𝘿𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙖 𝙗𝙖𝙙 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡

- 𝗕𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗲

~ February 14th 2019 ~

I've had the week from hell. But I'm glad that it's nearly over. It's not bad because of me or my baby. It's just...bad. My old lawyer decided to call me up this earlier and tell me that I should go to the upcoming Brit Awards...just after I declined to go to the Grammy's. Long story short is that I'm being forced to go since my contract isn't officially up until the end of this month. If I don't go then they're going to take money out of my bank account or take me to court for not...I don't actually no.

So now I'm back in London - my hotel room - looking at loads of pretty dresses. None of which I can get into because they're aren't tailored to a five month baby bump. "What about this one?" One of the stylists says while her model/assistant swirls around in the dress. Apparently they want my dress to be green or turquoise. Weird...but okay. The dress itself is pretty though.

Every female artist this year gets a colour. I honestly want to bitch about it in a song called 'evergreen'. Maybe I will! I'll release it one day before my contracts end. I hate green...and I hate being told what I can and can't wear. It's 2019 and the music industry is slacking behind a bit. Although, I cannot be a hypocrite, the turquoise dress is very pretty...but there's a big 'but' in this situation. A kind of an obvious one.

"I'm not the type of girl to show...skin...around my stomach area..." the stylist rolls her eyes back as she adjusts the flowery turquoise dress for the model who looks like she's breathing in. "Just use the excuse that you're pregnant." Excuse? Um...nope.

Before I can tell her that the turquoise dress is ruled out another model walks out from the bathroom. The dress is green and sort of reminds me of Christmas.

"I'm sorry. I really don't mean to be grouchy, the dress is so beautiful...but it's the same problem as the other dress." Even when I wasn't pregnant I hated showing skin. I always choose swimsuits over bikinis, I guess I had an eating problem. I'm thankful for my baby. Just the thought of skipping dinner and making her uncomfortable or hungry...I feel like a monster. Even though I don't want to - I eat. But I suppose I do look better...everyone tells me that.

Maybe I should keep this up when she's born? My daughter needs me as much as I need her.

"Huh?" The model looks confused, the stylist sighs. I don't think she likes me very much. "She wants a 'less revealing' dress." The woman who is in the dress with long blonde hair ties up into a ballerinas pony tail nods her head. "No offence but this dress wouldn't shit you. Clara, you also need to do something with the emblem inside...it's really irritatingly itchy."

I like that model though, she seems nice and truthful.

"Well...I don't really like the next dress but it's all we've brought. I was convinced you was going to choose the first." I guess we have our own opinions?

The bathroom door opens again as my eyes widen by the next dress. It's really pretty. Like spring cane early this year.

"Too much skin?" Clara laughs. I on the other hand slightly shake my head. "That's my dress." - I whisper in awe - "minus the belt...please." With that second model smiles nodding her head in agreement. The belt doesn't go with it anyway...but I don't want to say that. I already feel like a burden.

"Seriously?" Clara looks highly offended at my choice of dress as she helps the model take off the thin black belt. I nod my head while she poofs it outwards. "Darling, I thought you wanted a revenge dress." Revenge what? Why would I need revenge? I'm going to make a song as revenge for making me wear green!

"Revenge..." my voice trails off while the models laugh slipping out of their dresses. They don't care about privacy...it's not like their naked anyway. "Your going to be seeing your ex. The one who left you with...your present." She eyes up my bump while I self consciously cross my arms while sitting on the extra large bed.

This hotel was the one me Dan stayed in last year. The one where we woke up next to each other...with this horrible headache. When Dan saw the bill for this place he had to embarrassingly ask me for money...thankfully my debut EP came out in January and I could barely afford this place.

Never would I have ever thought I'd be staying in this expensive hotel for two weeks...even dining too. Apparently majority of the stars who live abroad - and have money - come here. I'm lucky.

"Surely you want to make him jealous...what he could've had if he wasn't a prick?" Posh British people are so funny...it's funnier to know that they aren't even trying to be funny. Dan was really good at insults - but he pretended to be posh. "Oh. I'd go all out and wear black or red lingerie for that. Dan isn't worth me loosing my dignity. I just want to have a good reputation...a dress which matches my personality, I know that sounds silly. I want a clean image...just for my daughter. I don't want her to grow up and think that I am or was an embarrassment. Controversy and drama isn't my thing. I just like people being yellow and happy. Not blue." With that Clara looks away and then back at the pretty green dress.

"I suppose your right..." her voice trails away. "It matches your personality perfectly!"