《Begin Again》chapter twelve

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into Queens is filled with immense uncomfortable silence. I'm squashed in the backseat with my brother and mom, occupying the middle seat. They'd arrived at my apartment early, and as soon as they had both walked through the threshold I could immediately sense the tension between them.

Luke's jaw was clenched tight as he stomped in while my mother looked pissed. I assumed that the train ride from Jersey hadn't been as enjoyable for either of them as well.

I have a sneaking suspicion the obvious simmer between them has to do with Mom's new relationship. I haven't gotten a chance to speak to her about it, but anytime I ask Luke about it on the phone, he clams up, refusing to tell me anything.

Though, I have a feeling Luke isn't just angry at Mom. When I'd gone to pull him in for a hug, his body was stiff, as if he would rather do anything else than being touched by me. I have no idea what his problem is, and I hope it won't bleed into the dinner we are about to have with Miles' family.

The Uber driver stops in front of a house that looks pretty similar to my own, though the outside is a lot smaller, dwarfed by the conjoining houses next to it. I suddenly feel the nerves bubbling in my stomach. I'm not only about to meet Miles' entire family, but he's about to meet mine as well.

"I hope they season their food," Luke grumbles, stepping out of the car first and grabbing his duffle.

"You better curb that attitude, mister," my mother scolds, practically pushing me out of the car so she can glare at my brother.

"Can you both try and be civil," I say haughtily, hiking my duffle on my shoulder. They both turn to glare at me. "I'm serious, I don't know what's going on–"

"Evie, I'm not in the mood for one of your lectures, alright?" Luke snaps. I step closer to him, my eyes narrow and my finger gets dangerously close to his face. Before I can rip him a new one though, the front door opens and an older lady's face comes into view. Her brown hair is piled into a bun on her head, a familiar shade of green eyes watching us with amusement. I already know who she is before she can even introduce herself.

I drop my finger, feeling shy under Miles' mother's gaze. She doesn't look perturbed, in fact, she's smiling, as if she didn't just walk out to me almost pummeling my brother's face in.

"You must be Evie," she greets, and I nod, already walking towards her. As I move to extend my hand, I hear a light scoff leave her lips before she pulls me into a hug. I'm stunned, but quickly lift my arms to return the gesture. She's tiny, though her hug still manages to provide a level of comfort that I'm convinced only mothers can have.

"I'm Candace," she pulls away, her green eyes examining my features. "Miles has told me so much about you." I smile at that, already knowing he'd be as red as a tomato if he heard his mother exposing him like that. I step aside, allowing my brother and mom to step inside the house.

"I'm Raina," my mother introduces herself politely. "You have a beautiful home, thank you for inviting us." Candace waves my mother's gratitude away, pulling her in for a hug as well.

"This is my son, Luke." Thankfully, he's managed to discard the scowl that has been etched on his face the entire time, replacing it with a rather convincing smile.

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"Mom, where'd you put the–" I look away from Luke and Candace embracing to see a younger version of Miles, literally. They share the same tousled brown hair and striking green eyes like their mother. The only stark difference is that his little sister doesn't match him in height. Her being a few inches shorter than me, at most.

Upon seeing me, her face morphs into a grin.

"Evie, right?" I nod, and the grin on her face grows, as if she's harboring a secret.

Luke immediately steps forward, holding out his hand. "I'm Lucas—but everyone calls me Luke."

"Haze," she responds, shaking my brother's hand. They're staring at each other for a bit too long, and I nudge Luke's shoulder, causing him to pull his hand away, his face all red.

My mother is fighting off a smirk, following after Candace into the rest of the house, leaving me, Haze, and Luke alone.

"You know, Miles talks about you all the time," Haze says teasingly.

"Really?"

She nods. "Yeah, I mean, whenever I call him it's nonstop–" Her sentence is effectively cut off by a swift shove of her shoulder. Haze spins around, a sharp glare on her face that is directed towards her older brother. "What the hell?"

"You talk too damn much," he casually states. Haze flips him off, crossing her arms firmly over her chest. I want to laugh, they act in the same manner as Luke and I do.

Miles finally looks down at me, his lips fighting off a boyish smile. He looks amazing in a pair of grey sweatpants and a plain white shirt. I've never seen him without his signature dark jeans, and dark shirt combo.

