Anupama paced the length of her room frustrated. Why was she frustrated? Because she had no clue of what she was supposed to do. But then, if she had no inkling what was she even trying? Why was she even trying?! Because... she had an urge, and an overwhelming one at that.

Now, this urge was a complicated one. It was as perplexing as it was sweet. It was so very new to her, to the inexperienced fawn she was at the ripe age of 45. And, it had all started with Anuj Kapadia. The friendship, the kinship, the skinsh—

She pursed her lips at the last word as his erotic face flashed in front of her eyes, and she felt a tingle in her core. There it was, the urge. The urge to relieve herself from this electrifying feeling. The urge to bask in it. And this contrast of emotions had been plaguing her for days.

The first time it had happened, was when Anuj had kissed her. Driven into a wall, forced to spell out scandalous things, a funny feeling had coiled in her stomach. Anupama thwarted her pace at the memory and pressed her legs close as the tingling intensified. All it took was reminiscing.

Seemed easy enough! But was not!

And as quickly as it had come, the feeling passed. But the urge was roaring. And her temper was soaring.

Every instance they had kissed, every movement Anuj had been close, she had felt the burn, the craving for more.

But they never went beyond that. That was because Anuj prioritized her consent, and well she didn't have the guts to give that consent. She could barely come to terms with the fact itself, then how would she even go about confessing the same. She couldn't. He would never judge her, and yet she couldn't.

However, their last tryst in his bedroom had truly driven her over the cliff. Seated on the edge of her bed by now, she fisted the sheets tightly when she recalled Anuj arching into her hand, and his moans.

Her core throbbed intensely, and she shut her legs close. And there, it receded again.

Anupama had half a mind to curse. Too bad she didn't know many profanities. This feeling of lack of fulfillment was pure agony, and she had tried. She had tried to scale over the mountain, and into the valley of euphoria. However, it was easier said than done. The subject was a tough one, and she had royally flunked.

Sex Ed wasn't taught in her days. All she knew, was from her marriage and that, in itself was a testimony to her inexperience. Sex Ed wasn't that prevalent today either but the current generation had means to educate them- the internet. And it was what she had relied on. Following hers and Anuj's last encounter, she had turned to incognito Google and tried to understand the strange sensations, and her own body, as much as possible. As the videos and images had been too explicit for her to even dare more than a peek, she had stuck to theory. Self-pleasure wasn't a sin. She had rights over her own body. That was the last thing she needed to be embarrassed about. These had been the key findings. And emboldened by the empowering results of her searches, she had gone onto try a lot of things.

And reminder of those tribulations pissed her as her nose scrunched and she glared at her reflection in the mirror. "Why are you so difficult?" She huffed and continued, "You tried to watch a deep kiss, but it felt obscene. You tried to read inciting scenes but failed to feel connected. And when y-you touch y-yourself, you are more worried about accidentally hurting yourself. Way to go, Anupama! Well done!". Her lips twitched sarcastically and she taunted, "Anuj won't be returning till tomorrow, so continue to writhe in the exasperation of your failure!"

Eyes rolling, she jumped off the bed then and scoffed. "As if his presence would make a difference. It's not like you will walk up to him and upfront ask him to touch you-

".....!!" Pulled out of her complaint session abruptly, Anupama swiveled on her heels immediately and rushed out of her room to check. And barely two steps out of the door, her eyes met his, caught the panic in them, realized that he had heard it all and went rigid.

Anuj had clasped his mouth shut with his palms out of sheer horror when the flower pot in his hands had slipped to the floor and disintegrated. And barely a second later, Anu had found him.

The situation was wrong on so many levels. He panicked inwardly. The meeting that was to happen tomorrow had been postponed to the next month and so he had decided to surprise her. Quietly, he had snuck into the house, positioned himself at the door of her room and was waiting with abated breath to give her a scare when her monologue suddenly started, and stunned him into half part thoughts and hundred parts excitement.

Thoughts, on how he could help her discover herself better so that she won't feel so useless about herself while the excitement stemmed from the images his brain had conjured from her words. And barely had he been able to censor those images when her next words took his fantasy to the peak. Caught off guard by the scenes that were pouring in front of his eyes, the pot slipped his hold, and so did the situation.

"I-I swear-I didn't m-mean to eavesdrop", Anuj fumbled, his eyes moving all over the room. Anu reddened at that and he realized that he had made her even more self-conscious.

This was supposed to be something personal. He should not have overheard her innermost dilemma like that. Unlike him, she had led a sheltered life and thus it was only natural, that she was hesitant and flustered.

"Anu, I—

He tried to come clean but in a matter of breath, the woman turned, stepped into her room and threw the door shut.

Almost. For in the nick of time, Anuj wedged his leg between the frame and door, and winced as the door hit his shin.

"Anuj, please per hataiye!" She pleaded, breaking her silence, her eyes downcast from shame.

"Nhi, Anu! Look at me, first!" He stood his ground.

"Aap jaaiye. Mujhe baat nahi karni!" Her voice cracked. Oh, the shame.

"I am sorry, Anu. I didn't mean to— I am really sorry. But don't be ashamed. It's normal!"

"Aap jaiye..." She pressed on the door harder. If only earth would swallow her.

He noticed her hands tremble and realized that it was imperative he got through to her right this instant, lest her overthinking overturned her self-confidence. Catching the door with his right hand then, he resisted her movement and with a burst of power, threw the door open and stepped inside.

"Anu, relax and—

He tried again but she sidestepped him to leave the room. And he caught hold of her wrist. He had allowed her to slip away once. Backing down wasn't an option any more.

"Leave my hand, Anuj", she requested.

"...."

"Chhodiye!" She stressed.

"...."

She shouted and helet go her hand.