I woke up the next morning to the sound of birds right outside the window and the feeling of the warm summer sun beaming down on my face. I smiled and sat up in the bed. For a moment it was peaceful, as if the world hadn't ended and we weren't constantly running for the living dead. I sighed and walked over to the bathroom that was in the room. I looked in the mirror and smiled at the strong girl that was staring back at me. It had been a week since everything had happened and we were still trying to decide where to take Randall. It was a day like any other for the last week. I reached into the shower and let the steam fog up the room. I peeled my clothes that I had been wearing for a couple of days now off. Once they were gone I stepped into the shower letting out a sigh as the hot water relaxed all my muscles. I let the water run across my soft skin as I grabbed some body wash. It was pure serenity to not have any worries for a moment. I got out and wrapped the towel that was there around my body. I wiped away some of the steam off the mirror and brushed my hair through. I was going to just leave it down and do its natural waves. I stepped out into the bedroom and walked over to my bag that I had brought in that night. I pulled out a black crop tank that had buckles on the shoulder parts. It was followed by a pair of gray, purple, black, and white cargo pants. Once I was dressed I pulled on my boots that had a little bit of a platform. I was short and I liked to be tall sometimes, can you blame me.

I stepped out of the room into the living room and it was still quiet. It was almost as if no one was here. That would be my luck to end up being left behind to fend for myself not that I would mind being alone but, I've grown attached to most of everyone in the camp. Stepping into the summer sun I let it wake me up the rest of the way.

"Raven!" I heard a familiar voice call and I saw Rick coming towards me.

"What's up, Rick?" I asked him not sure why he was there.

"I need your help. Shane and I are taking Randall out and letting him go. I want you to come with me that way I know I'll come back. I don't trust Shane." I sighed and shook my head.

"At what point are you two going to be able to face each other on your own. Why am I always the middle man. Always the one making sure you two fuck nuts don't kill each other." I finished and Rick gave me his big brother look.

"Fine, fuck. I'll come but, if you two try to kill each other. I'm killing you both." I said walking past him to my bike. I pulled out my switchblade and my crossbow. I didn't really have any need for my sniper very often anymore. Rick and Shane were already in the car with Randall tied up in the back seat.

"What are you guys waiting for, let's go." I said getting in the back seat with Randall. They both got in and we were off. We drove for a few miles. It was silent except for Randalls snores since he was still out cold. We watched as the scenery passed us by, no walkers just miles and miles of open fields and open roads. I would have loved to take a road trip with Johnny up in this part of Georgia. It was something we always talked about doing. As I stared at my reflection in the window I placed my hand on the window wanting to reach out and just scoop up this beautiful part of the world so that I could keep it safe from anything that would want to destroy it. For a moment I could see Johnny with his hand pressed against the glass where mine was. It was like he was my guardian angel.

We had hit a four way stop when Rick stopped the car and got out. He walked about 15 feet from the car and Shane was right behind him. 'Fucking hell' I said to myself getting out.

"I thought we were going further." Shane asked as Rick kept walking.

"We are. 18 miles out." Rick said before stopping.

"Rick why are we stopping?" I asked him not sure what he was doing.

"I wanna talk." Rick said, looking at Shane.

"Rick now?" I asked him and he nodded.

"I've been wanting a week till we were gonna do this. I just wanna talk." Rick said and Shane put up his defenses.

"We don't need to." Shane said to Rick not making eye contact.

"We do." Rick said, staring down the man. I just stood back and let them talk shit out. I told Rick I wouldn't be his middle man anymore.

"No man, we don't. We're doing this. I get it. He was passed out when y'all brought him back, doesn't know where the farm is." Shane said thinking that's what Rick wanted to talk to him about.

"That isn't what I need to talk to you about." Rick paused and looked over at me with a sad look, which I knew what he was going to tell Shane and my heart dropped. It felt like in those few seconds my feet were being pulled to the core of the earth and it was going to swallow me whole. Rick looked away from me and I was scared about how this was all going to go down as Rick death glared at Shane.

