Heads up; I've never seen West Side Story so, sorry if Alastor's lines and part is all wrong.

Now loading: Kids Next Door mission: Operation L.O.V.E.

Little

Operative

Very

Emotional

Everyone is all black until a spotlight reveals Kuki in a pink dress with tap shoes and a blue scarf.

Kuki: (singing) What is this feeling? That I hope will never pass? What is this feeling? That Mom thinks is just gas? It makes me queasy. So uneasy. And just a little funky. Like a giant huggy-wuggy. Smiling Rainbow Monkey! I never cared so much before. More than I love stuffed animals. Now my life is happiness galore. My heart flies like the, umm...seagulls. What can it be? This mystery. Happening to me? Can my friends see. I'm happily in love!? I've said it. Isn't that so cute? I've said it. And really really sweet. I've said it. Like yummy fresh fruit. I've said it. Tonight, we finally meet! I'm so in love. My heart is full. I'm so in love. It's adorable! I'm so in loooooooooove!

The rest of the light turn on, revealing Kuki in a KaNDy store, full of other patrons.

Boy: Hey toots, what time is it?

Kuki: Time to follow my heart!

The boy makes a disgusted face.

Boy: No seriously, what time is it? I got to be home for dinner at six.

Kuki starts dancing around, saying "La" over and over. She stops when she meets Abby, Hoagie, and Nigel at the door, them dressed in denim gang gear. Nigel takes a tooth pick out of his mouth.

Nigel: Be smart, toots.

Nigel puts the tooth pick back in his mouth.

Abby: Yeah kid, it's a dangerous world out there.

Kuki: More dangerous than love?

Hoagie's fist meets his palm.

Hoagie: Well duh! We're in the middle of a gang war, don't you know.

The three start dancing around Kuki.

(Singing ahead)

Abby: Where ya gotta go 'ta?

Hoagie: Out there's nothin' but troubles.

Nigel: Stay and have a soda. Watch the pretty bubbles.

Abby: Why all the fuss?

Nigel: You're acting dumb.

Abby: Just hang with us.

Hoagie: You want a plum?

Hoagie takes out a plum.

Abby, Hoagie and Nigel: Don't join those other guys.

'Cuz they don't know squat. So c'mon, girl, get wise!

Hoagie: How 'bout a kumquat?

Hoagie takes out a kumquat.

Kuki: Perhaps I'd take the cherry. But first, answer this query; Why must we fight every day, every night? It isn't right!

Nigel: Ahem! We're us and they're them

and we'll never be pals

Candy bar patrons expect Kuki: We're us and they're them with those guys and those gals. We're us and they're them. We wear jeans, they wear leather. We're us and they're them. so why hang together?

We're us and they're them, they're wrong and we're right. We're us and they're them and that's why we must fight!

Kuki: But not tonight. It's tearing me apart. I've got to listen to my heart. And right now, I'm gonna start

Candy bar patrons: She's not listening. She's acting all kinds of kooky. I think it's time we called in, the lonely candy bar owner, Ruthie!

(Stop singing for now)

Hoagie whistles loudly as Alastor walks out, in a white button up, long black skirt, tap shoes and curly hairstyle.

(Her hair)

(Her outfit. I actually found this for a magazine doing the same musical so yay!)

Alastor: (higher voice, like Lucy Ricardo's) How do you do, and thanks for reminding me how I manage to keep employees. What's all the fuss?

Abby: She's in love with someone from the other gang, Ruthie.

Abby jabs her thumb in Kuki's direction as Alastor makes a disgusted face.

(Like this)

Alastor: Men are a plague on this world, I should know! I've dated nearly all of them. But, if there's one thing I've learned from all those dating experiences it's that...

Alastor starts tap dancing as piano music starts playing. (This doesn't belong to me, this belongs to Cori Allen).

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Alastor: (singing) You gotta be careful of men's intentions and for only these little reasons. He'll say you're getting hitched. When really, you're getting ditched. Men want to treat women like dogs. Just like a lost little chihuahua. When he don't mean well at all and wants to rule with all the powuh! He'll tell ya that he loves your look. When really he can't stand ya. Just another excuse from the book. That will eventually lead to propaganda! You gotta be careful of men's intentions. Men always have high expectations. He'll tell ya you're as cute as a dove. When, honey, that's not love. That's why you gotta be careful of meeeeeeeeeeen's inteeeeentiooooooons! (A/N: So sorry, I not that good at writing songs).

Kuki: I think I get it now.

Alastor: Good sweetie.

Kuki: I gotta really love them for them to be good ones!

Alastor's eyes widen as she falls over.

