*FYI gets a little steamy near the end...

SEASON 3 EPISODE 20: PROPS

"Nationals." Announced Mr. Schue, as he stood at the front with Coach Sylvester. Haley was bursting with excitement at the thought of going to Chicago.

"Yay! Chicago...where the pizza's are bigger than my future." She interjected, making everyone laugh.

"I thought Chicago was shaped like a pizza. Never mind. I thought Chicago was a type of pizza." Brittany commented, innocently.

"Okay, song selection: We'll be kicking off our Vintage etheme with the legendary Jim Steinman's Paradise by the Dashboard Light. Rachel will do the solo, It's All Com..."

"Coming Back to Me Now." Rachel finished, clearly overexcited. "One of Celine Dion's most powerful ballads, inspired by Wuthering Heights."

"And we'll be working in a new Treble Tones number, utilizing the talents of our featured performer, Porcelina Hummel." Coach Sylvester added.

"Not gonna happen, Dragon Lady."

"Oh, you'll do as you're told, he/she."

"We will be performing What a Feeling, from Flashdance, and I'm familiar with the choreography, of course, because I was Jennifer Beals' dance double. And on that note, please look under your seats."

Everyone looked to find big boxes underneath their seats, Haley frowned.

"What the hell?" She muttered.

"SPACE HELMETS." Brittany said excitedly..

"Welding helmets and leg warmers?!" Finn asked.

"Best way to get props is to use props." Coach Sylvester said.

"I am your father." Sam pulled off his best Darth Vader impression with his mask on, looking at Haley, who giggled. "Uh Darth Vader." He answered Joe after pulling his helmet off.

"Is that a movie?" Joe asked.

"Do you actually live under a rock?"

"A healy dose of props, and our pluncky transsexual Porcelina, and you are over the top."

"Aren't props a little cheesy?" Blaine asked.

Sam continued to be entertained with his mask, as Haley smiled at him fondly.

"Guys, I've asked for Sue's help because she's a winner, and I'm not ashamed to admit this...I want to win." Mr. Schue stated."

Sam kept his face with his mask on close to Haley. "You overgrown child." She muttered as he tried to get her to laugh, quoting Star Wars and saying other random things.

"But there's not one person in that audience who will think we're anything but underdogs who would be lucky to place in Nationals. We didn't even make the top ten last year. We've got one week to come together and shake things up. If there's anyone here who is not up for trying and working their butts off, you should just get up right now and leave."

Haley watched as Tina got up and began to walk towards the door. Haley also noticed that Sam pulled up his helmet to see what was going on.

"Whoa, Whoa, Tina, where are you going?"

"You guys don't need me...Carry on." Tina said.

"Tina, you don't understand. I need this." Rachel said.

"Egotistical bitch." Haley muttered.

"Because you blew an audition? That's not a reason for you to get a solo at nationals. Maybe the rest of us would like one, too."

"I mean, I would really love one." Haley raised her hand.

"I wouldn't mind another one before I get deported." Rory mumbled.

"I want one. Even though I can't sing." Sugar said.

"Tina, Rachel is a senior." Mike pointed out.

"So are you, but you can bet the only thing you'll be doing is a dance break with Brittany. Other people matter."

"Tina , you may not always get all the solos, but you are a key player. I put you in charge of costumes."

"Hello, we don't get solos really except Berry and Finn. Tina has a fair point. We aren't as important, but we love Glee Club enough to commit to it." Haley pointed out.

"Preach!" Artie said.

"Hell yeah." Mercedes added.

"Wow! Like that's some prize!" Tina said sarcastically. "You want props to move around? Well, I'm a human prop, and I'm sick of it!"

"Take a lap and cool down, Asian Number one." Coach Sylvester suggested.

"My name is tina. Tina Cohen Chang!" Tina clarified, annoyed, and stormed out of the room.

"Isn't she the one who used to stutter?"

----

"A-five, six, seven, eight!" Coach Sylvester said, counting the choreography timing.

