Chapter 15: Completely Exposed

It might not seem perfect when you really think about it. But, it feels like everything is just as it should be.

That is how my life feels right now.

While thinking back on my week, I realize that my life feels perfect. Technically, there are a few things wrong and certain things could be better, but everything feels perfect.

For starters, I am actually here at the academy that I have always dreamt of going to, sure my grades aren't perfect, far from it, but they are mostly good and the experience of being around great people is incredible.

Then, I have a crush on someone. And for the first time, that someone is a person close to me who knows that I exist. Sure, he refuses to let me see him or even let me know his real name, but I know that he cares about me, we have great conversations, and . . . he might like me back. Our relationship, although weird, is in a great place at this moment so I am so happy to have met him.

I also have a teacher as a friend. And not just any teacher, but my idol. I have been a big fan and have had an insane amount of respect for Dean McCain and now we can have casual conversations about whatever after class. I actually consider him a friend. Whether he considers me a friend as well, that is a whole other story, but it still counts, so I'll take it.

And not to mention, I have a group of people who have other friends that they could be hanging out with, but instead, choose to hang out with me and my friends. For example, Harvey and Thulani have been here for a year already and already had friends, but they still take the time to come and hang out and each lunch with us, a group of mostly freshmen.

Even my sister, who has half of the school willing to be her friend, is sticking around me.

It is probably a little bit narcissistic to be thinking like this the thought that I have such great friends really makes me smile.

And speaking of awesome people who are also super funny, all of us agreed to meet in Harvey's huge ass room and play some board games. Dipi learned this cool spell that could recreate brand name products so she has Monopoly, Catan, Apples to Apples, and Cards Against Humanity in her room.

It was Friday and since we all figured out that we had minimal homework, or more like "room-work", we thought it would be a great idea to just get together and chill.

"Hey, Sebastian!" I heard Warlo yell from inside of the bathroom.

"Yeah?" I responded absentmindedly. I had been making my bed because I had been lying on it during the day and messed up my perfect cover work, but because it was such an easy task my mind started to wander. Thus, the deep recap of my life at the moment.

"You're good at using your magic right, Sebastian?" Warlo asked, still yelling from where he was in the bathroom.

"Uh, yeah, I think I can use it pretty well." I replied, unsure of my response. "I mean, you saw it a couple of weeks back. I think you can judge that for yourself."

I heard barely half a second pause before Warlo said,

"Yeah, you're very good. I was asking because I wanted to know if you could, uh, magic up some beers and sodas. Maybe some chips and other junk food. We can't just go and get them ourselves because they have designated times when we can eat and they never have junk food. And I miss just sitting on my bed with a huge bag of Doritos and going ham, you know?"

I sighed and after I finished adjusting the throw blanket until it was perfect to my liking, I went to sit on the floor.

"I don't know Warlo, I would feel kind of uncomfortable with bringing alcohol onto campus, and I might not be able to get the chips right." I tried to explain, my voice wary and uncomfortable.

"Oh, come on Sebastian, we don't even have check-ups, I'm sure it will be fine." Warlo argued, his voice coming out slightly whiny.

Just then, at absolutely the perfect moment because he is just that amazing, Nick walked in. He was back from what he called, "A casual, library, study date with a cute girl from class.

I took his entrance as an opportunity to take the heat off of myself and onto someone else.

"Why don't you have Nick do it for you?" I suggest, gesturing to Nick despite the fact that Warlo can't even see me. "He's a feii so he has magic as well."

Nick looked utterly confused and looked between me and the bathroom door where I had been glancing at multiple times as if he would figure something out by looking back and forth.

Warlo decided to finally exit the bathroom at this moment and briefly seemed surprised to find Nick standing there before he looked back at me and shook his head knowingly.

"So that's why you suddenly mentioned Nick." He said simply, not expecting or even wanting me to respond.

"Wait, before you guys continue, I would just like to say that although I am a feii, I suck at coming up with spells, I can only do magic when I have a spellbook in front of me. Just warning you guys." Nick rushed out before we continued to argue over whatever we were arguing about.

