I spent the rest of the day away from everyone. I didn't want to deal with the constant questions if I was okay or the pitiful looks. I just wanted peace, so I spent the day walking around killing walkers and keeping watch. Rick had sent T-dog to give me watch relief but I told him no and I stayed there till nightfall. I was up in a guard tower just watching, I guess I had missed dinner because Daryl was crawling his way up to the top of the tower.

"Hey, ya missed dinner. Brought ya something." He said, handing me a plate.

"I'm good. I already ate." I blatantly lied to him.

"Fine, go and get some sleep." He said pushing me again.

"I'm fine." I said sitting cross legged on the control center.

"Raven. Come on. You need to sleep." He said coming closer to me.

"I can't sleep. So might as well be useful." I said not bothering to look at him, I also kept my voice monotone so my emotions stayed inside. Right where I wanted them.

"Raven, come on. You cannot keep this up." Daryl said as he looked right at me.

"God, Daryl! Will you please just let me be! I can not sleep because all I see is my past coming back to haunt me. So let me do something useful." I said looking at him. The look he gave me was one of pure worry but, I didn't let it shake me. He huffed and turned around and headed back inside the prison. Leaving me to my thoughts and past memories. This is how I wanted to be alone. I instantly started to regret coming with the group.

When the farm fell I could have left headed straight for that cabin and just stayed there, by myself not having to worry about anyone. Not having to see those murderous eyes ever again. I just wanted to not have to feel this again. The feeling of hands wrapped around my body pulling me down onto the ground, like nothing I did was good enough. The sound of thousands of voices screaming in pain constantly ringing through my ears. It's like my lungs are filling up with liquid poison when I'm above land. It's like I'm sinking lifeless but, I felt like death might be more peaceful than this. And just like that I felt the panic rise in me and I started to cry with no sound, just tears free falling from my eyes. It felt like my world was crashing on top of me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I don't know how long I was sitting there but, it was long enough for Rick to find me.

"Raven?" A soft southern voice whispered just in earshot of me. I looked up and through the blurs I saw it was Rick. Not wanting him to see me like this I turned my head and buried it back into my knees. I could hear his boots against the floor and they stopped right behind me.

"Raven." He whispered to me again and I didn't move. I felt a pair of arms wrap around my body and warm breath was against the back of my neck.

"Little bird." He said and that was all it took for my heart to burst along with my tears. Tears started to stream down my face as cries escaped my now chapped lips. My breath became fast and it was the start of a fucking panic attack.

"Hey. Hey. Raven." Rick said, pulling me so I was facing him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. My heart was pounding against my chest and my head was spinning.

"Raven. Hey. Come on breath with me. In." Rick said and I felt his chest rise and I copied his motions.

"Out. Good. Now again. In." He said and we did this for a few moments. My breathing was finally under control and so were my cries.

"Thank you." I said looking up at him. He smiled down at me and gave me a brief kiss on the forehead. "I wanted to talk to you about something. Well something that you said." Rick finally said breaking away from me. I wiped my face and looked at him.

"What's up?" He was looking out a window at the open yard below.

"When you said I wasn't a murder. What did you mean by that?" He asked, not bothering to look in my direction.

"I meant that you wouldn't kill someone without a good reason. Oscar and Axel if you had killed them it would have been thoughtlessly and with no reason. That would have been cold blooded murder. And you are not a murder." I said stepping up to his side and placing a hand on his shoulder. He let out a sigh and I could tell that my words were getting to him. I couldn't tell if it was a good way or a bad way.

"Raven. How am I supposed to protect these people without killing anyone? How do I keep from becoming a murder." He asked me, his eyes were glossed over like he was about to cry. I could see the person he used to be breaking down and dying inside him. I was watching his soul break apart and it hurt my heart to see him like this.

"Rick, you just have to keep your humanity. Know what is right and wrong. Just be the great cop you used to be. No one said you had to change who you are, you just have to adapt to the world we are living in now." My words hit him like a truck and he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in the crook of my neck.

"Thank you, Raven. I don't know what I would do without you." His voice was muffled by my hair and I smiled.

