Sky felt like shit.

Her head ached like someone was stabbing her in the eyeball, the world was spinning and she had to fight nausea that brought the horrible taste of bile into her mouth. Not that the taste in her mouth hadn't been horrible before that. Actually, 'horrible' was an understatement. Her mouth tasted like someone had used it as a toilet.

Tequila. That will do it.

Crap, will I never learn?

With a groan, Sky opened her eyes, trying to make sense of her surroundings.

She was in her bed, which was good. She was also still wearing her dress, and her underwear, which was even better. Not that Sky particularly enjoyed sleeping in a bra, but it sure as Hell beat the worst-case scenario of not even knowing where that bra was.

But in the bed by her side–

He's in my bed. How the fuck did we get here?

Sky's heartbeat quickened, and she double-checked her clothing - the dress, the bra, and the panties were all where they were supposed to be, she wasn't lacking anything and she didn't feel like she'd had sex, but–

But still, she had a feeling that something had happened.

Hawk was asleep, and apparently fully clothed too. He was curled up on his side, under a sheet, but Sky saw his shoulder, and he had at least a T-shirt on. Glancing downwards, she noticed the sleeve of his sweatpants and a foot in sock sticking out from under the sheet, and relief washed through her system.

It wasn't that she didn't want him.

She did, a lot, and it had been difficult for her too to postpone their first time this long - but that didn't mean she wanted for it to happen when she was so drunk she wouldn't remember any of it.

She wanted it to be beautiful.

She wanted it to be something she'd remember for the rest of her life. Not some drunken mistake, and certainly not like the times she'd done it with Matt–

She pushed away that memory, flinched away from it as if it caused her physical pain.

For some time she just lay there, breathing in and out through her horrible hangover, wishing for the world to stop spinning, and just watching how Hawk slept there by her side.

He was so beautiful, and Sky took this silent, stolen moment of time just to study his face, every little detail of him.

His high cheekbones were a work of art, the line of his jaw fucking flawless. The scar on his upper lip was dark red against his pale skin, and Sky loved it. She had loved it for a long time now, even if she knew that he still didn't, that he still thought it was hideous, a monstrosity. His face that was usually so angular, so sharp was relaxed now, no tension in the muscles of his jaw or his neck, and it made him look somehow softer - more like Eli than Hawk, and that sight crawled into Sky's heart, making everything soft, warm, fluttery.

She loved him, loved all of him, and she was so proud of all the things he had accomplished - but sometimes she still missed the shy, quiet boy she had first gotten to know when moving in here.

Hawk.

That was who he was now, not Eli. And he had the hair to prove that.

Sky glanced at his mohawk and suppressed a laugh. His hair was a total mess - he had slept with the mohawk, and now it was all crumpled, part of it still sticking up but parts were like glued to his scalp, and that sight made Sky grin.

"Hey," she said silently, and instantly Hawk stirred, drawing in a sharp breath. He woke up with a start, his eyes opened.

"Shit–!" he gasped. "I was trying to stay awake–"

"You were asleep," Sky said, laying her hand softly on his cheek. "It's morning now."

She didn't know what time it was, but the light in the room told her it was probably late morning if not almost noon. It was a good thing it was the weekend, though - no school today.

"How are you feeling?" Hawk asked, relaxing again, taking her hand in his, letting their fingers entwine.

"Like shit," Sky admitted, running her tongue over sticky teeth. "I guess I had a bit too much to drink–"

"Maybe just a little," Hawk said, but with a smile - so at least she hadn't done anything horrible or embarrassing this time.

"What happened?" she asked. "How did we get here?"

His throat bobbed. "What do you remember?"

"Not much—" Sky had to admit. "I was... dancing with Moon? Are we friends again now?"

"Apparently," Hawk said with a small smile. "She did apologize, so."

"Oh, yeah," that memory crawled back into Sky's mind. It made her genuinely happy - she had always liked Moon a lot, and it had weighed on her that their friendship had ended when she'd kicked Yasmine in the school. It was going to be great to be friends with Moon again, to do all that girly stuff Sky loved - doing each other's nails with pink glitter nail polish, going shopping, trying on extravagant heels....

"Do you remember anything else?" Hawk asked, sounding like there was something he wanted for her to remember.

