《The Dead Poets》43
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I sit at the dark-cherry wooden vanity in my bedroom. My eyes dance anxiously around the makeup sprawled across its surface.
Jack was picking me up at 8:00. It was our first official date.
I endured so many different emotions, it was hard to pinpoint just how I felt about it. My best guess, a mix of nervousness, anxiousness, excitement, and curiosity. Which surely makes for a great first official date.
Lately I have been desperately trying to determine exactly what emotion I was feeling. Was I happy with my no-labels 'relationship' with Jack? Was I over Charlie?
Regardless, I've come to the conclusion that I'm stuck in an emotional rut. I'm not really feeling much of anything. It's as if I'm numb. Initially I felt despair like I've never before, and in a sense I'm glad to be rid of that horrible darkness. But in some way, this numbness is almost worse.
I hear a soft knock at my door- pulling me from my existential worries.
"Jack—what are you doing here?" I ask incredulously, upon peering over at the clock—which offered me another hour to get ready.
"I know I'm early, I just couldn't wait to see you." My lips stretch into a smile at his kind words and his lopsided grin.
"Besides, you look beautiful as is. Why don't we go a little early?" Jack asks hopefully.
I glance at my appearance in the mirror and huff. "Alright," I say standing from the vanity stool. "Let's go."
The evening was going fine. Jack had been sweet, as usual. In fact, we had a great time. I spent most of the night laughing, which was a nice alternative to my usual Saturday night's lately.
Although I still have this indescribable feeling that continues to gnaw at me.
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As we arrived at the party, I could think of just about a million other places I'd rather be. The worst part was—as wonderful as Jack is— I could think of another person I'd rather be with.
I wonder if it's always going to be like this? Jack was amazing, yet even after an evening of laughter, my mind wanders to Charlie.
I step into the over-crowded living room. The record player spun, couples dance and sway around us. Jack offers me his hand, leading us towards the middle of the room.
The music plays around us. I rest my head against his chest, allowing him to sway our bodies 'round and 'round to the soft beat of the music. I raise my head slightly, as the song began to change.
Jack's blue eyes peer down at me through his long lashes—his lips catching mine ever so gently. The kiss was brief. But it was long enough for me to realize I was making a huge mistake.
My thoughts went to Charlie.
His soft kisses made me feel like I was on a cloud. My heart would flutter and I could feel his lips linger for hours.
"I'm sorry--" I begin to formulate some sort of response but few words seem to suffice.
"Look, I'm sorry...I just--" Jack began to speak, but my mind was made up.
My heart was with Charlie.
I reach around my neck, unclasping the locket Jack had gifted me.
"I'm sorry," I say, gently placing the necklace in his palm.
"I have to go."
I spin on my heel— not daring to look back. I knew the pain on his face would be too difficult to bear.
The snow fell lightly. The sky was dark. I felt so guilty. I knew the one thing I needed was to be embraced by Charlie. To wrap myself up in his arms, to rest my head against his chest, and fall asleep to the soft sound of his heart beat.
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I needed him to tell me everything was going to be okay. I needed him.
I love him— and no matter what— I don't think I will ever lose that feeling.
"Violet," Spoke a gently voice, causing me to quickly snap my head in its direction.
Charlie sat slouched on the floor. Although the hall lights were dim, I could faintly make out his features. His eyes were red and puffy— as if he had been crying all evening.
My heart sank.
"Charlie," I breath.
"How was your date?" He asks lightly, but I can hear the bitterness behind his tone— behind his eyes.
"It was....it's over." Charlie stands to his feet, his hazel eyes peering deeply into mine. A glimmer of hope flashes through his golden orbs.
"Over?"
"I don't love him, Charlie," I admit earnestly.
"You-you don't?" His voice cracks ever so slightly, but enough to break my heart.
I shake my head.
"I wrote you something," Charlie says after a moment of silence.
He turns around, quietly stepping into his bedroom. I slowly follow behind, watching him as he sifts through some drawers.
He pulls out a crumpled piece of paper stuffed deep in the pocket of his grey school slacks.
"I -ugh- wrote this about you. A few days after we... broke up."
My shaky hands reach into his, gently taking hold of the paper.
My eyes glance over the blue ink scribbled across the page.
I awoke from a daydream, into a nightmare.
My heart pounds, my lungs feel void of air.
The sun fell from the sky, the stars came crashing down amongst the trees.
That's the ache my heart felt the second you were no longer with me.
For the first time ever I could see my future. I could see every day if it—and I loved it. I could see a house, pets, kids. Most of all— I could see Charlie.
"It's beautiful," I say, holding the paper close to my chest— close to my heart.
His gaze flickers between my eyes and my lips. I take a daring step closer, closing any space between us.
"I love you. I love you and I never stopped." He says truthfully.
His lips graze mine ever so gently, causing my heart to skip a beat and my breath to hitch in my throat.
His eyes trail down to my lips one last time, his hand gently finding its way to my cheek, his thumb swiping across my bottom lip. We stay like that for a minute, basking in the moment.
Charlie's' soft lips crash into my mine. My body loosens and his hand tangles itself in my hair, pulling gently. He tilts his head, pulling mine back and deepening the kiss. He holds me close in a gentle— yet firm— grip.
He slowly pulls away, softly resting his forehead atop mine. His lustful eyes softening.
"I love you, too."
A/N: I am sooooo sorry it took me so long to update! Hope you enjoy this chapter because they're back together !!!!
❤️
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