Hawk lay on his bed, his face buried in his arms as if he could so shut out the outside world.

He ached all over, his abdomen hurt as he lay on his stomach - there were bruises on the spot where Demetri had kicked him - and the tears that ran down his cheeks made the numerous cuts on his face burn. The cut on his lip still kept bleeding in his mouth, he tasted iron and copper on his tongue.

But none of that mattered. Not even the shame and humiliation he had felt when Demetri had beaten his ass mattered anymore. Hawk could only think about Sky - Miguel too, sure - but mostly Sky, and those thoughts made him feel like his insides were carved out through his ribcage. The sobs that tore through his body were raw, ragged, violent. He hated how crying made him feel but was unable to stop.

All he could see on his closed eyelids was Sky lying in a pool of blood, and his own shaking hands as he had carefully turned her onto her side, realizing she would choke on the blood that filled her mouth. There had been so much blood - on the floor, her, on his hands. Blood soaking the knees of his sweats. He had showered and changed into a set of clean clothes, but he could still feel the blood on him, could still smell the sticky, sweet tang of it in his nostrils.

The small black cat seemed to feel Hawk's misery. He hopped on the bed and curled up against Hawk's side, offering some small comfort, but Hawk couldn't even make himself scratch him behind the ear.

"Not now, Napoleon," he groaned, without lifting his head, but the cat made no move to leave him alone, and Hawk didn't find it in himself to push him away.

Once they had reached Sky's house on their way home from the hospital, Hawk had made the decision to bring Napoleon home with him. It just hadn't felt right to leave the cat there alone, not knowing when Sky or her Dad would be home the next time. He had texted Nicholas to make sure it was okay with him, but no answer had come. Hawk suspected Nicholas had bigger worries than where Sky's cat lodged.

So now Napoleon lived in Hawk's room. Dad would lose it, Hawk knew - Dad hated cats - but Hawk honestly didn't give a shit about it. Besides, Dad wouldn't probably even notice. Hawk didn't even remember when was the last time Dad had been in his room.

There was a silent knock on the door. Hawk didn't get up, he didn't even answer, but soon the door opened anyway and he recognized Mom's footsteps even without lifting his head from his arms. He heard how Mom laid something on his nightstand - a plate maybe - and Napoleon hopped off the bed, leaving a cold spot in his absence.

Mom sat down on the edge of Hawk's bed and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Eli, I brought you something to eat."

"Not hungry," Hawk groaned, desperately trying to stop the tears from flowing. He didn't want Mom to see him like this. He didn't want anyone to see him like this, a pathetic loser. As if he was still Eli.

"You need to eat, darling." Mom said, rubbing soothing circles on his upper back. "I understand how you're feeling, but–"

"No! You don't! So don't pretend like you do!"

Mom's hand stopped, and Eli screwed his eyes shut, bit his lip to stop crying, to stop shouting at Mom because none of this was Mom's fault and they both knew it.

"So— sorry–" he stammered, his voice still thick with tears.

"It's okay, honey."

"I just... Ju— just leave me alone. Please, Mom."

Mom let out a long sigh. Her hand on his back was warm, it was comforting, it made it so hard not to cry, not to turn around and crawl up to Mom's lap like a baby and bawl his eyes out.

He clenched his fists, digging his nails into his palms. He wasn't a baby, and Mom couldn't help him. Not with this.

"I wish you would talk to me," Mom said silently. "Getting into fights like this... it isn't like you. I am worried. I want to help."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"I need to know what happened, Eli. Who kicked you into that trophy case? And your hands– I can see you did your share of the fighting too–"

"What do you wanna hear, mom?" He managed, still not looking up. The room was dark, it was silent. It was easier to talk without seeing the disappointment in Mom's eyes. "Everyone was fighting, and I just wanted to do it too."

"Oh, Eli–"

"Some guy was grabbing Sky–" that memory still made Hawk's stomach turn. "I... I beat the crap out of him."

"You were with Sky?"

"I tried to help her. She told me to leave her alone–" Hawk barely got those words out of his mouth. "I fucking left her. I left her!"

And he was crying again, tears burning in the back of his throat making him choke. A couple of ragged sobs escaped his lips before he could get himself under control again.

"Sweetie—" Mom started, but Hawk interrupted her.

"It's m–my fault sh– she got hurt."

"It's not your fault."

Hawk couldn't answer. Crying hurt, it made his bruised abdomen ache painfully, every shaky inhale felt like he was being kicked in the gut again, but he knew he deserved the pain. If he hadn't left Sky's side to find Demetri–

None of this would have happened.

There was blood on his hands. Blood, he could never wash away.

"I know you love her very much," Mom said softly, making Hawk cry even harder. "But she did break up with you. It is not your job to protect her. You couldn't have known this would happen."

"I just want her to be okay," Hawk groaned, his voice thick and wet with tears. "I don't even care if– if she never wants me back. I– I just want her to be okay–"

"I know."

He turned to look at Mom for the first time, wiping the tears off his eyes - even if it didn't do that much good for they just wouldn't stop flowing.

