when his parents came back here and told me what happened. Since he did not get any treatment earlier when diagnosed, his body was not able to take it. I thought he didn't value our friendship when he decided not to let me in and stayed with him in those difficult time of his life. But his parents told me that he really requested them not to tell me about his condition, for he didn't want me to be sad. He said I'd had enough heartbreaks in my life at a very early age when my parents left, and he didn't want me to be broken again when he died. They said he kept on repeating 'Sorry Fluke for leaving you.' until his last breath." I looked at Ohm who was still quiet and gently wiping my tears. "Ohm, even at the very last breath he had, he was still thinking of me." He was nodding his head as if to tell me that he understood it. 

"He cared about you, Fluke." He said and caressed my cheek,

"He loved me, too, Ohm." I saw his eyes widen, he was about to say something, but I just continued, "His mom gave me a box that he asked her to give me. Inside were some photos of us and a notebook full of letters. He wrote to me everyday. The first letter was when he realized he was in love with me, that what he felt was not as a friend anymore, but deeper than that. The last one he wrote was three days before he died. His handwriting was not neat anymore, maybe he had already had a hard time using his hands. It was just a short note, that was what it said. He. . . he was. . . able to say it to me, even though he was already gone, but I could only whisper it to the air hoping he would hear it."

"He would, Fluke. I know he knew how much you loved him." 

I looked at him and saw the sincerity in his eyes. He was willing to comfort me. 

"I always wish he would show up in my dreams, but he never did. I wanted to tell him how much I love him."

"Do you still love him?" He spoke gently.

I nodded, "He's still here," pointing my finger to my heart, "He's part of me. He would always have a space in my heart."

He nodded his head and caressed my face. 

"Wait. . . Take a rest for a while. I'll get you some water. Okay?"

He didn't wait for my answer as he stood up and went to the kitchen. 

*** 

Note:

The name means beloved one.

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