《Connections | ✔️》Seventeen
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Valerie P.O.V.
Carter and I have been keeping it very low-key on social media, we didn't post any of the snapchats or selfies we took together, living in our secret little bubble for the past few weeks. It felt amazing to have his presence and attention solely on me. I couldn't help but think though, about what the masses of people would think if we ever came out as a couple. Are we even a couple?
Speaking of couples, Kean and Ell were now officially boyfriend and girlfriend. It was such amazing news, I'd never seen her happier. They too, were trying to stay off the radar, at least until their show kicks off.
Opening my phone, I clicked on to my social media apps and browsed them quickly. I had been gaining a ton of followers ever since Sommer posted those photos on her Instagram. I think it was up to 16k or something ridiculous like that. Maybe I need to step up my game? Ellana was always telling me I should upload some of my OOTD's. Maybe I'll try to start doing some of those? I felt the need to deliver something to the poor people who followed my boring feed.
I clicked on the photo of Carter and I, so I could scroll through the comments to see what the fans thought. It didn't obviously suggest we were together, but we were both quite close in proximity to each other. Underneath the image lay hundreds of messages. There were mostly a lot of tags, emojis, I love yous, and the classic memes.
"Alexa, play that should be me" "I almost spit my caramel venti mocha latte with 1 shot espresso, 2 tsps cream and half cup non-fat milk..."
Those were absolutely hilarious, the internet could be such a funny place sometimes. I kept reading through, smiling to myself until I stumbled across a couple of negative comments.
"Ew, who is that?" "I know right, not good enough for him" "Who does she think she is?"
My stomach dropped, as a feeling of unease began to settle in.
What? How could they judge me when they don't even know me? Just like that, my mind set off on a chain of unending, churning thoughts inside my head. They're just haters, right? I should just ignore them. But what if they're right? What if I'm nothing special if I'm not the glamorous rich girl? What if people will never like me just for me? I exited the app promptly and turned over my phone screen on the bedside table before closing my eyes. I can't let these anxious thoughts to eat up at me and these insecurities rule over me again. That was how I had once spiralled, causing more destruction to something that was already destructive.
I tossed and turn that night, unable to fall asleep, the comments had unfortunately spread a seed of doubt in my subconscious. I felt a little more determined however, to try and prove these people wrong. The real me is the best version of myself. I'm the only one of me on this planet. I'm good enough, I told myself, repeating those words of affirmation in my head.
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~
I dressed up a little nicer this morning before trying to take a few selfies in the full-length mirror to post on my Instagram. I think I'm going to commit to uploading more frequently, it's about time I stopped hiding away and expressed myself fully. I can't let people negatively affect who I am and what I choose to do.
A knock came through the door, waking me from my inner monologue.
He's back, I grinned.
I opened the door to a smiling Carter, swooning at the sight of him, before he stepped into the apartment and gave me a short, sweet yet searing kiss on the lips.
"Hey handsome," I said softly as we pulled back.
"Hi beautiful," he smiled, before looping his fingers through mine. "Let's head off?"
"Yep, I'm starving." I replied eagerly grabbing my purse before we exited.
Carter placed a hand on the small of my back, leading me into the restaurant we were going to for brunch, as he opened the door for me to step through. Ugh, such a gentleman! Where has he been all my life? I can't believe I once let someone treat me any less. Scratch that, if this was the bare minimum for him, my ex was way, way less than that.
"I think I'll get the eggs benedict with avocado, grilled mushrooms and spinach please," I mused looking over the menu options, feeling like something healthy, as the waiter took down my order.
"Hmm and I'll get the chicken sandwich, thankyou," he grinned with a mischievous look in his eyes, before handing our menus to the waiter. He knows I love those! "and if you're extra nice, I might let ya have a bite," he added, turning his attention back to me.
I narrowed my eyes at him amusedly. "You always tease me," I noted, crossing my arms.
"I love it when you react," he sat forward, reaching over the table to twirl a strand of my hair in his fingers. My lips curved up into a smile at his admittance.
The food was delivered promptly as we both dug in, Carter let me have half his chicken sandwich while he ate half of my meal.
Marry me.
We split the check upon my insistence, he always tried to pay for everything, but I put my foot down on this one. As we exited the restaurant to make our way back to his car, a man with a large video camera bombarded us suddenly on the footpath.
