__________________________________________________________________________________

Courtney kissed me. I kissed Courtney. I cheated on Arizona. With Courtney. What the hell had I done?

I ran my hands through my hair before rubbing my face, feeling tired all of a sudden. I was so tired, so mentally tired. I felt completely drained as I lay on my bed staring at the celling wishing that I could somehow take back what I had done just a few hours beforehand. I hated myself for what I had done, I didn't deserve Arizona, and when she finds out what I did, there is no doubt she will leave me. As guilty as I felt for cheating on Arizona, I couldn't help but remember how right it had felt to be kissing Courtney.

A knock on my bedroom door brought me out of my thoughts, "Come in." I called to my dad, knowing he was most likely worried about me since I hadn't said a word to him since I had arrived home. He made me feel even more guilty when he asked me how Arizona was holding up, I hadn't answered him as I ran up to my room and locked myself away.

"Hey princess." He smiled at me as he struggled to open the door with two cups of hot chocolate. I jumped up off the bed to help him, laughing as he almost spilt it everywhere. I went to ask him how he had managed to knock on the door and actually open it, but thought better of it. I took a mug from his hand and went and sat back on the bed, watching as my dad followed my lead.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, blowing air onto our hot chocolates to cool them down and taking small sips. I knew he was waiting for me to say something, but I didn't know how or even what to tell him. He really liked Arizona, and me hurting her was like hurting him too, and I hated hurting him. I can't even imagine how he will react when I tell him what I did, he will be so disappointed and thats much worse than being angry.

I sighed, bring my legs up and crossing them on the bed. "I did something stupid dad." I admitted. Looking down at the clear brown liquid in my mug, I swirled it in my hands watching it with mild fascination. I finally looked up at him when he lifted the mug out of my hands and placed it on the bedside cabinet. I looked up and into his warm brown eyes, full of concern.

"Princess, whatever you did, I'm sure it's not that bad." He reassured me, placing a hand on top of mine. I almost laughed out loud at how wrong is statement was. I had done something so bad, with no logical reason for having done so.

I swallowed nervously, my throat feeling very dry all of a sudden. "I... Earlier I..." I trailed off, licking my dry lips, not able to form a sentence. What if he hates me for what I did? "I cheated on Arizona." I whispered, shocked that I was actually able to admit it out loud, and hearing it made me feel ten times more guilty. I looked at my dad and saw how confused and sad he looked.

"I don't understand Mickie, I thought you were happy with Arizona."

"I was happy with her. I am, happy with her. I just can't explain it, it's just..." I trailed off, feeling the tears form in my eyes, and suddenly feeling choked with emotion. I felt even worse for being this emotional, I didn't have the right to be this upset, or to cry, I wasn't the one who had been hurt, I wasn't the victim. I was the one in the wrong. I lowered my head and placed it in my hands.

I heard my dad sigh from beside me, and felt his arm wrap around my shoulders bringing me towards him and into a hug. "I always thought this would be your mum's job, dealing with bo- girl troubles." He chuckled softly, and I felt his chest move. "I know it's tough being your age, you're judged for every little thing you do, you have a certain life you're supposed to be leading. Sometimes you make choices in life that later you come to regret, but at the time seemed sensible. Often you will pay for making the wrong choice, but it is through making the wrong choice that you learn."

I pulled out of his arms and looked up at him, seeing a small comforting smile on his lips. "What if she doesn't forgive me dad?" I asked.

He smiled a little wider then, "Mickie I've seen the way she looks at you, she will forgive you. Maybe not right away, but she will, she cares a great deal about you princess."

"I don't deserve her forgiveness, I don't deserve her." I whispered, knowing that he had heard me. It was the truth though, I didn't deserve either. Arizona was far too good for me, she deserved someone who would love her wholeheartedly and wouldn't hurt her like I would. It's quite ironic that it used to be me getting hurt, me getting my feelings being played with, and now I was the one hurting someone and playing with someone's feelings.

