The sun hadn’t even showed its face yet that morning, but I was wide awake. Though I was able to have a little bit of rest, my slumber was filled with terrifying visions of Logan’s death, and I didn’t dare succumb to sleep again. I tossed on to my side to look out the window at Drew’s house. His curtains were closed, but I was certain he’d be awake too. Still, I didn’t want to disturb him. Slipping out of bed, I put a woollen jumper over my new silk nightdress. I think it was Jonah’s jumper once, and though it was full of holes, I’d taken to wearing it around the house. It comforted me.

I padded downstairs, slipping on the boots I had left by the door the previous evening having returned from Drew’s house. Then, I quietly slipped out of the house.

It was only a short walk to the gap in the fence. I wondered whether anyone else had attempted to leave via the broken fence since I had that night with Eddie and his friends. I lay on the floor and shuffled under, taking care not to catch my nightdress on the wiring. When I emerged on the other side, my knees were grazed, but I shrugged it off casually. I’d been through worse.

I wasn’t running away. I couldn’t. As a Victor, my absence would be too noticeable, and I certainly didn’t have a death wish. No, all I wanted was some freedom. The nature surrounding me was so beautiful, with opulent odours filling my nose. I sighed, breathing properly for the first time I could recall in a very long time. I ended up taking off the heavy boots and allowing my toes to curl in the grass and mud.

As it grew lighter, I told myself it was time to head back, but I didn’t want to. I sank against the side of a tree and took Logan’s diary from inside my nightdress’ pocket. I never went anywhere without it, though had hardly left the house since returning anyway. I had read most of it by then, but I had a few entries to go from the arena.

Dear Raven,

I remember a few days before our reaping Clara Thompson asked me to walk her home. You know what she’s like. Needy. Annoying. Blonde.

I sniggered, turning the page to read on.

As I reached her gate, she reached up on her tip toes and kissed me. You know what it’s like when someone kisses you. You can’t just pull away.

“I know the feeling,” I mumbled, twisting my ring around my finger as I thought of my first kiss with Eddie.

It was like being swallowed whole, I swear to you. She’s got lips like a blow fish. She came to see me before we left for the Capitol. It was all snot and tears, not very pleasant, I tell you.

I'm laughing as I write this. We’re sat at the camp, and its' meant to be your watch. You keep asking me what I’m writing, but I think you’ll find it amusing to read this when I’m gone. Anyway, she rambled on and on about how she loved me, and had the Peacekeeper not dragged her away, I would have had to have told her that, in all honesty, I felt nothing of the sort for her. There is only one girl for me. Guess who?

Logan

I bit my lip, unsure whether to laugh at his daft tale or cry because I missed him so much. I turned another page to the final entry I hadn’t read.

Dear Raven,

The sun rises on another day in the arena, and as I watch you sleep, I am reminded of a conversation between your father and mine once when we were young. You and I had been playing together in the garden that day, a summer’s afternoon of complete beauty. We had gone blackberry picking, and you’d gone home crying when I squished one in your face. I can still remember the look of disgust on your face, the purple juice smeared like a Capitol person’s makeup over your cheeks. I sat in disgrace outside my father’s office under my mother’s orders, but my father saw the funny side of it. He dismissed your father from his duties, and they sat and talked about us. And my father said he could see us growing up and marrying one day. I guess that’s not so likely now.

Yesterday I told you that I’d never been in love. But as I sneak another glace at you, I’m not sure I meant it.

You’re forever in my heart.

Logan

With a silent sob, I turned to the very back of the book, where I’d found a secret note tucked into a crack in the leather hardback of the diary. I’d read it so many times over the past few days that it was already creased and worn.

If ever you feel lonely, just write a note to yourself. I’ve found that a diary is the best listener I could have wished for. Who knows, maybe one day someone will read it like you’ve read mine. Maybe one day it will get back to me.