"Mask, mask, helmet down! Pivot, pivot. Jump, mask, boys. A-one, two, three, four, five, six. Burn! Burn! Burn! Come on! Let it burn! Set the joint on fire! Come on, burn the joint down!"

Haley groaned as her tiny human body struggled to wear the helmet, and weight of her props. Sam tried to help her, but was having way too much fun with his helmet.

"Okay, cut the music. Stop! Stop. This is an unmitigated disaster. Jennifer Beals is spinning in her grave. Gentlemen, I asked for a cascade of sparks timed to the rhythm."

"I can't see through this helmet." Mike said as he pulled his helmet over his head.

"I took mine off. Metal sparks in your face is how you get freckles." Brittany commented.

"Is this even legal?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah, shouldn't we be in some sort of grinding union?"

"Wanky." Haley smirked, making Santana give her a proud look.

"Sue, they're right. They can't pick up advanced choreography when they're weighed down by helmuts and metal grinders."

"Grind, grind, pivot, kick, pivot, spin, flip, split. What's complicated about that?"

"These props were supposed to add to the routine, not be the routine."

"Well, maybe you're right, William. Maybe basic sheet metal work is just too much for your 12th place choir. Porcelain, thoughts?"

"I'm not doing a drag number. We need a new approach. I have an idea."

----

"Please ignore the stench of mildew and jock strap and focus your attention on the screen." Coach Sylvester said, as they gathered to watch the video Kurt had decided to show them.

"God.. it still reeks in here." Haley said, as Sam chuckled bringing her into his arms, as she sat on his lap.

"Sorry, but I guess I'm used to it." He replied.

"Aye." Haley muttered.

"Porcelina?"

" Yesterday, I snuck into a Vocal Adrenaline rehearsal, and what I saw was not for the faint of heart. Kurt said. "Lights."

"Why is this in black and white?" Sam asked Kurt.

"Because I worship the Artist." Kurt rolled his eyes as he focused on the screen.

"Look at that. Unlike your misfit, ragtag stumblebums, each member of Vocal Adrenaline is in perfect sync. Not a step out of place." Coach Sylvester said.

"Okay, watch this closely guys. It's called the Human Centipede. It's the newest, hardest show choir dance move ever invented. Incredible."

"They are literally rolling on the floor in pairs." Haley pointed out.

"And the cherry on top of the vocal Adrenaline sundae is their secret weapon, Unique. Look at him/her. Poised, confident. Pretty as a picture with a booty that won't quit. It's the Unique factor that gives Vocal Adrenaline it's edge."

"Isn't Rachel our Unique factor?" Finn asked.

"Is she really though?" Haley said.

"Not even close. I'm not saying that Mrs. Focker doesn't deserve a solo, but every show choir in this country has a little girl with a big nose."

"Okay, Sue." Mr. Schue said.

"High school judges are proven idiots. They love props, and Unique is the ultimate prop."

"Do you seriously think that we need a guy to dress in drag to win?" Asked Puck.

"No." Mr. Schue answered, but Sue spoke at the same time.

"Yes. It's the only way."

----

"Since Porcelain refuses to be a team player and dress up like a lady, we're gonna have to up our prop game."

"How did you ever put up with Sue's nonsense?" Kurt whispered to Haley. "You kind of get used to it, and learn to block her nonsense out." She shrugged.

"I've ordered 18 little people, one for each of you."

"Wait. Little people?"

"Munchkins. I found 'em online, william. And don't worry I got a mix of race and ethnicities so you can keep up your little diversity charade."

"A little offensive, the way you formulated that Coach." Haley pointed out, as Mike, Santana and Mercedes nodded.

"I can't dance with a little person. I can hardly walk." Quinn said.

"There's that can don't attitude, Quinn."

"Sue, I think maybe we are going a little too far with the props. Let's just spend some time working on choreography for Dashboard.

"Sure, if you want to lose."

Before anyone could say or do anything, Noah Puckerman walked in the room dressed in a blue dress with a blonde wig.

"Puck?" Asked Mr. Schue.

"Hello..." Sugar flirted.

"My eyes are burning." Mercedes said, as she avoided eye contact.

