《Begin Again》epilogue

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last box?"

I turn to Miles, who is carrying, what I hope to be, the last cardboard box of his belongings. My hair is practically matted to my forehead from the stale hot air that California has to offer, and I am in desperate need of a shower and some ice water.

Miles nods, slowly putting down the box onto the hardwood floor. I sigh in relief, walking over and collapsing onto his couch that we'd spent two hours carrying up the stairs of his new apartment yesterday.

Miles laughs, lifting the baseball cap he's wearing to casually wipe away a sheen of sweat before placing it back onto his head.

He had shaved off his hair almost a week ago, leaving him with a buzzed look that is still taking me some time to get used to, though he still looks gorgeous as ever.

"You hungry?" he asks, shuffling over to his kitchen after I give him a nod. It's weird, being in this apartment and realizing it's where Miles is going to be living for quite some time.

Just like he'd planned, Miles had spent the last six months in New York with me, and it had been a glorious six months.

I had graduated from NYU, and Talia had graduated from Columbia, both of our ceremonies falling within the same week in May.

It had been sad crossing the stage without Veronica, and it had been equally as sad bidding farewell to her at the airport. It's been about four months since she's been living in Paris, and from all of the group FaceTime calls, it seems like she's enjoying herself. Talia and I have planned to go visit sometime next month, and we're all counting down the days until our trip.

It has also been bittersweet, knowing I'm completely done with school for the rest of my life, but also a relief. I'm finally a working adult. A scary but rewarding feeling.

Unfortunately, my internship with The New York Times had only lasted for the allotted time, though it was probably the best internship I'd had in my entire four years of college. I was a bit bummed that I hadn't been offered a more permanent position, but I know something else will eventually come along that will be even better if that's even possible.

For now, though, I'd offered to come with Miles to Los Angeles to help him get settled into his new place.

It's honestly a beautiful apartment, making me a bit jealous of my place back in New York.

The living room is pretty spacious, with floor-to-ceiling windows. The kitchen is rather modern, with a marble countertop, and stainless steel appliances.

Since Miles had been saving up, working a few gigs while still on the East Coast, he'd managed to scrounge his money together for a two-bedroom, claiming the second would become his at-home studio.

All in all, I am extremely proud of him, and I'm so excited to see what his career will be like now that he is signed to Republic Records and living in a city that will only further showcase his unbelievable talents.

"Found anything yet?" I call out to him, feeling my phone buzz from my pocket. Looking down, I notice a few texts from Talia and Veronica, asking me how Los Angeles is and if I've spotted Ryan Gosling yet. Smirking to myself, I send them back a sad face, promising that if I do, they'll be the first to know.

"No," Miles responds in a huff, slamming his fridge door closed. "There's only an orange, ketchup, and half an onion. Let's hit up the grocery store tomorrow. How long are you here again?"

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Averting my gaze from my phone, I watch Miles walk over before collapsing on the spot next to me.

"A week, why? Trying to get rid of me already so you can go hook up with some blonde surfer chick?" I tease. Miles wrinkles his nose, a hint of amusement in his green eyes.

"Blondes aren't my thing," he says cheekily, giving me a rather dangerous look. "Curly brunettes on the other hand . . ."

I squeal as Miles swiftly reaches over, pulling me onto his lap. I feel him smile as he reaches up, tentatively meeting his lips to mine. I relax against him, my fingers moving to the back of his neck as I pull him closer.

Miles groans, flipping us over so he's on top, positioned right in between my legs.

"I love you, but you're not exactly what I want to eat right now," he mumbles against my lips.

I pull back, smacking his arm as his laughter rings through the half-empty apartment. Lifting himself off of me, I sit up, fixing my shirt and trying to dodge Miles' attempts to kiss me again.

"You're lucky you're cute," I mutter, my lips twitching when I hear another bout of laughter spill from his lips. It's a bit adorable to know that even a simple laugh from Miles manages to practically make my day.

"I'm gonna order some pizza, that cool with you?" Miles asks, looking at me briefly before continuing to scroll on his phone, no doubt already looking for a pizza place nearby.