"See, he can't do it, you have to." Warlo said quickly after Nick gave us his "Warning/Disclaimer"

"Look, Warlo, I really don't feel comfortable with this!" I yelled when I started to feel fed up with Warlo's insistence.

"Come on, Sebastian, please?!" Warlo pleaded, running over to me to kneel right at my feet. I looked down at his large puppy-dog eyes and couldn't help but let a small snort escape me. I stiffed it back in though and tried to put on an intimidating face.

"I am not getting you alcohol, but I can conjure up some Doritos and Skinny Pop."

Warlo paused and thought over my offer. Obviously, the prospect of getting to finally have his beloved Doritos had him willing to cooperate again.

"Can you make Sweet Chili Heat Doritos?" He asked me, his eyes burning into mine with their intensity. His love of chips was very strong.

"Sweet Chili Heat is my favourite, I could get the flavour down to a T." I told him, my voice full of confidence.

"Sold!"

~~~~~~~

"This is why I didn't want to play this freaking game!" Lani groaned when Dipika, once again, took a generous amount of his money for rent. "I spend so much time trying to get property and money, only for someone," He glared at Dipi. "to come and casually take it away."

We all laughed lightly at his complaints, Dipi smirking and waving around the money that she took, before focusing back on the game. Despite other great choices that Dipi had, including Cards Against Humanity which would have been a riot, we decided to play the board game classic, Monopoly.

Everyone ended up being very happy that Warlo had convinced me to conjure up the chips and each had their own bowl and napkins to wipe off the crumbs, specifically the residue that always come from a bag of Doritos.

Warlo was even smiling and gloating about it in the form of mentioning it whenever he could slip it in for about an hour after everyone mentioned how they were happy he convinced me. Eventually, though, even he got completely focused on the game.

But playing Monopoly wasn't our only focus, while we played we also just talked about random stuff since there were some times where it felt like there was a lull in the game.

"Oh my gosh! I just remembered!" Sam exclaimed suddenly, nearly dropping her cup of white Cheddar popcorn while she jumped from excitement. "Nick, didn't you go on that date with that girl today?"

Nick immediately started to shrink back away from the rest of us and I even noticed a very faint blush starting to tint his cheeks.

"Really Sam? Do we have to talk about this now?" Nick asked, clearly trying to change the subject.

Nick went to reach for the dice but Sam just gave them to Warlo who was supposed to roll next and set her focus back on Nick.

"Yes, we do have to talk about this now. This is the first time that I am hearing about a date for anyone in this room," No one said a single word of argument because the sentence was completely true. "So of course I am going to want to know if we might have someone else occasionally joining our group."

"She basically wants to know if you got yourself a bae or not." I added just to be annoying. Neither Sam nor Nick liked that I added it but after brief glances of annoyance to me, the two went back to staring at each other.

Nick huffed out of frustration and stared at the ground looking up again.

"Warlo, did you take your turn?" Nick asked, suddenly putting the attention to Warlo who had just been sitting there doing nothing.

"What?" Warlo asked, caught off guard and slightly confused.

Everyone, except for Nick and Warlo started talking, some upset with Nick for trying to shift the focus and change the subject, others upset that Warlo hadn't been taking his turn the whole time, and I, just lightly laughing and saying to myself, "This is fucking stupid".

"Ok, enough, Harvey, make sure that Warlo tales his turn while I finally get an answer out of this ass." Sam commanded. Nick looked as if he were about to protest to the name that Same gave him but Sam wouldn't even let him speak. "Nope, only about the subject at hand. How did your date go?"

Nick sighed, finally accepting defeat and slumping his shoulders.

"I mean, it started out awkward like most dates usually do but it just stayed awkward the whole time, she and I had a few things in common but the way that we talked and our sense of humor was too different." Nick told all of us, his eyes glued to the game board as he spoke. "I just found it hard to talk to her."

Everyone seemed to immediately sympathize with Nick and we all apologized for his date going badly. Because for some reason, we humans think that that makes sense. For whatever reason.

"Dating is hard, don't beat yourself up over the fact that you guys just didn't gel," Thulani said, getting nods of understanding from Nick.

"Or more like understanding women is hard," Harvey mumbled, unfortunately still loud enough for all of us to hear. "Sometimes I wonder if I will ever really understand if a girl cares about me or if she wanted me to be her friend."

