𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚍𝚘 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚛𝚞𝚎𝚕 𝚔𝚒𝚍𝚜 𝚍𝚘

'𝙲𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢'𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚏𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚍.

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚛𝚞𝚎𝚕 𝚔𝚒𝚍𝚜 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎.

𝙸'𝚍 𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚗 𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎.

𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚊 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎.

𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚊 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎.

𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚊 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎.

'𝙲𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚍𝚘 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚛𝚞𝚎𝚕 𝚔𝚒𝚍𝚜 𝚍𝚘.

𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚊 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎.

𝚄𝚗𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗.

𝙰𝚛𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚍, 𝚔𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚒𝚗𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗.

𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝙸 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚜𝚘 𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚛𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍

'𝙲𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝙸'𝚖 𝚐𝚞𝚒𝚕𝚝𝚢 𝚝𝚘𝚘.

𝙳𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎, 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎.

𝙳𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎 '𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝙸 𝚠𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚟𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚝.

𝙳𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎, 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎.

𝙳𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎 '𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝙸 𝚠𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚟𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚝.

Lennon practiced with the team in the gym during lunch on Thursday so she didn't see Eddie since seeing him in the woods.

Friday arrived sooner than Lennon was mentally prepared for. She never missed a step in the routine but it still worried her to be up in the air during the big game that evening.

When Brontë told her he took the weekend off to see the game, initially, she thought he was just being a supportive big brother. That didn't last very long when Steve sidled up beside her during lunch and asked her to tell Brontë to bring some weed and his crystal bong for the celebration when Hawkin's won the game.

Of course he was going to be at the game. He wasn't going to singularly see his sister's performance and support her for putting in so much hard work, he was going so he could support Steve.

He was probably going to use his ancient high school royalty card and get himself into the hideout the team shared whenever they won a game.

The only reason Lennon even knew about the secluded and abandoned party house was that Brontë never shut up about it when he graduated, and Steve mentioned it all the time now that they hung out more often.

Lennon couldn't escape it.

She couldn't feel very celebratory when her brother was using his call-outs from work to go to Heather's Christmas party the day after the game. That didn't encourage her to do well.

But to her luck, after smoking some weed before school and chewing on CBD gummies in between classes, she couldn't feel the weight of her anxiety. Her mind was going crazy but the physiological aspect of her fear was nonexistent.

By lunch, she felt ill. She found Nancy with Jonathan and took a seat beside them. She didn't eat more than a bag of chips out of fear of throwing the rest up but at least the company kept her mind busy.

"Please tell me you're going to Heather's party tomorrow..." Lennon begged Nancy.

She had no one to talk to about her worries about the game so she had to put her efforts into something else and the party was a great way to do that.

The girl smiled sympathetically and glanced over at Jonathan nervously.

"If you can get him to go, I'll go," she bumped Jonathan on the arm with her elbow and smiled when he met her eye.

Lennon suspected something between them but she didn't want to say anything to make it weird just in case they weren't flirting. But the more she spent time with them, the more she saw the sparks flying.

And as of late, the conversation always strayed away from the game or the paper or the party to something about the article the two of them were working on and Lennon didn't want to intrude.

She sat by them without talking much and found it odd that after trying so hard to socialize despite the overwhelming desire to stay silent, the moment she was given the opportunity to resort back to who she used to be, she didn't want to be left out.

She wasn't used to feeling left out when the person she used to be was the one to go quiet first. But now that someone else made that decision for her it was odd to feel disappointed.

She pulled out a blue ink pen from her jacket pocket and started drawing on the napkin on her tray to keep her mind off the nerves. She didn't have Nancy's attention and she wasn't well-acquainted with Jonathan enough to start up a conversation so she had to settle with what she had to stay occupied.

She was listening in on their spitballing details, becoming a silent onlooker to their investigation. Lennon was in the middle of sketching out the outline of a guitar and some piano keys across the border of her napkin when someone slid into the seat beside Lennon and pulled her from the conversation between Jonathan and Nancy.

However, she didn't need to turn her head to know who it was based on the citrus and Patchouli cologne they wore.

Nancy and Jonathan stopped laughing about an instance they had with an older client for their paper when Billy took a seat beside Lennon.

He had his eyes on her drawings before he earned her forest-like gaze, and only then did he shoot her that dazzling Hargrove smile. "Hi, darling," he drew out warmly despite her puzzled expression.

"Billy..." she greeted him skeptically.

"That's cool," he ushered towards the napkin but didn't pay much attention to the contents once he gained her eyes. "Your drawings..."

Lennon looked at him suspiciously, knowing good and well that he didn't come over to her to compliment her handiwork with a pen.

She shifted in her seat more comfortably and shot Billy a dulled look of disbelief.

"Why aren't you off brooding somewhere? We all know Hawkins isn't cool enough for you to have lunch at," she teased, surprising Nancy and Jonathan with how easy it was for her to make fun of someone like Billy.

He scoffed and rolled something across his tongue before his eyes flickered towards the ground.