"Anytime, cowboy." I said and he let me go.

"Come on, go get some sleep. You need it." I told Rick, nudging him towards the door.

"Raven, have you even slept." He asked me, worry filled his voice.

"I'll be fine Rick. I've gone longer without sleeping than one whole ass day." Rick nodded and he started to leave the room.

"Raven, I'm going to send Daryl. Just let him help you keep watch, get an hour or so of sleep at least." Before I could protest Rick had left and I was alone once again. My heart was still aching from everything but, I felt better after talking to Rick. Staring at the moon and watching it slowly set behind the tree line I could hear the gravel below being walked on.

"Hey, you gonna kick me out again." A voice with a husky southern drawl said from the doorway.

"No, you can stay. Hopefully your girlfriend doesn't get jealous." I said with sarcasm in my voice and a soft giggle.

"She ain't my girlfriend." He said with a huff as he stood by me.

"Oh yeah. I don't think she knows that." I told him, now turning around and leaning against the wall.

"So, if she ain't your girlfriend then who you got your eye on?" I asked him, crossing my arms over my chest. I watched his face go bright red as his eyes ran from my head to my toes and back again. My laughter filled the room and I walked over to the door closing and locking it.

"What are you doing?" He asked me.

"Making sure we don't get bothered. I don't really want to talk to anyone other than you and maybe Rick." He nodded in agreement.

Daryl and I spent the night talking and I ended up falling asleep on his shoulder. He let me stay there since I wasn't sleeping very well. I guess I had started to have a nightmare and I let out a scream and Daryl shook me awake.

"Raven. Wake up." He said and I jumped up shoving him to the floor straddling his body and holding my knife to his throat.

"Watch the knife. It's just me." Daryl said, holding his hands up in defense.

"Fuck." I said getting off him and holding my hand out to help him up.

"I'm sorry. Guess I was in attack mode."

"It's okay. I just woke you up 'cause you were screaming." He said readjusting himself after I attacked him.

"Shit, I'm sorry. Uh. What time is it?" I said running a hand through my mildly knotted hair.

"Uh about 6 am." He said, staring at the sunrise. I took my place beside him as we watched the dark sky light up with beautiful colors.

"It's moments like this that makes me forget we have the dead walking among us." I said gazing at the sky.

"Yeah. Well all I gotta do to forget about that is look at you." Daryl said, not realizing that those words had left his mouth.

"What?" I asked him and his face went bright red and he started to get nervous. With a smile on my face I got on my toes and planted a soft kiss to his cheek before leaving.

"I'm going to get breakfast. I'll send T-dog to relieve you." I told him as his hand was placed firmly against the spot my lips had just sat and he was completely dumbfounded. I laughed and left him walking over to the prison. The girls had made breakfast for that morning and I had asked T-dog to take over for Daryl after breakfast. The days went by quickly and with quite a bit of ease. Maggie and Glenn had taken over guard tower duty for a few nights. Today we were spending the day cleaning up all the dead bodies and making the prison yard more secure.

"Okay, let's get the other car in." Rick said and I had keys in my hand.

"On it." I jumped into the car and pulled it into the yard.

"Gonna be a long day." T-dog was saying when I got out of the car and joined the rest of them.

"Where's Glenn and Maggie? We could use some help." Carol asked and I pointed up at the guard tower.

"They're in the guard tower." I said with a small laugh and Rick looked at me then the tower.

"Guard tower? They were just up there last night." Rick said and Daryl called out to them.

"Glenn! Maggie!" We watched as heads seemed to move frantically and then the door opened as a shirtless and half his pants on, Glenn stepped out.

"Hey, what's up, guys?" He said buttoning up his pants. We all laughed a bit and I put my hands on my hips.

"You coming?!" I called and next to me Daryl snickered.

"What?" Glenn yelled down and I busted out laughing.

"You comin'?" I yelled again in sync with Daryl. I was laughing so hard I had to use Daryl to stand up straight. "Come on we could use a hand." He said as we all walked over to the open gates.

