Valerie P.O.V.

After an absolutely crazy week, I arrived home on the weekend. A part of our flight was overnight, and since L.A was two hours ahead, we landed in the very early morning on Sunday. Carter and I got some breakfast before we both went our separate ways. I threw a load of my clothes into the washing before collapsing in bed. I normally would put off unpacking for a few weeks, but since some things were wet, I didn't want them to go all moldy. After popping my clothes in the dryer, I took a long nap.

Once everything was organised and back to normal, I decided to scroll through the hundreds of images I had on my phone to select one of Carter and I to upload. I was pretty excited to do my first coupley post. In my last relationship, he hated taking pictures and we rarely ever got any cute ones. This was kind of a first for me, in a sense. I chose a pic of us that we had taken on the beach together, where he had an arm wrapped around my body and I was leaning into him with one hand on his chest. He was looking down at me with a soft smile, whilst I smiled at the camera. It was one of my favorites. I pondered over the caption for a little while before keeping it short and sweet.

After being happy with the photo and caption, I posted it before heading over to my DM's. There were a ton that had built up after everything that happened from my birthday, and since I was essentially m.i.a for the past week with Carter. I opened up a decent amount from fans, exclaiming how much they loved us, which made me smile so much. His fans were so, so sweet. I responded to those ones, saying thankyou and sent a few loveheart and smile emojis, before continuing on.

Stay away from Carter!

Ouch. I ignored the spiteful message and kept reading, replying to some friends before I got an interesting one.

Hi Valerie! We really love what you've done with Jess Lewins shoot, and we have another opportunity coming up if you would like to join us on set as a stylist. We'd love to have you on board. Look forward to hearing from you! 💓

Woah. It'd been a while since my New York trip, I was totally excited to play with some more clothes and accessories. I responded immediately, expressing my interest. I continued to filter through the messages before I opened another...

You're so desperate for attention, getting in everyone's snaps and videos. No one likes you!

What? I instantly felt very uncomfortable, fidgety and frustrated. In my conscious mind I knew that it was just hate, but I couldn't stop it from making me feel anxious. It was like only two people from many other positive fans, so it shouldn't mean a thing... but it still somewhat affected me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong? I shut off my phone immediately.

It doesn't matter.

Easier said, than done though. Forget about it. Forget about it. Forget about it.

But what if they're right?

Am I just that random, annoying, unwanted person?

My mind was completely overrun, it was like a constant tug of war inside my head. I slapped my hands on my forehead before dragging them down my face with a groan. This sucks.

"Knock knock!" Ellana's excited voice came through before she swung the door open and jumped onto the bed beside me. "Ahhhh I missed you!" she threw her arms around me.

"Heyy, I missed you too!" I mustered up a believable smile and hugged the bubbly girl. I need to forget.

"How was the rest of the trip? We haven't talked since like two days ago!"

I let my mind wander back to all the memories we made, cheering myself up. "Amazing, we went on a helicopter ride over the island, it was beautiful!" I gushed.

"Wow that's awesome. Totally jealous," she nodded as she listened.

"Carter also told me he loved me." I whispered with a small smile.

"OMMMMMGGGGGGG," she squealed. "DID YOU SAY IT BACK?" she basically screamed.

"Yeah I did," I bit my lip.

"Awwwwww that's so adorable. Yay! I'm so happy for you!" she grinned. "I'mma start planning our double wedding now."

"Wait I thought we were getting married?" I chuckled.

She paused for a minute to think. "Hm. True. Kean and Carter can get married then," she shrugged.

"Fine with me," I continued the joke, as we both giggled.

"Oh! I actually had something to ask as well. If you're not too tired the girls and I are going out to do something tonight if you wanna come?"

"Ummm, yeah, you know what I'll tag along." I replied. I definitely could use a distraction.

~

We rolled up to the cheesecake factory to grab a bite to eat, catch up and gossip. Sommer and Alexys were underage so they wouldn't be able to head to the bar afterwards alongside Ell, Jess and I. They were cool with it though and headed home together after our long dinner.

I flashed my ID to the bouncer before heading indoors. There was quite a lot of people out and about, relaxing and chatting away with a drink in hand. I decided to just have one or two cocktails tonight, and keep it chill. I had to work tomorrow morning as well.

"Hey Val..." Jess asked, peering up at me from sipping on her umbrella straw.

I turned to her expectantly for her to continue. "Yeah what's up?"

"Uh would you be upset if I got with your brother?" she asked me, biting her lip nervously.

I shook my head and smiled at her. "No." I laughed. "I don't really mind who he dates, as long as they're nice people."

"Okay good!" she relaxed, brightening up with a smile.

"I thought you already...?" Ell piped in, scrunching her eyebrows at Jess.

"Yeah," she chuckled before turning back towards me to explain. "We're like not going to date since he lives on the other side of the country y'know... but I kinda hooked up with him when he was here."

I almost spat the drink I had out. Typical Will. I guess I totally saw this coming. "It's fine," I awkwardly laughed. "I just don't need to hear the finer details." I waved off casually. Please make this conversation end.

"Sorry," Jess chuckled. "I felt guilty keeping it from you. Just in case you're against the whole friend and sibling thing."

I shook my head. "It's okay, really. Thank you for checking with me though." I said, giving her an appreciative smile.