"There's no point worrying about it tonight princess, you should try and get some sleep." He stood up and kissed the top of my head, he grabbed my mug and his from the table and left the room bidding me a goodnight.

I showered and ready for bed, but even the comfort of my bed could make me feel any better. I couldn't sleep when my mind was racing. I could not tell Arizona, it wasn't as if Courtney would tell her, but that wouldn't be fair to her, she deserved the truth at least. I will tell her, I just need to find the right time and place, preferably when there is a higher chance that she'll forgive me.

*********

I walked around school all day going from class to class doing my best to avoid Courtney at all cost, I didn't know how she was going to react to how act I acted yesterday but I would rather not find out. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and ignored it, it could only be one person, the same person who had tried calling and texting me all day. I had promised her I would go and see her before school this morning, but I just couldn't, I knew the moment we were together, it would all be over, we might be over.

It was a coward move to ignore Arizona, but I couldn't help it, if I could delay when I told her it meant I could delay hurting her and would mean I delayed the moment things turn sour for us.

"Mickie." I felt someone tap my shoulder. I blinked a few times clearing my head of all thoughts, only to realised I had been standing staring at my form room door for about five minutes now.

"Hello Zak." I turned around and smiled at him. He had his hands behind his back, as if he were trying to hide something. I almost laughed at the cute boyish grin he wore. "Is everything alright?" I asked him when he continued to grin at me like that without saying a word.

He nodded his head at me, "Yeah, everything's fine. I just wanted to give you this," He pulled his arms from around his back to reveal a card and a small, light blue, teddy bear, "it's for Arizona to tell her to get better soon." I smiled at him and took the card and bear from his hands.

When the gifts were in my hands, he reached past me and opened to door to our form, allowing me to enter first, I walked to the back of the classroom where I usually sat. Zak followed me and took his seat beside me, where Courtney once sat.

"Thank-you Zak, I know she'll love them." I told him, putting the card safely away in my bag and holding onto the teddy bear. Maybe that's what I should do. Buy Arizona a card, balloons, teddy bears, chocolates, you name it. But wouldn't that show her that I felt guilty for doing something, or would it show her that I cared for my girlfriend and for her speedy recovery.

"So when is she back to school?" He asked, as the final few students entered the room. Courtney being the last to enter, as usual, just on time. She looked at me, her eyes so cold they almost made me flinch, I had to force myself to break eye contact and turn my attention back to Zak and his question about my girlfriend.

"The doctor told her she should take the week of to recover, but knowing Arizona, I'm surprised she isn't in today." I laughed knowing that Tom most likely had to argue with her this morning to stop her from coming into school today, Arizona was definitely stubborn when she wanted to be.

Zak and I continued to talk and joke as we waited patiently for the final school bell to ring. When it did, Zac and I said our goodbyes and slowly walked to my car, I was in no rush to get anywhere.

I had made up my mind, and I was going to tell Arizona what I did, today, as soon as possible. The longer I put it off the harder it was going to be to tell her, and in any relationship on of the most important factors is communicating and being honest with one another, and right now I was doing neither.

Looking down at the teddy bear still in my hand I decided to stop by a small chocolate shop on the way to Arizona's. The shop was empty as I ran inside, I searched around the small room looking for the perfect 'get well soon' gifts. Finally deciding on a a purple round box of assorted chocolates, a medium sized teddy bear with the most adorable face, and a get well soon card, I took it all up to the counter and paid for it. I stood to the side of the counter and asked the clerk if I could borrow a pen as I quickly filled in the card before sealing it and placing it in the bag with the gifts.

Taking all the back roads, I finally arrived at Arizona's in the slowest possible time. The extended journey was supposed to help me think and clear my head, but it failed to do either, it only made me think more and feel even more guilty. Even slower I walked up her pathway and knocked on her front door, it felt like no time had passed when Tom pulled it open.

"Good afternoon Mickie," He smiled widely at me, reminding me of how alike he and Arizona truly were. "he's cute, is he for me?" He joked looking down at the teddy bear, as he invited me inside.