Kuki: Thank you for helping me realize that, lonely candy bar owner Ruthie. (Singing) Goodbye. I now depart!

Kuki takes out a Granny Smith apple and bites into it.

Kuki: Ooh, that's tart!

Kuki leaves.

Abby: I'll knock some sense into her!

Hoagie: Count me in too!

Abby, Hoagie and Nigel walk to the door as a loud whistle is heard.

Alastor: Let her go guys. If she won't listen, she's gonna have to learn heartbreak the hard way.

Kuki is shown outside, dancing in the streets. It moves to an all black alley, where six blue eyes open. Kuki stops at a lamppost and gasps.

Kuki: No one's here! Oh, have I made a terrible mistake?!

Delightful Children: Don't worry.

Kuki let's out an excited gasp.

Delightful Children: You'll never be alone.

Kuki turns around as the Delightful Children walk out of the shadows, wearing a giant leather jacket over them but individual 80's outfits under it.

Delightful Children: Now that we're together.

They start giggling as Kuki runs up and embraces them. (A/N: How awkward this must've been).

Kuki: Oh thank goodness it's you! Now I know I'm safe just like I always do when I look in your, uh... (whispering) 1, 2, 3... (normal voice) Twelve eyes?

Delightful Children: Enough talk. Kiss me. (A/N: If the hug was awkward this had to be ten times worse).

Kuki puckers her lips, no hesitation as the Delightful Children shake and hesitantly pucker their lips. Kuki almost kisses Bruce (A/N: Wonder why she chose him!) as Wally breaks through the fake brick wall and kicks the Delightful Children away from his crush, picks them up and throws them out of sight.

Wally: Are you crazy, Kuki?!

Wally walks up to Kuki as she displays an annoyed face.

Wally: You can't kiss those Delightful Doofuses. Not only are they the enemy and one of them has already kissed and has a crush on Lenore!

Kuki facepalms.

Kuki: Numbuh 4...

The rest of Sector V walk up, behind the blonde.

Wally: How in the world could you possibly think about liking them?!

More kids come up.

Wally: Besides...

Kuki: (whisper yells) Wally!

Wally: Please, don't interrupt Kuki. This isn't easy for me to say.

Wally takes a deep breath but sees something.

Wally: What are my parents doing here?

Two blondes with their faces covered by play scripts wave at their son.

Nigel: They're here to see the school play.

Wally: Uh... did you just say school play?

Alastor: Oh Wally!

Alastor clears her throat.

Alastor: (normal voice) Wally! And it's Alastor!

Kuki: Yes Wally! The school play! The play you ruined right now! It was almost over with the big finale!

Delightful Children: Oh, I wouldn't worry about the big finale, because we've come up with one of our own!

A prop building falls on them as it turns into a giant robot.

Delightful Children: And our finale is bigger, better, and much more permanent!

Abby: I've never seen that thing in the prop department!

Delightful Children: Well duh! We bribed the director to get in, just like how we bribed him to cast us as the lead.

Ella: You're little boyfriend as tried to bribe the director to cast you as the lead, Lenore!

Alastor: He's not my boyfriend and my name is Alastor!

Ella: Are you sure? Oh, I wasn't clear! Are you talking about the one you kissed while we weren't around?

Ella jabs her thumb in Lenny's direction. Alastor's face turns pink as she growls and her nose starts to bleed.

Alastor: I. Didn't. Mean. To. KISS HIM!

Ella: Sure.

Ella laughs hysterically as Alastor breathes heavily and growls.

Hoagie: It makes sense that the director was bribed. I have a totally better singing voice.

Delightful Children: Shut up!

The Delightful Children grunt out of annoyance.

Delightful Children: To think of the weeks and weeks we spent pretending to like Kuki just to prepare our plan.

Delightful Children except Ella: But it was worth it.

Ella: No it wasn't.

Delightful Children: Now, we will show your parents how inferior you all are! Now, they'll see how we deserve to be loved and admired more than you brats! (A/N: Pretty sure this reflects Father's parenting or affection that he gives them. Hint, hint; none at all). Not to mention with all of you gone, the play's best actor will be a shoo-in for us!

They laugh evilly and activate a laser.

Kuki: Wait! Can't we sing the final number first?!

Delightful Children: Uh.

They all look at each other.

Delightful Children: No!

The kids run away, except for Kuki.

Wally: Look out!

Wally shoves Kuki out of the way from going out with a bang.

Nigel: Numbuh 5, get those kids out of here!

Abby: 5, 6, 7, 8.

They start dancing and gracefully avoiding laser beams.

Man: Oh, that's my girl up there, avoiding deadly laser beams. (A/N: Shouldn't that concern you as a parent?)