I decided that I prefer this laidback version.

"I guess we'll leave you two lovebirds alone," Haze announces, already grabbing onto Luke's wrist and pulling him towards the kitchen where our mother and Candace are still conversing. I see Luke's cheeks turn a dark red and I want to laugh. He looks floored to have Haze dragging him around.

Miles looks amused as well, watching his sister and my brother disappear. "Should I be worried?" he directs his question to me, jabbing a finger towards them.

I shake my head. "Luke's an idiot but he's not an asshole. Should I be worried?"

"A little. I, unfortunately, can't say the same for Haze." I scoff, reaching my hand out to push him back gently, but am caught off guard by his quick reflex of grabbing my palm instead. I flush, feeling ten different emotions float through me as he interlocks our fingers, pulling me closer to him. He's getting bold, and I'm not afraid to admit that I kinda like it.

"Want a tour?" he asks softly, making a show of tucking a loose curl behind my ear. "I can show you where you'll be sleeping." I nod absently, too distracted by Miles's thumb rubbing small circles on the inside of my wrist. He chuckles, obviously finding the entire situation amusing before pulling me gently behind him as we walk up the small staircase.

I had been under the impression that we'd only be staying for Thanksgiving, but Miles' mother insisted that we stay for the entire weekend. It warms my heart how welcoming she's being, especially considering she doesn't know me or my family.

The upstairs walls are littered with pictures, and I take my time in examining them all. One picture, in particular, catches my attention, it's Miles, clad in a soccer uniform. He doesn't look a day over six, with a wide grin on his face complete with his two front teeth missing. He looks adorable.

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"My dad got me into soccer," Miles says, coming to stand beside me as we stare at the frame. "Played it up until I graduated high school."

"Were you any good?"

Miles smirks, clearly reliving his soccer days in his head. "I'd love to stay humble and say no, but I don't think anyone else would agree with me."

"My dad tried to get me into basketball," I say with a smile. It had been a little after my tenth birthday when he took me down to the recreational center to enroll for the girl's basketball team. On the day of tryouts, I was crying so hard, nerves clawing their way up my throat that I couldn't even focus my vision enough to throw the damn ball. My dad had been understanding and had taken me for ice cream to cheer me up.

Miles is fighting a grin after I tell that story. "What happened to him?"

My mood deflates and I fidget with a loose thread on my sweater. For the first month after his death, I refused to talk about him. In my mind, if I didn't say he was gone then it didn't happen. I'm trying to slowly get over that mentality because I realize that talking about him makes it a lot easier to cope.

"Cancer."

"I'm so sorry, Evie," Miles says softly, sincerity clear in his tone. Usually, when people express their condolences, it irritates me, but with Miles, I can tell he isn't just saying sorry because it's the right thing to say, but because he wholeheartedly means it.

"It'll be a year soon." I shake my head, not being able to wrap my mind around the fact that I managed to go an entire year without my best friend. "It feels like it all happened yesterday though."

Miles reaches out and grabs my hand, lacing his fingers in mine. "Believe it or not, I know exactly what it feels like to lose someone too."

I raise my brows, shock clear as day on my face. "What happened?" Curiosity is coloring my tone, but I hold back on pushing when I see the pained look on Miles's face.

"I used to have an older brother."

My breath stills in my throat as Miles takes my hand and leads me over to another picture on the wall. This one is of a little boy, who looks eerily smiler to Miles. He has a backpack on, grinning from ear to ear as he stands in front of Miles' mother, her hand on his shoulder. There's a baby in her arms, and I quickly realize that the baby is Miles.

"His name was Clive," he answers breathlessly. I feel his hand tighten around mine and I rub my thumb over his skin gently. Before I can ask what happened, Miles is pulling away, shaking his head a few times as if trying to rid his mind of whatever thoughts have been plaguing him.

"Your room is right down the hall," he points to a slightly open door. "Your mom and Luke's room are the ones next to it. And my room is right there." He points to the other side of the hall. I can tell he's trying to change the subject from his brother, and instead of being insensitive about it, I simply nod, giving him a grateful smile.

