《Her Innocent Love》20. His sadness
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Divya Pov
Its been a week since Vidya aunty passed away. I have been went to his house but was chase out by his grandma asking me to not disturbing them.
So today I am determined to see Arjun as Vinay told me he look shattered and traumatized. He also told me that he didn't drop a tears all the days.
The news of him frightened me to the core and badly wanted to see him.Vinay promised to bring me to his house. We went to his house and this time his grandma couldn't send me away with Vinay my side.
It's a bit weird and sorrowful to go Arjun's house without Vidya aunty. I saw uncle with Yamuna lay on his lap, Atharva and Arjun sit on the floor near Vidya aunty picture.
Vinay went to sit beside uncle as he look so tired and sad with Yamuna crying on his lap. Aatharva look so worn out and rest his back at wall. Looking at Arjun's condition my heart feel so sad for him. I wanted to hug him. He look so broken and lifeless. He kept staring at aunty's picture without blinking his eyes. I also sit quietly beside Arjun on the floor.
After awhile Yamuna went back to her room. I then bring food for uncle and Aatharva after successfully persuade them to eat. Arjun didn't budge from his positions. Vinay and me also have some food with them.
After few hours, Arjun suddenly get up and went to his room. Everybody look at him with pain expressions. I don't know if I can follow him or not. So I signalled Vinay to go after Arjun.
After 30 minutes Vinay came down looking sad and asked me to go to Arjun's room as he don't know how to comfort him. I went to his room but shock with the conditions of room. Everything has been thrown on floor. The glasses and ceramics pieces were shattered on the floor. I look for Arjun and saw him collapse on the corner of bed side.
My heart is aching for him. I wanted to go near him but I'm scared that my presence will cause more pain. So I rooted at my place looking at him.
I started to clean his room as i scared Arjun will get hurt with broken pieces of glasses. After finish clean the room, I looked at him. He still sit at same place with his head rest on both of his knees and look so miserable. I wanted to comfort him but I don't know how as I never comfort anyone before.
After a moments, I heard groan sounds from Arjun. I just stand still and couldn't move a bit. He look so devastated at this moments. I can feel his pain by wanted to cry but the tears not helping him and it's make me feel heartbroken.
Then I slowly walked towards him and rest my hand on his left shoulder. But what Arjun did really surprised me to the core. I thought he will push me away or throwing fit towards me. He just grab my hand from his shoulder and pull me towards him. He pull me so strong and cause me to fall right into his lap. He then wrapped his arm around my waist and my back to pull me more to him. He just buried his face into my chest and starting to crying.
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Its feel like he waited someone to approach him. Since I was startled with his act, I just freeze in his arms. I slowly took my hands and rubbing his back smoothly. He snuggle into me more. My t-shirt was wet with his tears and his mucus. We just staying like that for few hours.
Then, I slowly move back slightly while taking his face in my hands from my breast. He looking at me with tears in his eyes. I wipe the tears from his eyes. The more I wipe the more it's pour. Unknowingly my tears also fell down to my cheeks. I lean to him and kissed his forehead and stay in that position around 1 minute. He seems like don't mind it.
I tried to get up from his lap as it's already 10pm and I needed to go back to hostel but he didn't let me go. Arjun with pleading eyes ask me to stay with him today. How can I said no to his pleading.
He then rest his head on my lap. I sweetly stroke his face while he closed his eyes. I run my fingers on his thick eyebrows, his sharp nose, his cheeks and around his beautiful lips. I have this urge to feel his lips but I don't want took advantage on his vulnerable condition. He look so handsome from this close. I also slid my hands into his soft hairs and slowly massaged his scalp and forehead. I felt that he relax under my touch.
At a later time, I called a maid from intercom asking to bring a glass of warm milk and something lightly to eat for Arjun.
After the maid coming bringing some fruits and warm milk, I wake Arjun to have some foods in his empty stomach. He didn't eat properly for this one week. Surprising me, he listen to me eating the fruits while I feeding him and drink the milk. Afterwards, I ask him lay down on the bed but he went to his bathroom for bath I guess. Therefore, I took the plate and glass bring down and kept at singki.
I then went to his wardrobe and took his black hoodie with short looking pant. He came out from washroom wearing his pyjamas and walk to bed side. I also take bath and wear his cloth.
I went to him as he was sitting on bed with his head supported by his elbow. I cupped his face in my hand and he looking straight in my eyes. I tug him into sleep while sleeping beside him.
I grab his hand, holding in my hand. His hand is so big compare to my hand and it felt so warm. I stroking his fingers slowly and smoothly and massaging his palm. He grab my arm and wounded his arm around my hip and cuddle into me. His head was rest on my shoulder and he snuggle more by nuzzled his face at crook of my neck. I inhaled his smell which smells like mixture of strawberry and vanilla. I love his smell. I also felt he inhaling my smell and it's really feel so intimate.
