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Tears. They are a peculiar thing, when the heart is happy gleaming with joy, tears make its presence and when the heart is breaking, shattering in to pieces. They make its way again.

It almost as if the two are bounded together till eternity, forever acknowledging both happiness and pain.

If there was ever such thing as running out of tears, it'd be today. There was not a single tear left in me to shed. Almost as if I had become numb, I no longer felt anything. I was breaking inside yet there was no tears to evidence my case.

I was dying inside yet no tears came to defend me.

I didn't know how long I sat there, seconds, minutes or hours even, but I was numb, glued to the spot and unable to move.

Deniz who had seen the doctor to the door had come back and sat with me, opposite the bed in utter silence as we tried to recollect our thoughts through the burning battlefield, both lost in our own fights.

" Farya. You need to eat something"

Deniz voice came through making me glance upwards, my eyes landing on his striking ones. I looked at my friend, for the longest of times before moving my gaze away from him. Unable to form any words out.

How could I?

What could I possibly say?

" I've called Nourie and Guliez. They will arrive soon. I just need you to talk with me Farya"

Deniz pleaded as he walked towards me, now sitting on the bed. His warm hands reached towards my cold ones as he gave it a small squeeze, in reassurance yet I was idle to all emotions.

" It's going to be fine Farya! It'll be okay" Deniz spoke yet even his words failed him, I knew all too well nothing was going to be okay.

How could it?

My cancer was back and I was pregnant.

Looking upwards at the handsome man before me, I felt my hands reach towards his cheek as I placed my palm against it softly, seeing him lean in and close his eyes tightly.

" You can't lie for your life Deniz"

I spoke slowly, my words barely coming out as the man inhaled sharply and looked at me. His eyes whirling with hundreds of emotions.

" I can't lose you Farya"

He suddenly confessed causing my throat to tighten, yet no tears made its way. Shaking my head at him, I felt Deniz lean in as he placed a kiss on my forehead, leaving me both shocked and scared.

" I'm not going anywhere"

I whispered softly looking upwards at the man as he moved away from me. His large hazel and greenish eyes glancing at my face.

Pulling my knees against my chest, I felt my head lean on to it and a small flicker of my eyelids it closed tightly.

Images of that day. Standing in the cottage in front of all those men. Murat, Kenan, Adam and Ferhat. Their piercing eyes trained on me, not a single emotion flowing through them. No source of humanity came through.

Then I remembered looking at him. Seeing his cold grey eyes stare at me. An emotionless look on his face, as he spoke. His words cutting me, tearing my insides.

What I thought was home, became my prison. Whom I thought to be my saviour became my destruction and through the roaring battlefield of hatred and pain, I was stuck in between. Unable to find my way home.

" H-How did you get access to this place. Didn't it require a signature from my parents?"

I suddenly spoke the sound of those words leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. Deniz who had been quite all this time shifted uncomfortably as he looked at me and easily shrugged his shoulders.

" There's always a loophole, besides your father willingly signed it"

Deniz spoke lightly making my stomach turn, the sudden news leaving me perplexed. Intaking a sharp breath I slowly reached towards the blanket and tugged it off me, allowing the cool air to rush past my skin, sending shivers down my spine.

Standing up slowly, Deniz mimicked my movements and the moment I felt my feet making contact against the cold floor, my knees gave in and the world tipped all of a sudden.

Strong arms snaked around my waist, pulling me flush against a hard chest. Looking towards Deniz, I felt his arms linger for a while till they released hold and when I knew I was able to stand my ground, my legs had a mind of its own as it carried me straight towards the bathroom.

Closing the door with shaky hands, the automatic lights illuminated the large bathroom. Standing at the edge of the sink, my hands gripped against it tightly as my gaze flickered upwards, trying to recognise the image before me.

The woman that stood before me looked to be someone else. Her once bright eyes no longer sparkled and there was a heaviness underneath her eyes, almost swallowing in her cheekbones and her face. Her once light-warm tone had now turned utterly pale and I no longer knew the reflection before me, who was this woman and what battlefield did she come from.

Glancing towards at my clothes, the maroon dress I wore was long gone making me question who would have changed me. Deniz wouldn't!.

But the idea still lingered in my mind and I knew that'd be the first thing I'd ask him. Looking down at the yellow dress, I pulled against the strings to find it flowing down my knees and pooling around my legs. Glancing at my figure, my eyes flickered towards my stomach and in that moment as if a ton of weighed had been thrown at me, my breathing stopped and warm tears filled my vision.