"Yeah, we'll be right down." Glenn said and we just kinda ignored him. We all knew what they were doing up there and the whole you coming thing only made it that much better.

Daryl and I had gotten a bit closer over the last few days. I would flirt hardcore with him and he would tell me to cut it out. That's how it was. Rick and Lori were trying to be better so we agreed that him and I needed to pause. Till the right time. Who knows that the right time might never come though.

"Hey Rick." T-dog said and as we all turned around the two prisoners appeared in the yard and I watched as Rick's face dropped. Nothing good could last now a days but, fuck a few more minutes of us all laughing wouldn't kill us.

"Come with me." Rick said as Daryl, T-dog and myself made our way up to the men.

"That's close enough." Rick told them as the three men next to me hand their hands on their weapons but not me. I knew these men weren't here to harm us but, why they were here was a mystery.

"We had an agreement." Rick told them, his face all stoic and shit.

"Please, mister. We know that. We made a deal. But you gotta understand..." Axel said, sounding scared shitless as Maggie and Glenn finally exited the guard tower.

"We can't live in that place another minute. You follow me? All the bodies...people we knew. Blood, brains everywhere. There's ghosts." Axel continued I could see the real fear in his eyes.

"Why don't you move the bodies out?" Daryl asked them, sounding very matter of fact.

"You should be burning them." T-dog added as we tried to figure out if they were just coming up with excuses or if there was a real reason.

"We tried. We did." Axel said and Oscar cut him off.

"The fence is down on the far side of the prison. Every time we drag a body out those things just line up. Dropping the body and just running back inside." Oscar finished and Axel stepped forward and this alarmed everyone so they all reached for their guns.

"Look, we had nothing to do with Thomas and Andrew. Nothing. Are you trying to prove a point? You proved it, bro. We'll do whatever it takes to be part of your group. Just please, please...don't make us live in that place." Axel said and his bitching was getting really fucking pathetic. Like I was about to punch the man and I actually didn't see very much wrong with these two. Watching Rick's face I could tell he was feeling the same way I was. Sick and tired of these kids begging.

"Our deal is not negotiable. You either live in your cell block, or you leave." Rick told him, visibly pissed and irritated at the men. Axel hung his head in defeat and Oscar looked like he wasn't all that surprised.

"I told you this was a waste of time. They ain't no different than the pricks who shout up our boys. You know how many friends' corpses we had to drag out this week? Just threw 'em out, like. These were good guys. Good guys who had our backs against the really bad dudes in the joint, like Thomas and Andrew. We've all made mistakes to get in here, chief. And I'm not gonna pretend to be a saint, but believe me...we've paid our due. Enough that we would rather hit that road than to go back into that shithole." Oscar said his words sank in to all of us. I mean they had no clue how lucky they were to have been in this prison and not out on the road. They had no idea how hard and challenging it is out there. And here they are saying they would rather take their chances on the open road then to deal with anything inside that prison. It was shelter and safety and they were too willing to give it all up just to be part of our group. Rick looked back at Daryl and I. Daryl gave him a small shake of a no and deep in my pleading eyes I knew that we just couldn't trust anyone anymore. So I shook my head to tell Rick no, even though they could be good people we just couldn't afford this. Rick nodded and we gathered the men up, locking them on the outside of one of the fences.

We were all gathered by the cars and T-dog was trying to plead their case. "Are you serious? You want them living in a cell next to you? They'll just be waiting for a chance to grab our weapons. You want to go back to sleeping with one eye open?" Rick asked T-dog and I saw where he was coming from and I totally understood what he meant but.

"I never stopped. Bring them into the fold. If we send them off packing, we might as well execute them ourselves." T-dog said and Rick was pacing, I couldn't tell if he was mad or upset or what.

"I don't know. Axel seems a little unstable." Glenn told him and I was just standing there periodically looking over at the men behind the gate.

"After all we've been through? We fought so hard for all this, what if they decide to take it?" Carol expressed her worries and concerns with bringing these men into our group.