"Agh.." Haley said, hiding her face in Sam's chest.

"Look at those legs." Mike commented.

"I am strangely turned on right now." Santana said.

"Please only address me by my stage name...Lola." Puck requested.

"Puckerman, I respect your commitment to winning, but without a doubt, you are the ugliest woman I have ever seen. For a second there, I thought you were Beiste's sister."

"It's not about being pretty. It's about someone in here having the balls to do what he has to do to put us over the top."

"Well, you know, if this is gonna work, you're gonna have to shave off all of your body hair."

"Enough!" Mr. Schue said. "Sue, look, I really appreciate all the help you've been giving us but I am done with all this props madness. All we're doing for the next three hours is learning choreography for Dashboard. Puck, go change."

"You cannot see something like that." Artie commented.

"You shouldn't speak occasionally Artie, I don't know why you can get away with misogynistic and sexist comments or questions sometimes." Haley said to him.

"William, I'm oddly aroused by your sudden forcefulness, and I will let you handle this rehearsal, however, I feel it necessary to warn you..." Coach Sylvester said, before proceeding to whisper. "I prepaid for the little people."

----

Haley sighed as she sat in her bedroom. She took a glance at her wall that all her pictures were displayed on. She got up and wandered towards it.

Just as she was taking some off the wall, Sam came into her bedroom. "Hey baby." He said as he saw her looking down at photos.

"Hey...:" She muttered as she continued to sort and rearrange the photos.

He walked up and peered over her shoulder at the photo she was holding of her with Quinn, Santana and Brittany. "I see you are arranging photos."

"Yeah...as you can see, I have sections on the wall for each friend. See there's the a group section, there's Santana's section, Brittany's, Quinn's, Kurt and Blaine's, Finn's and there's a separate section you, and I've included some of us together as well. It's a memory wall." Haley explained, trailing off a bit as she bit her lip, to stop her from crying. She glanced back up, continuing to speak. "Since graduation and Nationals is coming up, I'm asking myself if I keep these photos... bother leaving them up. I just don't want them to all leave and forget about me. Because, they are bound to leave after they graduate next week. I'll be left here, I'm not saying I'm lonely, I have you, but like....I'm losing them. I am trying hard not to be all sappy and emotional, but it's fine, when in reality, it's not. I j-just..." She stopped, as she began to cry.

"Hey, shhh, Hay it's okay." Sam said, bringing her to her bed as he sat down and brought her onto his lap. He leaned his forehead against hers after he had calmed her down, their noses touching, as he looked into her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I'm an emotional wreck right now." She chuckled, sadly, as he pulled away to wipe her tears.

"It's okay Hay. I love you." He said, as he pressed his lips to hers, their lips moved in sync, as Haley smiled lightly into the kiss. She pulled away, to look at him, as they laid down on the bed together.

"You know Hay, you aren't going to lose them. They will always be with you, even if they aren't literally here in person. They are a text and phone call away. I believe you will remain friends with them for the rest of their life. Their existence isn't an essential, but they are like props and gifts. You've established a strong bond, and whenever you meet up again, it will feel like the good ol' times. You'll continue through life always knowing that they love and care for you." He said, as she nodded, comprehending his explanation.

"I guess you're right baby. You are smart, no matter if people say you aren't. Just in a creative and unique way." She muttered, as she leaned in to capture his lips in a kiss.

He complied, kissing her back immediately. They continued, until he decided he wanted more. He flipped them so he was on top of her. Propping himself up with one hand, he leaned down to continue kissing her.

"Sam." she whispered as he muttered in response, and continued, kissing down her neck, as she wrapped her right arm around his neck for support, as she slowly sat up. "The door's locked right?"

"Yeah Hay I think it is." He said, barely audible, that it came out like a whisper, as he continued. "Ok." She muttered... she pushed him off to look at him. "And you have protection right? Because I'm not getting pregnant before Nationals." She gave him a pointed look." "Yes I do."

"Alright." She said, laying back down. "Go back to what you're doing." She said, knowing for sure that she had to cover her marks up the next day. They continued making out passionately, as things slowly escalated.