Brokenness.

Scarred.

Emptiness.

The last time I got a feeling as this, was when my little sister died. Mum lost her senses on what was real and unreal. She became a vegetable. Not reacting to anything of the world.

She didn’t even cry. I was the opposite because I would openly sob whenever I got the chance to.

Moses would comfort me with sweet words, that my little sister got peace by dying. Even though he older than me with a couple of years, he never acted like it.

Maybe that was why I gained feelings for him, back then.

“Caspian…” I trailed on my words after settling him on the bed. But it was like he couldn’t even hear me.

“Caspian!”

He looked at me, with his silver-grey eyes encrypted with bewilderment. It seemed like he was afraid, of something. It made me wonder a lot.

What was he afraid of?

“You just made a mistake, Ava.” he mouthed off drifting away from me and walking to the other side of the room.

“W-What? How? He was hurting you, I had to step in.” I muttered, sitting on his bed with a hand on my stomach.

I hoped I didn’t do anything that affected my baby.

“Father wanted just one simple thing. An heir from a Queen. You shouldn’t have made him declare war.”

He stood up, pacing around the room saying. I watched as he put on his royal clothing, which swept to his feet in elegance.

“I have to stop him.” he said.

“Caspian.”

“He’s far too strong. He’ll destroy this Kingdom in a blink of an eye.” Added him.

“Caspian you need to brace yourself up. A mistake doesn’t warrant him treating you like that.” I stood up, rushing to him saying. “You are not a monster,”

I was about to reach out to him, with my hands on his shoulders when I heard him mumble something.

“You know nothing!”

I cringed my brows at his reaction that minute. “Then make me.”

“Get.Out.” he suddenly said.

His pupils dilated into a pool of black. I sniffled in hurt at his words immediately.

“I love you.”

My lips trembled as I said those words.

“I wish to be alone to think straight.” The beast let out, in a doubled tone.

“I miss you.”

With my heart clenching in hurt, I said.

“You’re not listening to me, Ava! Everything is dangerous!”

He let out a vicious growl this time.

“I want you.”

“Jaskier!!” King Caspian called out. His personal guard immediately rushed inside, with a bow. “Take Lady Ava to her quarters.”

“I’m sorry.”

I sobbed out, saying. “Even if it means being your concubine, I will be your concubine. Please…don’t send me away.” I said, with tears forming in my eyes.

I wanted to be with him. At his lowest moments. I wanted him to know we can fix this together. That it was all a puzzle piece like his mum had said.

“When I said that, you weren’t involved. He didn’t even know you were my mate. Now that he knows, you’re a target.” he seethed angrily.

“I can protect myself. The myths, remember? That you told me about when you were drunk--”

“Do it Jaskier.” he interrupted, with a dismissive expression.

My hands clenched my gown, with an additional ounce of hurt as Jaskier took a grasp of me.

“I can very much walk myself!” I exclaimed, ripping my hands off him and walking out to my chambers.

…

I cried so much and threw up, when I got to my room. I felt all heated up and out of control.

“Milady, are you okay?” Felicia let out in a suspicious tone.

“O-of course, please fetch me Cassandra.” I told her, in a gasp.

She went out immediately to do as I said.

I knew I shouldn’t be in the state. I should watch out for my offspring. For the little fetus that was growing in me.

But I couldn’t help it.

My wolf couldn’t help it.

She couldn’t believe mate sent us away, like that.

“Moses…” I trailed out, for the first time in forever.

Whenever I was on my low in the past, I always ran to him for help. But somehow, the people around the castle filled in those spots all these while.

This was the first time I was alone. With a saddened emotion.

Suddenly, I felt my chest tighten. It was almost like I couldn’t breathe and my eyes became blurry and teary. Almost like I was out of breath.

“Milady!” someone burst into the room saying.

From the voice, I recognized it to be Cassandra’s.

“Get the castle’s doctor!”

…

Luckily, he was just in the castle to check up on some guard with a failing health.

He was able to treat me immediately. I didn’t even know what was happening to me, because it had never happened before.

“You were having an anxiety attack.” he said. “This is bad for your baby, Lady Ava.”

I dismissed Felicia earlier, making Cassandra to hang around since she already knew.

“I-I totally lost control... This has never happened, doctor. I’ve always been one to control my emotions.” I answered confusing.

Why was this happening now?

“But everyone has a point they can reach. Do you mind sharing what made you that state, a few minutes ago?”

“Yes milady, a problem shared is half-solved.” Cassandra chimed in. Her cheeks reddened, while she took a part of her frizzy curls at the back of her ear.

“Um…it’s nothing.”

“Just a re-opened scar, I guess. Maybe my body couldn’t accept that it was someone I cared about the most, that opened it again.” I breathed out, faking a smile.

But it seemed like they looked at me, expecting even more explanation. I decided to tell them since they both knew some of my secret already.

“Back at my village, I had a little sister. Her name was Jasmine and she, um… passed away at 9.”

I stated, remembering the white cloth over her body when she died. And how I had yelled so much, fighting the people when they carried her body away cremate.

“Most villagers didn’t think she’d live that long. She was known to be insanely weak from birth, battling with various illnesses.” I added.

“Just when we thought she wouldn’t survive she did. One day however, a mild flu took her life. It was unexpected because she survived the worst of diseases...”

~Flash back~

Every day, I remembered bringing flowers to her grave. I would sit there morning and night with an empty feeling.

I missed her.

Goddamit, I did.

I cried a lot, turning back to the pages of foreigners. At least a book kept me busy, even if girls were totally banned from reading.

They marked me as an outcast, but I didn’t care.

One day, I entered our little house only to see mum, stirring a pot of burnt soup. She was positioned that way, without awareness of the chaos around her.

I didn’t blame her, really.

Ever since father left her, she had been that way.

She married him, with thoughts that he was the one. Only to discover he was a spy with a family and children on another district.

“Mum? Are you okay?”

I let out, coughing from the burning effect. Some fire immediately formed.

“Mum!”

I let out, quenching it hastily. “What are you doing?”

I asked. But all through the moment I talked to her, she never responded.

~Back to reality~

“Moses assisted me to find a doctor. We realized she was deeply affected by what happened, hence, her body locked her senses.”

I muttered, wiping off the excessive tears that formed at my eyes.

“She never spoke to me, you know. Ever.”

“Not until the day I was chosen.”

...

A/n Shoutout to every amazing and supportive reader of this book. You all mean a lot to me, and I love you all!❤️❤️

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