Chapter 47: The Agreement

I thought to my sister, using the mind link as I began to quickly change my clothes. "Gosh, why hadn't I worn a cuter outfit today? I have to be looking sexy as hell if he decides to break up with me."

"Don't think like that Sebastian." Dipi complained, chastising me for my negativity. "What did I tell you about confidence?"

I sighed heavily, stopping my frantic changing to turn to the mirror.

"I am handsome, I am confident, I am amazing, I am deserving of love." I recited in my head and aloud with conviction, Dipi saying a satisfied "good" in her head.

After our conversation a couple of days ago, Dipi gave me a two-page list of affirmations that I was supposed to say as often as I could, especially when I thought or said something bad about myself and in front of a mirror whenever possible.

Dipi said that she saw research on how it helped self-esteem and other things so it was my new daily activity. I wouldn't tell Dipi, but I did feel more confident and proud of my appearance after I started.

But like I said, Dipi never finds out.

I went back to changing my outfit, putting on my best "hot while still casual" outfit before I met Dean today. He had wanted us to meet at his house again, but after what happened last time I thought it was a better idea for us to go to the waterfall.

Two days ago he had texted me, admitting that he hadn't responded because he was waiting for me to let him know when I wanted to talk again. But, he got a little impatient and messaged me to let me know that,

"Any time you want to talk. I'll be waiting by the phone."

That kicked me into high gear to make my decision and have the confidence to tell him without getting angry or upset. So, every second I wasn't doing school or speaking with friends, I was planning out what I would do, what I would say, and how I would express my emotions to Dean properly. Like a mature adult.

Dipi was with me all the way --partly because she is my sister and closest friend but also because I forced since I wouldn't tell anyone else-- and helped me through it all. Now it was the day that I had set and I felt so nervous.

"Why should I be feeling this nervous?" I asked Dipi, feeling confused and rushed as I adjusted my clothes. "This guy is my boyfriend, before that my friend. I have spoken to him millions of times. At this point, I'm like a veteran at talking to him."

"It is totally normal for you to be feeling about this. This is kind of a big deal." Dipi told me, only increasing my nerves more.

"You know, telling me that it is a big deal is not going to help me feel better about going and doing this, Dipi." I deadpanned, the blank drawl clear in my voice.

"Oops, sorry." She chuckled, only earning an eye roll from me. I laughed dryly.

"So much for being amazing at giving advice Dipi." Sarcastically I joked, teasing her as a distraction. "You've broken your streak."

Dipi scoffed through the link as I moved out of the bathroom, heading towards the joint closet to grab my shoes and a jacket. Dipi started to go on about how great her advice is as Nick and Warlo noticed me from their beds.

"Hey, where are you going all dressed up?" Warlo asked, teasing me and my outfit a bit.

Well, I guess this is a bit less casual than I'd planned. I thought, momentarily questioning my outfit choice before continuing on.

"Oh, you're going to see your man Dr. McCain, aren't you." Nick teased, wiggling his eyebrows and smirking at me. I laughed, nodding my head.

"Yeah, I am." I answered, a small sheepish smile on my face. "But don't expect a lowdown of our date once I get back, alright?"

The two agreed reluctantly and in a couple of minutes, I was out of the room and on my way to meet Dean. While I easily could have transported or at least sped up my steps, I chose to walk. I wanted the extra time to think and prepare myself before we saw each other again.

