fucking hours.

Three fucking hours since the abrupt confession and three fucking hours since she left without a coherent response.

I was going crazy with worry, checking my phone every five minutes hoping that she would at least text or call. Realizing that pacing would not bring her back, I called the one person who knows everything about the woman I was in love with.

"Jace? This better be important," the annoyed voice filled my ears.

"You know I wouldn't call you unless it was," I exhaled, trying to control the worry in my voice. "Has Kimberly been to your apartment?"

"Yeah,"—I immediately felt the tension release from my chest, only to be brought back after hearing her next words—"but she left like ten minutes after she came. Is she still not home?"

If she wasn't with Vivian and she wasn't with me, where else could she be? Images of her getting into another fucking fight with a drug dealer and getting into another accident were plaguing my brain.

Breathe, Jace. Breathe.

"If she was here Vivian, do you seriously think I would be calling you, asking where she was?" I rolled my eyes, a habit I picked up from spending so much time with her.

I could practically see her sneering as she answered me. "Shut up, I'm thinking. If I'm not mistaken, I vaguely remember her talking about going to see Ash."

The relief was brought back, knowing her cousin was a safe place for her.

"Okay, that's good. I'll go over to his apartment to see if she's still there. Is there anywhere else you think she could be?" I asked, grabbing my keys and wallet to head for the car.

Every part of me was sure I looked like a mess, and I would normally be embarrassed to go out like this. But today, it didn't matter. I only had one person on my mind. Granted, that one person was driving me insane.

I heard shuffling at the other end of the phone and a sigh as Vivian returned to the phone. "I'll try calling her and checking out her favorite bars and clubs in case. I'll meet you at Ash's place if I don't find her. Good luck."

"Good luck to you too."

♕♕♕

The drive to Ashton's apartment was too long for my liking. Every minute that I didn't know where she was was a minute that I couldn't breathe properly.

"Ashton! It's me, Jace," I started yelling as I was pounding on his door, "Open up! It's important."

I heard footsteps shuffling behind the door and was greeted by the familiar voice, "Chill, I'm opening it."

Two seconds passed before I saw the face of the person who was like a little brother to my wife. The family resemblance between the two of them was almost unbearable and did nothing to calm my nerves.

Wasting no time, I entered the apartment. "Where's my wife?"

"I don't know. She was here like a while ago. Something about needing a therapist, which she so happily asked my girlfriend for," he replied, matching the confusion on my face.

Okay... at least she was talking to someone about her problems.

I ran a hand down my face in frustration. Everyone around me seems to have a knack for making me age prematurely. "How long ago was that?"

Ashton glanced down at his watch before responding, "She left like an hour ago. Why? Because, no offense man, but you look like someone ran over your puppy, which, by the way, is really stressing me out."

"Hey, what's going on?" A soft voice entered the conversation, a voice which instantly made Ashton's eyes light up.

Another person walked through the front door, and I turned around hoping it was Kimberly, only to be disappointed when I saw her ex-boyfriend. "I heard you guys yelling from my apartment. What's up?"

I ignored him with a glare, looking at the couple for an explanation.

Ashton immediately reached out for his girlfriend and kissed the top of her head. The mere sight of them made my heart ache for Kimberly. "I don't know, baby. Something about Kim."

"Well, I had a day off today," Darius replied, raising his hands defensively. "Zari had a dentist appointment."

"I'm not asking about the condition of your sister's teeth," I snapped, still glaring. "Where is my wife?"

Camelia glanced towards my disheveled appearance and sent an empathetic look.

A look that told me that Kimberly told her everything. "She came by earlier and asked for unofficial therapy. I warned her that I was only minoring in Psychology, so I wouldn't be much help, but you know her. She's persistent."

"That she definitely is. Did she tell you where she was going?" I asked, hoping to finally get an answer.

"She hasn't gone home yet? Shoot, was it something I said?" Camelia immediately started worrying, just for Ashton to quickly rub her arms comfortingly. "She seemed fine when she left. A little sad, to be honest. But it's not like we went over light topics."

The frustration was filling my veins again, and I did my best to keep my emotions level. "Is there anything you could tell me about what she said? She hasn't been home in two hours and Vivian and I are worried."