I laughed at him, "Nope. He's for your ill daughter." I told him and watched his face fall playfully, before he broke into an amused smile.

"Ill? You'd think she was in perfect health the way she's been going around today." I smiled at his words, feeling slightly better knowing she was feeling better. "She's upstairs Mickie, I know she'll be glad to see you." He smiled at me one last time before walking through the kitchen and into the light room off from it that he spent most of his time in. I had never been in there but Arizona had told me that it was the room in which he did all of his work. I knew he was an archaeologist, and would often get called away on jobs, but aside from that I didn't actually know what he did.

I seemed to be go so slow today I was almost going backwards, with every step I took my time, trying to make the short journey upstairs take as long as possible. My hands were sweaty and my heart was beating madly as I gently knocked on her door with my free hand, hearing music coming from the other side of the door.

"Dad, I love you but I don't want another cup of tea." Arizona almost whined as she pulled open the door.

"Well I can live with you not wanting another tea, but calling me dad, yeah I take offence to that." I joked and tried to laugh of how guilty I felt seeing her beautiful face, and her gentle blue eyes, that I loved so much, but my laugh ended up sounding like a nervous giggle.

She crossed her arms tentatively over her chest and raised one of her eyebrow's. "And where were you this morning?" She asked frowning slightly.

I swallowed nervously and cleared my throat, "I know I promised, but I was running late, and I didn't have time and then I thought, I know-" She cut me off by gently pressing her lips to mine.

As much as I tried not to, I couldn't help but compare her kiss to Courtney's kiss yesterday. Arizona's kisses are amazing, gentle and send little electric shocks through my body, but Courtney's kisses, they're indescribable, they ignited every nerve in my body, making me feel more alive then ever, as if I needed her to stay alive.

"I'm only joking Mickie, I know you wouldn't ignore me intentionally, although a text back would have been nice." She smiled at me and took my free hand leading me into her room.

"I'm sorry Ari, my phone died." I lied, again, only adding to my overwhelming sense of guilt.

She shook her head and told me that it didn't matter, I was here now. She sat down on her bed and looked at me with that breathtaking smile, making me almost burst and admit everything to her then. "Aww, he's adorable, is he for me?" Arizona asked sounding just like her dad, making me laugh.

"Yes he is for you, he's from Zak and so is this." I gave her the teddy bear, and but my bag for her down on the floor as I took my school bag off and searched it for the card Zak had given me. Finding it I gave it to her, and she wasted no time in opening it. "He's so sweet that boy." Arizona smiled, and stood up placing the card on her desk, before taking her seat back on the bed, and ushering me over to her.

"He is indeed." I agreed, putting my school down beside hers and picking up the other bag, before walking towards her. "This is for you, from me." I smiled at her and gave her the bag, noticing how my hand shook as I held it out for her, either she didn't notice or choose not to say anything as she took the bag from me.

"You didn't have to get me anything Mickie. You being here by my side is enough." Her words accompanied by her smile made me feel sick, and disgusted with myself.

I watched her open the bag and pull out the teddy bear, a huge childish grin forming as she did so. She then proceeded to take out the chocolates and the card. She went to lean towards me, but winced in pain and pulled back. "Thank-you Mickie, now give me a hug because I can't hug you." I laughed at her, and moved towards her wrapping my arms gently around her. "I'm so lucky to have you." She whispered in my ear, and immediately I shot back away from her.

She frowned at my actions but shook her head ever so slightly and picked up the box of chocolates, opening the lid.

"Arizona, I-"

"So, I'm guessing you love me then and you're not sorry." She cut me off, and I froze at her statement. What did she mean by that? Of course I was sorry, but how would she know I had something to be sorry about.

"I d- don't know what you mean." I stuttered, probably looking just as guilty as I felt, I couldn't hide it anymore, it was eating me up inside.

