Chapter Fifteen: Fifty Shades of Darker Shame

Both reed and I look over at my shocked brother. He’s glaring at the two of us like we just killed something, something important to Steve. “What the fuck?”

“I guess it’s time I came out and say it,” Reed takes a deep breath, “I fell onto your brother and my lips attacked his.”

Of course.

I glare over at Reed for being a complete idiot and stand up. “Steve please don’t tell about what you just saw! I promise it’ll never happen around you again. Just let me have this one thing and I’ll do anything you ask!”

“Come with me to a party.” He says calmly, actually seeming kinda nice. What is going on here? Steve isn’t nice to me, and why on earth would he want to spend time with me...at a party?

I almost faint when I realize he’s being serious. “Why on earth would you want me to go to a party with you?” This is going to be a good story,,,

“I like this chick.” Aww my brother is capable of emotion! “But she likes fags.”

“I’m not doing it.” I grumble the same time Reed hisses, “don’t call him that”. We both look at each other and Reed offers me a small smile.

“If you don’t go with me and make out with your little boy toy to help me get this chick I’m going to tell mom and she’ll send your ass to a Jesus camp.” He threatens giving me an evil look that I knew meant he was serious. I guess there’s no choice but to help my brother get his weird “fag liking” girl. “So is it a yes, or a no?”

“I’m in.” I sigh, looking over at Reed who had an excited look on his face. I guess he’s excited we get to make out... Yeah he’s “excited” all right.

“Princess.”

“Go to sleep.”

“I found them.”

I stiffen up, knowing exactly what he’s talking about. “Put them back where you found them and never speak of this again.”

Reed flips a page.

I groan, “Give it back please!”

He flicks his tongue over his lips. “I didn’t know you were an ass man.”

I hide my face in my hands so Reed can’t see how red my cheeks must be.

“Whoa, okay there’s the boobs.”

“Reed!” I groan. “Please stop.” Soon he’s going to reach the stuff I drew after “the fair incident”-

A few more page flips.

“And now the penises.”

I almost die from embarrassment.

“Damn princess, now I know how to get you horny.” I can hear the smirk in his voice. You see right now I’m too scared to look at him. I keep my head down and in my hands. My nails are cutting into my skin but the small pain is keeping me from screaming out.

Why can’t I be normal and just look that stuff up on the internet? I can clear my history; I can’t hide my notebooks for just me to see. I should get a safe.

“Is this me?”

Oh crap, I forgot about that one.

“It is me!”

I stand up, my eyes falling to the floor, and walk to the door. I twist the knob slowly. Reed must have locked it. I unlock it and slowly swing it open, hoping it doesn’t squeak. Luckily one thing is in my favor. The door opens without making a noise.

“Where are you going?”

“To the bathroom.” I mumble softly feeling really weird. I just never expected him to find those, and now that he has I feel like throwing up. My stomach feels horrible...

“Shhh, it’s okay princess.” Reed calms me, softly rubbing my back. I’ve been sitting in the bathroom for over two hours now, crying. Turns out I’m not exactly sick to my stomach, just nervous.

Ever since I was a little kid I liked being by myself and doing my own things. At school I wouldn’t talk to anyone, I’d sit by myself and draw. When the other kids or adults asked me what I was drawing or if they could see it, I’d panic and hide it away. Even as a little kid I was afraid of rejection. One time in middle school the school bully stole my drawings, one of which was a picture of the girl I liked. He put the picture of the girl up all around the school and the next day when she saw, the girl laughed so hard her face turned blue. I hid away in the bathroom for the rest of the day. Whenever I felt upset I ran to the bathroom. Small spaces tend to calm me down.

I guess Reed looking at the pictures I drew triggered that rejection again and I just flipped.

“You probably think I’m some freak!” I cry into my hands. Reed’s hand, the one my back, tenses up at my words.

He sighs. “Caleb in no way at all do I think that.”

“Yes you do.” I finally look up at him and I’m shocked to find two concerned eyes staring back at me.

“Nope, not at all.”

“Yes you do.” By the look in his blue eyes even I know it’s ridiculous to think he’s lying. But my stupid heart keeps aching thinking that inside Reed was laughing his ass off at my dirty drawings.

He leans in and softly kisses my forehead, “Stop being stupid, you’re tired. Come on princess, let’s go back to bed. In the morning you’ll realize thinking that I actually think you’re a freak is stupid and crazy.”

Now that he’s talking about sleeping I do feel pretty tired. My eyelids grow heavy and I yawn, “Will you carry me?” He nods and picks me up. Although going slow, I can still feel a cool wave of wind chill my teary cheeks. I’m such a baby.

When we do reach my bed, Reed lays me down and crawls in next to me. Before he can put an arm around me, I turn to face him and hide my face in his chest. “Thank you.” I whisper.

“It’s no problem princess, now get some sleep. We have a party to go to tomorrow.” I almost groan but Reed wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me even closer. “Sweet dreams princess.”

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