《Being Popular (GirlxGirl) [COMPLETE]》Chapter Ten- Forget Eveyrthing and Start Over?
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Arizona's P.O.V
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Mickie grabbed my hand and entwined our fingers, the contact of her skin touching mine sent a shiver down my spine, I think my feelings towards Mickie were definitely becoming more than friendly, why else would I have forgiven her so quickly, why else would I feel that spark of electricity when she was near me. When I saw her looking so lost earlier, I knew I had to help, I just wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her everything was going to be okay.
Honestly, I had missed her a lot more than I had expected to this past week. I even volunteered to bring her the work she had missed everyday, I did this for two reasons. One, I didn't want Courtney to have an excuse to visit Mickie. Two, I wanted to see her, wanted to make sure she was okay. But every time I tried to talk to her, to tell her that I wasn't angry or upset, that I understood, I couldn't. I ended up leaving in such a hurry.
I spent hours thinking about Mickie. Eventually I came to the conclusion that I wanted to be her friend, if nothing more, but for it to truly work out I wanted to tell her the truth, everything. If I wanted to become close to her I had to make sure I stopped lying to her.
"It's fine you don't have to tell me." She told me bringing me back to reality, I straight into her green eyes, which were more like hazel tonight, they showed her concern and understanding. It was all the encouragement I needed to continue.
I shook my head. "No. I want to tell you." I said, trying to make my voice sound stronger than I felt. The topic still caused me pain.
"Only if you want to." She rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb. It was such a sweet gesture, so caring.
"I want to." I repeated, my voice sounding a lot more certain. "Well I-" I started to tell her but then a knock came from my bedroom door, I mentally rolled my eyes, I told my dad to leave us alone. "Not right now dad." I called out to him, hoping he would just leave. Thankfully he stopped knocking, but just as quickly he started up again. "Dad we're busy." I yelled, starting to feel annoyed by his persistence.
"Maybe you should see what he wants." Mickie shrugged her shoulders. She was right, I should, but I didn't want to right now. If I didn't tell her now I might not be able to tell her at all.
"No. He'll go away in the minute." I told her, but the knocking continued. She raised her eyebrows at me as if to say 'he's not going anywhere', I playfully rolled my eyes at her and gave in. "Fine. Come in." I called out to him. He better be quick with whatever it was he had to say.
Finally he stopped knocking and opened the door, I waited, ready to give him my best 'get lost' look. As the door opened, time seemed to slow down, just like it does in movies. The person standing before me couldn't be who I thought it was. It wasn't possible. My heart stopped as I took in every detail of her. Her chocolate brown eyes which had once kept me so captivated, her full pink lips, I knew well enough, pulled up in a sexy grin. I wasn't wrong it was definitely her.
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As the reality of the situation sunk in, I felt every muscle in my body tensing, just seeing her here standing in my doorway made my blood run cold.
"Sasha." Her name came out as a whisper, I wasn't sure if it was loud enough for anyone to hear. She didn't respond, instead she smiled at me, a smile that had once tempted me, but now only angered me. "How...How did you get in?" I stood up, but still clasped Mickie's hand, as if, by letting it go, I would lose all sense of control.
"Your dad he let me in." She replied simply, she continued to maintain eyes contact with me, only breaking it once to stare at mine and Mickie's entwined hands, but quickly met my gaze again.
"Did you tell him who you were?" I asked between clenched teeth. There's no way on earth he would have let her up had he known who she was.
"No. I lied, I told him I was a friend from school." I was starting to regret not showing my dad a picture of her. I cursed myself as I realised the music had prevented us from hearing the doorbell.
"I want you out. Now." I yelled out her, my words laced with venom.
"Arizona I just want to talk." She pleaded with me.
"Leave." I had never felt so angry in my life. How dare she say she wanted to 'talk' with me.
"Please Zona," I flinched as she used my nickname, "I came all this way too-"
"Oh, that makes all the difference then." I snapped sarcastically. "You know what, I'll give you the money for the wasted train journey if you like and I'll pay for the journey back."
She sighed, "That's not what I meant Zona."
"Stop calling me that." I yelled at her, my temper finally reaching boiling point, I was ready to attack her when I felt the reassuring squeeze of my hand. Mickie. I had forgotten she was even there, I turned to face her and she gave me a small comforting smile. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself, and stop myself from giving Sasha the punch in the face she deserved. "Mickie. Earlier you asked me why my mum kicked me out. Well that," I said pointing at Sasha, "Is the reason."
Sasha turned her gaze from me and looked over at Mickie, without thinking I pulled Mickie closer to me, the action seemed to bring a smile to Sasha's lips. What that smile meant I had no idea. I used to think I new the in's and out's of this girl, but it turned out I knew nothing about her.
"Nice too meet you Mickie. I'm Sasha, Arizona's-"
"My what? Friend, ex-girlfriend, victim?" Sasha looked shocked by my outburst, as did Mickie. After a few tense minutes of silence, Mickie cleared her throat, reluctantly I turned my gaze from Sasha to face Mickie.
