~ May 1st 2020 ~

Dan's been in hospital for the past couple of days. They...said that he had a cardiac arrest. Apparently the cause was Dan's diet or something. They're going to refer him to a nutritionist and...get him to eat more regularly.

The doctor told me because Dan last year went from being unhealthy-to healthy-to unhealthy within a short period of time it fucked his body up. That and...this year he has consumed a lot of alcohol. I told them that it isn't just Dan's diet which might've caused this. I then told the hospital...everything they probably already know about his situation and Bee's tragic death. The doctor and his assistant seemed shocked like they didn't know...but doctors lie all of the time.

I believe it was the stress more than his diet.

"This isn't good for the baby." Isla whispers as she walks into the room after washing her hands with the alcoholic soap dispenser. I thought hospital got rid of those things because people nicked them...purely for the alcohol? I don't know. The smell makes me feel sick so I don't really...put it on my hands. "It's okay." I whisper as I smile at Dan in his peaceful slumber. He keeps waking up and then going straight back to sleep.

It's not right seeing Dan sleep on his back...being ever so...still. I'm not used to it. "It's fine." I falsely smile even though I don't actually know how my little thing is doing. I'm due for a checkup...but I'm not going anywhere.

"Please go home with Rod tonight. You can take the spare room...a hospital is no place for you to be. Not yet at least." She whispers looking at my stomach. "Mrs Smith, thank you for the offer but I want to stay with Dan" thankfully Isla backs off. She then points to the door, "I'm going to get you some snacks then. You poor thing must be starving." I ate barely less than ten minutes ago. I think Isla is herself getting stressed out.

"Mrs Smith, please...you really don't have to do that. Me and the thing" - I sharply cut myself off - "I mean me and the baby are okay." I smile reassuringly as Isla nods her head. She then disappears out of the room. I probably should follow and console her...

As soon as I stand up I hear Dan cough. "Leave her..." He coughs. My eyes widen as I turn around and see Dan with his eyes cracked open slightly, "baby." I whisper before literally kissing him. I know it's the most unneeded thing Dan needs right now but he needs to know I'm here. And I will stay here until this fucker gets better.

Dan then tilts his head away before moaning in pain. "Shit!" I say a little too loudly. "I'm good. I'm good-ah..." Dan whispers. Although his pulse races for a couple of seconds it thankfully slows down again.

Where are the hospital staff when you need them the most?! Fucking typical it is.

"What...what made this happen? What was your parents talking about?" I know this isn't the thing you should say to someone whose heart literally failed on them...but I need to know in order to help him. "They say that it's because of your diet. You know they're getting you a nutritionist..." Dan laughs. When he laughs the machine beeps fast again while tears of pain come out of his sucken in eyes.

"I saw mum and dad crying. They was holding a photo of Bee and she said that I'm replacing my daughter." I close my eyes and shake my head.

That's how I feel with the thing - even though that is certainly not true. How could we replace be when the thing wasn't expected? "If you want..." my voice trails off as I try to pluck enough courage up. "We can get...rid of...the...baby? It's just that I need to help you concentrate on getting better and...I need to do a shit load of work. The thing is going to come between our jobs, you know." Dan nods his head as I try not to cry.

I never thought that I'd ever be in this position...but here I am now.

"Are you sure?" Dan whispers as I nod my head supportively. "Health comes first, then money..." Dan shakes his head uncertainly while I nod mine. That's when I tearfully wipe the corners of my eyes. I'm not sure what I'm doing and I know that one day I'm going to regret this decision. "Where are you going?" Dan asks while I stand up slowly.

"Going to the front desk to ask for information." I falsely smile, only because I don't want to raise Dan's blood pressure. "Okay..." He whispers as I nods my head. "Okay then. You just get some sleep. Dream of something nice, yeah?" Dan nods his head even though he is probably going to cry.

But this is for the best...

In silence I walk towards the hospital door and push it open and wander down the haunting corridor, following the signs back to the main reception.