"Well I have a good reason to hang back today," he lowered his head and softened his tone of voice as his eyes ran down her nose to her lips.

"Mmhm," she hummed unconvincingly, smiling and crossing her arms over her chest as Billy tried to flatter her with one of his many lines.

"Alright, fine," he drew out mischievously as he propped his arm up on the table. "You caught me," he shrugged in defeat. "I came over here to ask you for that favor..."

Lennon blinked lightly and nodded gently. She was apprehensive but showed attentiveness to Billy. She knew the day would come. If it weren't for the fact it was game day, she would've sighed in relief for it to have come sooner rather than later. But there was already so much on her plate and helping Billy out with something for letting her kiss him when she needed to get her brother off her tail wasn't something she wanted to add to her worries.

"So there's this party on Saturday and I was wondering if you'd do me the honor of coming as my date for the night."

Lennon quirked her eyebrow up with interest. She smirked amusingly but Nancy and Jonathan were watching with anticipation. Nancy knew she didn't like Billy, and if Lennon's suspicions were right about their relationship, Jonathan knew too.

Nancy knew she had her eye on someone else and that kissing Billy was for Steve and Brontë to get off her tail, but she didn't know who she was interested in. She definitely tried to pry a name from Lennon's lips, but there was no way she could utter his name with such desire; not in front of people who weren't him.

The pair across the table were waiting to see what she said but the longer Lennon smirked, the more Billy had to question her possible response.

"Heather's Christmas party?" Lennon pondered, enjoying the wavering look of charm on Billy's face as he grew unsure of his chances.

"That's the one."

"Hmm," she turned away and stared down at her tray as if she needed to think about it. "Wait," she deserted her toying tone and turned to him with realization. "Why me?"

Billy's eyes shifted skeptically with concern. "What?"

Lennon licked her lips and briefly turned away from Billy to consider his reasoning. But even given time, she couldn't imagine why he would use this opportunity in his favor.

She could feel someone's attention on her like she was a target with a scope on her chest. She could've sworn if she looked down there would be a little red dot hovering over her heart. But instead, she was able to find the source like her subconscious already knew who it was.

Nervously, her eyes found a pair of bewitching brown ones a few tables down. Between heads, she found Eddie in an instant. Her belly was lit aflame and her eyes immediately deserted his timidly.

"Why-" she scoffed and turned in her seat to face Billy. "Why are you choosing this to be that favor?" she asked suspiciously. "I mean..." she winced distrustfully. "You could've asked for anything and you can easily get a date with anyone to that party..."

"But I'm asking you," he stated charmingly.

"Uh-huh," she nodded in agreement, blatantly ignoring his flattery and progressing the conversation. "I see that. I'm asking why," she reminded him.

"What do you mean why?" Billy scoffed and rolled his eyes incredulously.

"I mean, I had a good reason to need a favor from you. What do you want with me?" she asked curiously, narrowing her eyes and finding no good reason to take her up on that offer.

"Tsk," Billy looked down at his lap before his eyes ran suspiciously to the pair across from him. He hummed lightly in discontent and shoved his hand into his pant pocket. "Can I borrow that?" Billy pointed toward the pen she was fiddling with in her hand as he unfolded a crumpled gum wrapper and pressed it flat to the countertop.

Lennon leered suspiciously but obliged. Once his attention was on his handwriting and Nancy and Jonathan's were on Billy suspiciously, Lennon took the opportunity to meet Eddie's stare from afar.

He never looked away. He kept staring protectively at her, obviously agitated by the way Billy was looking at her. Lennon looked away again and watched as Billy scribbled something down with haste.

"Now," his eyebrows shot upward but his eyes stayed on the gum wrapper. "This is a crazy idea, I know," he stated confidently before clicking the pen closed and folding the wrapper twice. "It might be kinda hard to believe but it's a secret so don't tell anyone, yeah?" he winked with a smirk before sliding it over to her and getting to his feet.

"I'll see you at the game, darling," he clicked his tongue and sauntered out of the cafeteria.

Lennon widened her eyes cautiously at the wrapper before shifting her gaze to Nancy and Jonathan who were looking at her curiously.

"You two have gotten... comfortable," Nancy scoffed nervously, eyeing the tiny wrapper between Lennon's fingers.

"Heh," Lennon's brows shot upward sarcastically before she prepared herself for Billy's messy scrawl. "Comfortable is not the word," her eyes shifted warningly before continuing to sense someone watching from afar.

Her eyes ran past Jonathan and Nancy to catch the eye of the brunet who had captivated her mind since the day she met him.

He wouldn't stop staring.

Eddie always sat at the head of the geek's table but Lennon had taken to sitting with Nancy five tables down. He was leaning all the way back to see her sitting at the end of the table, watching as Billy made his way out. Eddie was chewing disgruntledly and it was obvious to Lennon that he wasn't happy with Billy's attempt to flatter her.

She shot him a dumb expression, silently scolding him and reprimanding him from afar. There was no reason for him to get uncomfortable with her and Billy. She was single. Recently, she didn't want to be, but she was, and that meant Eddie had no right to be protective either.