"I'm going to go. I'll leave you two to it." Mickie said, looking between the two of us. I didn't want Mickie to go, I didn't want to be left in the same room as her.
"You don't have to go." She gave me a small smile, but shook her head.
"I need to get home before my dad starts to worry."
"I'll give you a lift." I offered, but again, Mickie shook her head.
"No need, it's only a short walk. Plus I need some fresh air. Call me tomorrow?"
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No. I don't want to call you tomorrow, I want you to stay here tonight, and I want that thing to walk back out of my life and crawl back under the rock she came from.
I sighed, "Okay I will. Bye Mickie." I wanted to hug her goodbye, but I wasn't sure if it would be appropriate. Mickie made the decision for me, she gave my hand a reassuring squeeze and left the room, giving Sasha a small smile on her way out. I watched as Sasha waited for Mickie to leave the room before pulling the door to close it. Leaving her and I alone.
I don't know how much time passed as I continued to glare at Sasha. I had nothing to say to her, and there was nothing I wanted to hear from her. I crossed my arms over my chest as she opened her mouth to say something. Before she could say whatever it was she had to say, she walked over to the speakers and turned off the music.
"I don't know what to say." She mumbled, just loud enough for me to her.
"I do." From her expression, I could tell it caught her by surprise. "There's the door don't let it hit you on the the way out." I gave her a false smile and walked past her to the door, holding it open for her.
"Please Zo-" My jaw clenched, and she must have noticed it because she stopped and corrected herself. "Arizona, five minutes. That's it. After that I'll go if that's still what you want."
A very big part of me wanted to say no, to tell her to go back to where she came from and never come back. A smaller part wanted to hear her out. Deep down I wanted to know the reasons she did what she did.
I slammed my bedroom door shut, causing her to jump. "Five minutes. Not a second more." I told her. She gave me a relieved smile and took a step towards me. "Stay there." I warned her. If she came too close I might kill her or, worse, doing something I might regret.
"I'm sorry Arizona. I never meant to hurt you." Her eyes were clouded over, as if she was close to tears.
I rolled my eyes. "Spare me the crocodile tears Sasha." Again she took a step towards me, and again I stopped her. "Just tell me why you did it. What could I have ever done to you that was so bad?"
"Nothing. You never did anything to me-"
"Then why God damn it." I slammed my hand against the bookshelf, my temper was slowly rising.
"I-I... Annabelle... She..." Sasha stuttered.
"She what? Forced you to say what you did?" I shouted at her, which resulted in even more tears falling from her eyes.
"No... She... She..."
"She what?"
"She changed my words." She finally managed to say. I walked over to my bed and sat down, resting my head in my hands. I could feel a major headache coming on.
"I want to know the whole story." I told her, after a few minutes of silence. Thankfully she had stopped crying within that time.
I saw her swallow nervously before she nodded her head, "Okay. Where do you want me to start?"
"The beginning would be good." I told her, lifting my head out of my hands. I watched as she ran a shaky hand through her hair, but she made no attempt to talk. I sighed. "Okay. How about you start by telling me why you're here?" She nodded, more enthusiastically this time. She was obviously more comfortable talking about what had brought her here to see me now. To be fair, I didn't care why she was here, all I cared about was when she was leaving.
"Nobody had seen or heard from you in weeks."
"My mum kicked me out as soon as she heard the lies you were spreading, I spent a few weeks with my cousins before I moved here."
"I tried texting you, calling you."
"I changed my number. I was sick of the threatening texts and calls I was constantly receiving." I told her the truth, hoping to make her feel bad.
"I had to see you. I had to tell you how sorry I was." Again, I saw her eyes cloud over.
"How did you even know I was here?"
"I visited your mum on Wednesday. She told me that you had gone to live with your dad and that it was for the best. I managed to talk her into giving me your dad's address." I nodded. "I'm sorry." She said just above a whisper.
"Saying sorry doesn't make it all better Sasha."
As much as I hated her, I had to resist the urge to lean over and wipe the tears from her eyes. I hated seeing her like this, it wasn't the Sasha I remembered. Not the cocky, confident Sasha who had found me when I was at my most vulnerable and had helped me to become a stronger person.
"I know it doesn't. I hope that you find it in your heart to forgive me."
"I don't know if I can." I whispered. I cleared my throat and said louder, "Tell me what happened."
"It was after that night." That night. We had yet to discuss that night, not properly anyway, it was supposed to be the greatest night. Well, it was definitely a night to remember, but not for the right reasons.
"The night we had sex." I said, what she was too afraid to say. She didn't respond, just nodded her head. "I woke up the next morning to find you had left."
She laughed softly. I didn't join in, nothing about this situation was even remotely funny. "Yeah, I kinda freaked and left before you woke up." She rubbed the back of her neck nervously. "I was scared you might regret what we had done." She admitted.
"I didn't regret it Sasha." I told her honestly. She gave me a shy smile.
"I thought you might have. I mean we were drunk, we hadn't even made it official that we were dating. Plus it was my first time..." She said, getting quieter and quieter.