I nod, standing from the couch, and grabbing my purse. "Fine with me. You know my usual right? Sausage and–"

"Green peppers, of course," he finishes for me, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he begins dialing the number. I smile to myself, turning to walk away when I hear Miles call out.

"Where are you going?"

"The bathroom," I say, gesturing to the open door behind me.

He points to my purse. "With that?"

"Mind your business," I singsong. Miles huffs, shooting me his middle finger before turning back around just as I hear him start speaking to the person on the other end, already ordering our food.

Shaking my head at him, I walk into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me before thinking better and also locking it.

Setting my purse down on the counter, I inhale sharply before opening it up and pulling out the pregnancy test I'd shoved into the very depths of the bag.

My hands are practically shaking at this point, as the reality of my situation is finally settling in.

I might be pregnant.

"Fuck," I whisper to myself.

I'd been feeling queasy for the last two weeks nonstop, and I'd also conveniently missed my period. Miles and I are usually always safe, except for the random times when we'd find ourselves in situations where we didn't have condoms, which is our stupid fault.

At first, I'd been adamant that I wasn't, I couldn't be.

But after talking to Talia, Veronica, my mom, and even Luke, they'd all given me the same advice.

Take a damn pregnancy test.

So that's what I'm doing. After buying some when I was back in New York, I'd smuggled a few into my suitcase but also one into my purse. It's our third day here, and I'm finally going to get answers, answers I'm not sure I can handle.

Miles and I have only been together for six months, if I am pregnant, will this ruin our relationship? Are we even ready to be parents? God, I just need to pee on this damn stick and get it over with already.

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Pulling my pants down, I sit down on the toilet, hastily opening the test package. Yanking the stick out, I position it between my legs as I pee, maneuvering to make sure the pee is getting onto the part of the stick that it needs to be.

Placing the test back onto the countertop, I quickly get up, finishing up and pulling my pants back up, before starting to wash my hands. The entire time my gaze refuses to fall on the stick, almost as if I look at it prematurely I will ruin the results.

Five minutes seem to go on forever, and when my phone finally buzzes as the timer goes off, I slowly look down at the pregnancy test.

Only to see two pink lines staring right back at me.

"Oh my god," I say slowly, gingerly picking it up and looking at it closer. Yup, two clear pink lines.

I'm pregnant.

"Evie!"

I jump, dropping the stick onto the floor as I hear Miles call my name from the other side of the bathroom door. I look to see the knob moving, no doubt him trying to come inside. I inwardly curse, not knowing what to do. Of course, I need to tell him, but how the hell am I supposed to break the news.

It isn't long before my eyes start to fill with tears, curse my damn hormones.

"Hey, are you okay? I heard the toilet flush, and you've been in there awfully long?" His concerned voice floats through the door and I melt, just as more tears race down my face.

Breathing in deeply, I hope my voice won't give away the fact that I am currently bawling my eyes out.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just give me a minute."

There is absolute silence after that, so much so that I think Miles has simply walked away. But as soon as I'm about to unlock the door and check, I hear his voice again.

"Eves, are you crying?"

I sniff, rubbing at my nose as I look at myself in the mirror. There is no hiding the obvious tear tracts and smudged mascara that I swear had been labeled as waterproof when I'd purchased it at Sephora. I can't go out there and pretend the last couple minutes of my crying session haven't happened, it's written all over my face.

When I don't respond to Miles, I hear the doorknob move again, before his knuckles are swiftly knocking against the closed door. "Seriously, are you okay in there? C'mon, let me in. What's going on, Evie?"

My shoulders shake as more tears cascaded down my face. It's now or never. And I would much rather rip the band-aid off here than try and pretend for the next week that everything is okay.

Without thinking, I swiftly unlock the bathroom door, not even a millisecond later is Miles barging in, his face contorted in worry as he regards me. At the sight of his face, I break down all over again, slumping against the bathroom sink as Miles takes one large step toward me before I feel him engulf me into his arms.

We both sink to the floor as I sob into his chest, his arms tightening around me as he rocks me back and forth, whispering comforting words into my ear. I know he is probably even more worried than before but seems to know that I just need this time to cry before talking.