I shut the diary. Realising I’d been holding my breath, I let it go. A tear slid down my cheek and landed on the leather binding of the book.

“Where are you, Logan?” I whispered “I need you. Come home. Come home…”

I tried all the old tricks to make him appear. I tried to imagine him in front of me. I called his name. I clicked my fingers and hoped he might appear. Nothing worked. He didn’t show up. But I wasn’t alone.

An eerie whistling was coming from the direction I’d come from. Fearing it might be a Peacekeeper, I ducked behind a tree. But it wasn’t. It was Eddie. Furrowing my brow, I watched, his lips pursed as he whistled, as he made his way deeper into the woodlands. I had to remind myself that I wasn’t in the arena anymore, and no one was going to jump out and murder him with him making such a lot of noise. Stealthily, I came out of my hiding place and began to follow him. He didn’t walk for long, perhaps twenty minutes, before coming to a halt beside a small lake. I watched as he took off his clothes, standing naked at the water’s edge with his back turned to me. As he slowly slid into the water, I stifled a giggle at his shocked gasp at the water’s coldness. Soon enough, though, he was content and relaxed under the early morning sun.

Yearning for some company, I allowed myself to approach Eddie. After all, if I was to marry him, I at least wanted to grow used to his company. It was time to stop the hiding.

Eddie’s face lit up when he saw me, though he was shocked to say the least.

“Raven! What are you doing here?”

“I needed some air,” I said somewhat shyly, my eyes fixated on the ground “Here seemed like a good place to come. But it’s not easy to get to, is it? You taught me that,” I said with a hint of amusement in my voice as I referred to our first encounter with the fence. He smiled weakly, looking guilty.

“I’m sorry about that. I never did apologize…”

“It’s forgotten,” I insisted. Relieved, Eddie beckoned me.

“Will you join me? It isn’t cold once you’re in, I promise.”

I wavered, but there was something inviting about Eddie’s freckled face, something tempting about the ripples of the water and the reflection of the sun. So I nodded. Eddie averted his eyes to allow me to take off my clothes, but laughed when I went in in my nightgown, only removing my jumper. I could always afford another one, I reminded myself. I left Logan’s diary in one of my boots, and took Eddie’s hand to enter the water. I slipped and fell in with a splash, though Eddie’s hand pulled me up before I went under. We both laughed rather childishly, bobbing up and down in the water, which was just deep enough that we couldn’t touch the bottom. Eddie brushed my wild hair off my face, looking at me intensely.

“How are you doing?” he questioned.

“Fine,” I replied tightly, avoiding his eyes. But he didn’t give up.

“Please don’t insult me by lying. I want to help,” he said softly. I took a mere glance at him, but that was all it took to be locked in his gaze. I suddenly felt too tired that I had to lean on Eddie to stop myself giving in.

“It’s so hard,” I whispered “Every minute of every day is spent waiting for them to come back to me.”

“You loved…love him. Don’t you?” Eddie asked pointedly. Before I could reply, he cut across me “I could see it. The way you looked at him like…like he was your world. It’s OK, I understand. If you love me even half as much, I’ll be happy.”

I wasn’t sure what to do. I looked in his eyes and I couldn’t hurt him. Despite all the turbulence in our relationship, I liked him. He was a nice person.

“I…I do,” I began “I do love you. I just…Eddie, I need time…”

Eddie leant forward and kissed my forehead lightly “Say no more. If forever is how long you require, that is how long I will wait.”

My heart filled with warmth. Could it be so bad, to have someone love you? Care for you, want you, when no one else would? He wasn’t Logan, and I would never love him the way he wanted me to. But life is just one big Game. I could play it for a little longer. I tightened my grip on Eddie’s shoulder, feeling a little out of depth in the deep water. Eddie seemed to realise my nervousness in the water, and lifted me in his arms.

“Come on. Let me take you home.”

OK, I know most of you don't really like Eddie, but give him a chance, he's lovely really! ;) Read, comment, enjoy! :)