"Dude, why can't you pick up your phone?" Miguel confronted Hawk immediately when he stepped into the dojo.

Hawk didn't reply, didn't even meet Miguel's gaze. He simply walked in, kicked off his shoes, walked past all the other Cobras without even greeting them, and went straight into the back room where he found the punching bag.

Without a word, he threw the first punch, fierce, sharp, violent. It made the bag swing back, and a flush of adrenaline coursed through Hawk's veins.

Miguel, who had followed him to the back room, observed Hawk's violent attack in silence. Hawk ignored him. He had come here to beat the crap out of things - and people if it came to that - not to fucking talk.

There was nothing he wanted to say to anybody. There were no words that would make the hollow ache in his chest lessen.

He attacked a punching bag again, hard, this time kicking it. He gave it all he had and more, low grunts escaping his throat as his foot met the bag.

"Hawk—!" That was Miguel. He gripped the bag and stopped its motion, ruining Hawk's attempt to attack it with his fists when it would swing back at him.

"What?"

"I've been trying to call you since yesterday. My Mom said Sky is in hospital—"

The mention of Sky's name almost broke Hawk. Swiftly he turned his back on Miguel and took a couple of deep breaths. His whole body was tense, rigid, his fists clenched by his sides.

He ached for violence, needed to get this suffocating pain out of his system the only way he knew how. He wanted to draw blood, someone's, anyone's, preferably his own by hitting the bag until his knuckles were sore and bleeding.

What he didn't want was to talk.

"So is she?" Miguel pressured. "In the hospital?"

That guy just wasn't giving up. Hawk clenched his fists so that nails dug into the skin of his palms.

"Yeah."

"What the fuck happened? Mom said she overdosed?"

Hawk cursed in his mind. Carmen had asked Nicholas if she could tell Miguel about Sky - them being friends and all - and Nicholas had agreed. But it wasn't Nicholas who had to deal with Miguel now or all the other cobras who would soon know too. It wasn't Nicholas who had to face their shock and disbelief and hatred.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Hawk snarled and turned back to face Miguel. "And if you don't let go of that bag, I'll fucking punch you instead."

Miguel's jaw went tight, his eyes turned dark, but after a heartbeat or so, he released the punching bag.

"Fine," he said. "But we're not done talking about this."

Hawk didn't bother to answer, he didn't turn to look as Miguel walked away. His fist met the bag with a force that rattled the bones of his wrist, his arm, his shoulder and he welcomed the pain. It drowned every other disgusting emotion in him. His body was swift and strong and agile, his attacks fierce and furious and that was all he wanted to think about. For the first time in 24 hours, he didn't feel like there was an iron band squeezing his chest, and he could breathe again.

He hadn't slept the night before. He had held Sky's hand throughout the night, and in the morning Nicholas and Mom had forced him to go home. He had fallen into a restless sleep fully clothed on his bed, but it had done nothing to make him feel better. The same swamp of shame, fear, and guilt had still been there when he had woken up, and he had no fucking idea of how to deal with it.

The only thing that helped was this. The violence.

So he clenched his fists, attacked again, and let the anger burn away everything else.

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After beating the crap out of the punching bag for some time and then giving 110% in the class, Hawk felt - if not better - then at least so tired that there wasn't room for much else. He had sparred with Assface and punched him in the face so hard that Assface's nose had been bleeding through the rest of the class, which had greatly improved Hawk's spirits. His own knuckles were raw, sore, and bloodied too, a steady ache radiated from them to his hands and arms, which was a perfect distraction from all emotion - almost as good as making someone else bleed.

But now that Karate was over and he was leaving the dojo, the emotions were ready to crawl back and he felt his chest tighten again. He stopped outside the front door, leaned on a column, and pulled his phone from his pocket.

There were no new calls or messages, which made him frown. His thumbs moved fast on the screen as he typed and pressed the send arrow.

how is she?

any change?