"I don't want her to die."

"She's not going to die."

"You can't know that."

Mom reached a hand to brush the sticky, wet strands of his hair off his face and pull them behind his ear. "No, I can't. But I have faith."

Hawk didn't reply. It was a good thing Mom had faith 'cause he sure as Hell didn't have any. All he had was fear and anger. He breathed in and out, slowly, trying to get his breathing under control, but it still kept coming in broken sobs, almost like hiccups, that hurt deep inside of his chest.

"It was Demetri who kicked me into the trophy case," he finally breathed when he felt like he could speak again.

Mom's hand, which had been gently caressing his hair, froze in mid-motion. "What–?"

At that moment someone opened the door and walked into the room with slow, angry steps. In his dark suit and white shirt, Dad was coming straight from work, but then again, when wasn't he? The only surprising thing was that he was home at all - and when it came to dad, surprises were never a good thing.

"Josh–" Mom stood up swiftly, positioning herself between Hawk's bed and the door, but Dad walked in as if he owned the room, giving Mom a cold stare. He didn't acknowledge Hawk's presence at all - but Hawk suspected that wouldn't last long.

"I thought you were handling this situation," Dad barked at Mom, holding his mobile phone as if it was evidence of a crime. "I told you I had a meeting–"

"I was handling it," Mom replied. "I just got Eli home from the hospital."

"Such a splendid job, as usual, Beth. If you have everything under control, then why is the school calling me that the boy has been suspended?"

The boy. That's what he always was to Dad. Never Hawk, barely even Eli. Just the boy.

Hawk pushed himself up and was on his feet in a heartbeat.

"Leave Mom alone," he groaned. "It's not her fault."

"No, it's your fault." Dad turned his eyes to Hawk, those blue eyes that were so very much like his own. "Because of you, I have lost an important customer–"

"I don't give a shit about your customers or about your deals!" Hawk let out, anger twisting his face and breaking his voice. "Sky is dying–! And so is Miguel! And you come here to talk about your fucking work–?"

"My work pays the roof over your head," Dad said coldly. "Show some respect."

"Josh, not now–" Mom tried, laying a hand on Dad's arm, but Dad didn't even look at her. He kept staring at Hawk as if he was looking at something disgusting, something barely worth his attention at all.

All the words Hawk wanted to throw at his face got stuck in his throat. He was the one to look down first.

Dad let out a dry laugh. "You never cease to be a disappointment."

With that, he walked out of the room and slammed the door behind him. Hawk was frozen on his feet. Dad's words weighed heavily on his chest.

"Eli, he doesn't mean it–" Mom started, but Hawk drew in a fast breath and turned his back on Mom.

"Yes, he does," was all he said as he walked into his bathroom, and just like his Dad only seconds before, he slammed the door as he went.

His hands were shaking when he picked up the first of the products he needed to put up his hair, but soon the familiar routine of doing the mohawk started to calm him and he was able to breathe again. The tears dried on his cheeks, he felt them as a tight film on his skin. His throat was still sore and thick from all the crying, the anger, the shame.

Disappointment. That's all I've ever been to him.

When his hair was up, he felt more like himself. The emotions were easier to suppress when the boy in the mirror looked nothing like Eli. So fucking what if he was a disappointment to Dad? There were others who thought highly of him. Sensei Kreese, especially - though he was now gone too, kicked out from Cobra Kai because Sensei Lawrence wanted them to learn mercy.

Mercy. That was what had gotten Sky and Miguel fighting for their lives. Them getting hurt was on Sensei Lawrence. Had Kreese been still their Sensei, they would have been tougher. They wouldn't have been defending that pussy Samantha LaRusso.

Sometimes Hawk missed Sensei Kreese so that it hurt. He had believed in Hawk. He had known what Hawk was made of. Kreese had told him he could be the new champion, now that Sky wasn't in Cobra Kai anymore–

The memory of Sky cut through Hawk's heart like a sword, so painful he let out a gasp.

Sky.

Her blood on the floor, on his clothes, on his hands. If she died–

No, he couldn't think that. He wouldn't think that. She would have to live, even if she never was his again, he would be happy just knowing that she was alive.

But that was a lie.

He laid his hand on his chest, on his beating heart, on the spot where he still had her name tattooed on his skin. He felt it clearly as if it was branded on him with a burning iron. He remembered all the times she had followed those letters with the tip of her slender finger as if she was unable to believe that he loved her this much, that he would really do something so stupid, so reckless, that he would carve her name in his chest as a sign of his love for her.

That love had not been enough to keep them together, though. And it hadn't been enough to protect Sky. If she died now, she would die hating him.

That thought was almost too much to take.

Hawk arranged all the hair products back on the shelf, turned off the lights, and walked back into his room. Napoleon was sitting on his bed again, now that Mom and Dad were gone, his wise, yellow eyes following Hawk's every move as he picked up his phone and checked the messages. There was no update on Sky or Miguel, but there was one message that erased everything else from Hawk's mind.

Come to the dojo

Cobra Kai needs you.

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