When I began to get tired, I realized that really need to start exercising or at least walking again. It seemed like I had been using magic to get around campus more than I should. I made a mental note of my less than perfect physical state and continued the, now challenging, walk to meet Dean.

~~~~~

I sat down in the folded out chair, awkwardly adjusting in my seat with the knowledge that Dean was watching me.

It was as if I suddenly became aware of how odd it must look when I am shifting in my seat or pulling at my pants because I knew that Dean was watching. I am confident. I quickly repeated in my head, trying to increase my confidence before Dean and I spoke.

I looked over at him, saw that he was already looking at me, and quickly looked back over to the waterfall, not noticing how Dean did the same.

Knowing that the two of us were about to have a serious, adult-like conversation, Dean decided to bring out some chairs so that we didn't have to sit on the grass.

But, he was quick to mention that his brother was giving them to him. I wasn't sure if he was saying that as a passing comment or trying to subtly warn me to be careful with them. Either way, I was suddenly gentle in sitting and shifting in the chair belonging to my very serious and strict teacher.

Neither of us spoke for a moment, both of us thinking that it would somehow be helpful to postpone the inevitable. And, because Dean was clearly the more mature one out of us two, he started the conversation.

"Uh . . . I thought a lot about what we talked about last week." Dean began carefully, clearing his throat before he began his sentence. I chuckled under my breath.

"More like yelled." I muttered softly, smiling at Dean's wide-eyed look. Seeing the playful look on my face, Dean smiled, albeit slightly.

"Hey, if I remember correctly, you were doing quite a bit of the yelling." Dean told me, to which I nodded. Dean paused, the smile dropping from his face and another serious look taking place. "Look, Sebastian. I wanted to apologize."

I sat up straight in my seat, staring wide-eyed at Dean who, while staring at the ground, continuing to shock me.

"'Apologize?'" I repeated incredulously, my shocked comments barely getting through Dean's determined front.

"No, please. I have to say this." He told me firmly, taking in a deep breath before he continued. "I hadn't thought about it deeply enough, as you said. I was excited, really excited, and I just wanted to let you know about --what I thought to be-- good news."

Dean was wringing his hands nervously, and it felt odd to not reach my hand out and try to comfort him. But, he looked firm and determined. He was going to speak his mind.

"I guess since I always imagined marrying you and making you immortal someday, I never imagined the time apart to be an issue, you know?" Dean looked over to me for confirmation, so I nodded so he would continue. "I would be calling and texting you all the time and visiting you every chance that I got. But I never imagined how scary, shocking, or overwhelming it must have been for you. I mean, I knew you would be upset but not that upset I- shit sorry. I was wrong, okay? I should have been more understanding instead of expecting you to be okay with it."

So many thoughts ran through my head. So many feelings filled up my chest. But the first thing I wanted to do was hug my man. And that was what I did.

I jumped onto Dean's lap, placing both hands on his shoulders and kissing him before he could even ask what fuck I was doing. While my kiss was firm and honestly pretty sexy, it wasn't long because I had some words to say to him.

"What in the world are you talking about?" I asked him, in complete confusion. "You were trying to be so understanding with everything I threw at you."

"I wasn't understanding enough." He protested, frowning as he stared down at my flat chest. I don't know what he found entertaining there, but I didn't bring it up as I frowned too.

"Well, I think you did better than me." I retorted, causing him to look me in the eye again. "You know, I had a long talk with my sister about you." Dean groaned loudly, his head falling back while I chuckled.

"Oh, I can just imagine how that conversation went." He said grumpily, gaining a chuckle from me. "I haven't had a proper talk with her or your brother. Now I'm on your sister's bad side. Again. That is just wonderful."

"Oh stop whining!" I laughed, pinching his cheeks a bit as I spoke. "If you must know, she was on your side." Dean's eyes raised in surprise, not expecting that comment.

"Really?" I probably should have been annoyed by his excitement but I wasn't.

"Really." Dean's smile faded as he realized what I was actually getting into. The way that he rubbed my lower back was comforting and I felt less afraid to share my opinions. "We talked and she wanted to get to the root of my reaction. She tried to speak from your perspective to get me to open up as to why I said what I did."

Dean's eyes were now focused on mine, listening intently as he waited to hear what I said. I released a deep breath.