He stared at the screen for a moment, waiting for an answer but none came. It could have meant anything - maybe Nicholas was asleep, he had stayed awake through the night too, maybe he was talking to a doctor or a nurse, maybe he was getting a snack. Shit, maybe he was talking with Sky who had woken up and was perfectly fine–

But maybe it meant that something bad had happened. Maybe Sky was dead and Nicholas couldn't answer the message because he was crying over her dead body.

That thought hit Hawk in the gut with a force that made him feel sick. He had to get to the hospital. He had to go there now–

"Ready to talk?" asked Miguel's voice, making Hawk push his phone back into his pocket.

Jesus Christ. Hawk rolled his eyes. He was not ready. Not now, not ever.

"No," he replied bluntly.

Without looking at Miguel, Hawk walked towards the minimart - after sweating his ass off, his throat felt like sandpaper and he desperately wanted a Coke. Hell, what he really wanted was eight bottles of vodka, but since he also wanted to drive back to the hospital, getting drunk was sadly out of option.

Miguel wasn't easily discouraged. With a frown, he pushed his hands into his pockets and followed Hawk - as did Aisha who had just stepped out of the dojo. She took a couple of running steps to catch up with them, carrying her backpack on one shoulder, fingers nervously gripping the strap.

"Is it true?" Aisha asked, giving Hawk an anxious glance. "Miguel said—"

"Jesus Christ, Miguel," Hawk groaned, yanked the door open, and walked into the minimart. "Did you tell the whole fucking world?"

"Hey, I'm Sky's friend," Aisha said pointedly. "And I'm your friend too. You should have told me."

Hawk didn't reply. He walked to the fridge, grabbed a Coke - it was blissfully cold - walked to the cashier, paid, and strode back out. Miguel and Aisha followed him like fucking shadows that he couldn't ditch no matter how hard he tried.

When they were back out, Hawk opened the can and took a gulp. The Coke was cold and sweet, the sugar and caffeine went straight into his starved, exhausted system as he emptied the can and threw it into a trash bin. Now that he thought about it, he couldn't even remember when was the last time he ate or drank something other than water or coffee. Mom had tried to force him to have bacon and eggs this morning, but just the smell had been enough to turn Hawk's stomach.

He didn't want to eat, sleep, or talk. The only thing he wanted now was to get back to the hospital and see if Sky was alright.

He started walking towards his car, but only managed a couple of steps before he felt a firm grip on his forearm stopping him.

"Hawk, wait—"

He swirled around, met Miguel's eyes with a stare that would have scared a lesser man shitless.

"I said I don't wanna talk about it. So take your hands off me or I'll fucking hit you—"

"Then fucking hit me," Miguel breathed, tilting up his chin. "But I'm not letting you leave before you tell us what the fuck is going on."

Hawk didn't reply. The words were ugly creatures that nested in his chest, they had sharp claws and razor blade teeth, and letting them out would hurt too much.

"Mom said Sky overdosed." Miguel spoke, his eyes never leaving Hawk's. "That she almost died. I... I don't understand. Why? What the Hell happened?"

They stared at each other for a couple of heartbeats. As always, in front of Miguel, Hawk felt like he saw too much, saw not only Hawk but Eli too, saw how broken he was, how flawed.

How Miguel hadn't seen that it was him who had trashed the dojo, Hawk had never understood.

"Just... just talk to us. You know you can tell us anything. Right?" said Aisha, her voice kind and soft. "We're friends."

Hawk swallowed, his throat bobbed.

He hated Miguel's determination, Aisha's kindness. He didn't deserve friends. He only deserved hate and blood and violence. The aching of his chest made it almost impossible to breathe as he rubbed his bloodied knuckles and glanced from Aisha to Miguel.

"I trashed Miyagi-Do," The words tasted like salt and anger, they fell off his lips deliberate and slow. Miguel's eyes widened with shock as he went on. "I stole Mr. Miyagi's Medal of Honor."

"So it was you—"

"Yeah, it was me."

"You lied. To me, to Sensei, to Sky—!"

"Sky found out." The words were sticky and hard and they didn't want to come out, but he forced them. After all, he only had to tell them the truth and they would hate him as they should, and he would be alone.

