"Chen qie greets Imperial Noble Consort Li"

Although my eyes were focused on the ground, I could feel her sharp gaze piercing through me, almost as a warning to who has the power here.

"Nonsense, raise your head. I cannot have the Phoenix bowing her head to me, can I?" her honeyed voice rang through the room. To those who don't have any idea of her capabilities, she does indeed sound sweet and gentle, like a joyful canary whose tunes one could listen to all day. She looks like it too, with lips pulled into a soft smile that give the corners of her eyes a small lift of laughter and happiness. I suppose I should be among those naive to danger as well; I mean, I haven't stood against her yet. Still, though it is hard to detect, the way her ebony eyes occasionally gleam in amused bitterness, tells me that she is quite the opposite of what she leads me to believe.

I can see her mind calculating as she stares at me with raised eyebrows and that sickly smile that seems sweet to others.

"Forgive me, sisters; I was held up on my way here. The palace is quite the maze," I exhale a slight laugh, becoming conscious of the other pair of eyes on me, Consort Qin.

I slowly walk over to the dark oak semi throne on Consort Qins left, as instructed previously. As I sit down, I hear Consort Qin snicker in distaste, making me turn my head her way.

"You are quite bold, Concubine Zhao. Naming us consorts as your sisters, how pompous you must be to feel as if you are as dignified as a consort. Simply look at your dress wear," she tips her chin up to prove her point further.

Deciding that it isn't the time to start something, I simply smile at her, doing my best to act naive. "Consort Qin does not accept my offer of friendship?" I ask with a slightly saddened tone, seemingly catching her off guard.

"Friendship? No, of course not, I would not want to be friends with some-" she huffs angrily before being cut off by Imperial Noble Consort Li.

"Consort Qin" Imperial Noble Consort Li warns, though not enough to sound like a lethal threat, more of interruption, so whatever she has planned isn't ruined. "We are all sisters here, the palace can get quite lonely without companions," she smiles at me, her tone conciliatory. Though, the slight gleam in her vague eyes revealed that she wasn't all that earnest. I knew she really wanted the opposite; she wanted me gone.

An innocent smile makes it's way to my lips as I stare back at her. "Thank you, Imperial Noble Consort Li for your kindness, " I acclaim, bowing my head slightly.

She smiles and nods her head, but her eyes shown slight confusion and pretension. She shifts her gaze to Noble Consort Hua. "Noble Consort Hua, you have been quiet, although it is in your nature. Even so, do you not want to greet our guest?" she said, using the word guest as if saying I won't be staying long. She was getting impatient. I suppose she expected more from me, a larger threat from me.

Noble Consort Hua smiles softly at me and nods her head slightly. "Concubine Zhao, I am honored to be in the presence of the Phoenix" she says, her tone genuine. Still, she remained guarded as she spoke, not because of me, but because of the consorts. I realized that she probably remains silent during these gatherings, only speaking when it is needed. This approach, although seems smart, may to do more harm than good. A silent person is always unpredictable, as words cannot be used to figure them out. It is why the other consorts are so wary of her, it is why they feel that she is such a large threat to them. It is human nature to want to be in control, and they have none over her because they never know what she is thinking.

But I need them to think they've figured me out. I need them to think I'm someone else, an innocent and naive village girl who knows nothing. A girl who only thinks about rainbows and bunnies all day -- someone that they can easily get rid of.

"I was wondering... if I would get the chance to meet the Emperor?" I ask shyly. An image of him on the battlefield from that day flashed through my mind for a second as I said those words. I had almost forgotten just who's harem I was in. Though, contradictory to what came out of my mouth, I do not care much about meeting the Emperor. I take a glance at Noble Imperial Consort Li, she has an eyebrow raised as she stares at me like I have a hollow brain. I was never a good lier or actor, but the fact that she had that look on her face tells me that she truly believed I was naïve and desperate.

I hear Consort Qin chortle next to me, letting a breath out. She has an amused expression plastered on her face in mockery disbelief. "The Emperor? You think very highly of yourself Concubine Zhao" she scoffs.

"Oh I did not mean to-"

She cut me off. "You should know what the Emperor is like. He is most definitely not the type to visit one of his women, even if you are the Phoenix. It doesn't make you special, you know, you are still a lowly concubine, do not get ahead of yourself," she warns, a bitter tone underneath her lecturing one.