He seemed to understand her warning gaze and scrunched up his nose disapprovingly before popping a pretzel into his mouth and turning back to his group of friends.

Nancy and Jonathan both turned over their shoulder to see who Lennon was leering at but they couldn't find a pair of eyes looking in their direction by then. When they turned back to Lennon, she had already shifted in her seat to the edge and read:

I like you. I wanna take you on a date if you'll let me ;)

Lennon narrowed her eyes at Billy's handwriting before she threw herself back into her seat and rolled her eyes. She knew why he wrote it down now. Since Nancy and Jonathan were sitting across from them, he didn't want to say anything mawkish like that and to Lennon, it was obviously a line he used often.

She couldn't help but sense ingenuity in the scribbling. Maybe Billy was just looking for a date or maybe Lennon truly didn't think she could be used as arm candy. But either way, his words didn't affect her in the way he had intended.

"Yeah..." she scoffed. "Jonathan," she called out matter-of-factly. "You and Nancy are coming to Heather's Christmas party on Saturday."

***

By the end of the day, Lennon was hurried home to get ready. All Brontë wanted to talk about was the party on Saturday and the celebration he invited himself to with the jocks after the game because he was already sure they were going to win. But all Lennon wanted to do was curl up into a ball and hide for the rest of her high school life.

She didn't want to perform, she didn't want to make up her mind about Billy, she didn't want to keep avoiding Eddie, she didn't want to feel like a burden or a piece of ass or a trophy in someone's arm. She just wanted to go to sleep and wake up in a few years to find a job somewhere off the coast so she wouldn't have to be around anyone who knew who she was. She just wanted something that didn't feel fake or questionable.

She wanted peace.

Once she did her hair and face up and slid her body into her cheer uniform, Brontë was trying to get her to eat but she couldn't. Her belly was in knots and her thoughts were scattered like the dirty laundry on the floor of her room after the week she'd had.

Brontë ate a TV dinner alone while Lennon chewed anxiously at her thumbnail. She felt like throwing up and she knew if she ate, the chances would have gone up.

Brontë was excited to sit in the crowd and watch his baby sister do the thing she had been practicing for so long but he was also excited to see Steve as well.

He had the house locked up by five and Lennon decided to answer him once outside.

"By the angels, it's never going to end..." she groaned, getting into the car and shaking as the winter season froze her in place.

"What isn't?"

"All of this..." she worried at her lip when Brontë turned the car on and started their journey back to Hawkin's High. "I look ridiculous and I'm gonna make a fool of myself up there, Bro... And I have to make up my mind about Billy and Tina hates me and Max-"

"Whoa," Brontë stopped her. "Firstly, you're gonna do great, Lenny. You've worked your ass off and I know you can do whatever the hell you put your mind to; and since it's been this," he waved his hand around her covered uniform as she buried her torso in jackets before leaving the house. "I know you're gonna do amazing," he promised.

"And secondly," his tone went darker and more insinuating than before. "What's this about Billy?" he smirked mischievously.

"Oh, for fucksake..." she threw her head into her hand and silently wished she had just sucked it up and not signed up for cheer in the first place. "Don't worry about it."

"I'm gonna worry about it, Lenny. You're my baby sister. I'm always gonna worry."

"Well don't worry about that," she pulled her face from her hands and sighed.

"He hasn't thrown himself on you, has he?" Brontë's tone grew protective and daunting as he grew in height before shifting his eyes off the road to meet hers.

"No," she groaned. "I said drop it," she grumbled.

"No, no, no," Brontë quickly insisted. "You're a fucking mess and since you don't wanna talk to a professional, you're gonna need to fill me in, little sister."

Lennon was silent. She didn't need to oblige. He had nothing to hold over her head.

What was he going to go? Ground her?

She would rather be coveted at home and grounded from going out than anything else. She didn't have very many trusting friends, let alone people to hang out with and she didn't make an allowance.

She would rather have the TV taken from her so she could read. She would rather be forced into a grounding than continue how she was. The only thing he could've taken away from her that meant anything would have been Eddie but she couldn't see him anyways. Brontë made that very clear.

"Lenny. C'mon," he complained.

Lennon looked over at her brother skeptically before folding her arms over her chest and sighing in defeat.

"Tina really likes Billy, and Max is my friend... I feel like I'm betraying them both just by entertaining this thing between us," she admitted, refusing to mention Eddie or the fact her feelings for Billy were nonexistent.

She talked to him about being asked out to the Christmas party and surprisingly, Brontë gave her some good advice.

He wasn't being sentimental, but he was being supportive. He told her not to worry. He told her to do whatever felt right and if anything made her uncomfortable, talk about it. Speak up. There was no shame in saying 'no' and whatever feels right is sure to lead her in the right direction.

If only he knew...

If only he knew what she really wanted she couldn't have...

If only he knew how right it felt to be with that drug dealer with the long brown curls and big round lips.

If only he knew what felt right...

If only he knew...