《Fantasy- MaAn shots》Act 7B
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The entire ride to hospital, neither spoke a word and Anupama could tell that he was holding his anger, for his fingers around the steering had almost turned white.
She tried to get a word out but could not. She had never seen Anuj this enraged. Even while she was getting her dressing done, her gaze flickered to Anuj who was looking the other way, his jaw clenched.
"Anuj...", Anupama walked over to him as the nurse walked out but for the first time in the tenure of their acquaintance, Anuj refused to look at her. He refused to respond. And it stung her. Straight in her heart.
Without a word, Anuj turned to leave. They were alone in the room now, other beds empty.
"Ab aap mujhse bolenge bhi nahi?" Anupama asked with a small face and Anuj gulped. Right now, he was bubbling with anger and could very well hurt her with his words.
"Anuj..."Her fingers tentatively grazed his fist from behind as she added, " Cheekhiye,chillaiye par aise khamosh mat hoiye. Aapki khamoshi mujhse sehan nahi ho rahi".
And his patience snapped as he spun around to face her.
"Khamoshi sehan nhi ho rahi, Anu? Really?!!" Anuj asked, his tone accusatory as he shook his head.
"Tum chahti ho main tumhe daantu, tumse ladun....kyu? Kya fayda hoga?!" He glowered staring at her shocked visage. She had never been at the receiving end of his temper.
"Tumhe toh sabki madad karni hai? Sabka uddhar karna hai, haina! Ghar chod dia tumne par woh ghar tumhe nahi chod paya".
"Par --
"Chup! Ek dum chup!" Anuj placed his fingers against his lips as Anupama pursed hers in response.
"Bacche alag baat hain, baa- bapuji bhi samajh main aate hain. But Mr. Shah and Kavya, really? Unse kesa attachment hai tumhe jo choot ta hi nahi hai?"
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He scrunched his face in distaste then and continued, "You should have left the instant the situation had escalated. But No!" Anuj threw his hands in the air then, scrubbing his face hard.
"You had to go ahead and play the good ol' mediator!"
"Kavya could have gotten hurt", Anupama tried to reason with him but in response, was greeted with an indifferent "Toh?"
Anuj shrugged his shoulders, exasperated. "Is Mrs Shah a kid of five? Mr. Shah se love marriage ki thi unhone...vo bhi tumhe dhokha dekar. Yaad hai ki bhul gayi?" Anuj pointed, his tone cutting and it indeed slashed anupama as she briefly closed her eyes.
But he was not done yet. Come hell or high water, he was going to hammer some truths into her head today.
"Baa bapuji se toh badi nahi ho na tum? Jis mamle main wo log nhi pade, kyu ghusi tum uss mamle main? Achai aur bewakoofi main fark hota hai, Anu!"
"Uss vanraj ne tumhe har mauke par zaleel kiya. Vo..kavya, tumhare khilaf baa ko bhadkate bhadkate nahi thaki aur tum ho ki bas ..aise hi..maaf kar deti ho?" Anuj trailed perplexed as he looked at her confused, " Kis mitti ki bani ho tum?"
She had heard him but could do nothing about it. Perhaps, No,she knew she was overinvested in their lives, and sensibility asked of her to refrain any further involvement with them, and yet she could never step back from someone who needed help, no matter their equation or history with her.
"Main aise hi hu,Anuj".
Anuj snorted then as he bit on his fist. He was so angry, so hurt and so damn sad all at the same time. And that's what she had to say in her defense!
Defense? What defense? Was he looking forward to some lame explanation?What was he even expecting from her? Consolation,perhaps? That she would try to steer clear of them, for his sake. Oh God! Just what was he doing? Getting ahead of himself like that! So very preposterous!
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Anuj hadn't heard her completely. She didn't want to get affected by them anymore. She wanted to move on too. And she needed his help to do that.
"Anuj, main chah--
His misplaced laughter interrupted her then, as Anuj looked at her, his eyes red with unshed tears. He was hurting. He was breaking all over, again.
"No, you are right! Tum aisi hi ho and Who the hell am I? Main hoon hi kaun jo tum meri baat sunogi?"
Disbelief crossed Anupama's features then. Is that what he thought? He had never been so wrong before. Shaking her head, she took a step forward to clear his misconceptions but he only stepped back, as he added " Sahi hai, tumhe sabki chinta hai-baa bapuji, mamaji, kinjal, samar nandini, pakhi, devika, vo paritosh, tumhara nalayak ex pati vanraj, yaha tak ki uski wife, kavya ki bhi. Tumhe unn sab ki padi hai bas meri hi nhi!!"
She was mortified by his line of thoughts. She didn't care? She didn't!! She cared so much for his opinions that she had turned down Baa's numerous attempts in the past week,when she had requested of her to come back, as her daughter. And it wasn't because of Mr. Shah or Kavya, it was because she knew he wouldn't like it.
But Anuj's tirade continued, "Main hoon hi kaun? Lagta kya hai ye Anuj tumhara. Bas kuch mahine purana dost. Or sahi bhi hai, maine tumse pyaar kia hai. Tum mujhse thodi pyaar karti ho jo meri baaton ki keemat hogi".
"Anuj please--she tried to calm him down but he shrugged her hand off, shaking his head. He was speaking whatever now with zero regards to the situation or place.
"Main gussa nahi kar raha hoon. No!" Shaking his head to assure himself, he continued, "I am just reminding myself, ki jo liberties main iss dosti main lekar itna udd raha tha aaj kal, uske koi mayne nahi hai. None at all. Main aaj bhi wahi khada hu jahan 26 saal pehle tha, tumse door,tumhare bina, akela"
"Na tumhara pyaar mera hai, aur na hi tumpar mera hai haq", He was more hopeless than angry by now. He had started to hope against hope, that Anupama would love him back one day. But today it all had come crashing down.
Was he overreacting?Maybe, he was. But he couldn't stop himself as his pain flowed out in waves.
She kept shaking her head. He was so wrong. So very misplaced in his notions that he was the only one in this relationship. Just because she hadn't bothered to change her stance, didn't mean there was no change. But she needed to calm him down first.He was hyperventilating. And she was worried if he was going to have recurrence of his panic attack. "Anuj aap please thoda shant—
Tsking in response, he took another step back as a tear trickled down his eyes, "Aaj bhi shayad main tumhara utna nahi hu, jitne baki log hain..vo vanraj hai ..vo kavya hai...tumhe kya farak padta hai Anu ki main kya sochta hoon? Kuch bhi nahi!"
"Sabke baare main sochna tum, bas Anuj ke baare main nahin? Mat sochna ki kya beeti hai us par jab tumhe chot lagi. Mat sochna ki kese jeeyega wo tumhare bina, agar tumhe kabhi kuch ho gaya toh. Mat sochna. Mat sochna"
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