"I promised I wouldn't tell anyone. Something about patient confidentiality"—my heart dropped—"but I'm not a doctor so that technically doesn't mean anything. I don't think it's right for me to reveal too much, but let's just say that she talked about her ex and how she was conflicted about her feelings for you."

"Her ex? Darius?" I asked, confused and pointed to the man in question

"Marcel." Ashton and Darius breathed out at the same time and started cursing.

Ashton started cracking his knuckles, pacing nervously like I was not too long ago. "Shit. Holy fucking shit. We need to find her like now."

It was at that time that my phone decided to ring. I didn't even need to look at the screen to know who it was. "What did you find out?"

"I called all her favorite bars and clubs and I found out that she left Oasis about an hour ago with half a bottle of vodka. Knowing her, that's legit nothing, but considering everything, I'm praying she isn't drinking." Vivian's voice carried from the phone. "What did you find out?"

"It's bad, V," Darius just whispered in disbelief. It was a little unnerving to know that he once loved her, but oddly comforting. I needed as many people who knew her as possible.

"According to Lia, she's got Marcel and heartbreak on her mind," Ashton answered.

I hated being kept out of the loop about this Marcel guy.

"Fuck, but I think I know where she is. I'll send you the address, Jace. She's not gonna be okay when you see her, so just be gentle. Very gentle. No matter how much she tries to fool everyone, she's extremely sensitive. It's why we all love her." Vivian let out a sigh, clearly showing how distressed she was.

I was so busy thinking about how shitty I felt without realizing how everyone else must've felt.

Ashton was her closest family and they are inseparable. Knowing that his cousin was suffering was not the greatest feeling in the world. Darius, as much as it pissed me off, was one of her ex-boyfriends and oldest friends. Despite their rocky relationship, there's still some type of love lingering there.

And then, there was Vivian. If there's one other person who could love Kimberly more than me, it was Vivian. Everyone knew it. Everyone saw it.

I'll find her. Not just for my sake, but for everyone.

♕♕♕

Vivian's directions were definitely helpful, but the last place that I was expecting to be in right now was a cemetery.

It didn't take long for me to spot Kimberly, considering she was the only other living presence this late at night. But there was no way to describe the instant breath of air that filled my lungs after seeing her in front of me.

My heart felt lighter and every part of me wanted to just hold her in my arms.

I carefully approached her crying figure, realizing that what I wanted to do was not the right course of action. Suddenly, a twig snapped under my feet and her head shot up.

Shit.

"Jace? How did you find me?" she asked, her voice clearly giving away that she was crying for a while.

The sound of her quavering voice and the sight of her tear-streaked face hurt me physically.

This love thing really sucks.

Giving up my careful footsteps, I walked up to her and sat right beside her. My breath hitched when I saw the name on the gravestone that she was sitting in front of.

Marcel Vivas.

It didn't take a genius to figure out this was the 'Marcel' that Vivian, Ashton, and Darius were referring to. The same Marcel that was probably the love of her life. The same Marcel that I was jealous of the entire ride here. The same Marcel who was resting in this spot before me.

The name sounded so familiar, but I couldn't place my finger on why.

Kimberly drew out a long breath, "I'm guessing by your reaction that either Vivi or Dar told you, considering they're the only ones who still remembers where his grave is."

"Yeah, we were very worried when you never came back home," I responded sheepishly.

"Well, I guess we're doing this a tad bit sooner than expected," she let out a distraught laugh. A laugh that filled me with guilt. "Meet Marcel. My ex-boyfriend. Correction... my dead ex-boyfriend."

A chill ran down my spine at her suddenly dark tone. "You don't have to tell me. At least, not until you're ready."

"I appreciate it, but I've been holding this in for far too long. It's about time that my husband knows," she responded. "You already know that Vivi and I have been friends since birth, but what you don't know is that, in eighth grade, someone else joined the picture. Marcel Vivas."

A sob left her throat as she reminisced on this sad memory. A memory that I brought up. There are definitely pieces of my heart breaking off with every sob that leaves her mouth.

"You don't have to conti—"

"To say it was love-at-first-sight is an understatement," she cut me off. "But, we decided to just be friends. The three of us were inseparable for years. But no matter how much we liked each other, we still stayed friends. It was torture. But, it changed the summer before senior year. As you know, I was dating Darius—who was one of Marcy's closest friends—but after the cheating incident, we broke up."

