Chapter 49: When He Wants de D

“ . . . But today she was calling me and asking me tons of questions about everything.” I was telling him, catching him up on what had been going on between my mother and me. “A lot of them were pretty dumb and offensive, but I still appreciate that she was asking. That has to be a good sign, right?”

Dean had my hands in his, rubbing against my palms while he listened intently to every word that came out of my mouth. He nodded and gave me a soft smile.

“It is a good sign.” He said, the encouragement coming from him and falling on to me with ease. “Her being interested in your sexuality is her trying to understand this major part of you. And with understanding often comes acceptance.”

I smiled widely at him and he grinned back, deciding that simply holding my hand wasn’t enough and pulling me into his arms. I was spending some time at Dean’s place again. It was one of the few places on campus where we could get some true privacy and both of us enjoyed our own space. I especially enjoyed it because it gave me a chance to imagine that this wasn’t Dean’s apartment, but our apartment. In my mind, we have been living here together for years and this was another one of those days where we could get cozy and talk.

It hasn’t even been a week since I came out to my parents. My dad was probably alright with things still, but I couldn’t tell since we still didn’t talk on the phone much. The day after it happened, my mother didn’t call. It could have been because she didn’t feel like it or forgot, or she didn’t want to speak to her now gay son. I still wasn’t completely sure about that part. Then, the day after that, she called me and acted as if nothing had changed from the dozens of times she has called me in previous months.

I had been afraid that she was just going to ignore my sexuality altogether. Not accept it, but act as if it wasn’t there. While that would have been a peaceful alternative to her yelling at me any time that we spoke, it still didn’t sit well with me. Finally, today she called and began to ask questions. Although I hadn’t told Dean anything about coming out to my parents and my mother’s horrible reaction, I was now so excited that I just had to bring it up once we were alone. And, from Dean’s reaction to what my mother did, I had plenty of reason to be excited.

“I’m happy for you, Sebastian.” Dean told me, his words muffled as his mouth was pressed into my hair. I was a bit confused as to where his comment was coming from and pulled my head away from his chest slightly just so I could look at his face. Dean had a warm look on his face, yet there was also thoughtfulness in his expression. “You are figuring out your life and dealing with what’s needs to be dealt with. When . . . when I was your age I let so many things go unsaid and had several things unresolved with the people around me. But, you aren’t just letting these issues build up anymore and aren’t leaving things unsaid. I’m proud of you.”

I’m not sure what this said about me, but putting aside all the other words he said, just hearing him say the words “I’m proud of you” had me grinning like a Cheshire cat. Knowing that my mate and boyfriend, Dean, was proud of me gave me all the confidence in the world.

A bit of warmth had come to my cheeks and I nestled my face back into his chest, my smile still wide on my face. I sighed peacefully once I was held securely to his chest. This had to be my favourite place in the world, protected in Dean’s arms.

“Thank you.” I muttered happily, voice soft and gentle. Dean used one of his hands to rub up and down my back, and I sank further into his chest at his touch.

“You’re welcome.” He replied lowly, meeting my eye with a warm look. Staring up at Dean’s face, I was suddenly reminded of how close my crotch was to his and how much I had been waiting to do something else after our one time out in the woods. Dean’s hands on me were suddenly very hot and I shifted uncomfortably on his body. I was really horny. The thought brought a blush on my face and Dean reacted to my change in expression by stroking one of my cheeks softly, meaning the red was definitely showing through.

I look up at Dean through my lashes, slowly taking my hand and trailing it down the side of his torso. Dean hums softly, eyes falling closed at the touch. I take it as him accepting it and try to bring it underneath the fabric and against his skin. My thumb had barely touched his belt when he grabbed my hand and brought it up to his chest with a hum.

My cheeks go a deeper red, embarrassed by his rejection. My first thought is to try to sink into the couch below me and disappear, but I remember that Dean blocks me from doing so. I silently curse my boyfriend’s presence.

Dean shifts the conversation, acting as if the last couple of minutes had never happened and talks about the other course he teaches.

His voice was now a rumbling husk that drew me in like a lullaby, coaxing me into sleep. I enjoyed feeling tired a lot more than feeling embarrassed and reached for the better feeling the moment it came. Dean shifted, carefully adjusting himself until he was laying down on the couch and I was laying on top of him. The disruption did little to disturb my course of sleep and I felt my eyes get heavier by the moment. I was blinking lazily at this point, tiredly noticing the contrast between the brown skin of my head held between Dean’s tan fingers.