"I heard what really happened at the school. Was it to survive?" Rick asked him and Shane was quiet for a moment.

"Yeah. One of us wasn't gonna make it out. It had to be him. One shot to the leg, Carl and Raven live. Reality is he had no business being here...there. Whatever." Shane said and I waited patiently for the next thing Rick was going to say.

"You don't think I would've done it?" Rick asked Shane after a moment of uncomfortable silence.

"No man, I know you wouldn't have."

"You don't think I can keep Lori or Carl safe?"

"I didn't say that."

"Or Raven. Or my baby? Is it gonna have to be me too?" Rick said and it was like more weight was placed on my already heavy heart. Shane shook his head and looked over to me then back to Rick.

"Rick, you can't just be the good guy and expect to live. Okay? Not anymore." Shane told him.

"I'm not the good guy anymore. To save Carl's life, I would've done anything. Anything. Hell, I would have done anything to save Raven too if I could have. Now Lori says you're dangerous, and after what Raven told me about what you almost did to my wife and what you did to her. I agree with them, but you're not gonna be dangerous. Not to us, not to me, and especially not to Raven. Not anymore." Rick had ripped Shane a new asshole and all Shane could do was stare at me. He had the same look in his eyes as he did back in the CDC when I ripped him away from Lori and when he ruined me.

"How about you look at me? Not Raven. She's got nothing to do with this conversation right here." Shane looked up at Rick after ripping his eyes away from me. I felt like meat and he was a starved lion and he was going to kill me.

"You and Lori. I get what happened. When I figured it out...and I figured it out pretty quickly...I wanted to break your jaw, let you choke on your teeth. But I didn't. And then Raven told me what happened at the CDC when she caught you trying to hurt Lori, when you raped her. That same anger came back but, much much worse. I could have done something and trust me I wanted to. That wasn't a weakness. Letting you live and not kicking your head in on a crib. That wasn't a weakness. It took everything. That is my wife. That is my son. That is my unborn child. And Raven. That is my sister. I will stay alive to keep them alive." Rick said and my heart ached. I know he saw me as more than just a sister but, hearing him say it hurt. And then there was that same killer anger in Shane's eyes as there was the time in the woods when I caught Shane pointing a gun at Rick ready to pull that trigger.

"Guys, that's enough for one day, let's go." I said seeing the fire burn in Shane's eyes and they both ignored me and Rick stepped closer to Shane.

"You don't love her. You think you do but, you don't. Know the only way you and me keep on is that you accept everything I just said right here, right now, and we move forward with that understanding." Rick finished and Shane sighed looking over in my direction and then back down at his hands.

"When it started it was just...there were a couple of weird stories on the news. Then it was so quick, everything it just happened. Two weeks later I'm in the hospital and there were soldiers shooting people in the halls. They were shooting people, not walkers. Then the walkers came through. You know, I tried to get you out, I tried, but we weren't gonna make it. Man, there was no way and I knew it. But, I couldn't live with it. I couldn't live knowing...but I had to. I didn't keep Lori and Carl alive, man. They kept me alive. I thought Raven was dead and they were my only family I had left." Shane said almost like he was only trying to convince himself that he did that right thing.

"I want you to know that I didn't look at her before that. Brother, if I could take it all back, I would." Shane was now facing away and Rick was starting right into my eyes.

"I wanna check the ropes." Rick said, walking to the car. I slid off the hood on the car as Rick walked over and headed back to the back seat. Shane walked over and before I could get into the car he grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to him so that I could feel his hot disgusting breath on my ear,

"If I can't have Lori then you will do. You're mine now." He said and then he headed to the trunk of the car with Rick. I was frozen in place though it only took a few seconds it felt like a lifetime and it made my stomach sick and my skin crawl.

"Raven, you coming?" Rick said from the front. I hadn't heard the car start or the trunk open and close. I was completely in my own world because of what Shane had said to me, so I just nodded and got back into the car and stared out the window.