At the idea that I had something growing in me. A child. A baby whom I couldn't protect. A small innocent life that was brought in to this family of hatred and sin.

My arms wrapped around my stomach and this time, I allowed the tears to fall down. This time I cried till my heart could no longer cry. I felt my body shake in pain till I was merely a leaf washing with the wind.

This time when tears came, they came with such storm that it summoned all to hear its heartache too, because tears aren't the tricks of a deceitful man, they are the sorrow of a broken heart. They are the cries that are held within, dared to not be let out, but when does the heart ever compromise.

Staggering backwards, my numb legs carried me towards the shower cubicle. Turning the water on with a turn of the small wheel, I felt the cold droplets rain all over me. Like those of a burning battlefield, turning everything to ash, the cold water fell down stopping everything in its tracks. There was coldness after what felt like years of draught, after all the pain and sorrow. It came to wipe your sins away, to wipe your tears away.

Closing my eyes tightly, I fell my head being thrown backwards as a lone cry ripped from my mouth. Warm tears rushed down my face as the same voice repeated in my head again and again.

" I killed Roshan"

" Your cancer cells have emerged again, and you're also pregnant"

It was almost like a curse forced to repeat itself again and again. Covering my face with my hands, I felt the tears rush down uncontrollably. Sliding against the cold wall, I felt my body shaking vigorously and my breathing labouring.

Everything around me was spinning. I was no longer able to control my body and it seemed as though in that moment all energy was drained out of me.

The familiar pain I felt all those years ago came back. It started as an ache in my bones making its way up further and further up my body.

A sudden knock on the door had the dark fog around me disperse as Deniz familiar voice came through. Almost like a light through a dark tunnel.

Intaking a sharp breath, I willed the strength within to stand up. Reaching my hand towards the handle against the glass cobble, my fingers wrapped around it. Trying to hold on to it tightly.

" Farya! Are you okay?"

Deniz yelled as I gripped against the handle tightly, standing up an overwhelming feeling of accomplishment swept through me. Heaving in a breath, I slowly walked out of the shower cubicle and slowly towards the door, trying to catch my breath.

" I-I'm okay Deniz! Erh would have any clothes I could wear"

I spoke hearing shuffling from the other end and a sigh of contentment reaching my ears, and despite all the pain, I felt a smile come across my face.

" Er yeah I do. I got you some clothes" Deniz spoke nervously making me reach towards the towel placed beside the sink. Wrapping it around myself, a certain feeling of warmness reached through me as I heard Deniz speaking.

" I'll just leave it on the bed. I'll be downstairs"

Deniz spoke and with the sound of the bedroom door closing, I found myself stepping out of the bathroom. The fog from the bathroom filled the large room all of a sudden. Looking around, my eyes landed on the bed seeing a white summer dress.

Reaching towards it, I felt heat rush through me seeing undergarment, that looked as though it had been just pulled out of a packet.

Brushing the thought of Deniz walking down aisles of women under wear and bras, I shook my head and quickly pulled my clothes on. I was glad to find there was a hairbrush and a hair- bobble.

Walking back inside the bathroom, I found myself brushing my now long brown hair. Something about the act felt so normal, despite the storm whirling around me. There was a moment that told me, maybe, just maybe it'll all be okay.

Pulling my hair in to a ponytail, I glanced at the scoop neckline dress, feeling it fall perfectly against my body. Glancing at my face, I could see dark circles, followed by swollen in cheekbones, making my face look abnormally thin.

Brushing my fingers across the mirror, I found myself walking out of the bathroom and slowly towards the bedroom door. Pulling it open, I was greeted towards a long hallway with a staircase situated in the middle.

Walking forward, I found myself now at the end of staircase. Looking upwards, a few feet away from me were large double doors, to my right was an open room filled with glass windows, and in that moment I could feel my heart dropping as I took the last step, now staring at the large windows across the hall.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I glanced at the woman standing in the middle of the room, her hair tied back and a worried look across her features.

" Nourie"

I spoke slowly as I felt large honeycomb eyes land on me. There was a moment of silence, almost as if the entire world around us stilled and not a sound could be heard.

It all happened in slow motion. Nourie who once stood across the hall ran towards me, and in a split of a moment I could feel her arms wrap around me, holding me tightly.

