The sushi was excellent.

It was probably the best sushi Nicholas had had in years.

The food wasn't the only good thing, though. His date was going better than he had dared to expect.

It had been too long since he had been on a date. He couldn't even remember when the last time was, and that - he had to admit - was just sad. But since Elaine's death, it had taken a long time before he had been able to even consider dating again, and well - Sky had been a handful. Raising her had taken all his time and strength for years.

Of course, there had been some short romances here and there, some summer flings when Sky had been on a vacation with Kat's family and things like that, but they had never turned into anything serious. He had always told his dates that his daughter would be the number one in his life and that there was no room for negotiation in that. Since most women didn't like hearing, they weren't the most important thing in the life of their love interest, Nicholas' love life had been rather dry.

It must have been more than a year since his last date, for he hadn't gone on any after Sky had been shot.

He pushed that thought away. That day was in the past, he would never have to live it again. He had sun on his face, a beautiful woman in front of him, a plate of the best Sushi he had ever eaten and life was good.

"You were right about this place. The food is amazing." he said, and ate a salmon roll.

"I'm glad you like it," Lisa replied with a soft smile. "A friend of mine owns the place. I must admit it is a problem - I am an addict now."

"There is no such thing as too much sushi."

"Oh, there might be," Lisa laughed, and Nicholas answered her smile. It was easy to answer - she was nice and funny and he had wanted to ask her out for years. Only it had never been a good time before now - but finally, they were living on the same side of the continent and finally, Nicholas was feeling like he was ready.

He was ready for good things to start happening to him again.

God knew it was high time for that. And he was thankful for every moment.

Sky's life seemed to be going great. She had friends, Karate had done wonders for her, her boyfriend was very much in love with her and she hadn't had a PTSD episode in ages. For the first time in a very long time, Nicholas was feeling optimistic.

He could have some nice things for himself too. Like great sushi, good wine, and the company of a beautiful, intelligent woman.

"A penny for your thoughts?" Lisa said, flashing Nicholas a teasing smile.

He blushed - Lord, it clearly had been too long. He had forgotten how to play these games, if he had ever known how.

"I was just thinking that you are very beautiful," he admitted. "And smart."

"Stop flattering me, Nicholas. We've known each other too long for that." Lisa laughed and brushed her dark hair over her shoulder, but her smile told Nicholas she liked the compliment.

"So, you were telling me about your Ph.D—?" he started, picking another piece of the excellent sushi and dipping it lightly in soy sauce.

"Ah, the eternity project," Lisa replied with a roll of her pretty eyes. "But yes, I have finally decided to take some time off work and finish it—"

Her sentence was interrupted by the ringing of Nicholas' phone. He frowned as he pulled it from his pocket, cursing himself for forgetting to turn it on silent.

"Sorry—" he said giving Lisa an apologetic smile, "I'll just turn it off—"

Eli Moskowitz

Nicholas' frown deepened, and suddenly he felt worried. Sure, Eli had his number, but he had never called him before, not once.

Nicholas had told him the number was for emergencies only.

"I'm sorry, Lisa—" Nicholas stated and stood up. "I have to take this."

He walked away from their table to find a quieter spot, and took the call, leaning his back on a column. Lisa's eyes were on him, but luckily she didn't seem too annoyed, only a bit worried.

But if that Moskowitz kid was ruining his date for nothing, he would strangle that boy.

"Eli, what is it?" He asked. "I'm in the middle of something—"

"Ni— Nicholas—" Eli stammered, his voice thin and stretched. "Have— have you heard from Sky?"

Nicholas felt his gut knitting into a tight, cold lump, chilling his blood. "What do you mean? Isn't she with you?"

"No—" a shaky breath. "No, shit, I—- I haven't seen her since noon. And she— she didn't come to the dojo, and—"

"Eli, calm down!" He ordered, raising his voice a bit. "You're not making any sense. Start from the beginning."

He heard how Eli took a deep, trembling breath and cleared his throat. "I... We argued. And she—- Shit, she got really upset and left. And it's been hours. I— I've tried to call her all afternoon but she's not picking up, she's not reading her messages at all—"

"Okay—" Nicholas said, rubbing his forehead, trying to make sense of Eli's words. "So, Sky got mad at you? It's not the first time. Just give her some time and she'll calm down—"

"No, this is different—" Eli let out a sound that sounded like a sob. Was he crying? Surely not. Nicholas couldn't imagine that boy with the red mohawk crying, but nevertheless it made him worried.

"What do you mean?"

"I—" a short pause. "I lied to her about something. And she found out. She— she just left. And she skipped Karate. I came to your house, and her car is here and it's parked all weird on the driveway, like sideways - I can see her bag in the car! And her shoes in the house. I know she's in there but she's not opening the door. I've been ringing the doorbell for like 30 minutes, and your cat is going crazy, but—"

"You sure she's in there?"

"Yeah, I'm sure!" He cried, his voice breaking. "I— I'm scared that... maybe she's done something."

He didn't have to say more. That last sentence hit Nicholas in the gut like a wrecking ball. All his dreams, all the happiness he had felt was sucked out of him in a heartbeat and he was back on that horrible day when he had found Sky in her room, last summer, exactly one year ago. A heart-wrenching fear gripped his chest so that he could barely breathe.