"We should probably go downstairs and help," I say quickly, already walking towards the staircase when Miles' hand catches on my arm. I turn back quizzically, but he simply moves his hand to mine, interlacing our fingers before continuing to walk. I suppress the cheesy grin on my face, secretly enjoying the warm feel of his hand in mine and the fact that he just had to stop me so that he can hold my hand.

What a charmer.

Walking into the kitchen, I'm surprised to see my mom and Candace laughing, two wine glasses in their hands as they sip on them leisurely. It looks as if they've been friends for years and had not just met a few minutes ago. When we come into view, my mom looks away from Candace shooting me a dazzling smile.

"There's my favorite daughter." I roll my eyes, noticing the warmth flooding her cheeks. She's already tipsy. Great.

"I'm your only daughter," I say dryly, Candace and Miles chuckling in the background.

Before she can reply, and judging by the playful glint in her eyes, I know it's about to be a snarky one, an older man comes out of the pantry room, a box of flour in his hands and an apron tied around his front. Even without an introduction, I know it's Miles' father. They have the same rugged features and boyish charm. It's like looking into the future when I stare at Miles' father.

He takes notice of me and stops walking, a warm smile on his lips as he extends a hand out to me. "I'm Ben, you must be Evie." I nod, shaking his hand politely. Immediately, Candace sets down her wine glass, gravitating over to her husband as he slides an arm around her waist. They look so in love, and I find my expression softening. I look towards my mother to see that her eyes are drawn down and a gloomy expression passes over her face briefly. I wonder if that look is because she misses my father or because she misses her new boyfriend.

She still hasn't told me about him, even when I'd started dropping hints that I won't mind. Her lips are sealed shut. A part of me is slightly annoyed that she doesn't think she can confide in me, but then again, look at how Luke is acting. For that, I can't fully blame her.

"Dinner will be ready soon," Candace muses, breaking me from my thoughts. "Why don't you kids go and busy yourselves while the adults talk." My mother laughs, and I purse my lips as Miles scoffs. We don't argue though, Miles taking my hand and leading me back into the living room where Haze and Luke are lounging on the couch, a movie playing on the screen.

"What are you guys watching?" Miles asks, shuffling into the loveseat and pulling me down next to him. I blush as Luke raises his brows at our proximity, giving me a questioning look but I simply shrug halfheartedly.

"Train to Busan," Haze answers, not even breaking her stare from the television.

Miles nods thoughtfully, relaxing back against the couch as he looks towards the screen. His arm comes around the back of the couch, and my body automatically stiffens. His fingers graze over the back of my neck and I want to combust from the heat emitting from his fingers. I feel Miles smirk next to me as if he knows exactly what reaction he is gaining from me. I frown. What a tease.

Placing my fingers on his leg, I smile to myself as he grows taut underneath my touch. Two could play this game, I think, inching my fingers higher on his thigh. Haze and Luke are still glued to the gory zombie movie, for which I'm grateful. I don't need my little brother to witness this scene.

Miles shoots me a warning look as my fingers start trailing dangerously close to the band of his sweatpants. It's euphoric, this sense of adrenaline as I flip the game on Miles. He grows stiff, gently shoving my hand away so it falls back into my lap. Leaning over, his lips graze my ear slightly.

"What do you think you're doing, Evie?" he whispers, his breath fanning against my skin and causing goosebumps to rise on my arms. When he pulls back, I don't miss the triumphant look on his face as he observes my reddened cheeks. I want to slap him or jump his bones. I can't decide on which. Maybe the first one and then the second. Maybe both at the same time. Jesus, I'm acting a fool.

"Can you guys stop flirting, I'm trying to watch this zombie eat that man's face off," Haze suddenly speaks up, her loud voice causing me to jump in my seat. She isn't even looking at us, which makes me wonder how in the world she knows what we were doing. Miles glares at her, flipping her the bird, and Haze smirks, her green eyes sliding over to us slowly.

Luke is looking between Miles, Haze, and me in confusion, his dark eyebrows drawn together as if he's missed a really important detail. "You guys are disgusting," Luke finally says, his tone dripping in distaste. I narrow my eyes at him, wondering why he's acting like such an asshole. Thankfully, Miles and Haze laugh, clearly thinking he's joking around. But I know better, and the enraged glint in his eyes tells me all I need to know.