I now stroking his head and massaging his neck. This made him to move a bit and rest his into my chest and holding me very firmly. I rest my chin on his head and rubbing or patting his back in smoothly manner. I can feel that his heartbeat beating on regular pattern indicating his fall into sleep.
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I just play with his hairs and taking advantage of this moment by kissing his forehead as much I can and ogling his beautiful face. Later I also went to my dreamland. Although Its was heart wreching day to look broken Arjun but I felt happy because he let me to comfort him and holding him.
I feel empty and lifeless for this one week. I feel my life will be no meaningless.
During and after amaa's funeral, I can't even drop a single tear. I badly wanted to cry but it's look like my tears has dried up.
I know that this day will coming but my heart still don't want accept the reality and it's really in so much pain. I don't know how I'm going to continue my life without my amaa beside me. I need her.
She is the only one who genuinely really loves and cares about me. I have bad insomnia disorder since I was kid. I cannot sleep without sleeping pills. It's always her who will tug me to sleep, even though I cannot sleep but it's always a tranquil feeling with her presence beside me. I deeply broken from inside.
Now what I'm going to do without you beside me? Why you leave me alone here? Why you go so fast? Who will love me like you? Who will nag at me? Who will make me smile? Who will listening to me? Who will talk to me? WHO???.
You know I am nothing without you but you still choose to leave me. Now I was just sit with broken me and lifeless soul near to amaa's pictures. I don't know how long I was sit at there.
Suddenly I felt somekind unbearable pain rush inside me and I wanted someone to take away this pain away from me. I wanted to run away from all this. I went to my room and throw everything on floor. Breaks everything that catches my eyes. I just showing my frustrations and anger on this but nothing able to calm me.
I can feel Vinay's presense but he didn't come inside near me, he just stood by door. Everybody scare of and didn't dare to look up for me. This thought saddening me more.
Then I collapsed near my bed, I wanted someone to comfort me but sadly I have no one who will looking me from the days my mother left me. This is really scaring and I hate to be alone. I wanted my amaa back and I wanted to cry with full of my heart.
Later I feel her presence in my room. The only person who never hesitate and scared to come towards me. I wanted her to hug me tightly and took all my pains. I expect her to sit beside me. But now she also look hesitated and scared to walk towards me. I sighed and put my head down on my knees. I saw Divya cleaning my room and she rested her back near the door wall after all the cleaning work. She kept looking at me and I wanted her to come towards me so I groan little.
She now walking to me and put her small hand on my shoulder. I waited for this and couldn't bear anymore, I grab her arm and pull her to sit in my lap. She look shock but I care nothing. I hold her closely to me. I just wanted to hug her and feel her more. I buried my face on her chest, it's feel soft and warm. With that feels, my already dried up pool welled up with continuous tears. I cry miserably on her holding. She feel comfortable and it's made my heart ready to cry in her presence. It's calming my nerves. It's feel peaceful and harmonious. I feel my pain and my sorrow is slowly washed away with her rapid heartbeat sound, her floral like smell, her body heat and her warm breath. She rubbing my back slowly and massaged my head with her tiny hand. I feel relaxed under her touch. We just staying like that for few hours.
Then she shift slightly away from me and cupped my face into her hand. She wipes my tears and as she continually wiping my non stop tears. Her eyes also tear up and this warm up my heart. She then lean to me and place a forehead kiss. Her lips stay on my forehead around a minute. I wish we could stay like this.
After that, she try to get up from my lap but I didn't plan to let her go today. I need her to be with me at least for tonight. I don't want to be alone. So I grab her hand pleading her through my eyes to stay with me. She didn't said anything, I lie my head on her lap and she running her hands into my hairs, my eyebrows, my nose, my cheeks and her finger lingering around my lips a little longer as she wanted to kiss me. She know how to comfort me. Her presence alone giving me so much soothing and peacefulness. She then asked me to eat. I just obey her as she feed the fruits.
Later she asked me to lay down on bed but I don't want. I wanted take a warm bath to wash all my sadness.
After bath, I came out and went to my bed. I sit on bed while waiting for her. It's may sounds selfish but I wanted take advantage of her love on me for today. I wanted her to hold me, touch me, and caress me. Only she can take away the pain from me.
She walked towards me wearing my black hoodie and my boxer. She really looked cute on my clothes. It's suits her much better than me. She then tug me into sleep while lying beside me.
She grabbing my hand and playing with it. I pull her into me wanted feel her against me and again buried my face into her breast. This is like my safest place. She being with me close like this make feel wonderful and gives relaxation. I don't know when sleeps consume me as I slept peacefully without any sleeping pills.
Thank You
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