Liliana's PoV

I really really wish he didn't ask about my parents; I don't really have a good relationship with them right now so it's a touchy subject. If he didn't, I wouldn't have gotten riled up and blamed him for shooting me. I have no idea how we got from him asking about my parents to me blaming him for shooting me. Honestly, I don't blame him. I don't but this is a conversation neither of us are ready to have.

"I can't even fucking look at it," I said angrily. I wasn't angry at anyone. I guess I was angry with myself. I was angry with the fucking scar on my shoulder.

"Do-Did you get nightmares about that night?," I asked gingerly after a few moments of silence.

I watched as he froze and forced himself to feel his emotions instead of pushing them down. He glared at the emptiness in front of him as he stared at the empty road ahead of us. We stopped the car on the side of the road, knowing that all of our attention needs to be on each other. "I still fucking do," he sighed out. "But since you came back, I haven't had a single one."

I let out a deep shaky breath. "I get them all the fucking time. Once, they got so bad, I couldn't sleep at night and a doctor gave me a bottle of pills. They worked for a while but something happened and then they just didn't. The nightmares came back."

"I'm sorry," he breathed out, gripping the steering wheel tightly. "It's all my fault. If I never fucking shot you, this wouldn't be happening to you."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Sometimes, the nightmares aren't there and I can actually get to sleep but most of the time, they're there haunting me."

"I used-I used to close my eyes and see you lying there, covered in your own blood and that used to fucking terrify me. The thought of it still fucking does. It got so fucking bad I was at a point where I wouldn't even try to sleep, I would do the opposite and pills and drugs became my best friends."

I let out a sigh as my eyes welled up with tears. I really hate having deep and emotional conversations while I'm on my period. It just makes me even more emotional and then I start overthinking and then I just end up feeling really shit in the end.

"We're really fucked up, aren't we?," I said, my voice breaking. His grip on the steering wheel loosened as his hands slowly got their colour back from how tight he was holding it. He turned his head to look at me, his eyes soft and caring.

He nodded his head, not even trying to deny that fact. It's the truth and he and I both know it. There's no changing it.

"We both were raised in a fucked up world where it's either kill or be killed. We both did what we thought was right at that moment. I shot you to try and keep you alive. I know that sounds so fucking stupid but in my head, it makes perfect sense."

"I told you to shoot me. I did so I know it makes sense because that seemed like the only solution at that time," I said, sniffling. "I can't fucking breathe." I undid my seatbelt and opened the car door, needing some air. Before I could blink, Sebastian was following behind me as I walked ahead.

With no care, I walked towards a park as no words were shared between us. "We missed out on so much as kids. We were forced to grow up quickly," I spoke quietly as I stared at the swings, imagining a little kid having fun.

"At ten, I was learning how to use a gun. At 16, I killed my uncle with one. Then at 21, I shot the love of my life with one."

"We were just kids," I spoke. "We wanted to be kids again. I know I still fucking do. Because I could go out in something without covering my fucking shoulders but now, I can't. I fucking can't because of that scar."

"You hate it. I get it. But your scar however big or ugly you think it is, is apart of you. To you, it's ugly and it's big and you think that's what everyone else will only see but that fucking scar doesn't define you," he spoke firmly as if he was forcing me to believe these words.

He's saying what I'm thinking.

"People stare and stare and make me feel like I'm a fucking animal in a zoo when it's not covered. I hate it," I said exasperatedly. "I'm fucking tired. I just want to not care about it. I don't want that to be the first thing I look at every time I look in the mirror with a sleeveless shirt on. But it is. It's there and I can't help but to look at it."

Sebastian's PoV

I bit the inside of my cheeks and forced myself to not ask her if I can see it. If I ask her, I will be expecting a 'fuck you' from her. Plus, it's a dick move, she's already insecure about it so me asking to see it is just gonna make her feel anxious, I guess.

"I haven't seen it but I know for a fact, it's beautiful," I spoke. I probably could've worded it a little bit better. She narrowed her eyes at me, practically daring me to not correct myself or add on more. "I-I mean, it's apart of you. You and everything about you is beautiful. If you ever do decide to not cover it anymore and some fucker stares, introduce them to me. They can play a little game with my fists."

She let out a small chuckle before she walked towards the swing set. She sat on the swing and I walked behind her. "Ready?," I asked, wanting her to hold on tight.

"For what?," she asked, confused before I pulled the swing back and pushed it into the air. She let out a little yell as she grabbed onto the metal chains tighter.

As I pushed her back and forth, I realised I won't ever love anyone as much as I love her. I honestly won't.

We've both had our childhoods stripped from us and a scary one we didn't want was forced into our hands. I've never actually played in a park and neither has she because you never know who might come and kill a kid of a mafia leader playing in a park.

This is our first time actually playing and having fun in a fucking park. That sounds fucking pathetic but with our pasts, it doesn't.

I wouldn't want my future kids to have a life like mine. Kids deserve to be kids. As a parent, you protect them and care for them even when you feel like you can't. That just motivates me to not be like my fucked up parents.

You watch movies where the fucked up character ends up being a parent. Then they have doubts because they think they're gonna end up like their parents. Then they finally come to their senses and become a parent.

For me, it's the exact opposite. Only thing is, when the time actually comes, I'll probably worry about becoming a parent like mine but I won't just give up. Not being like my parents actually will motivate me into becoming a better parent than them.

In case you're still wondering, yes I do want a family of my own one day.

Honestly, I hope we have more days like this, minus the crying and the arguing. I want days where we can just relax and have fun and make memories like this one.

Her laughter while the swing soared through the air made a huge smile grow on my face. Her laughter is like music to my fucking ears.

She is my family. She is my happiness. She is everything to me.

I don't give a shit if that sounded cheesy. It's how I feel and for me, that's what love feels like.

With that thought in mind, I realised I want this revenge to be over. I need it to be because I need Lili by my side forever.

"I love you, Lili," I spoke, through the wind.

"I love you, idiot," she spoke softly. A smile made its way onto my lips.

She loves me.