A lady takes a picture with her camera.

Nigel: Numbuh 6, time to show tap dancing a little appreciation.

Alastor: On it!

Alastor rips half of her skirt off.

Alastor: Good riddance! I hated this stupid thing!

Alastor starts tap dancing as she replaces her metal taps with osmium taps (A/N: Osmium is the hardest metal out there). Some floorboards gets destroyed as Alastor kicks them toward the robot, messing up its laser pattern.

Nigel: Numbuh 2, I need you on lights!

Hoagie: On it!

Hoagie back flips and reveals a jet pack on his back.

Hoagie: When you're a jet, you're a jet.

Hoagie flies up to the light fixture and is greeted by some confused kid.

Hoagie: Your AP skills are no longer required.

Hoagie shoves the kid out of the way.

Hoagie: Module activate.

Hoagie pulls out a device.

Computer: Kids Next Door S.P.O.T.F.I.T.E.S. Super

Powerful Oscillating Taser Flamingly Ignite Terrifically Entertaining Scenarios.

Many wires connect to the lights and start shooting lasers. The audience stares memorized. (A/N: With all these bright lights, how have they not had seizures?!)

Lady: The production values are much better than last year.

Eunice: Amanda dear, I thought you were recording this?

Amanda holds a camera in her lap and laughs.

Amanda: I was. I was recording what that girl was saying to Leboring about kissing that boy. Hello, personal slave.

Gail giggles and accidentally knocks the camera out of Amanda's lap as it shatters upon impact on the floor.

Amanda: Snail! (Sadly) My blackmail!

Nigel: Give it all ya got, Numbuh 2!

Hoagie: Break a leg, Delightful Dunces!

A ray comes at the Delightful Children.

Delightful Children: Shields up.

A shield starts an amazing light show.

Audience: Oooh!

Kuki starts dancing and singing, albeit sadly with a dancers cane.

Wally: Look out!

Wally, yet again, saves them from getting hit.

Lydia: So what's wrong with the simple love story already. I can live without all the whoosh!

Hoagie: Their shield's to strong! Huh?

Hoagie gasps and jumps off the catwalk as it gets hit and fireworks start sounding.

Delightful Children: Say goodnight Nigel. It's your final curtain call.

Nigel takes out his tooth pick.

Nigel: You know, Delightful Dorks, you should take your show on the road because you're smashed.

Nigel flicks his tooth pick away.

Delightful Children: A smash! The expression is a smash!

They look up as the catwalk comes down on them as destroys their robot.

Nigel: That's not the expression I was thinking of.

Nigel looks out at the audience.

Nigel: Huh?

Monty stands up and starts clapping as the audience follows, even Amanda slow claps.

Amanda: It was ok. Keeping my blackmail would've made it better. Ow!

Amanda gets hit in the head by her dad.

Mr. Wink: Can't you be happy for your sister for once?

Amanda: Not unless I get something out of it. Ow!

Amanda gets knocked in the head by her "uncle".

Mr. Fibb: That wasn't the answer we were looking for, was it Mr. Wink?

Mr. Wink: Most certainly not, Mr. Fibb.

The adults keep whacking Amanda in the head while she keeps complaining.

Amanda: Ow! Stop! Walrus hands hurt!

Sector V bow as roses are thrown, Alastor catches one in her mouth.

Kimi: Olé!

(A/N: I'm not doing the the interaction between Kuki and Wally. Sorry!)

End transmission

- Alastor's hair was modeled after Rizzo's hair from Grease, during "Look At Me, I'm Sandra Dee"

- Alastor's voice whilst acting was mimicking Lucy Ricardo's from I Love Lucy

- She makes the same same disgusted face as Lucy when hearing Kuki plans on meeting a boy

- She also alludes a famous line by Lucy when scolding Wally for ruining the school play, "Oh Ricky"

- Alastor didn't talk in her normal accent as first since she was acting. However, consider no one talked different, she clearly had a reason. The real story of West Side Story has Hispanic discrimination in it, even though it was not present in this adaptation, Alastor could've felt self conscious about it since Alastor is half Brazilian

- Ella mentions Operation U.N.D.E.R.C.O.V.E.R., when Alastor kissed Lenny

- Alastor is the only character to have a named and specific part in the play

- Alastor's character, Ruthie, is named after the face of Exile Brewing Company

- At the end, Alastor catches a rose in her mouth and shouts "Olé", a reference to her Brazilian heritage

- Alastor's character, Ruthie, apparently has a hard time keeping employees since she is a lonely candy store owner

- The piano tune to Alastor's song is the same as the song Have You Seen My Sister Evelyn, by Evelyn Evelyn