I yawned, then whispered out the three special words through the remains of my yawn.

“I love you.” I had said it so casually, no carelessly, that you could have written it off as if I was saying any other four-letter word. I didn’t even realize what I had said, but Dean did. He froze for a moment, halting the movement of his hands on my back.

Sure, we have said it to each other before. But, we haven’t been doing it for long and at this moment, Dean still received a jolt from hearing the words leave my lips and go to him. I could practically feel his smile.

“I love you too.” My eyes were now closed and my breathing was slow. I felt so calm and safe here in Dean’s arms. There was nothing anyone could have done to have stopped me from drifting into a pleasant sleep right then and there.

~~~~~

I was wringing my hands together, my eyes glued to the carpeted floor. As the seasons changed, it had begun to get colder outside. This was one of those days where sitting out on the grass and talking for hours was no longer a great idea. In fact, it was a terrible idea today and none of us felt like freezing our asses off, so inside we went.

We had been talking about the usual random topics and spent a good amount of time teasing the two new couples in the group because it was fun. But, like the idiot I was, I decided to announce that I had something I wanted to talk about.

I mean, of course, I had something to talk about but now that I was thinking against actually telling them this, based on the subject matter and all, I was really regretting making it a big deal. Now all of their eyes were on me and just telling them to “forget about it” was no longer an option.

Warlo began to get pretty restless and huffed out his annoyance.

“Okay, what is this big news you were talking about?” Warlo asked impatiently, crossing his arms with a bit of a glare on his face. “And can you get on with saying it?”

Sam immediately shot him a dark glare but Warlo pretended not to see it. The reminder of everyone staring at me and waiting for me to share had me adding “biting my lips” into the list of nervous habits I would be doing. Yet, it kind of helped as well. I took in a deep breath and was somehow able to get out of the embarrassing statement.

“I think I want to have sex with Dean.” I admitted, cringing at the sound of the words coming out of my mouth. I heard some hoots and hollers resound around the group and felt my face heat up at the attention. I then remembered another detail and quickly mentioned “before he leaves.”

Dipi got up from her spot, pulling her hand out of Lani’s and ran over to me to give me a hug.

“I am so proud of my baby brother. Wanting to lose his virginity to his mate. So cute!” Dipi was rocking me back and forth with an unsettling speed, so unsettling that it distracted me for a moment. When I focused again, I realized the mistake she made. But, there was no other way to reverse it because everyone was now staring at me with wide eyes.

Harvey barked out a laugh and Warlo spoke first.

“You’re a virgin?”

Harvey and Warlo were getting a large kick out of this and I crossed my arms, subconsciously thinking it to be a shield from their teasing words. Nick had his eyes opened the widest and his mouth fell open in shock.

“You’re a virgin?” He asked, repeating the words Warlo had said literally a second before. Warlo sent a small glare Nick’s way, disgruntled by the fact that Nick had stolen his line, before going back to laughing with Harvey.

I sighed, rubbing at my forehead with my left hand.

“Yes, I am. It’s not that big of a deal. It is part of our culture and I kind of wanted more out of sex if I ever did it in the future.” I told them simply, feeling the need to explain to them my choice of not having sex. It was a bit weird since no one was really asked why they chose to have sex, but I decided to be patient with them and not get upset at their shock. Even Lani and Sam had been sitting there with raised brows and wide eyes and I kind of wanted them to get past that so I could get to the important part.

When everyone seemed to understand and Harvey and Warlo had stopped laughing, I got back to the main point.

“Look, I brought this up because Dean and I did do a couple of things that were more than kissing before but it wasn’t close to actually doing it.” The “oohs” that rang around me were pretty annoying and I had to bite my tongue not to snap at them. “But, he has never tried anything more and I’m not really sure if he wants to.”

Sam began to guffaw as if she had heard the funniest joke ever created and I was left confused by her reaction. Harvey snorted as he rubbed her back to get her to calm down. I was still blinking at her confused as several others in the group began to laugh as well. Seeing how confused I was, Nick decided to hold back his chuckles to explain.

“We just think what you said is funny because there is no way in hell that Dean wouldn’t want to jump your bones.” He told me a matter of factly, chuckling again at the thought. My eyes went wide and my gaze fell to the floor. Nick grinned. “He is probably thinking about sleeping with you right now.”