"I remember kissing you." Sky said, her cheeks heating. "Like, a lot. At the party, and then here—"

His eyes went dark. "Yeah, that happened."

"We were making out–" she suddenly remembered the feeling of his weight on her, of his lips on her neck, and something tightened in her stomach."We didn't—?"

"No, we didn't do it." He said. "You were kinda drunk and well... We were making out, but then... you were so tired. And I just stayed to make sure you were alright."

Her throat went tight, her heart swelled in her chest as the relief washed over her. He had stayed with her when she had been completely out of it, totally defenseless - and he hadn't laid a hand on her.

But what had she been afraid of?

This wasn't Matt. This was Eli, and—

"I love you," she breathed. "I love you so fucking much, Eli Moskowitz."

His eyes widened. The sharp Adam's apple moved on his throat, as he swallowed.

"I love you too, Sky." he said softly, his voice just a bit rough around the edges.

Suddenly there were tears in her eyes, even if she was smiling. She was so happy she could burst, it felt like a fucking sun inside of her ribcage—

He loves me—!

He fucking loves me even if I've done nothing to deserve that.

"Hey, hey, why are you crying—?" Hawk asked, suddenly worried, bringing a hand on her cheek to wipe away the falling tears with his fingers - the calloused skin over her smooth cheek sent shivers through her body.

"Happy tears," she managed.

"What, you're crying happy tears because we didn't have sex?" he laughed.

"No, idiot, because I love you so much," she replied, and then without stopping to think. "And because you didn't have sex with me while I was fucking wasted."

His smile faltered. "Sky... you were unconscious." A small silence, his gaze found hers. "You are aware that wouldn't be sex, that would be rape. And I would never do that."

A silence followed, and it grew between them, for too long.

"Yeah I know," Sky finally got the words off her mouth, trying to brush that thought off, trying to force a smile back on her lips, but she wasn't fast enough. He noticed the look on her face, and he frowned.

"Sky... did that..? Did someone—?"

And suddenly Sky wanted to scream. She wanted to scream and scream and scream—-

This was the one thing she hadn't told anyone. Not to the police, not to her attorney, not to her therapist - certainly not dad - not even to Kat.

This one thing that she had kept buried deep, deep inside of her mind, wishing that if she shoveled enough dirt on it, it would be suffocated, it would disappear, it would fucking cease to be true, and then she could finally breathe again.

"No," she lied, the tight painful knot she'd been carrying within her for almost a year, knitting even tighter around her lungs. "Of course not." And then, to get something else to think about, anything else, she said: "Your hair is all over the place, by the way."

The awkward moment passed, Hawk brought a hand to his mohawk and let out a laugh. "Shit, I guess I need a shower."

"Me too," Sky said. "I'm fucking disgusting."

"No, you're not. You're beautiful." Hawk said, and kissed her, even if Sky knew that she was disgusting and probably smelled like the sewer - and she was disgusting and she was a slut and she was a whore and she didn't deserve him.

But he held her face in his hands and his soft lips brushed hers as if she was something amazing as if he actually loved her and it fucking broke her heart.

She placed a hand on his chest, and he read the signal right as always and drew back, his eyes wide and dark.

"You can use my shower," she said silently. "And my sparkly pink strawberry shower gel, if your ego can handle it."

"Let's go together?" he suggested, the look on his face suddenly nervous, and yet hopeful.

"Umm, no - because I feel like shit and I don't wanna throw up all over you," Sky said, her hand still lingering on his chest. The muscle under the T-shirt was so hard, so warm, she just wanted to keep touching him, running her fingers over that smooth skin, placing her palm over his heart to feel how it was beating for her.

"Okay, good point," Hawk said with a laugh and pecked a small kiss on her lips before getting out of the bed. "Can I borrow a towel too?"

"Yeah, take one from the drawer."

For some time Sky just lay there, staring at the canopy, fighting tears. She heard the shower turning on, imagining the water raining down on Hawk's naked body, his lean figure, the sharp edges of his shoulder blades. Then, with a sigh, she wiped off her tears and rolled onto her side to reach the drawer of her nightstand, where she kept the small amount of the strong painkillers she'd gotten for the shoulder.

The good ones, that Dad only let her keep a couple of pills in her room.

Nothing made the pain - both in her mind and in her body - go away like a healthy dose of opioids.

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