9.

I did think that I have gone way too overboard about taking Collins advice.

After Tuesday night's petty argument with Mat, I wasn't able to have enough sleep for the past five days.

Now, I'm literally like a zombie doing all my paperworks in the office. As much as I try to avoid using caffeine to wake me up, I have no choice. I have already consumed three cups of espresso now, my body is a bit energized but I'm still not in the mood.

I can't believe that Barzal will disturb my life big time! If I have known I'd be this wrecked because of him I surely didn't agreed to move in with the Lee's.

However I can't say no to Tori either, now that she's pregnant. So maybe, I'll just have to wear my big girl pants and stop thinking about him. Besides, Mat will be hitting the road very soon so I won't be seeing him around the house anymore, it won't be hard on my end.

All I have to do is to stop thinking about all the what if's and accept the fact that we are just friends. No! We are just ROOMMATES!

I mean, I don't know. I'm still bitter about Pauline's naked episode on his room. So I'm still on outrage about that.

Collins told me to act cool in front him, pretend that he's not bugging the crap out of me and making me feel something weird downstairs. Collin's words not mine.

But I just can't!

I can't act cool in front of him. All I'm feeling is only admiration and since I don't want to blow my cover I tend to act rude, which I think the reason of blowing him off that night.

I actually regret doing that. I seriously wanted to talk too but I still can't erase the incident with Pauline out of my system.

I don't know Mat that well, therefore, I still don't trust him. I badly want to trust him, I really do, especially after seeing his eyes and his expressions that night. Wearing a completely confused face probably thinking about what was wrong with me and why do I back away when he was about to hold me.

I almost wanted to let him do it but I know that once I feel his skin on mine, I know I'll give in. So I backed away even if it hurts.

I don't want to be weak this time, not over a hockey player named Mathew Barzal.

-

My head is pretty clear now.

The past couple of days was me busying myself on work, taking care of my cousin Tori and hangout with Collins. Hangout means going on a night club once again, we even dragged Tori one time then Collins and I got shitfaced.

I was so irresponsible that night, letting a delicate pregnant woman carry our asses home. Tori doesn't mind it, but Collins and I made sure that we won't be doing that again while she's still pregnant after we realized what we did the next day when we woke up.

If Anders finds that out I'd surely pack my bags. But Tori said, that would just be our little secret, that stubborn woman!

Two weeks of not seeing Mat around the house made me feel easy and well-rested. If he won't be home for long, I'm gonna be able to forget about those strange feelings he makes me feel when he's around.

Fingers-crossed.

"Jadey! Let's go we're gonna be late." My cousin called as I put on a lipgloss on my lips.

I'm driving Tori to her OB today for her regular check up. Eversince Anders officially left to be on the road for the Metropolitan division games, I already took over the duty of driving her to the clinic. Today is Friday and I just took a one-day leave at work for her.

She usually visits her OB on weekends but now, she insists on seeing the doctor today. I want to ask her why but she's been irritated in the past hour so I didn't bother asking. I already recieve a fifteen minute lecture earlier this morning about my messy room.

It's not that even messy to be honest but guess when you're pregnant just a little tilted frame on the wall gets you angry. I don't know! Only pregnant women knows.

After checking myself on the mirror twice I immediately grab my purse and ran downstairs.

"You clearly didn't wear any make up!" Tori blurted out looking at me with an annoyed face. "But what took you so long?"

"Tori, I literally just got ready for only five minutes." I replied heading out of the house as she follows me to the car. "I only applied facial moisturizer and a gloss just to be quick, I didn't make you wait for long."

When we settled inside the Range Rover and I started the engine. I heard Tori sighing on the passenger seat massaging her temples.

"I'm sorry, I'm a bit aggravated today." She said sighing. "I'm just kind of pissed with Anders."

"Why?" I said driving unto the curve.

"I badly want to see him." She started. "I told him last night that I want to watch their game in New Jersey tonight, but he doesn't want me to go travel."

"Why? Because you're pregnant?" I said driving into the main road now.

"Yeah. I don't mind the three hour ride, I'm used to it anyway." She said and blabs even more about Anders giving her a speech about how delicate pregnancy is, therefore she should avoid stress and what not.

"But I'm going anyway." She announced.

"What if he gets angry when he sees you there?" I asked.

"No he won't."

"How sure are you?"

Her jaw dropped. "Are you saying that I don't know my husband that well? If I--"

"Okay! Okay..." I cut her off putting my two hands in the air. "You don't have to blow me off."

"Keep your hands on the steering wheel!" She commanded. "We're going to New Jersey after this appointment."

"I'm not going." I answered instantly.

And what? To see Barzal's face? No way. He's the last person I want to see among all the million people on my list.

"You're not?"

"No." I replied stopping on the red light.

"Well then I guess I have to call for my other friends." She started blabbing. "Wait they're all busy with work."

Gasping. "Oh my god, Collins!"

"What?" I said completely surprised by hearing my bff's name.

"I'm definitely sure he'll come with me. He talked about wanting to come with me during games so that he'll have access behind the scenes and get surrounded with hockey players. I gotta go text him." She said fishing her phone out of her purse.

"And what? Drive you to New Jersey? Tori, I don't think you want Collins to drive you there." I started.

"Why?"

"He's a reckless driver!" I spilled. "No. I won't let you invite Collins. Or maybe you can but don't let him drive you! Anders will kill me if something happens to you and the baby."

I said driving again when the lights turned to green.

She sighed in disappointment. God! I don't like it when she wears that face. A pregnant woman should be happy and not sad! Well, according to what I always hear from my mom.

"But you won't be going." She said sounding like a five year old. "You know what, I'm still inviting Collins and maybe ask if he had a friend who's willing to take us to New Jersey."

I only sighed. Retreating.

Tori already made up her mind and I can't blame her of wanting to see her husband.

But the thing is, risking Tori and her baby's life to my best friend's hands is disturbing me. Damn it! But I don't want to see Barzal either.

Oh heavens! I'm so confused on what should I do now.