I pressed my face into my pillow, my eyes glued open as I stared at the bedside table beside me. 

It has been a few days since I went to see my mother, I instantly went back to Black Dawn afterwards. I couldn't stand being in the same place where both my parents passed, it hurt my heart too much to bear.

Losing my mother hurt me so badly that I could no longer feel anything at the moment. I had stayed in my position for so long, the bed was most likely dented in the space of my body. 

I didn't want a move and no one was trying to make me move. It was as if they were tiptoeing around me, not knowing what to do or say. 

Theo simply stayed with me through the days, sitting silently beside me as he continued to comfort me with his touch. 

I couldn't help but feel like a terrible child, a terrible daughter. I wasn't even there when my father died and I was barely by my mother's side as she fell ill. I felt ashamed of my lack of attention. 

I wanted to blame Theo for taking me from my family, but I couldn't. I wanted to blame somebody, anybody-- as long as I wasn't to blame. But I knew that that couldn't happen.

At the end of the day, I chose to stay with Theo. I chose to leave my home and family to start a new one with Theo and his pack-- no one was to blame but me. 

I felt Theo behind me sigh lightly, adjusting his position behind as he threw one of his arms over my waist and his other over my head as his hand ran through my unwashed hair. 

After every meeting he went to, he would instantly come back to me in the bed and lay just as he is now. He spent most of his free time making sure I was being taken care of. 

I loved him for that. 

I felt my eyes widen slightly and my heart flutter as I thought of those words. Loved. I loved that my mate cared so much for me. 

Unlike the other days, I pulled my hand back and gently lowered it onto Theo hand that laid inches from my waist, intertwining our fingers together and giving them a squeeze while continuing to look forward. 

"Holly?" His voice ran through my mind, the worried tone in his voice evident. "Are you okay?" He asked, squeezing my fingers back and pressing his head into the nape of my neck, pressing a kiss on the skin. 

I waited a moment before answering, choosing this time to turn around to face him. When I faced him, I saw a flash of shock on his face before he could suppress it.

After all, I hadn't moved from my space for a while, Theo didn't even know if I was going to move again.

All I could see when I closed my eyes was my mother's dying self. If I was with her more, would she be alive now? Would she have fought more to be with me? 

I left her in her time in need and I didn't know if it was going to stop haunting me or not. 

"No," I spoke, my voice weak and cracking slightly by all the crying I had been doing for the past days. It hurt to speak a little due to the fact that I hadn't spoken to anyone in a while, I simply sat in my own silence. 

Theo's face softened at my words. "Oh baby," He responded softly, using his hands to grip onto my face. "What do you want me to do?"

I looked up at him with eyes wide, I could feel them burning slightly-- they were so dry. I ran out of tears earlier in the morning, no doubt that my eyes were swollen and red as I looked up at Theo. I must look so ugly.

Emotions flickered on his face. "You are not ugly, you could never be ugly to me." I scrunched my face confusion. How did he know that-- 

I inwardly paused myself, the mate bond. The mate bond can share feelings and emotions between each mate at times and he must have heard what I was thinking. 

A small frown on my face spread. I knew I looked hideous-- I hadn't even showered in days either, I must smell horrendous. 

I glanced back up at Theo and watched him as he shrugged. "You do smell a little ripe, but nothing I can't handle," He joked lightly. I couldn't help a little laugh come out, instinctively slapping his shoulder childishly. 

"Shut up," I laughed, letting out a breath of air before calming down. That was the first one I have laughed in a while-- it has been a pretty bad few days, a few weeks even.

I could feel automatically warmed in Theo's arms, even more so as I looked into his eyes. 

I sighed deeply, the happiness that I felt was wiped away in an instant. I felt wrong. Was it unfair of me to be happy with my family life falling apart? 

How was Jack taking it? I was sad that I wasn't with him during this-- but I couldn't stand being in that packhouse, or even that pack, any longer. 

If only it was the same for Jack, but it was his home he couldn't leave his family like that. 

Golden Redemption wasn't my family anymore though, Jack yes but the pack? Not anymore. I had a new family with Theo, with Black Dawn.

As I looked down at Theo's chest, my eyes dull, I felt Theo lift my chin up with his finger. I looked up to him, his eyes instantly capturing mine. 

"What do you want me to do?" He asked again. 

"I--" I inwardly cursed myself for stuttering. I took a deep breath before speaking again once again. "--I just want you to hold me," 

Instantly his arms tightened around me as he pulled me together into a hug. I could feel the warmth from his body and it almost made me feel completely better. Almost. 

I simply wanted to stay in his arms forever, his arms were the only place I thought of as safe at this very moment. I just wanted to be with him. 

I felt myself freezing in place, as my mind wandered and I believed Theo could feel it with the way he shuffled on the bed, lifting his head up from the top of my own.

"What's the matter, are you okay?" 

I was okay actually, as my mind focused one thing. And for the first time in a while, I could feel a genuine smile spreading wide on my face, my cheeks heating up red as I nuzzled further into his chest. 

"Holly?" He asked, pushing me for an answer and I could feel him becoming uneasy with my silence. 

I let out a light sigh, my arms tightening around his waist and pulling him closer to me. 

For the first time in the past few days, I felt happy. I felt like I belonged where I was right at this moment.

I pressed my face in Theo's chest, pressing a kiss on his hot skin before I spoke, my voice clear;

"I love you,"