It's been five days, yup! It sounds so pathetic but I have been counting the days since Jade officially ended everything. I have been calling and texting her non-stop, but she's ignoring it all.

I've just spent the rest of my day inside my room, playing video games and binge watching movies to distract myself. I didn't went back to Edmonton, I just can't do interviews and meet fans, looking enthusiastic and shit.

So I spent a one week of day off inside my room, refusing to go out. The couples are worried of me, especially Anders. I want to get drunk as fuck but I can't because I'm in the middle of the game season. Coach Trotz will surely kick my balls if I became a huge slack on the ice because of drinking. So I didn't.

I can't stop thinking about my girlfriend. How is she? Has she been drinking? Crying? I want to know how she is. I fucking want her back! I want to explain myself, I want her to listen to me-- to believe me that everything that she saw was not true and that it was just a stupid mistake Pauline did.

I didn't cheated on her!

As I stare on the TV screen I couldn't help the tears run down my face. Fuck! I haven't cried because of a girl for ages. Heck! I don't even remembered crying because of a girl before.

I wiped the tears cursing under my breath and stood up! This isn't right. I need to talk to her. I'll find her.

For sure Tori knows her address, I'll have to ask her. I would totally beg just for her to tell me, I need to fix this.

I took a shower and dressed into some black jeans, a gray shirt and black bomber jacket. I tied my shoes as quick as possible and head downstairs. On the way down I saw Anders about to run upstairs looking so pale.

"Bro, I need some help." He quickly said and run. I followed him right away totally confused.

"What's happening?" I asked him as he busy himself stuffing some of Tori's clothes on his Islander gym bag.

"Tori is bleeding." Anders said. He's clearly trying to act calm but the way he stuffed all the clothes on the bag he's definitely freaking out. "I think the baby is coming out."

And so am I, especially when I heard Tori screaming on the other room.

"Shit!" I cursed in the air. "I thought she's giving birth next month."

"We thought so too." Anders said under his breath and throw the bag on me. "Get the car ready."

I quickly did shuffling my keys as I run out of the house. Fuck! I cannot believe how freaky this kind of situation are. Few seconds passed, we hit the road. I'm honestly shaking especially every time I hear Tori's heavy breath as she tries to punch Anders' chest.

"This is your fault!" She keeps on screaming that I couldn't help but laugh at the same time. "Stop laughing and drive fast Barzal!"

I stopped laughing. Shit! You don't mess with a pregnant woman who's about to give birth.

"Anders, call Jade for me please." Tori said which suddenly made me ache and feel excited that I'm finally going to see her after so many days.

-

The doctor said that we are fortunate enough that we rush Tori at the hospital right away. She's having a pre-mature baby and that accordingly, giving birth when you're eight months along is quite dangerous.

Anders and I are waiting outside the operation room because Tori was suggested to undergone C-section. I sat on one of the benches in there as I watch Anders walking back and forth. He's of course nervous, dying even thinking about his baby and wife.

He stopped on his tracks when someone arrived, rushing through and hugged him.

It's Jade.

"Is she inside?" Jade asked Anders. I was just silent in there watching her, she didn't noticed me, I guess.

She looks fine, but I can see the dark circles under her eyes. She's devastated too, I can tell.

"What happened?" She asked Anders again.

I let the two of them talk first. She sat on the chair few inches away from me as she calms herself down.

"Hi." I weakly said.

"Hi." She replied not looking at me on the eye. She's staring at the operating room door.

She's nervous I have known her so well, the way her body moves, her expressions and the way she holds her hands when she's nervous. I badly wanted to touch her, hug her and hold her hands right now to make her calmer.

But she seems so far away.

"Can we talk?" I slowly asked.

"Not now." She replied firmly, but I am stubborn enough. Desperate even.

"Please?" I begged.

It took her a minute before she sighed and darted her eyes on me. God! I really wanted to kiss her.

I took all my courage to spill everything I wanted to say. The setting we are currently in might be way too off but I don't care, I'm dying and desperate to win her back.

"I love you." I said. "And I am so sorry for hurting you. But I didn't cheated on you Jade, Pauline and I were over. Fuck! We didn't even have an official relationship."

"Then explain the kiss. I saw that between my two eyes Mat." She replied looking down on the floor, sounding bored but I know that she's been keeping the tears inside.

"I didn't see that one coming. Yes, I hang out with her. She's been throwing herself on me that night but I keep on brushing her off. And then she suddenly kissed me, but that only lasted for like five seconds before I pushed her. That was the kiss that you saw."

She was silent.

"But you guys still talk, aren't you?" She asked slowly.

"She has my number, but I don't return any of those when we officially became a couple." I confidently answered because that was the truth.

She was silent again, but I noticed her subtly wiping her face. Shit! I'm hurting her again. She inhaled right before speaking again.

"I saw her the night after we broke up." She fessed up trying to sound like she's not crying. "She obviously doesn't know that I was your girlfriend, she only thinks that I am your roommate."

Yeah, because I didn't told Pauline. I didn't get the chance to fully explain why I shut her down, since I am afraid that she'll start a drama and target Jade. She's a well-known model and I'm afraid that she'll use her influences to spread rumors about my girl.

"I accidentally slapped her." She added and started sobbing. I couldn't help but close the gap between us and reached for her shoulders. "I was drunk and I was so angry at her for ruining everything."

I was just silent, waiting for her to calm down. I didn't speak any words because I can't find one, I'm not upset nor happy that she slapped Pauline. I'm angry with myself, because of me I pushed Jade to slap Pauline.

"I am so sorry." I whispered.

She slowly whisked the arms I wrapped around her and looked straight to my eyes. I tried to wipe the tears on her eyes but she stopped my hands too.

Another cracked has formed in my heart, there is no worse feeling in this world than seeing the woman you love in pain and you're the fucking reason behind it.

"I want you back Jade, so bad!" I said and I am starting to notice a water on my eyes.

"No." She said and that hurts me..

"Why?" I mouthed in complete frustration. I cupped her face, forcing her to look at me the tears that I have been controlling starts to run down my face when I heard rejection. "Come back to me."

"I can't." She replied crying real hard this time. We both are.

I keep on asking why but she just keep on shaking her head as she looks straight to my eye. I hugged her tight, because I don't know if this is going to be the last time that I am able to do it.

"I want you Jade! But if you can't give us a chance. I understand, it's okay. I won't force you." I said in between tears as I savor the moment of being able to feel her around my arms. "But I just want you to know that I love you."

And she's finally out of my reach this time...