Sleep evaded me that night, not for the first time. I knew Logan was awake too, but I didn’t dare speak to him. I blamed myself entirely for Clementia’s death. Had it not been me who suggested that we attack the Career’s? Even if Minerva did betray us to them, I allowed it to happen. And worse still, she’d got away with it.

I tossed to my other side, hoping to find solace in the warm body of Logan, but with no prevail. The unspoken horrors of the days in the arena hung between us like death itself, and though he was right beside me, Logan was miles away in spirit. It had broken him. I was already broken, but seeing Logan in emotional agony was killing me. I longed to tell him that it would be okay, but of course, it would be a lie. We only had days left before the end. Ten tributes left.

How do you comfort someone awaiting death?

A while later I heard the faint snores of Logan. I felt his breathing heavy against my body, his back pressed into my chest. He had lost weight since the Games began, and as I traced my finger over his spine, I guessed it was more prominent than it had ever been in District 10. He shivered under my touch and shifted in the sleeping bag. I decided he was still beautiful. What would it be like for him if he won, I wondered. I was sure that he would be showered with praise, become one of those victors that everyone in the Capitol would love. I imagined him arriving home at our District, the cheers of the crowds making him smile in pride. At the thought that nothing could ever hurt him again. He’d move into a house in the Victors Village, perhaps next door to Drew. Maybe he’d marry a girl from one of the richer families, a blonde, I suspected, with blue eyes like blue pools and a smile that would melt his heart.

But could he live with the pain? I thought perhaps not. Would he go crazy, lose it all? Slowly, the daydream changed dramatically. Images of Logan in intense pain as he tried to deal with the horrors of the arena flashed into my mind, making me shiver. Perhaps he would turn to drink, to the special Capitol drugs that could take away the pain. The wife faded out the picture, the promise of a happy life. No matter whether he lived or died, the outcomes weren’t good for Logan. Or me.

Did I really want to survive? Something inside me told me that survival was all that was important. That I should do anything to achieve it. But my heart told me that I had lost everything. My sanity. My best friends. The grasp on reality I once had. And I couldn’t get them back.

Sleep came eventually, and when I woke, Logan was already packing our things. We couldn’t stay where we were. We’d found a small cave to rest the night, but the ceiling was so low that I almost bumped my head as I crawled out to join him. It was strangely quiet without Minerva’s moaning and sarcastic comments, and the sound of Clementia laughing. Not that she had had much to laugh about since Kai’s death. I had to remind myself that it was only several days since our sending off for Kai. So much had happened in a short period of time. And yet it was far from over.

“We’re almost out of food,” Logan commented drily with little emotion present in his voice as we ate. He was right though. We had a rabbit’s leg and one of the birds, but it wasn’t enough.

“I can hunt if you want to stay here,” Logan offered.

“Actually, I think I’ll take a look at the Career camp. See if they’ve gone back.”

“OK. Be careful then.”

I leaned over to give him a hug, but his attention was already drawn back to his food. I assumed he was being cold because he was upset about Clementia.

Or angry with me.

So I slung a rucksack over my shoulder and headed back to the Career camp. The sun was rising over the horizon, and the birds sang their morning song. I remembered one morning at the Training Centre how Clementia commented on the beauty of birdsong.

“It’s like they’re helping you prepare for the day,” she’d said dreamily. I had thought nothing of it at the time, but I realised then that she was right. I knew she would have loved that morning’s birdsong. It was like a final goodbye. As I walked, I saw her waltzing in front of me, singing along to their tunes, and laughing as her hair twirled around her face.

Then I blinked and she was gone. I thought if I blinked again, she might come back. But she didn’t. She was gone.

The rest of the walk felt so lonely without her. I kicked a fallen twig that gone in my way. I was almost at Clementia’s resting place.

As I neared the ditch where the camp was situated, I could see that much of the ground had been affected by the fire. The leaves had burned to a crisp, but somehow, the Career’s must have stopped the fire, as though there was no sign of Clementia’s body, several deformed objects lay scattered around what had been the camp. They must have salvaged anything of use and set up camp elsewhere, but it made me smile to think that we had at least weakened them considerably.

Feeling a little better, I went to check the special snares Logan had set, just in case it had lured in an animal. And when I reached there, the smile on my lips widened.

“Minerva,” I said, my face twisting eagerly. She hung from her leg in the tree, her hair almost touching the floor in her upside down position. Her face was red, and she had obviously been there for a while. But not long enough for her to be dead. I cut the trap and she fell to the ground with a thud. She whimpered, and I guessed she might have broken an arm from the clumsy fall. I took my knife from my belt, ready to end it. Minerva didn’t have the strength to try and stop me, but her eyes were pleading. And for a fleeting moment, I saw the image of a frightened young girl. I was trying desperately hard not to have sympathy for her. I reminded myself that she deserved nothing less than punishment for the betrayal of the one person who ever trusted her.

“Clementia is dead because of you,” I growled.

“Don’t kill me, please, please!” she begged, flailing on the ground with the last energy she had.

“Tell me why. Why did you do it?”

“I didn’t...I didn’t know...”

I cursed in anger. “Don’t tell me that, you monster!”

“What makes me more of a monster than you?” she retorted, regaining some of her usual superior attitude. She had a point, but I ignored her.

“You disgust me.”

Minerva made a savage attempt to bite my arm that held down her body, but I stood fast.

“She trusted you. Wrongly, but she did. You didn’t deserve someone so pure to look upon you in a good light.”

With that, I stabbed my knife in her arm. She wailed in agony, blood spilling as I twisted the knife further into her limb. The tears from her eyes told me to have mercy, and so I ended her life with a swift cut of her throat. A few moments later, and it was done. The cannon fired. I swiftly cut the pack from her back, and threw it over my shoulder roughly. Though she was certainly my enemy, I did have respect for the dead, and so I closed her eyes. As a last thought, I plucked a flower from nearby and placed it on her body. Then I returned to the meeting point, knowing Logan would be worried having heard the cannon. Sure enough, when I returned, he was already there, his kill on the floor by his feet as he bit his knuckles anxiously.

“Minerva,” I said coldly as I returned to his side. To my surprise, he flung his arms around me and held me tight. It was such a change of character since the morning that I wasn’t sure how to react.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I was so scared I’d lost you as well. And this morning. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I’m scared of getting too close to the one thing I’m destined to lose no matter what.”

I reached my hands up to his hair and clutched it hopelessly “Me too. But I think it’s too late. I love you too much to ever be OK with being apart from you. Wasn’t it just easier when we hated each other?”

Logan laughed shakily “It probably was. But there wasn’t a day that passed when I didn’t think of you.”

“And I you. You’re the only true friend I’ve ever had and I let you slip away.”

“At least we’re back together now. Even if our time is limited. We’ve wasted so much…”

“It’s not my fault if you were a posh kid who wanted nothing to do with the likes of me.”

He laughed again, his body shaking as he did so “It’s not my fault if Sherbet Lemons were never enough to make you forgive me.”

I punched him playfully on the shoulder, amused. “Very funny. Come on, let’s get out of here. I want to find a place to stay the night in safety.”

“Then what?”

“And then…I’m going to kill Roger.”

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