"Round two?" Ell whipped out her card from her purse, sliding off the tall bar stool.

"Yes, please!" Jess nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah! Could you grab me whatever you're having? I just gotta go to the bathroom."

"Sure thing." Ell nodded before she ordered some more drinks. I straightened out the top I was wearing before looking out for the bathroom sign. Noticing the bright neon light, I began to make my way over.

Just as I reached out to push the door in; a tall, glamorous girl swung it open and stepped out, causing me to jump back quickly to avoid us colliding.

"Woah watch out," she exclaimed.

"Oh I'm sorry," I said, moving off to the side for her to pass. She looked kinda familiar.

"Don't worry about it," her lips pulled into a tight smile. Her eyes narrowed as it trailed downwards, before zooming in on my face. "Hey, I know you. You're Valerie right?" she cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Uh yeah, that's me." I smiled politely.

"Lacey Drew." she simply nodded, clutching onto her phone in one hand, with a handbag dangling off the crook of her elbow.

"Oh! Yeah um you're one of Carter's old friends right?" I asked her, recognition hitting me from the past paparazzi photo I had seen of her, and the time I also stalked her profile. She looked even prettier in person.

She snorted a little in amusement. "Mm. Is that what he said?"

"Yeah..." I chuckled nervously.

Her lips curved into a slight smirk. "Does he often tell you about his "old friends"?" she chuckled almost mockingly.

"Well uh no, what do you mean sorry?" I asked her, shifting on my feet. She was making me feel a hell of a lot intimidated, and anxious.

She let out a malicious giggle. "Aw. you're so naive its cute. Carter's a fuckboy. He has flings then he dumps them. Old friends? What he means was that we were banging each other once upon a time, before we stopped talking."

I know he's had a few short-lived relationships before but... what the hell did that mean? I distinctively recall him saying they were just friends. I felt sick to my stomach.

"Uh, he did say something abo-" I tried to get out through my suddenly scratchy throat.

"Carter and I weren't just old friends, babe. Thought you should know," she flicked her hair over her shoulder. "So nice to meet you," she plastered on a sickly sweet, fake smile before striding away, leaving me there dumbfounded.

I think I might throw up. I can handle Carter telling me about his past relationships. He obviously wasn't a virgin, he had told me so. But I didn't want to hear a girl he had been with previously, explicitly stating that they had been "banging" each other. Especially since she was standing right in front of me. Especially since he told me she wasn't anything but just a friend. I wanted to cry.

What the fuck is happening?

I quickly ran into the bathroom, holding it together as the information swirled through my brain. Take a few deep breaths, I told myself. Calm down. After making sure I wasn't going to burst into tears, I made my way back to Ell and Jess.

"Hey girl! Where you been?" Ell asked as she spotted me approaching. Oh they had finished their drinks already.

"Yeah! Are you okay? You were gone for a while," Jess said.

"Yeah, you know what I'm not feeling that great, I might head off." I replied, hoping they didn't notice any of my distress. I didn't want to unload whilst we were supposed to be having a fun girl's night.

"Don't be silly, we'll all go home." Ell shook her head, looping her arm through mine.

I was grateful for their support tonight, even if it ended on a bad note.

~

Remember Dr. Kavanaugh?

She was who I was forced to see when I had become a bit of a mess in New York, during the downfall of my relationship with my ex. I was having panic attacks, especially after when we'd get into a huge fight. I had no idea at the time about what was going on with me. It turns out that I was battling a lot of emotional stress and anxiety because of my unhealthy dependency on my ex, that it was starting to physically make me sick. Add that to the fact that he was also very emotionally abusive and I started to become the same way.

He only liked me for my golden girl status and I just wanted him to want me. I started becoming obsessive about everything he did, trying to read through his phone, looking at what and who he liked on social media, following him to places he went. There was no trust. It didn't matter what I found out he did, we would just blow up each other and I would come crawling back. Over and over. It was all wrong.

We just kept damaging each other, making mountains out of molehills, until one day I found him cheating on me and I cracked for the final time. I smashed his car windows and threw various objects at him in his apartment in our rage-filled break-up, before completely crumbling down. I had even done things... things to myself that were unhealthy. This earned me a one-way ticket to continuous therapy and my decision to move away from those triggers.

That's essentially the full version of my past. I'm ashamed of my actions, but it's what had happened and I've glad I've pulled through. We even apologised to each other before I moved to L.A from the recommendation of. Dr. Kavanaugh. I didn't feel pain anymore, I moved on to my new life and tried to get back to my old, true self. I was lucky to have Ellana and Will there to recognise what was going on and make me talk to a professional. It made me realise, if you're ever in a toxic situation, please leave and seek help.

Lacey Drew had completely just blown off the top of my happy summer. I was completely plagued by my twisted thoughts, I had no idea what to believe. All I knew, was that I felt the tumultuous stress and anxiety bubbling up again. I had tried my best to affirm my self, build my confidence and self-esteem. Be myself. Ignore the negative comments. Live. But this was the tip of the iceberg.

A lonely tear slipped down my face as I lay in bed, struggling to fall asleep that night.

I can't do this anymore.

~

I hope you're enjoying this story so far! 😊 I recently published the first chapter of a new one I've started, it's called "Circles" so check that out if you like this! ❤️