Her words hurt a little. I know that the person she was lecturing wasn't me, well not really, I'm not actually like what I am trying to come off to be. I know its just a lie and I am basically playing a role of another person, but since I was a little girl I had always looked for acceptance and validation. I don't need theirs, but it is just simply I cannot help it when someone criticizes me.

"I-"

She cuts me off again. "He never visits the harem. The only person who has met with him is sister Suyin" she turns to smile at Imperial Noble Consort Li. I was slightly confused. Why did she fawn on Noble Consort Li? They certainly can't be friends, they both want the same thing, the throne, and only one of them can have it. They should be competitors, enemies actually.

"Though, that was when sister was six, right?" The edges of Consort Qin's lips curve into a slight smirk, yet her doe eyes remained wide and pure. There it is, they have a passive-aggressive relationship, not directly striking each other with rude remarks like she does towards me. Consort Qin is warier of Imperial Noble Consort Li, being slightly more careful with her words.

I watch Imperial Noble Consort Li's reaction. She smiles sweetly, but I can see the fury and irritation burning in her eyes. "Yes, that was quite some time ago," she simply answers.

"Twelve years to be exact," Consort Qin keeps going, amusement on her lips. If it angered Imperial Noble Consort Qin further, she didn't show it.

"Yes," she replies again, short and simple.

The tension in the room was elevated considerably as the two consorts seemed to be having a silent conflict, both smiling friendly and remaining civil, only their eyes told a different story. I look at Noble Consort Hua, who hasn't spoken a word. She looks at them with an indifferent expression like this happens every day; it probably does. During these gatherings, if they were the only ones talking, imagine the awkward moments as they throw passive-aggressive insults at one another.

~

It is late at night now. I had excused myself shortly after the two consorts' brief exchange of silent jabs. I was only there to "reveal" my character, and I saw no reason to stay any longer when the conversation wasn't going to go anywhere. Plus, the tension became too much to bear.

I kept myself busy for the rest of the day, exploring the harem in the palace walls. I was surprised to find a library filled with countless of books from poems and idioms to novels to volumes of scholarly scripture. Everything was dusty, and though you could tell the place had once been magnificently grand from the faded gold, it had no doubt been abandoned and left unattended. I had fixtated a small nook with a large piece of cloth I had found, placing it over the dusty table. I also found a old rocking chair; it was squeaky but sturdy enough. Picking out a few books on various topics, I lit a candle, and began reading. I spent the remainder of the day there, and by the time I decided I should be getting back, it was already dusk. Earlier, I had sneaked out to explore the palace and Huiqing was probably wondering where I had run off to.

When I got back, Huiqing was in an immense panic until she saw me, relief flooding her eyes. I apologized to her countless of times for worrying her, and after she calmed down, we ate supper. I insisted for her to join me at the table, she was my only friend here, and it felt nice to just talk to someone.

After dinner, I went to bed, and here we are. I've always found it hard to sleep; it's my own problem; it wasn't developed due to a traumatic experience. I know the reason, though. I had always been scared of death, the idea that one day, I won't be me anymore terrifies me. To me, the mind is the most important part of a human being, and to think that it will no longer operate one day... I can't even imagine. I suppose I don't want to spend half of my life sleeping, not being conscious for half of your life. Or, it may be that I think sleeping is what death feels like, the only difference is, you can't wake up from death. Either way, both terrify me.

Knowing I wasn't going to get any sleep tonight, I slip on my slippers that are at the edge of my bed and quietly sneak outside. As soon as I stepped out into the night air, I feel the chilly twilight breeze hit my body, sending shivers down my spine and goosebumps to appear on my arms. I was still wearing my nightgown, which was probably not the smartest idea, but I couldn't risk getting caught if I went back in.

I roamed the palace for a bit, successfully avoiding the guards and night patrols. I found a small garden and decided to clear my head there. It was a lovely area, with lush vegetation and bright flowers visible even in the dark. There was a small pond in the center with white water lilies that spread across the calm, clear water. As I neared the pond, I heard a stick crack behind me and I immediately turn around, eyes wide.

My eyes widen even more why I realize who it is. "You!"

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Li Suyin (Imperial Noble Consort Li)

李蘇音