"Hey Carter! How are you?" the Hollywood Goss reporter asked as he stepped in front of us and began walking backwards.
"Yeah good thanks man, you?" he nodded at the reporter casually, tightening the grip he had around my hand. We continued walking to the parked Jeep, as I kept my head down behind him.
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"I'm great. Who's this? Are you guys dating?" the man probed.
"Just a good friend of mine," he smiled at the camera as we reached his car, opening my door for me to hop in.
"Right okay, so what projects you got coming up Carter?" the reporter followed him as he made his way to the driver's side.
"My ad I filmed with S&CO in Hawaii should be out soon I think," he said politely as he hopped into the car and buckled up.
"Oh sounds cool! Thanks man," the reporter backed off.
"No worries, have a good day," he replied with a wave before driving off.
That was so weird.
We arrived back at my apartment, where I dumped my things on the table before collapsing on the sofa. All I could think about the rest of the way, was that he called me just a friend. I know that it doesn't mean anything but... does he not want to be seen with me? Am I not good enough for him? Ugh I'm being so ridiculous with these thoughts. We wanted to keep things on the private side for now. He's also a totally different person than my ex. He's never made me feel like I couldn't trust him, has always made me feel special and has always made time for me. We haven't known each other for long, just over two months? We have spent so much time together during this period, that I feel like I've known him forever though. I only hope he'll remain the same great person, or grow to be even better.
"What's going on inside that head of yours?" Carter enquired as he stretched out on the sofa.
"Nothing, I'm just... thinking too much." I shook my head at him, trying to muster up a believable smile.
"Come here," he motioned, patting the space between his legs. Reluctantly, I crawled over and laid back against him, resting my head against his chest before stretching my legs out. He then wrapped his arms around me and looped his fingers together, resting them on my stomach.
"Talk to me, Val. Don't say it's nothing," Carter spoke gently, as he nuzzled the top of my head.
"I... I don't know... I um, read these sort of negative comments about me online and it's just been bothering me since I guess, and what you said to the reporter earlier...It's not a big deal. I'm just way inside my head." I mumbled quietly, fidgeting with the hem of my top.
Carter was silent for a moment before he spoke up. "I'm sorry that's happened to you Val... whatever was said, don't worry about it. Unfortunately, people can be spiteful and it's just a reflection of their own insecurities on to you. Let the haters do their thing and you do yours," he said reassuringly, shifting his position before taking my legs and laying them over sideways in his lap. "With the reporter, was it the friend thing that bothered you?" his gaze flickered over my face.
"Yeah," I breathed.
"I only said that to protect you Valerie, but that's not what's really bothering you, is it?" he questioned further.
"I don't know Carter, you're a big deal to a lot of people and I'm not... I'm not like those other girls you follow, the girls you should be seen with," I said with a frown.
He cupped the side of my face and tilted it so he could look at me directly. "You're right about that, Valerie. You're not anything like them. But that's the point, you're smart, talented, funny and beautiful. You're not afraid to be yourself. So genuine and true. That's all I care about. I care about you, and only you," he firmly said.
I was taken aback a little. Did he really mean that? How was he so incredibly understanding and sweet?
I let out a deep breath before burying my head into the crook of his neck. I was being silly.
"I'm sorry Carter." I whispered gently, as he squeezed my body in a comforting hug.
"No it's fine, Just try not to let that stuff get to you."
~
I stirred to the feeling of something tickling along my spine in the early evening. "Mmm," I let out a soft moan to the pleasant sensation.
"Wakey wakey," a deep voice whispered. I opened my eyes up to see Carter's face a couple of inches away from mine. We had fallen asleep laying down on the sofa, snuggled up next to each other.
His lips pulled at the corners in a lazy smile as he gazed at me with awe. My hand reached out to stroke up and down his arm, feeling the rigid dips and curves of his muscles. He leaned in to give me a soft kiss on the lips, as my hands grasped onto the back of his neck and moved my lips leisurely against his. His large hands roamed languidly all over my body, smoothing over the curves delightfully. We kissed each other deeply and sensually, taking our sweet time to feel each, and every individual touch. Not before long, we broke apart from the innocently erotic make out session with dream-like smiles gracing our faces.
He definitely knew how to distract a girl.
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