"I'll be there in 15," he groaned into the phone and hung up.

He ran out of the sushi bar, forgetting all about his date, his unfinished sushi plate, his beautiful date who looked after him in bewilderment. He forgot he was supposed to pay the bill.

As he drove off, tires screeching, there was only one thought in his mind.

Too late. This time I'm going to be too late. If she dies, it's my fault.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Hawk stood under Sky's window and kept the phone ringing. The second-floor window was open, and he could have sworn he heard the silent buzzing of Sky's phone, but he couldn't be sure. Sky hated ringing tones, her phone was always on silent - but the buzzing—

He cursed silently - there was no way to be sure. There were cars and there was wind and the silent voice hardly would have carried down here anyways. With a frustrated groan, Hawk disconnected the call and pushed the phone back into his pocket.

"Sky!" He cried again. "Sky, I know you're in there! Are you okay?"

No answer came. Only silence.

He had walked around the house already, trying to find an open window through which he could enter, but the only one open was Sky's and it was on the second floor. But he fucking had to get inside. His gut was clenched in a tight knot of anxiety and fear and he couldn't just wait, he had to do something. If he could just climb up there somehow—

As he was pondering on how it could be done, he saw Sky's dad driving like a maniac down the street. The tires screeched as he steered the car, nearly hitting Sky's car on the driveway.

Nicholas stepped out of the car, his lips a hard line, his face pale.

"Eli—" he called, rushing to the front door, where Hawk met him.

"Still nothing?" Nicholas asked, turning the key in the lock.

Hawk shook his head. "No... but I think I heard her phone. Through the window—"

The door opened, and Nicholas burst in, Hawk in tow. Napoleon meowed loudly, as they ran past him, past Sky's pink sneakers that lay scattered on the floor, and hurried towards the stairs.

"Sky?!" Nicholas called, his voice breaking. "Sky, answer to me right now—"

No answer came. The house was eerily silent, Hawk's heartbeat was fast, loud, horrible in his ears.

They reached the upstairs lobby in seconds. The door to the bathroom was open, and on the floor they saw the opened medicine box, the ax, the splintered floor tile.

"No, no no no no—" Nicholas started sobbing. He grabbed the doorway to stay on his feet. But the sight that almost brought him to his knees gave Hawk a fierce burst of adrenaline. His heart slammed against his ribs, he felt like he'd throw up, but—

But he was at Sky's door faster than Nicholas and read the note that was written on a pale yellow Post-it with a pink pen.

"Oh God—" he groaned, and then - slamming his fist into the door. "Sky!! Sky!! Open the door—!"

He didn't even notice Nicholas before he was by his side, holding the ax in his white-knuckled grip.

"Move!" he shouted, and when Hawk stepped back, the ax hit the door, splinters of wood went flying in the air. It took only a couple of strikes for the lock to fall off and the door to swing open, but it felt like an eternity.

And then the doorway was open, and they stepped in - almost hesitant now as if entering a temple or a tomb. Nicholas let the ax fall onto the carpet.

The room was quiet. Too quiet. And the smell—

The acrid stench of vomit hit Hawk's nostrils, making him gag. He stopped, his feet suddenly heavy like they'd been glued to the floor.

Sky's bed, the fucking enormous four-poster bed, was right in front of them. The heavy, burgundy curtains were closed. That sight sucked Hawk through a wormhole of time and space and suddenly he was back at the moment when he had been here for the first time, and Sky had shared a tub of Ben & Jerry's with him in that bed. She had told him all her secrets. He remembered the taste of her tears. Remembered how her small, warm body had fit perfectly against his when they had kissed, when he had rolled over and pressed her down on that bed, surrounded by the soft, safe shadows of those curtains.

"Sky—" he groaned, his voice failing him. "Sky, are you—"

Nicholas laid a hand on his arm.

"Wait here," he rasped, and gave Hawk a dark glance that told him, he was sure of what he would see on that bed.

It crushed Hawk's chest, he felt like he'd throw up.

He couldn't even answer, but as Nicholas rushed to the bed and drew the curtains back, he followed. There was no way he would just wait. He had to see, even if seeing would make it real, there was no way he could just wait by the door, no fucking way—

A sound that was unlike anything Hawk had ever heard erupted from Nicholas' lips. A hopeless, strained, strangled cry that was no word. He fell to his knees next to the bed, violent, ragged sobs making his shoulders shake.

Hawk started crying. He couldn't help it. He clasped a hand on his mouth to stop it but it did no good. The tears tasted like iron, like blood, they fucking choked him—

"No, no, no—"

Seeing it did make it real. It was like with Schrödinger's cat - the box was opened, the cat was dead, and there was no undoing it.

Sky lay on her side in her sweats and a T-shirt, in a pool of vomit that had stained her hair, her clothes, the pink blanket that partly covered her. Her face was pale, too pale, almost bluish. Her eyes were closed, but she didn't look like she was sleeping. She looked like she was truly—

Dead.

She's dead. And it's my fault.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————

😭💔