Reminding me of home

" My baby! My beautiful baby look at you" Nourie spoke as she hugged me tightly, realising the embrace she kissed my forehead before pulling me in to her arms again, large tears running down her face.

" Nourie when did you come?" I asked breathless seeing the woman release her hold on me as her warm hands reach towards mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

" I came about an hour ago. Deniz called and I got the earliest flight I could get on Wednesday" she spoke cupping my face making me smile despite myself.

" Farya"

Another voice called making me look over my shoulder seeing Guliez standing near the door with shopping bags in her hands. Placing them on the floor, she rushed towards me, embracing me in a warm hug making me smile.

" I'm so glad you're okay. Oh my God, look at you. You've lost so much weight"

Guliez spoke worriedly as she released her embrace on me. Walking towards the large room, I found myself out of breath as I took a seat against the white lush sofas.

Glancing to the side, a smile made it's way across my face seeing the beach across me. The sight of gold sand, almost like a mirage leading towards the blue waters.

Looking away from the beach, I could see Guliez and Nourie sit beside me. Smiles on their faces, yet through it all, there was pain hidden in their eyes.

A heavy silence fell on us as I felt something within turn, almost as if my heart was about to jump out of my chest.

" Nourie-"

" It's okay fairy. It'll be okay"

Nourie spoke as she scooped beside me, her hand holding on to mine tightly as she placed a motherly kiss on it.

" I'm having a baby"

I murmured slowly hearing a low squeal beside me. Glancing away from Nourie my eyes landed on Guliez who had a mega watt smile on her face.

" Guliez my love calm down"

Nourie commented at Guliez who was currently jumping up and down near the large sofas grinned.

" Okay I'm calm! Can you believe it a little Farya and Moustaf-"

Guliez started as I felt the warmth drain out of me. My arms turned limp all of a sudden feeling my throat clog up.

Deniz who has just come inside the room glared at Guliez making her silent. Intaking a sharp breath I felt Nourie hold my hand tightly.

Looking towards Nourie, she gave me a small smile. Glancing down at my shaky hands, I felt Guliez take a seat next to me and Deniz, who sat opposite me.

The door bell suddenly rang making Deniz stand up and walk down the hall. Opening the door, I could see the doctor from earlier walk inside and this time with a woman beside him.

Deniz welcomed them in and I could see them now walk towards the large room where we sat. Standing up a little, Nourie was the first one to greet them as she introduced herself.

" Doctor"

I greeted seeing the man from earlier take a seat in front of me. Reaching towards some files in his bag, the man smiled professionally and greeted me back. As the formalities settled there was an eerie like silence around me, making me grip hands tightly against each other, feeling as though my heart would jump through my mouth.

" My name is Qinza, Mrs. Aydin I'll be your nurse"

" Its Khizan. Her surname"

Deniz muttered causing the woman to tense before she nodded, offering an apologetic smile.

" Farya, I'm glad to see you're up. Are you happy for me to discuss your medical reports here or somewhere private?"

Doctor Emraan spoke making me glance around the room, from Guliez to Deniz, to Nourie.

"Of course. They're my family"

" As you wish"

Doctor Emraan spoke as he looked down at a file he was holding before he glanced upwards at me. His face neutral.

" As you know Farya, you were cancer free when you turned Nineteen and had rough four years of treatment. Cancer is that one thing that can come and go, even if it's been confirmed so.

In your case Farya, its sadly come back and although we would have started treatment sooner. Your condition does make it rather hard."

Doctor Emraan spoke as I felt a cold chill run down my spine. Gripping my hands tightly, I nodded seeing the man continue talking.

" Pregnancy occurring whilst cancer isn't something that isn't new. Its quite common, however it does come between treatments. What I mean is, with your cancer type, leukemia, we can't start Chemo as it will harm the baby which is why we need to start a new plan. A new medical procedures"

The doctor spoke as he placed his files on the small table beside him, before putting his hands on his thighs and looking at me.

" We can't stop the cancer in such case, but we can slow it down however"

He spoke and I knew, there was a gut instinct whispering that the word however never did bring any good news, and as the doctor spoke. I realised the true meaning of tears.

They truly were a part of us, through happiness and pain, they were with us, even till our last breath.

" Your leukemia has come back stronger this time. Which make your pregnancy very dangerous"

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