I had to reach over Dipi, who had begun to laugh even harder, to hit Nick as punishment. It was really just a way for me to distract myself from how embarrassed I felt. Were they right? But Dean couldn’t be that interested in doing it with me. He rarely seemed eager to do it. It always felt like I was the one trying to do something and he was just following what I wanted. That is until I tried to go past his underwear. Then Dean was running the show away from the bedroom and back to whatever was showing on TV.

I didn’t tell them all of this because frankly, it was embarrassing, but I was getting frustrated. I know he loved me and I know that he was attracted to me in a way, but I wasn’t sure how to make him want me more than that.

I bit my lower lip, trying to think of how I can portray my issue to them.

“Maybe he does but he doesn’t tell me that.” I sighed, a thoughtful look on his face. “I just, I don’t know how I can make him want to do anything about it, that is if he actually wants to do it.”

There was a bit of silence as people began to contemplate my issue, but Harvey shrugged like what I said was no big deal.

“Then you do something about it.” Harvey replied, crossing his arms with a second shrug. “Come on man, twenty-first century? Girls have been making the move for a long time now. If you are both dudes, then you really have no excuse as to why he has to initiate it. Just, make your move, tell him that you want to. You will get a straight response that way and won’t have to play a stupid guessing game over what he thinks.”

Most of us were quite impressed and Sam had a satisfied look on her face that said “Yes bae, speak for equality. I’m giving you an extra reward tonight” or something along those lines. While we were kind of making a joke out of it, Harvey was making a good point.

At some point, while I was dating Dean, I decided that I would be the “girl” and had to follow all relationship rules for girls. But, not only was it pretty dumb to restrict myself like that, but it was pretty offensive to girls to think that the “girl” in the relationship has to do those things. It was odd to think of how such an old fashioned sexist thought had resided in the back of my head and I hadn’t realized I had until now.

I sighed, running my hand through my hair with a lazy motion. Now I was feeling a bit dumb. I had not expected this, sitting among all of my friends and feeling like crap because of how wrong I was.

“You’re right, Harvey.” I admit with my eyes trained on the floor. I tried to keep how bad I was feeling out of my voice because Harvey had no idea where my thoughts had went. “I have to stop making excuses for making Dean do all of the work.”

Harvey was grinning smugly to himself, simply nodding along to everything I was saying. I pull out my phone to check my watch and see that there are still a couple of hours before curfew.

“Hey, you guys wouldn’t mind if I went to his now, would you?” I asked, paying little attention as I was already standing up to leave. “I think I could make it in time for us to do at least four rounds--I think. I’m not really sure how long it takes to have sex.”

“Okay, ew! It’s one thing to encourage you about it but it is another thing to know exactly when my little brother is having sex, Sebastian.” Dipi complains, to which I smirk evilly, knowing it would irritate her further. Lani, who was watching her intently as he spoke, also seemed a little uncomfortable and decided to join in on the conversation.

“Actually, speaking of talking about, why are you suddenly so chill about this? What happened to blushy Sebbie?” He asks, seeming genuinely confused about my change in attitude. Dipi abruptly breaks from her grossed-out act to tell Lani that only she can call me Sebbie and Lani agrees without a fight. I give a little shrug, moving around as I grab my jacket and shoes.

“I don’t know. That stuff just isn’t on my mind right now.” I say, trying to answer him as best as I can. “I mean, all I can think of is Dean how badly I want him to take his hands and run them all over my body. Or he could use his tongue.”

“TMI! TMI! Just leave, I can’t hear anymore if this.” Dipi screeches, her palms pressed tightly against her ears. Laughter leaked out of the room as I closed the door and I chuckled while pulling out my phone to text Dean.

I hesitate with my fingers over my keyboard, considering how I could respond.

I hoped that text wasn’t a bad idea. The moment I hit send, I thought of all the problems there could be with it. First of all, I would have to have something to tell him to explain the text, whether it was the truth or a lie. It also might have been too vague and now Dean was sitting around worrying himself into a panic attack. The mental image came instantly, I was suddenly crafting another text.

Hopefully, that helped.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ummm

At this point, I can’t even apologize because it is so bad, but you should know I’m sorry anyway.

Looks like there will be 2 chapters this, so let’s pray I get them out way faster than I did the last few.

Anywhore

How do you think this “talk” will go?

(Reminding you there is no smut in this book in case you were hoping for “getting wet” material)

Does anybody want to bet when the 50th chapter will go up?

Go off or go all out, I won’t bite.

Anywhy,

👋🏾👋🏾👋🏾