《Sang Insane | ✔》Chapter Forty Two
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"Is he dead?!" I cry.
"He's in shock!" Pug yells rushing to North Star.
I look him over.
What did I do to him?
"Sarah? Can he really be in shock from a little sugar?"
"Well, Sang, it is a lot more than a "little" sugar, but I don't know. He is showing all the signs of shock caused from trauma and Dr.Green seems to think so," Sarah answers.
Pug is lifting his legs and talking quietly to North Star.
"Everyone out!" He orders.
This does not fit Pug. He is supposed to be the fun and easy going one. This only adds to my fear.
I stumble outside following the boys.
We sit at the tables in the cafeteria. Thankfully, they don't put the tables up at night here like they do at school.
What on earth is going on?!
How could this happen?!
This isn't making any sense at all!
I sit up.
That's it.
I storm into the kitchen and fling the door open.
Don't you just love to fling doors open? It's even more fun when you are mad.
"What is going on here?!" I cry out in confusion.
Pug is talking to North Star who appears to be recovering and is eating lettuce, one lead at a time. Startled, Pug jumps and looks at me. He says one more thing to North Star and then turns to me.
"In going to give you guys some space. The other boys and I will head back to our bunks," He announces.
I wait until he is gone and look over North Star, grateful that he seems to be recovering.
I sigh and sit next to North Star who is cramming a leaf into his mouth.
"What just happened, North Star? I'm no expert on normal, but even I know that wasn't normal," I say tiredly.
North Star grimaces and finished chewing.
"Sang Baby, all of us boys have come from homes like yours," He starts.
What?
Like mine?
"Not as bad," North Star continues, "But certainly not normal. All of us have abusive pasts."
North Star hesitates so I scoot closer and lean against him to let him know that I am there.
He stiffens a little, but starts talking again.
"I lived with my father growing up. He was neglectful unless he was beating me. Everyday, he would leave the house early in the morning, often before I woke up, and wouldn't come back until late at night. He was always angry coming home. When he came back, he would find me and beat me until he was no longer angry. Then, after he was done, he would throw some sort of candy or dessert at me."
I take North Star's hand and squeeze it.
I hope he is okay with his close I am to him.
North Star gives me a soft smile.
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"That candy was all the food I got for the day. It was his apology for being gone all day and beating me. Soon, I got sick of eating sugar and then I literally started getting sick from eating only sugar. I can hardly choke down sugar anymore. I eat as healthily as possible because I was never allowed to. I am a "caveman" as you called me because it is the only way I can show that I care. By taking care of you guys the way I was never taken care of," North Star explains stiffly.
"I'm sorry, " Is the only thing I can choke out.
I feel like the world's biggest jerk.
I did this to North Star.
I made him go back to the boy who was sick and beat and alone.
The trauma of the memory was enough to put him in shock. I can't believe how he can stand sitting next to me.
He probably can't.
I pull away to give him his space and make it so he doesn't have to deal with me, but North Star stops me.
He wraps his arms around me and pulls me to his chest and buries his face in my neck. I wrap my arms around him as best as I can given our positions.
I hate that they all came from similar homes to me, but I love that we are connected and all understand what we are going through.
It makes me so mad to hear what North Star went through.
It makes me want to track his dad down and kill him.
But, knowing the boys, he is probably already dead.
Too bad.
And then here I am, making it even harder for North Star.
My actions caused him to relive the trauma. So much so that he went into shock which can kill someone.
"Sang," North Star murmurs, his voice cracking. "I know you didn't mean anything by it. I hadn't told you anything and you didn't know what could have happened. Even the boys didn't know. I haven't ever tell anyone this."
The tears I have been holding back are threatening to spill over.
I can't believe that my North Star has been keeping this inside for so long.
"You're so strong," I whisper, almost in awe.
I have come so close to completely falling apart so many times and I have only just left my family. North Star has been away for a long time and faced so much and learned so much and is only now breaking down. I can't believe he was able to keep this inside for so long.
North Star me and back, cupping my face.
"No, Sang. You are the strong one. I am the one crying because I ate a little sugar," He protests firmly.
That's when I notice his tears.
My eyes fill again.
I can't beat to see him cry.