"You know, she made me acknowledge some things that I already knew and think of some things I had never thought of." I laughed softly at the memory that was honestly not that funny to me.

"For example, I kept connecting you wanting to follow your dreams to abandoning the ones we created together, so that wasn't very nice. Also, you never suggested your solutions to all of the things that could go wrong because you were so busy defending your opinions about me or your character. That one really shocked me."

I tried to laugh again to make it seem more casual, but the focused, earnest and serious expression on Dean's face made the light chuckles fall away.

"Sebastian, I understand why you were upset-" Dean started, but I already knew where his words were going to go.

"Dean, please don't just excuse everything I did and said. Being upset really didn't warrant me to be so unreasonable. You admitted your mistakes, now I really need this chance to admit mine."

Dean's lips were sealed shut and I relaxed into his lap again.

"This next one is kind of a big one, so you should probably brace yourself." I told him, voice light and animated to think that what I was saying was a joke. "So, it turns out that I was mostly just spouting out a ton of stuff out of fear, which I decided to turn into anger. Like, I always kind of thought that you were too good for me and I thought that this whole thing was your way of getting away from me, so you could then get rid of me."

I wore a smile the entire time that I spoke, but that didn't stop a horror-stricken look to appear on Dean's face. So, I tried to ignore it and finish telling him everything.

"And, although I know how much you love what you do, I was just thinking about how this thing that gave me love and attention wasn't going to do that anymore and freaked out." I chuckled, trying to bring humour to the situation again. "So, I may be a really selfish, immature, and insecure mate who was considering . . . considering letting you moveonandfindsomebodyelse."

My eyes started to water again, and I quickly wiped at them and tried to become calm again. I had started to repeat some affirmations in my head when Dean was suddenly throwing his arms around me and pulling me tightly into his chest.

He began to rock me gently, running one hand through my hair while the other rubbed my back.

"What the heck are you saying, Sebastian?" Dean asked me, voice choking up as he spoke over the top of my head.

"I was telling the truth." I told him, shrugging in his arms. "I might actually be a terrible magic-user and mate. Hey, the was is there for a reason. I was considering it but I decided that I couldn't really let you go and I would just have to whip up a spell to make me a good person."

The joke did not resonate with Dean at all. He just took all of my words at face value, still too focused on what I had just confessed. Dean sighed, shaking his head repeatedly while his chin was over my head.

"I hate to be that guy that disagrees with everything you say, but you are so wrong it hurts." Dean told me, hugging me tighter and kissing my temple before continuing. "The only thing that was true about all those words that you called yourself is insecure. And that is simply because the only way in hell that you wouldn't be able to see how amazing, kind, mature, and loving you are is if you're insecure. God, those words can never come out of those perfect lips again. Those brilliant eyes should never be crying over such bull again. Whoever let you think that is true?"

"I did." I croaked out, throat suddenly feeling much tighter. Dean sighed again.

"Then you definitely have to stop. I cannot be a good teacher if I let one of my best students continue on in life with that false information." Dean got a good laugh out of me with that one, and I could feel the pride in his chest. "So, let me give you the correct one. You, Sebastian Mishra-Terranova are one of the most confident, brilliant, kind, caring, strong, mature, and handsome beings I have ever met in my life. My life has only gotten better after meeting you and no amount of issues in our relationship could ever make me regret falling so hard for you."

My eyes burned because hearing such kind words from my mate himself seemed to get me all worked up again.

Something about hearing that all of my fears were completely wrong brought me to tears and I was sobbing into his nice shirt with the good fabric. Seeing how sad and serious I was, Dean tried to crack a joke.

"Do you want me to write that down for you so you remember?" Dean asked me, pulling away just enough to look me in the eye. His eyes were wet as well. "I would hate for you to believe the wrong information again."

My laugh was wet and accompanied by sobs as well. I was still thinking about all of the words he said, my mind then grasping on to one phrase. He might have said that he loved me. It was too much to hear at once.

Dean cooed, rubbing me back and muttering an endless stream of kind words as I cried and cried and cried.