Finally, I calm down, pulling away slightly and wiping my eyes. Miles is still staring at me, a mixture of confusion and panic written on his face. I'm usually never this emotional around him, and the times that I am sobbing, it's usually over a sad movie.

"What's going on?" he asks softly, using his thumb to wipe away a stray tear that is stuck on the middle of my cheek.

Without saying anything, I reach behind me, grabbing the pregnancy test that had fallen earlier. Miles is still staring at me as I move it into view, realizing there is no going back from this. Wordlessly, I drop it between us, Miles slowly looking down at it.

I watch as realization bloomed across his face, noticing the slight shake of his fingers as he picks up the stick, making sure not to touch the side that I had peed on. The two pink lines are still there, assuring me that I hadn't been hallucinating.

Miles is quiet, all traces of emotion gone from his face, making me feel uneasy as to what exactly he is thinking. He is just staring down at the test, which is now our entire future if we even want to keep this child.

Our child.

I don't even know what I want to do. An abortion? Adoption? I'm not even sure of all of the options.

"Shit." I'm snapped out of my thoughts at the single word that passes through Miles' lips. He's looking at me now, his green eyes wide from surprise. There is no fear, or anger, but just genuine surprise.

I bite down on my lip, not knowing how to respond to his declaration.

"Shit, shit, shit," Miles repeats, quickly standing to his feet while still holding the test. "Evie, what the fuck."

"I–I'm sorry." I don't know what else to say, keeping my eyes locked on the silver tiling of the floor.

"You're sorry?" Miles echoes, looking down at me as he removes his baseball cap, running a hand over his buzzed head before letting it come down his face. "Why?"

"I just–this isn't something we ever talked about. Kids. Marriage. Any type of future. For fucks sake, we've been dating for six months." The words are tumbling out of my mouth in a jumbled mess. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be saying right now.

Miles shakes his head, holding out his hands for me to grab. Slowly, I let him pull me to my feet, watching as he closes the lid to the toilet before sitting on it and pulling me down onto his lap.

"There is nothing for you to be sorry about, okay?" he says softly, brushing a loose hair away from my face. I feel my eyes filling up with tears again, and rapidly try blinking them away. I don't want to cry again. "I'm just as at fault for everything too. And I know, we haven't talked about children or marriage. I know we've only been dating for six months, and this is happening too fast. I know we're not even twenty-five yet, fresh out of college. I know that right now, we're living on two opposite sides of the country. I know that everything seems so fucking out of reach, and we've just been given some real insane news." He briefly looks down at the test that he is still holding between his fingers, and I can't help but let out a sharp laugh, wiping away my tears.

Miles smiles, hugging me tighter to his chest. "I have no idea what is going to happen next. And frankly, I'm scared shitless. But, I love you. So fucking much. And the thought of one day being able to marry you, and start a family with you, has been on my mind since we made it official. So yeah, my dream is happening out of order, and extremely early, but I'm here, Eves. I'm not going anywhere. Whatever you decide to do, I will be here, loving you still, just as I do right now, and just like I'll do the next day, and the next, for however long you'll let me."

"You mean that?" I whisper almost timidly.

Miles nods, his expression one of complete seriousness. I don't think I've ever seen him look as serious as he does right now. He squeezes the sides of my hips gently, pressing swift kisses on my cheek.

"I love you."

It's then that the kisses stop, and he freezes from underneath me. I smile to myself, the tears and uneasiness melting away the longer I stay in his arms. I had been planning on telling Miles that I am in love with him before I left, though, in my head, it was supposed to happen over a romantic dinner, not in the middle of his unfurnished bathroom as we stare at my positive pregnancy test.

But that's us, completely dysfunctional, and doing things out of order.

"What?" Miles delicately asks, as if too scared to disrupt the moment.

Turning around slightly, I meet his gaze, my hands moving to cup his face as I stare at him. The man that I am in love with.