We drove for a while in nothing but silence that was till Rick broke that. "We need to start using our knives more. If there's one walker, we use our knives. We keep things quiet. We save ammunition." Rick explained and I nodded in response and Shane just said a simple yeah. The tension in the air was so thick a knife couldn't even cut it. All I could do is stare out the window and it was like Shane's words were playing on repeat. It made me wish that I had never bothered coming with them. I wish I had left the farm while I still had a chance.

My mind floated away to that cabin far off in the woods where I had stayed that night. I missed it. The quiet, the peace, the pure serenity in my own solitude. It was my slice of heaven that I wish I could just go to now but, instead I was stuck here with my rapist, a man who has half my heart, and some random ass fucking kid. Once I was sucked back into reality Rick was talking about preparing for the upcoming winter.

"We get lucky, we get the same winter as last year. By December, it's a different world. Safer. Maybe we will find some snowmobiles to make runs." Rick was saying.

"Yeah, that could work." I said from the backseat still staring off into space.

"That sounds good." Shane responded following my actions and staring out the window. In the field we were driving by there was one lone walker just walking around the field. I could tell that all Shane wanted to do was kill it but Rick didn't take notice. It was right back to silence after that moment. We were driving as the sun was setting. Shane spoke up.

"That's more than 18." He said in reference to how many miles out we were going.

"Yeah, I'm looking for a place." Rick said.

"A place for what?" I asked, now moving to the middle seat of the car and looking at his piercing blue eyes in the rear view mirror.

"Give him a fair shake. A shot." I smiled and leaned back against the seat. Rick was still kindhearted even after all the shit he had been through. He still believed in second chances which is why Shane was still living. We drove past some train tracks and that's when we found an abandoned place.

"There." Rick said as he pulled up to the building it said Mert County Department of Public Works. It was surrounded by a large fence and Rick stopped the car. We all got out and looked around for any walkers that were out wandering around.

"This'll do." Rick said looking into the big yard.

"We'll leave the boy here and scavenger some supplies." Rick explained the plan to Shane and I.

''Rick, look. Over there." I said pointing through the fence to a walker that was in a full cop uniform and heading towards us. The walker didn't seem to have noticed us at first. Shane pulled out his gun ready to shoot but Rick stopped him.

"Wait." He said, pulling out his knife.

"Like I said." Rick said and he cut his finger and rubbed his blood on the fence. It caused the walker to go crazy and it ran over to Rick licking at the blood that was on the fence. Then Rick took that as an opportunity to stab the walker in the middle of his forehead. It was quick and he twisted the knife pulling it out of the walkers head.

"Gun's quick, easy, but there are other ways to do this." Rick said mostly to Shane but also to me. We heard more growling and Rick nodded in the direction of the growling.

"Look two more. You two are up." Rick said and I pulled out my switchblade. The two walkers also dressed as cops came right up to the gate one in front of me the other in front of Shane. I quickly stabbed the walker, twisting my blade in its skull and then pulling it out. Shane just stabbed it and pulled the knife out.

"All clear." I said and walked over to the backseat of the car and pulled out the bolt cutters that we had brought just in case. I handed them to Rick and he gave me a small smile.

"Thank you." He said and then cut open the chains on the fence. Once they were open we all walked in scouting out the place for more walkers or supplies. It was fairly quiet except for the wind and birds. I was walking across a yard when I saw bodies. About 6 of them piled up and burnt to a crisp.

"Uh...Rick, you're gonna wanna come and look at this." I called him as I got closer. He followed shortly behind me and Shane was checking out but not far from us.

"They look like they were holding each other." I said with sadness in my voice. I had seen this before back in Afghanistan. They had bombed a small town and we were sent in to recover any of the injured or living. I walked into a house and on the floor was a woman, her two kids, and her husband all holding each other. It hurt my heart. We walked around some more and Rick found some gas cans and filled them with gas. Shane had found some bodies while I was helping Rick with the gas.

"Hey, Rick." He called and Rick and I walked over to him. "I don't see any bites." Shane said, looking at the two cops that laid on the ground.

"Gotta be scratches then...this one's head, other one's cheek. They had walkers here. Raven, found some burned bodies down the hill." Rick said, looking at them.