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Gently, I use my thumbs to wipe off his tears as best as I can as I say, "North Star, how about we just agree that we are both strong?"
Even though he is clearly stronger and better in very way.
I can't believe that North Star is letting me touch him this much. Every touch sends warmth coursing through me. I already know that I love him, but I also know that there is no way he will ever love me.
North Star smiles at me and rests his head against mine.
"We should probably go back to the others," He mutters.
For some reason, it sounds like he doesn't like the idea. But why would he suggest it if he doesn't want to get away from me?
I know he is tired of me and wants to leave, but that is okay.
I will take any time I can get with him. With any of them, really.
Nodding, I stand up and dust off the back of my pants. Well, they are really not mine, but pretty much the same thing.
"North Star, you have to tell them," I say.
North Star freezes.
"What?"
"You are brothers. You can't keep things from each other. You have to tell them about what happy when you were younger and why you hate sugar."
North Star doesn't say anything, but I don't want to pressure him into a decision. Just tell him what I think he should do.
North Star smiles warmly at me before heading out of the kitchen.
I don't think he knows how much his smile means to me.
It shows me that he will be better.
It gives me false hope that he might actually like me in the way that I like him.
It transforms his face into the face of someone you want to know, instead of someone you want to run from.
It makes my heart stop.
I sigh and follow him.
There is no sense in ever getting my hopes up.
But it is too late.
***
North's POV
I can't believe I actually cried in front of Sang Baby!
How stupid can I be?!
She probably thinks I am pathetic.
She already thought we were wimps which hurt enough.
I stuff my hands on my pockets.
Holding her had felt so good.
Too good.
I want to hold her again and never let go.
But she isn't ready for that.
Sang is still confused and, until we can kill her father and make sure she is safe, we can't tell her how we feel about her.
Because all of us are in love with her.
I want to tell her so bad, even if just so I can say it.
I'm not sure how Sang will react to the fact that we plan on sharing her.
It certainly isn't normal, but what is with our ****ty lives?
It is how she put it, "Brothers don't keep things from each other."
Besides, the mafia is a dangerous line of work.
If we need to leave, we will have someone with Sang to make sure that she is safe, taken care of, and still loved. Not that she needs our protection.
If anything, we need her protection.
It pains me to even think about it.
I don't care that she is stronger and tougher than me. I care that I can't protect her. If anything, I would just be in the way.
I scowl, but it instantly leaves my face when Sang starts walking beside me.
I can't believe how much she affects us without trying or even knowing.
Shaking my head, I resolve myself to tell my brothers as soon as Sang falls asleep. In the morning, I will let her know how it goes, but I want this to be my choice and not because Sang suggested it.
Although, I would probably do anything that Sang suggests.
***
Sang's POV
"Honey and Co., I'm home!" I yell as North Star and I walk in.
Paprika laughs and looks relieved.
Their care for each other is incredibly touching.
"Well, Sang," Owen says causing me to grin and the boys to look shocked. "I think we can all agree that you are never ever, ever, ever making that again. You have made it twice with disastrous results both times."
I pout a little, but nod, seeing the logic behind his banning.
I try to hide the yawn that escapes, but they all seem to notice it.
How is it that they seem to notice everything?!
"Well, I think it is time for bed," Silas declares.
I nod sleepily.
Victor pulls out his phone to check the time and a loud, high pitched, long beep came out of his phone startling Victor and causing Prince to drop his phone. The second he drops it, the noise stops. Confused and curious, Victor goes to pick his phone up again. He jumps back when the noise starts up.
"Victor make your **** phone ****ing stop," Meanie groans lazily.
"That's not me!" Victor protests.
"Star, Sarah, what is going on?"
"Sang, don't you remember our prank on Victor?" Star reminds me.
"Oh, yeah! But why are we starting now? Wasn't it supposed to start forever ago?" I ask, still confused.
Star tuts, "Sang, don't you know anything about pranking? You don't do it all at once or it is too obvious."
I mull that over.
"Well, turn it off. I'm tired and going to bed," I decide.
Star sighs, but reluctantly stops the noise.
"Well, good night, guys!" I chirp.
Quickly, I lay down on my own bed so they have to share.
I fall asleep with a mischievous grin on my face as Luke asks, "What the **** just happened?"
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