Arizona broke into a smile, and took my right hand in her left, "I'm kidding Mickie. You know the saying, 'chocolates say I love you, flowers say I'm sorry'." I relaxed a little hearing her statement, but maybe I should have brought her flowers then.

"Well maybe I should have brought you flowers then." I told her exactly what I was thinking. Once more she frowned at me and placed the chocolates back down on the bed, and gently repositioned herself so we were closer and face to face.

"What do you mean by that Mickie?" She asked softly, but I could hear how nervous and worried she sounded.

How do I tell her that I kissed Courtney? How do I tell her it meant nothing when it had actually meant a lot? How do you say sorry, when sorry is not going to be enough?

"I did something Arizona, yesterday when I visited Courtney." As if she could tell what I had done just by words and by the tone of my voice, she released my hand and stood up of the bed walking towards her window to stare out of it. I watched as she closer her eyes, and wrapped her arms gently around herself.

"Did she initiate it or did you?" She asked, telling me she had immediately guessed correctly what I had to be sorry for. "I asked you a question Mickie the least you can do is answer it. Did she come onto you?" Arizona turned around to face me, her voice sounding harsh and so unlike her.

"Yes but-"

"Was it a touch? A kiss? Or something more?"

"It was just as kiss but-"

She let out a small sarcastic laugh, "Just a kiss. Because that makes it alright. Did you kiss her back?"

"I did but-"

"Stop with the 'but's' Mickie, there are no buts. You cheated on me, with her of all people." For the third time in a row Arizona cut me off, I knew I didn't deserve the chance to talk to her and try to explain my actions, but it would have been nice if she had just allowed me to explain the whole story. I went to interrupt but she continued, "After what she and her boyfriend did to me, you still let her kiss you. I bet you had a right laugh about that, about me. Did she tell you she slapped me?"

Courtney had slapped her? Courtney was many things, and she could be very nasty with her words, but I didn't think she would ever result to physically harming anyone.

"Yes she did. Your oh so precious Courtney slapped me, because she can't handle the truth about herself." Arizona went on, and knowing she probably needed this, needed to rant and have it go at me, I let her continue choosing not to interrupt her. "What did she say Mickie to make you go crawling back to her? Did she tell you she loved you too? Did she promise you that you could be together if you just gave her time?

"It's pathetic Mickie. You're pathetic. The way you hang on her every word, the way she can so easily manipulate, the way you could so easily forget me, your girlfriend, when she wants you for a little bit."

Her words stung, but I knew each one I deserved, but that didn't mean she had to be so cruel about it. "Why are you being cruel Arizona?" I asked her, hating seeing this side of her, it was ugly and it was nothing like the sweet girl I knew and was dating.

"Because I tried being nice and kind, but clearly that goes in one ear and out the other with you. I know what it's like Mickie, I've been there, and I am trying to help you but it's not working, and if the only way to get it to work is to be cruel, then I'm sorry but that it what I am going to do."

I stared at her, as her words sank in. She looked hurt, angry, confused, sad, but she didn't look like my Arizona. Not that there was a 'my Arizona'. I didn't know what to say, I was hurt by her words and I had no clue as to what to say to make her feel better. She took a deep breath and sat down on her desk chair, keeping a safe distance from me, and wrapped an arm around her ribs. She didn't need this, not when she was already hurting.

"I don't know what to say Ari. I'm sorry doesn't seem like enough. I know that I've hurt you, but you have to know that I didn't do it with the intentions of hurting you. I got lost up in a moment with Courtney, she feed me everything I wanted to hear and yes I was stupid to let her kiss me, and yes I was even more stupid for kissing her back." I stood up and walked towards her, bending down by her chair I took her left hand, like she had down about a month ago when I was afraid to leave my car. "I can't tell you how sorry I am, I care so much about you and I'm sorry it took me making a mistake by kissing Courtney to realise it."

Arizona didn't say anything but nodded her head, looking above my head at the wall. I sighed and stood up, it was actually better when she was having a go at me then when she ignored me like that.