"You know I liked you Sasha." She smiled sheepishly at me, and without thinking I smiled back at her. Quickly realising my mistake, my expression changed to a frown. "Doesn't matter now anyway. Tell me what happened that morning."
Sasha obviously realised she was getting through to me, she didn't seem as nervous. "That morning I left I went for a walk. I ended up running into Annabelle."
"So what? You told her I-" I started, feeling the anger building up in me again.
"No." Sasha, responded quickly cutting me off before I could say it.
"Then what." I almost screamed, standing up I walked over to her, so that we were face to face.
"I ended up telling her we slept together and that I regretted it." I froze. She had told Annabelle. "And she managed to convince me that you had pressured me and..." She trailed off as the tears started to fall. I stepped back away from her.
"You're telling me that she made you believe I took advantage of you." I repeated, wanting to her hear confirm it.
"Yes." She hiccuped from the constant sobs. "I don't know how. She kept twisting my words and before I knew it people were already talking about it and I couldn't deny it. People would think-"
"You selfish bitch." I spat out, without thinking. "Two weeks I suffered abuse and threats because they thought I was a fucking rapist." I screamed at her at the top of my lungs, I had lost it by now, I wanted to kill her.
"I'm sorry Arizona. I'm so sorry Arizona." She sobbed louder.
I opened my mouth to tell her where she could stick her sorry when my dad barged into the room. "Ari honey, what's wrong. I heard you shouting." He asked looking between Sasha and I.
"Get her out of here before I kill her." I told him through clenched teeth. He wasn't stupid, he knew I wasn't in any mood to argue. He whispered something to Sasha, in response she nodded, and he lead her out of the room.
As soon as they had left the room the tears I had been so desperately trying to hold back fell. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing as I felt myself slowly slipping into a deep sleep...
The next morning I woke feeling like crap. I rubbed my eyes and walked into the bathroom to take a shower. Despite not wanting to, I looked in the mirror, sighing as I realised I looked just as crap as I felt. Hopefully a nice long shower would make me feel, and look, a lot better than I currently did.
The shower did make me feel slightly better but I still felt like crap. At least I look better. I quickly changed, and roughly towel dried my hair before heading downstairs. I knew I had a lot of explaining to do, my dad would want to know everything. But first I wanted to know where Sasha had gone last night.
"Morning Ari." He smiled at me as I walked into the kitchen.
"Morning dad." I replied.
"Your friend left early this morning but she left you this note." He held up a folded piece of paper with my name on it and handed it to me.
"She's no friend of mine." I told him the truth as I took the note from his hand. "Wait. What do you mean 'she left early this morning'?"
"She spent the night here, but when I woke up this morning she was gone."
"She has a habit of doing that." I muttered more to myself than to him.
"What?" He asked, either not hearing me or not understanding what I meant.
"Doesn't matter." I lifted my shoulders up in a shrug.
"I don't know what happened last night Ari, but if you want to talk about I'm here." He reached out his hand and squeezed my hand.
I smiled widely at him, "I know dad. Thank-you for everything." I walked closer to him and gave him a quick hug before heading back upstairs to my room to read the note in private.
Once I was comfortable and mentally prepared, I opened the note up and read the contents;
Arizona,
There's so much more that I want to tell you. Like how much I have missed you. I knew that visiting you could be costly but I was willing to take the risk, I had to see you, I had to tell you how sorry I am. Seeing you made me realise how selfish I had been, I watched your world crumble around you and I made no attempt to help you.
It broke my heart to see the hate in your eyes, hate that was directed at me. That look scared me, a lot. I was scared that my actions, or lack of action, had changed you, but then I saw the way you looked at Mickie. It was then that I realised I stood no chance with you, I realised that you would never look at me with that look, that look that was so full of care and concern. I hope she makes you happy, you deserve happiness, especially after everything I put you through.
Your mum told me to tell you that she misses you and that she loves you, she hopes that one day you can forgive her for what she did, she thought kicking you out was the best for everybody. Faye misses her big sister lots, she'd love for you to visit, she never stops talking about you.
I just wanted you to know how truly sorry I am. Even when I did tell the truth it was too late, things would never be the same for you again, too much damage had been caused, damage that could never be fixed. I never meant to hurt you Zona. I still cling to hope that one day you might forgive me and that we can forget everything and start over.
Love always,
Sasha
I finished reading the letter as silent tears streaked down my cheeks. I couldn't understand why her letter had effected me so much, he just had. Thinking about my mum and my little sister made me cry even harder, God how I missed them.
I kept thinking about everything Sasha had said the night before, and reading the letter again I finally believed that she was truly sorry. I still couldn't forgive her for what she did, but I was starting to feel the hate I once held for her disappear, just like the love had done.
After managing to pull myself together, I stood up and walked over to my closet with the letter in my hand. I stood on my tip-toes to reach a box that sat on top of the closet. The box was filled things I couldn't bring myself to throw away, I placed Sasha's letter on top of all the other pieces of paper before putting the lis back on the box and putting it back in it's home.
Maybe she was right. Maybe one day I might forgive her and then we can 'forget everything and start over.' But that day wasn't today...
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