Harvey was clearly venting out some frustration through his complaint but because I didn't want us to waste any time complaining about something negative, I laughed and started nodding while I did so.

"Actually, although it isn't a science and shouldn't be that complicated, I agree. It can be pretty hard to understand some women," I smiled, watching as the tension in Sam and Dipi's bodies eased when they realized the two of us weren't being sexist.

Harvey frowned with what looked like confusion and looked at me.

"How would you know?" He asked me simply, the frown firmly etched on his face while Dipika rolled for her turn.

I frowned back at Harvey myself, feeling my heart slowly started to pick up speed as I looked at Harvey. Why am I even getting nervous? There is no way that Harvey even knows.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked in return. "I have had tons of experienced where I felt confused as hell with a girl, especially when I liked one and her signals were completely trail-mixed."

Harvey seemed to get even more upset when I gave him that response and his contorted in anger.

"Well, really, how would you know?" Harvey asked again, this time with much more spitefulness and clear intent to insult me. "You are gay aren't you?"

When the words left his mouth, I felt my entire body tense and could literally feel my heart drop. In just one moment, my perfect point in life completely changed. With just one word, the security that I had felt in this moment completely left my body.

I couldn't focus on any other details, not on the fact that this time, Sam did indeed drop her popcorn, I couldn't focus on Dipi reaching out to me to try and grab my shoulder, whether to give me comfort or drag me out of the room, I don't know.

All I could focus on was how Harvey had said those few words, how he had said the word "gay." A merciless grin, the start of a laugh pushing past his teeth. It was a joke. I was a joke.

It couldn't be clearer that Harvey was disgusted with me. And chances are, my other friends are too. Years of watching small, indie movies about gay guys and girls probably did not instill a positive idea when it came to coming out to friends, but I was not eager to try and put my trust out now.

"Wait, are you serious Harvey?" Thulani asked, looking at Harvey with disbelief. When Harvey didn't say anything, Lani took that as a yes and turned to me. "You're actually gay?"

When Lani's eyebrows started to crease into what I was sure was the start of another disgusted expression started to appear, I completely lost it. I scrambled to stand up and, with a quick wave of my hand, got my phone and chips and bolted out of the room.

I heard my sister and Warlo yell after me but I didn't wait a single second to listen. I used my magic to add some speed to my feet and ran down the hall to the stairs to get to my room as quickly as I could.

My body didn't feel like my own. Every step was automatic, propelling me forward without a bit of my input. If not for that, I might not have made it to the dorms. The halls stretched and pulled and folded in unnatural ways, first making the trip incredibly long then trying to trap me within their stone structures.

At first it was people I saw staring after me as I sped down the halls. Eventually, they just turned into black shapes that joined the walls in their quest to keep me here forever. It wasn't the school they were trying to trap me in. It was this moment. They wanted to eternally trap me in the feeling of betrayal that swelled in my head like a cyst, ready to burst.

When I did finally get to my room, I stood in front of my bed and started to conjure a barrier, as long as Warlo and Nick weren't sitting on my bed, whenever I wanted to, I could block out what they were trying to say.

I didn't want to hear any possible harassment from them when I saw trying to relax or sleep on my bed.

I then sat on my bed, placing my Doritos on my lap and sighing. I put one into my mouth and started chewing, but it didn't taste as good as usual, probably because I might have just lost all of my friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've gotten a lot of comments over the years about this chapter and following ones about Sebastians reactions to being outed and his friends reaction to him running.

At first, I just tried to explain my original intent but the characters actions were just not indicative of how I think allies would actually respond to this situation. So, I've rewritten the corresponding scenes in this chapter and chapters 16 and 18. I'm sorry for upsetting you guys and poorly writing such an important moment for queer people. After experiencing my own coming out experience, I've fully cone to understand the faults in my previous writing. Once again, I'm sorry and I promise to always grow and do better.

Anyway,

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