With a deep breath, she continued, "Despite the fact that he was the one who physically cheated, I couldn't blame him. His girlfriend was so obviously in love with his friend. But breaking up with Darius was the push I needed to finally ask Marcy out."

Hearing her talk about someone who she is so clearly in love hurt as much as hearing her tears. It was unbearable, but I knew she needed to get this out.

I needed to hear it too.

"We started dating. It was the happiest I had ever been. We were going strong for a while, but then we got the news. Essentially, Marcy first moved to New York to get a new life with his parents. He left his hometown behind because all it reminded him of was his past with cancer." I let out a small gasp, knowing where this was going. "He thought he beat it and could finally live a normal life, but no. Halfway through senior year, his leukemia struck back."

I held on to her hand, hoping to make it easier for her. "Appointment after appointment. False hope after false hope. It was draining, but it didn't matter because we had each other. Nothing would matter as long as we had each other."

I understood that feeling. With Mom, it was scary to have the fear of losing her hit me suddenly. We tried to persist, but it was just so fucking hard when all you got was bad news.

Kimberly's voice got even more shaky, something I didn't think was humanly possible. "And we tried, we really tried to have a normal relationship. Eventually, we found out that I was a viable candidate for a bone marrow transplant, and I obviously said yes. Anything to keep him alive. The doctors were very hopeful about him going into remission. All of us finally graduated from high school and we were happy."

"Vivian and I wanted to move into our apartment near our university a bit earlier. But while we were packing, Marcy collapsed," Her body went shockingly still as the sobs took over. "We rushed him to the hospital, but it was still too late. He died in my arms, Jace. He died in the arms of someone who was supposed to save him. Vivas... It's a slap in the face that it means 'may you'."

It took a while for me to realize why his name sounded familiar. And then it hit.

The cancer center that Kimberly funded. The Vivas Cancer Center.

I opened my mouth to speak, hoping that the right words would eventually flow out. But I was quickly cut off by Kimberly continuing. I didn't realize there was more heartbreak to this.

"I took a year off school to cope. I traveled and got drunk or high off my ass every single night. It took the pain away. It made it easier to forget. It was better to be blackout drunk and unconscious than to remember the feeling of life and warmth leaving his body every time I closed my eyes." Mom's the only person I've had my entire life. Losing her would change me in ways I don't even want to begin to imagine. To think that Kimberly was that close to death at a young age was... I didn't even know what to say.

"You know... that wasn't the only reason why I drank so much." She took my silence as an invitation to continue, "When we were in high school, I was obviously popular in the party scene, much to Marcy and Vivi's annoyance. So, every time I was drunk, Marcy would take care of me. He always made me promise to never drink when he wasn't around because he wanted to make sure that he was there to take care of me."

She paused before choking up. "I just wanted him to take care of me. One last time. I just wanted to hear him again. I just wanted him to hold me, Jace. One last time." Her voice was a whisper at the last three words.

Death was a normal part of the cycle of life. It was inevitable. The death of friends and family was expected, but feeling someone's death, feeling their soul leave their body was unimaginable. The worst part was hoping they'd come back.

No wonder she was so fucked up. Anyone in her position would be.

I placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, noticing her mind was somewhere else. Somewhere potentially dangerous. "What you went through is painful, Kimberly. Don't blame yourself for how you chose to cope. You were young and in pain. You did what you had to do to get through it. All that matters is that you get proper help, and Camelia doesn't count." She let out a small laugh at that. A sound that churned my insides and convinced me that I was utterly whipped.

"Trust me, I know I need help. For the alcohol, at least. But that's not my issue. Well, that's not why I'm here right now even though I brought this along." She held up the half-empty bottle of vodka that Vivian said she would have. Relief entered me as I realized that she probably didn't drink any since coming here.

"Then why are you here?"

"When Marcel was on his deathbed, I promised him something. 'I'll always love you. I fell for you and I won't fall for anyone else. I can't fall for anyone else.' But, I lied to him, Jace." She looked up at me through her long lashes and my breath hitched.

This girl was going to be the death of me.

"What?"

"I fell for someone. Someone who I wasn't expecting to fall in love with."

"What?" I don't think I was even processing her words.

"Jackass. I fell in love with you."

***

also, this chapter makes me so emotional. i'm so mean to my babies. like damn.

the only good side is that it's smooth sailing from here... or is it?

jkjk.

love, zia.