Noble Consort Hua had dozens of chests hauled into my residence. Once opened, each revealed an assortment of jewelry and garments.

After trying numerous dresses on, the consort finally decided that this peach and white dress is the perfect one.

"The colors by themselves are considered plain; however, the elaborate gold embroidery, and the stunning blue and maroon accents, as well as the overall fitting, makes the hanfu breathtaking. It fits perfectly on you," the consort remarks. She claps her hands together, giddy with excitement. "Splendid. The emperor won't be able to keep his eyes off you," she giggles.

Shaking my head, I turn my head and make my way to the vanities.

She follows just behind me, and our maids begin to carefully dress our hair with headpieces compiled of dainty gold ornaments. It is truly tedious work.

After many moments, I glance at the reflection of Noble Consort Hua through her mirror. Her eyes are glossed over, and although the mirror paints her reflection gold, her expression was abnormally pale.

"Is older sister, alright?"

"hm?" She eyes me in the mirror. "Oh no, I'm fine."

"Just thinking?"

She remains silent for a while, drifting in her thoughts. I can tell my comment resonated in her senses, incidentally bringing buried memories to the forefront of her mind.

She turns towards me and shakes her head sheepishly. Her glassy eyes reveal that her mind is elsewhere. "We are meeting the Emperor today, Xiulan."

"Yes... we are."

"Are you nervous?"

"Yes, of course. Aren't you?"

The crease between her eyebrows crinkle. "I've avoided thinking about what the Emperor has done for a long time. It only raises the question of who the man I married is, the person responsible for the horrendous actions of his past. You handled your first few days here much better than me, Xiulan. When I entered the palace, I was petrified, always on edge for when I might pass him. I lived those first days walking on glass; a feeling of hopelessness constantly stabbed my chest as I knew I could never escape from these palace walls. I almost-" A pause. "I will be coming face to face with the man I had nightmares of, and I am terrified, Xiulan."

Her eyes plead with mine. What she is pleading for, I cannot give.

Freedom.

I can only console her and lessen her distress. "But your fears never came true. He's left the harem alone for years. Perhaps he is not the same man as those rumors claim." Even I didn't completely believe a word I said.

"Yet, there are many rumors, and they are all the same. There must be truth in them". She turns away from me.

"No matter how probable, rumors are passed by word. The certainty of them is no greater than a persons morals and truths. No one has ever seen his face. How can rumors claim to know him?" I glance at her vanity, and her hands are fumbling with a gold coin, a gift given by the Emperor to each of his women. A seal of passage.

"There are two sides to every coin. If we keep an open mind, we might just reach the brim of it," I say.

Her hand movements halt, and her thumb brushes across the coin, revealing an engraving in the gold surface—an azalea.

She catches me staring and smiles softly. "Xiulan, have you received your coin yet?"

I shake my head. "No."

An azalea? The tame flower does not seem to suit Noble Consort Hua very much.

"I believe Consort Qin has a hibiscus, and Imperial Noble Consort Li has a plum blossom," she rambles on.

"Fleeting beauty and a delicate rarity in winter," I whisper to myself.

"And mine?" she asks.

I turn to her. "Elegance, duty."

"She frowns. "How can one flower represent two unrelated essences?"

I take a moment to think. "Elegance, thoughtfulness, pensiveness, close synonyms, and characteristics of femininity. A feminine woman is customarily dutiful to her family and husband."

I realize now. They're reminders given by the Empress Dowager. A wife must maintain her youthfulness. She must flourish in hardship and stand beside her husband through anything. A rarity in talents and intellect as well. She must be filial and elegant. When combined, the engravings on the coins represent the perfect wife.

She shakes her head and scoffs. "These characteristics are branded on us by others based on their idea of a perfect woman. I've followed my parents' wishes and married into the imperial family, I've been an obedient and courteous wife, all without protest. Society told me to expect happiness after fulfilling their expectations, and yet," she smiles sorrowfully, "what a joke."

I cannot ever understand or relate to her situation, living a life that isn't hers. I was never at the receiving end of such expectations. No one was ever watching me, my actions had no consequences; I had nothing to lose. My goal in life was survival and happiness. But, I can offer my empathy. The noble truly do not have it all.

Her features are guilt-ridden as she turns towards me. "I sometimes envy you, Xiulan, and Suyin as well."

"Imperial Noble Consort Li?"

She nods her head. "Suying. Her lineage is not one of nobility nor power. She was a cobbler's daughter, a handmaid for the late princess. I don't pretend to know her life and hardships, but what I do know is that no one pressured or expected her to become a member of the very imperial family she was working for. Our destinations became the same, yet, she never lost her happiness getting here.