"Yesterday." Hawk went on. "She found the Medal in my room. She fucking tried to kill herself because I lied to her."

That was all that needed to be said. Miguel's hand that had been gripping Hawk's forearm dropped. His throat bobbed. Hawk waited for his anger, for his despise - but instead, he suddenly pulled Hawk into a fierce embrace, wrapping his arms around him.

"Shit - I'm so sorry, man," Miguel breathed.

Hawk didn't answer, he couldn't speak. This was his brother, his best friend, his family. He gripped the back of Miguel's shirt with a white-knuckled grip and buried his face in his shoulder. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, tears burned in his eyes but he forced them down with all his might. Only the shaking of his shoulders and his ragged breathing told Miguel of the emotion he was trying to overcome.

"It's gonna be okay," Miguel said. "I promise."

Hawk managed a shaky nod. Miguel was still holding him in a brotherly embrace when Hawk felt a touch on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Aisha said silently. She rubbed soothing circles on his back.

"It's my fault—" Hawk groaned, lips trembling. "I fucking did this—"

He took a shaky breath and released himself from Miguel's embrace. He tasted tears and it took all he had to stop them from running.

"Look - I don't care whose fault it is," Aisha said, her hand still on Hawk's back. "I just wanna know what happened, and how Sky is. Is she going to be okay?"

Hawk had to look down. He couldn't meet Aisha's eyes which were filled with worry and fear.

"I... I don't know. She... hasn't woken up yet."

"What do the doctors say?"

"That she should be fine. But also something about possible kidney problems and low oxygen levels and—" he had to pause to draw in a shaky breath. "Basically they don't know anything before she wakes up and she still hasn't, so—"

"Can we see her?"

Hawk shook his head. "They— I don't think they're letting many people in there before they know that she's going to be fine."

"You've been there?"

He nodded. "Yeah, with Mom and Sky's Dad–"

"Oh, poor Mr. O'Brian—" Aisha breathed. "And poor Sky! There must be something we can do to help–"

She seemed so worried, worried for Sky, for her dad, even for Hawk - and he knew he was to blame for all of it. His actions had consequences he had never seen coming. It was like he had thrown a stone into water and the rings that radiated from that spot were far bigger and wider than the actual stone, and they were out of his control, causing misery and pain to everyone they touched.

It was all fucked up. He felt such anger, despair, and self-loath that it made his voice tremble when he spoke.

"There's nothing you can do," he snapped. "Nothing. Besides, I gotta go—"

"Where are you going?" Miguel asked.

"Well what do you think? The hospital."

"Just a thought—" Aisha said softly. "You might wanna shower first. I mean...you kinda stink."

She was probably right. Hawk hadn't showered since yesterday - when he had been in the shower after their sexcapade, and Sky had asked if she could borrow a T-shirt, and—

And it all flashed through his mind fast forward. Her smirk when she walked out of the bathroom, the opened drawer, the missing Medal, him standing outside Sky's house, the ax that hit the door, Nicholas crying, and Sky's lifeless face, her blue lips, the stench of vomit—

"I don't wanna go home—" he rasped. "I... I can't."

If he did, he would be watching it all replay in his mind over and over and over again until he'd go mad.

"That's it - you're coming with me," Miguel stated firmly. "You can use our shower and have dinner too. Yaya's cooking. And Mom can give you a ride to the hospital later, she has the evening shift today."

Hawk wanted to argue. He wanted to get into a fight with Miguel, to say something mean to him so that he would get angry, that Miguel would punch him in the face until he would fucking bleed. That's what he deserved. Not this. Not this fucking stupid kindness and mercy that everyone was showing him.

But he was tired. He was broken. And he didn't want to be alone.

And if he was going to spend the next night in the hospital too, then he would need to shower and eat and rest even if those were the last things he wanted to do.

"Yeah, okay," he said, turning his eyes down. "Thanks."

Just then the phone in his pocket buzzed. Hawk's heart jumped into his throat as he fished it out and read the message.

Sky woke up and talked.

Now she's sleeping again, but maybe you want to come by later.

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