"Guys! Food's ready!" Candace chirps from the kitchen. Immediately Haze bolts up from her seat, almost tripping over the throw blanket that is hanging from the arm of the couch. Miles snickers, hoisting himself up and following behind his sister.

"What's your problem?" I hiss to Luke, grabbing his arm to stop his walk to the kitchen.

"Nothing, just drop it."

"If this is about Mom–"

"Jesus, you don't know when to quit it, huh?" I'm taken aback by the cold tone of his voice, a storm brewing behind his eyes. He shoves my arm off of his, stalking ahead and leaving me with my mouth slightly agape in surprise behind him.

What's his problem?

Being the last one in the kitchen, I survey the food laid out on the dining table. Mashed potatoes, stuffing, macaroni, and cheese, among other dishes as well. I realize Miles had been right about his mother's cooking, it looks as if she's trying to feed a small village. I take the chair in between Haze and Miles, while my mom and Luke sat across from me. Candace and Ben each take an end of the table, leaving only one chair open. It's tucked away by the corner of the table, but what strikes me as strange is that there is a placemat in front of it, almost as if they are holding the space open for someone else.

Haze notices my lingering expression on the placemat and she leans in close, whispering into my ear, "it's for my older brother, my parents still set a place for him even after everything that happened."

"Your older brother?" I question, although I know without a doubt that she is referring to Clive. Haze nods sullenly, her expression going dark as she reaches in front of her for the dish of vegetables. I want to ask more questions but I decide against it. I don't want to cause an uproar by bringing up Clive, at least not at the dinner table.

"So, Evie," Candace speaks up, her lips stretching into a warm smile. "What are you studying in school?"

"Photography." My mom smiles to herself as she takes another bite of chicken, while Luke keeps a sullen expression on his face, causing me to frown at him slightly.

Candace beams, her green eyes alight with enthusiasm. "And you're graduating in May, correct?" When I nod, she looks towards my mother, who matches Candace's level of happiness.

"My goodness, you and her father must be proud!"

The entire table falls eerily quiet. The fork my mom is bringing to her lips froze, Luke's posture goes rigid, Miles swears silently under his breath, Haze fidgets nervously in her chair, and even Ben looks uncomfortable. My fingers tighten around the edge of my plate, trying to mask my emotions.

"Uh–y-yeah, we are," my mom answers softly, keeping her eyes trained on the tablecloth.

Candace's smile slowly slips from her face as she assesses the emotion around the table. I feel a lump growing in my throat as my hands shakily scrape around the food on my plate with the fork.

My mom finally looks up, meeting everyone's eyes, the familiar look of despair in her own. "He's not–I mean, we don't–"

"He's dead."

The bitter tone of Luke's voice causes a few gasps of astonishment to float around the table. I glare at him, noticing the way Mom flinches at his cold revelation.

"Luke–"

He doesn't wait for me to finish, pushing his chair back as it noisily screeches against the floorboards before throwing the napkin that is on his lap, onto the table instead. His heavy footsteps can be heard traveling to the front of the house just as the door opens and slams shut. My mom is shaking, wiping at her eyes as she looks at the empty seat Luke had just abandoned.

Everyone is shell-shocked, the awkward silence almost suffocating.

"I-I'm so sorry," Candace mumbles, shooting apologetic looks between my mom and me. My mother waves away Candace's apology, trying to put on a convincing smile.

"It's fine. You didn't know."

I push my chair back and everyone's eyes immediately land on me. "I'm just going to go check on Luke." My mom nods, still staring at the empty chair he'd just vacated.

When I stand up, Miles reaches his hand out to grasp my wrist, his emerald eyes pleading with me, as if asking do you want me to come? I shake my head. This is something I need to do alone.

I find Luke sitting on the front porch steps, his head on the tops of his knees as he stares out at the empty street. He doesn't even move a muscle when the screen door creaks open, announcing my arrival, and I sit down on the step below him.

"If you came out here to yell, I don't want to hear it," he mumbles, briefly flicking his eyes over to me.

"I didn't," I answer, "I just want to know what's wrong? You've been acting weird all day."

Luke rubs a hand down his face. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does."

"Just drop it, Evie," he says tiredly.

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