"I guess it's gotta be scratches then." I said going back to the gas cans. After a few more minutes of scavenging we went to get Randall. Shane drove the car into the yard and Rick closed the gate as I stood guard for walkers.

We pulled Randall out of the trunk and he hobbled while Shane and Rick dragged him through the yard to a good spot to leave his ass. We walked him over to some buses and Rick and Shane shoved him to his knees. I ripped the bag off his head and the headphone out of his ear, shoving them into my pocket.

"The hell is this?" Randall asked and the three of us walked away leaving him there.

"Oh, come on, don't be stupid. I owe you guys. I can help protect what you've got. Why would you save my life just to kill me by leaving me here? One guy...One guy can't make it alone. That's why I was with those dudes. I was alone." We all stopped walking and Rick threw his knife on the ground for Randall to get.

"Don't be stupid! I'm not like them! I'm just some guy, I used to watch football and screw around on the internet. I lived with my mom. I lost her like you lost people." We kept walking ignoring his little rant about his life story.

"I went to school with Maggie for god's sake!" Randall yelled and I froze and so did the boys. I slowly turned around and they followed me.

"You've got to be shitting me." I said just loud enough for them to hear.

"I went to church. I rode the bench on varsity baseball." Randall kept ranting as we all made a b-line for him.

"You went to school with Maggie?" Rick asked him now with an angry look on his face.

"You got to school with Maggie?" Shane asked him again with the same look on his face.

"Answer the question!" Rick yelled at him and I got to him first picking him up and slamming him against the bus that was there.

"Did you go to school with Maggie?" I said venom dripping from my voice and more familiar feelings flooded my body. The feeling of needing to protect everyone I know and love.

"I...I...she didn't know me." He said in a quiet voice.

"She didn't even know I existed." He said, trying to justify the bomb he had just dropped on us.

"Liar." I growled at him.

"I...I knew her. I knew who her dad was. There is no way I would ever do anything to hurt her or her family." He said and I dropped him.

"Rick, I'm gonna fucking kill this kid." I said walking away, running my hands through my hair. At this point we knew we couldn't just let him go. He knew where we were, who was with us. He would lead his merry band of assholes right to us and I think Shane knew that too.

"Or you or your people. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you guys. I'm not like the guys I was with!" He said on the ground we all stood far away from him.

"He knows where the farm is, Rick. Where we are. He knows. Say he finds his way back to his people..." Shane said and stopped.

"Rick, I have to agree with Shane on this one." I said and Rick just stood there. Then Shane pulled out his gun and aimed it at Randall.

"Shane no!" Rick said shoving Shane to the ground a shot rang out and barely missed the kid.

"Not now. Just not now." Rick yelled at Shane who was on the ground in front of a police car.

"Well, when, Rick? When?" Shane asked Rick and he kicked Shane's gun away from him and toward Shane.

"When I've had a chance to think about it." Rick said and that when Randall and his big mouth started again.

"Don't let him kill me. Please don't." I rolled my eyes.

"Shut up!" I yelled at him. Rick walked away and over by me.

"Rick, I hate to say this but we have to bring him back. Figure out what to do with him from there." I said and Rick nodded.

"We're going back, it's a man's life. I need a night to think it through." Rick said mostly to Shane.

"You're gonna bring this piece of garbage... this piece of garbage who...he shot at you, Rick. He ran with men who tried to kill you. They tried to kill Raven. You gonna bring him back to where Lori sleeps? To where Carl sleeps?" Shane said as he started to stand up.

"He'll be locked up in the barn, unless you bust it open." Rick said getting in Shane's face.

"Oh, don't start that shit." Shane said.

"I'm taking the night." Rick responded walking away from Shane.

"Man, you take what you think on it, Rick. Keep struggling with it. It ain't hard, man. The right choice is the one that keeps us alive. It's always the same with you. It's like the first moment...it's whenever you're put to the test." Shane said, finally getting to his feet.

"Stop acting like you know the way ahead, like you know the rules. There are no rules, man. We're lost." Rick said to Shane.