"Gosh. Dipi had been trying to get me to do some things to increase my confidence, but I still kind of feel like I don't deserve this." I admitted to him, hiccuping slightly at all of the tears streaming down my cheeks. Despite how wet my face was, Dean peppered kisses all of my cheeks.

"Of course you do, Sebastian. There is no one else I would rather be in love with." That renewed a new round of tears. He loved me. He really loved me. "Damn, if I knew you felt this way I never would have accepted their offer. I'm going to have to reject their offer and cancel their arrangements for the trip."

My tears halted and I sat up straight in an instant at the new information.

"What? You are taking that job, Dean." I said softly, eyes still wide in shock from the idea that he was rejecting their offer. Dean's brows drew together and he shook his head.

"No, I'm not anymore. After this, I've changed my mind. It's not a good idea." Dean explained, to which I crossed my arms and frowned.

"That wasn't a statement Dean, it was an order." I told him firmly, watching as he was taken aback. "I did not do all of that soul searching just to beg you to stay here. You are going to go out there and do what you do best, make an impact on this universe."

Dean seemed to come back to himself and shook his head.

"No, Sebastian, just hear me out for a second." Dean began, giving me no choice but to lower my arms and try to hear him out. "I thought it would be a good idea since we both knew where we stood, had confidence in what we have, and trusted each other to be loyal and committed while apart. But, I can't leave you here questioning my love for you or questioning if you deserve it. Putting aside how painful that may be for you, I would be beside myself with worry every day hoping that you're alright. I have to stay here."

"B-but it's your dream!" I said, staring at him with sad concerned eyes. "I've heard you talk about your days of research, and you loved it like nothing else."

"I also love teaching. You know that, Sebastian." Dean brought up, but I was still shaking my head.

"Not like that." Dean and I were left at a standstill, both wanting different things for him and different things for me. I sigh. "I really can't let you stay here for that. I . . . I couldn't imagine you staying here, because I know the only thing that you would ever think about is 'what would have happened if I had been able to go. If my boyfriend valued himself enough so I could go.' And I can't live with that Dean. You know I can't."

"But I also know I can't leave you like this." Dean said, bringing up my current mental state again. I smirked.

"Like what? Hearing that my boyfriend loves me for the first time and knowing that I have the opportunity to say 'I love you too'?" Dean's eyes widened and despite being in the middle of an argument/disagreement, he still pulled me into a long and heavy kiss.

"Okay, you don't get to distract me with that --I love you-- Sebastian." He complained, pecking me on the lips for a moment before glaring at me. I smiled softly.

"I'll use what I got. Because --I love you, too-- I really want you to go." I told him, slipping in the phrase a bit more smoothly than he did then resting my cheek against his chest. "Imagine all of the amazing stories you will be able to tell me?"

"Telling you those stories when you are unsure of where we stand would be pointless." He retorted, his body moving slightly as he threw up his arms in frustration. "I don't even want to imagine what you would cook up in that brain --I love you lots-- of yours if I'm not here."

I huffed in frustration even as I planted a kiss on his neck.

"Who said I wouldn't have built up my confidence more by then?" I asked him sassily, hearing the hissing sound he made while my lips had been on him. "I am only 18, Dean. I have plenty of time to build it up so --I love you tons-- I can love you properly."

"What if something goes wrong --I love you more-- before that point?" Asked Dean, still worried sick.

I shrug, sitting up so I could look him in the eye properly.

"Well, you're just going to have to trust that you're strong mate is strong enough to handle it." I replied simply, smirking slightly at my mate. "And I love you even more than that."

Dean laughed, pecking me on the cheek with that adorable, playful smile of his.

"And what is 'that'?" He asked with a cheeky smirk, settling both of his large hands on my hips and rubbing with his thumbs.

"3000." I answered, gaining a barking laugh out of him. I joined in on the laughter and it took a while for the two of us to calm ourselves down again. Once we were no longer shaking with our laughs, Dean hummed, a thoughtful look on his face.

"Would you really be fine, seriously?" He asked, calmly and carefully this time. "I can't have you lying to me. At the end of the day I want you and I want you happy, Sebastian. Tell me honestly if this will ruin that for us."

I took a moment to consider it, wanting to be able to give Dean an accurate and honest answer.