After I feel the last ornament slide into my hair, I fully turn to the consort. I wait until she faces me. "We will always envy parts of each other. I suppose the moral of everything is, no one's life is perfect."

The consort nods, and with the help of her personal maid, she stands up and turns towards the exit of her residence. "I think this is a good time to depart for the festivities. Today is one of good fortune and happiness; we should not taint it with such melancholy thoughts," she sighs, holding the faintest smile on her lips.

On the way, through the faded stone grounds and towering walls of the crimson and golden palace, I notice that the somber musings of our conversation gradually dissolve as the consort's smile grows. Her steps become livelier, and the air surrounding us seems to lighten and brighten.

"I wonder if there will be any new additions to the harem this year, besides you, I mean," the consort remarks. "Last year, only one was chosen," she turns to me, "Consort Qin."

She pauses, expecting a comment.

I give no answer.

She continues, "I hope they will be friendly and do not seek for much power," she pauses, "but they must also be agreeable." She nods in self-affirmation. "No use in being kind but unpleasant to talk to."

She glances at me once more. "Concubine Zhao? What do you think?"

I think about it for a moment. "The Emperor's harem of four is fine; more would make it livelier. But at the end of the day, people are people. I'll survive."

The consort chuckles. "How indifferent."

I nod. "How disagreeable."

She shakes her head and smiles. "Sure, if this is an argument, your indifference would make you disagreeable to both sides. But this a conversation. Though it is a bit hard to continue conversation with an answer like that, " she laughs.

We stop and conversation halts as we near the entrance of a towering palace hall with crimson columns supporting its golden rooftops. Stone dragons sit upon the gilded overhangs as their piercing emerald orbs seem to assess the character of the person walking through the archway of their domain.

We cautiously walk up the stone steps toward dangerous waters that submerge the festivities inside. It is not the time to let our guards down.

As I enter the grand hall, my eyes float around from person to person and object to object. It isn't until I sit down in my assigned seat to the left of Consort Qin that I notice a familiar face across me.

Zhong Ciufan.

For a moment, excited to see a familiar face among a sea of unfamiliar, I almost call out her name. However, as I study her, I realize that something is off. She had to have seen me come in, my name was announced upon my arrival. Yet, despite having sat here, in front of me, for some period of time, she has not met my eyes once. In fact, it almost seems as if she is avoiding them.

I turn my attention to an unfamiliar face directly across from me, also sat in a seat similar to mine.

She, along with Ciufan may be the new women of the harem.

"Announcing the arrival of the Emperor and Empress Dowager!"

I hear the breaths of the attendance catch in their throats.

My eyes follow and land on a pair of burning orbs belonging to the very Emperor whose arrival has been anticipated by everyone and anyone in attendance.

His eyes are like stones; hard, cold, and lifeless. With no regard for anyone around him, his gaze is set straight ahead of him at the sovereign's throne as he walks towards the front.

Power. Wealth. Control. The throne offers it all.

As he walks up towards our platform and passes by me, I try to get a glance at his features. However, a gold mask outlines his eyes, covering the upper half of his face, and dips down to the right of his jaw.

Once he has ascended to the throne sat on a platform a level above the harem's, he helps the Empress Dowager sit, before sitting himself.

"Chen qie greets the Emperor and Empress Dowager" I recite my greetings among the greetings of the attendance.

As I am raising my head upon command to sit, our eyes meet. Where... where have I seen such unusual eyes?

Ah silly me...

His mother shares the same striking characteristic.

Suddenly, without a movement of muscle, his eyes dart away from mine and my gaze instantly feels empty.

"Chen qie has prepared a dance for the Empress Dowegar's enjoyment on her birthday night."

A foreign voice. Sugary and silky at the same time.

My attention turns to the girl who was sitting across from me and is now bowing to her imperial highness.

The Empress Dowager studies her features for a moment, she has yet to meet her. "What is your name, child?"

The girl takes the response as permission to raise her head and lower her arms. What settles on her face is a wide and glowing smile that deepens her dimples. Her glee is reflected in her eyes and the crevices around them. "Responding to the Empress Dowager, my name is Jiayi."

The Empress Dowager nods her head and smiles softly. "Auspicious and honorable. A good combination. A good name." She gestures to the empty floor, the center of festivities.

It's a sign of the Empress Dowagers longevity — her name.

She even has red petal markings on her forehead to induce you of her good fortune.

Her movements are what you would call cutesy and adorable. She has the attention of the harem as she moves toward her stage, hawk eyes pinned on the back of her head. A new threat for the harem women to deal with.

This should be a good show.

Though,

I still have yet to see what they have in store for me.

And I bet that girl is more calculative than she leads the others think.