"It's just been us for so long. They're strangers. I don't...It feels weird all of a sudden to have these other people around." Maggie said and it only made me think more. Who were we to decide this fate? I mean Rick and I started off as strangers and the first group took us in. Then Maggie and her family took us in after us all being strangers to her. They all went back and forth while my mind was occupied by its own battle to try and rationalize what the right thing would be to do. I mean if we sent them out there with them not knowing anything then we might as well kill them ourselves. We could train them on how to survive and kill walkers but that could take months and we didn't have that time.

My mind was racing plotting out all the scenarios that could happen if we do bring them in. They could kill all our men and rape all the women. They could just kill us all, period end of story. I mean with the way we were treating them. I wouldn't be surprised if they wanted to exact some sort of revenge. My fingers found their way to my dog tags as I fiddled with them trying to think of a good logical reason to send them on their way or to even keep them here.

"Raven." I was snapped out of my trance by T-dog saying my name.

"Hmm. What's up?" I asked and it was obvious that I was not paying any attention to them.

"You're with me on this right. You know they ain't bad." T-dog was basically begging me to agree with him.

"Look I've dealt with my fair share of guys like them. And you're right they aren't bad but. We also don't know what they are capable of or why they were even here in the first place. I mean yeah they told us but, how do we know it's the truth. Look just because you are a broken person doesn't make you a bad person but, there is only so much that we can do. I think we've sacrificed enough, we don't need to sacrifice anymore." My heart poured out into my little speech and that's when Rick chimed in.

"When I was a rookie, I arrested this kid. Nineteen years old, wanted for stabbing his girlfriend. The kid blubbered like a baby during the interrogation, during the trial, and suckered the jury. He was acquitted due to insufficient evidence and then, two weeks later, shot another girl." Rick paused to let his story sink in. I remembered when that case had happened. I had just gotten back home from hardcore training and Rick was a fucking mess. He tried blaming himself for that poor girl's death. Deep down he knew it wasn't his fault but that never stopped him.

"We've been through too much. Our deal with them stands." Rick said and he walked past me and Daryl and we followed him with Glenn hot on our heels. Rick explained to them again that they only had two options: stay in their cell block or take their chances out on the open road. They didn't seem happy with any of those choices and we didn't really care.

We spent the day gathering bodies and doing other shit to keep this place secure. "Move the cars to the upper yard. Point 'em facing out. They'll be out of the way but ready to go if we ever need to bail. We'll give the prisoners a week's worth of supplies for the road." Rick said since that's what they had chosen to do. I was walking with Daryl we were so close if I had dropped my hand from my hip our fingertips would touch. That thought sent a shiver up my spine. I popped the keys in my bike and Daryl followed suit.

"Twin cylinder. Is that a Triumph?" Axel asked Daryl who was barely audible over the sound of both our bikes roaring.

"Don't even look at it." Daryl told him and I chuckled at him and rolled my eyes. He could be sassy as all hell when he wanted to be and it was the cutest thing ever.

"Sounds like it could use a tune up. I'm pretty handy with a wrench. Heads are leakin'. I know my bikes!" Axel yelled as Daryl drove away and then he looked at me.

"Axel, I know you mean well. Just don't." I said and I drove off right behind Daryl. He parked his bike and I put mine right next to his.

"God, I miss just being able to drive on open roads with this baby." I said getting off my bike and running my hand along the seat.

"Makes two of us." Daryl said and my brain went straight to the gutter thinking about him on a bike, wind in his hair, no shirt. I shook my head and decided to be the flirty little devil I was.

"Well, I guess it's okay. 'Cause there is something I'm looking at that I would much rather ride." I told him, winking and biting my lip. He looked at me shocked and shook his head.

"Cut it out." He said and I walked up next to him and got extremely close to his ear.

"Not till you fuck me, Dixon." My most seductive tone sent goosebumps along his skin and I could see them along with his face turning bright red. I let out an airy laugh and walked away leaving him to his own devices. Carol walked up next to me and nudged me.

"What did you say to him. I haven't seen him that red since...well ever." I laughed and held my finger over my mouth.