"I wanted to tell you differently, but I guess now is better than any. I love you so much, and I know you're the one in this relationship who's better at speeches, so I'm not even going to try and compete." Miles lets out a shaky laugh, and I don't miss the way his eyes start filling with tears. But I keep going.

"I don't think there's anyone on this planet who I would want to be going on this journey with. And I can't even believe I'm saying this, but I want to keep it. I want to have this baby, our baby. I want to have a shit load of more babies with you." I laugh, wiping away a few of Miles' stray tears as he sniffs. "I already know you're going to be the most amazing father, and I have no fucking clue how we're going to do this, but I want to do it all with you."

"Fuck, Evie," Miles sobs, gingerly wiping at his face. "We're doing this? Having a baby?"

I nod, laughing as Miles abruptly stands up, wrapping me into his arms as we rock back and forth, both of us grinning like a pair of idiots.

Pulling away, Miles stares down at me. "Move in with me."

My eyes widen, disbelief written across my face. "What? Miles, are you sure–"

"I've never been more sure of anything. I know I said I wanted to turn the second bedroom into a studio, but it can be a nursery now. And we can decorate it together. Or maybe we should find someplace else, somewhere bigger? A house? Should we just move back to New York? I'm sure your mom and brother would want to be close–"

"Miles," I laugh, cutting off his ramble. "Breathe." He looks sheepish, nodding a few times as he anxiously rubs at the back of his neck.

"We don't have to make any big decisions right now. How about I make an appointment at Planned Parenthood to confirm that I'm pregnant, and then we go from there," I reason.

"I'm serious about you moving in, though. I mean–if you want," Miles adds the last part hurriedly, probably not wanting to pressure me into saying yes.

"I don't know . . ." I say, chewing thoughtfully on my bottom lip. Miles looks extremely nervous, his hands twitching at his sides. "You'll probably get tired of me after a couple of days." I can't help the cheesy grin from overtaking my face as Miles rolls his eyes, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me to his chest.

"You're a fucking tease, Evelyn Porter," he grumbles, kissing me softly on the top of my head.

"Hey!" I smack his chest, glaring at him as I point to my stomach. "No more cursing. I don't want my child's first words to be the f word."

Miles laughs, bending down so he is eye-level with my midsection. I open my mouth, about to ask what he's doing, when he suddenly starts lifting the hem of my shirt, placing his hands on my stomach. I can't help but smile as I watch Miles place delicate kisses on my skin, his fingers rubbing circles in the spot that will soon be home to a mini version of him and me.

"Hi, baby," I hear Miles mumble in between his onslaught of kisses. "It's your dad." My eyes are crinkled from how hard I'm smiling. Miles glances at me from over his lashes, shooting me a wink.

"I know you probably don't have any ears developed yet, but I just wanted to let you know how much I love you. My soon-to-be best friend."

"You're an idiot," I say, though I can't hide the obvious affection in my voice. Miles sucks his teeth, and even though I can't see his face, I know he has just given me the biggest eye roll.

"You hear that?" Miles asks haughtily. "Your mom is already trying to pit you against me. But don't worry, I think it'll be us against her anyway."

"Great," I mutter. Miles gives my stomach one last kiss before pulling my shirt back down and rising back to his feet.

"I should probably start calling everyone, huh?" he asks, grabbing my hand and leading me out of the bathroom.

I groan, already knowing that Veronica and Talia will be screaming so hard I won't even be able to get one word out. My mom will most likely burst into tears, and Luke will just declare that he is going to be the favorite uncle.

"Can't we just stay in this bubble forever? Me, you, and our bubba." Miles shakes his head, a smirk tugging at his lips.

"This still feels surreal, like I'm going to blink and it'll be just some weird dream."

I furrow my brows. "What? Me being pregnant?"

"All of it," Miles reveals. "Meeting you, falling in love, moving to California. It just feels like something too good to be true."

My gaze softens as I watch Miles sink onto the couch, his phone in his hands as he stares down at the blank screen.

"Well, it's not a dream. I'm right here," I say softly, bending down as I place my hands on his knees. Miles looks at me, his eyes twinkling with relief as if he believes this is all some figment of his imagination.

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