𝙸'𝚖 𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚛 𝚌𝚘𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚢 𝚖𝚘𝚘𝚍𝚜.

𝚈𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠, 𝙸'𝚖 𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝚋𝚕𝚞𝚎.

𝙻𝚎𝚝'𝚜 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚋𝚎 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚖𝚢 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚜.

𝙰𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚎𝚢𝚎𝚜.

𝙹𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚢𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚣𝚎𝚍.

𝙻𝚎𝚝'𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑 𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚋𝚎 𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚒𝚗 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎.

Eddie had followed far behind Billy to make sure Lennon made it home safely but he didn't even see the car following Billy pull out of a neighbors driveway.

He was stealthy and followed close enough to see the street Billy turned onto but he didn't know which house was hers so he went down the street knocking on people's doors asking if a Lennon Seagrave lived there. It only took two people to answer before a fragile old woman with a cane told him the Seagrave's lived three houses down from the street sign between Willis Road and Creekside.

He quickly thanked her and counted to three before sitting in front of an unwashed, dark wooden house that sat against the lake with the engine running for a few minutes. He contemplated his next move. He didn't want to scare her or seem obsessive but he needed to know she made it home.

He didn't trust Billy.

His pride wasn't more important than her safety so he got out and marched up to the front steps with determination before bringing his knuckles to the door and waiting for some kind of proof that she was okay.

***

Lennon had hopped in the shower to rid her body of all the sweat she was encapsulated in as soon as she got home. When she walked out of the bathroom wearing a pair of black sweatpants and a Mötley Crüe shirt, she had just crouched down in front of the television when there was a knock at the door.

Lennon turned on the TV and made her way to the door with a mess of knots in her belly. She slid the baseball bat her brother kept behind the door across the tiled floor as she peeked out the hole at the center of the frame.

She leveled her eye with hesitance and felt something in her chest ease when she caught the sight of that familiar, frizzy brown hair she didn't want to admit to missing.

His eyes were lowered to the ground so she couldn't see his face but there was no mistaking those frayed ends and edgy jackets.

She sighed and unlocked the front door before facing an anxious Eddie who dropped his hand from his mouth as he was relieved to see she was alright.

"Oh, for fucksake..." Eddie's shoulders slumped. As much as he wanted to hate her for choosing Billy, he couldn't stay mad.

"How did you find my address?" she asked incredulously before shivering and feeling colder than before now that her hair was wet and her skin was abandoning warmth. She popped her head out and cast her gaze out to the streets to see if anybody saw him.

After all, having Eddie Munson's van parked out front when Brontë was gone wasn't a good thing to put on display for the neighbors, no matter how much acreage separated them.

"I..." Eddie's hand went to his forehead, pushing his hair up as he exhaled a long, drawn-out breath of air. "I thought Billy might've... I don't-" he started to shake his head as the relief of his worry diminished but it was quickly replaced with pure anxiety.

Thinking about all the things that could have happened instead made him anxious and fearful for her safety. If he would've just pushed a little harder, she would've been okay. If anything had happened, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself. "I don't..."

"Get your ass inside," she clicked her tongue to the roof of her mouth and decided not to get a cold just so this blubbering loner could explain himself.

Eddie was surprised by her hospitality since she didn't let him see her house for all the time they've known each other but accepted it just as quickly. He watched as she put a baseball bat back behind the door and he smiled softly at the image.

She wasn't paying attention to him when she locked the door behind him but the sight eased some of his frazzled nerves.

She then hugged her chest for warmth before turning to him and asked, "You followed us, didn't you?"

"I..." Eddie trailed off, not expecting her to be so frank as soon as he was locked inside. Then he realized where he was. He was in her house for the first time and he felt like he was on the verge of an anxiety attack. "I..."

He realized he was in a new environment and his chest was tightening the more he tried to talk. He wasn't sure if he was safe. He didn't know where he was or what he was doing and he didn't know if Lennon was totally okay.

"Whoa, you okay?" she asked, noticing how his eyes raced across her face to the floor to the ceiling and back around like he couldn't keep them still. Her worries then went to the way his chest heaved like he was having difficulty breathing and the signs suddenly became apparent.

"I did follow. You," Eddie sighed. "I don't trust. That Hargrove guy," he grit his teeth, and then he became aware of his breathing patterns and he had to stop and focus.

Lennon dropped her accusatory tone and approached Eddie with consideration.

"Hey," she took him by the shoulder and forced his eyes on her. "It's okay," she promised him. "You're safe," she shook her head slowly, parting her lips as she searched his eyes for an affirmation that he understood what she was saying was genuine.

Eddie smirked weakly. "That wasn't," he shook his head and felt his heart flutter. "I wasn't concerned. About my safety. Lennon," he chuckled despite the arising anxiety attack.

Instead of relishing the way her eyes met his, he wanted to isolate himself. He wanted to turn away and be left alone but he didn't want to leave Lennon either. He knew what was coming. He had plenty of them. He just didn't want one right now. Not in front of this beautiful girl who already made it clear that he would never be hers.

"Hey," she called out softly, seeing that he was freaking himself out the more he tried to resist it. "It's just you and me," she smiled softly. "Whatever you need," she shrugged, "you can have it."

She took her hand off of his shoulder and realized that touching him probably wasn't the best thing to do when he was obviously in a state of perplexed worriment. However, the removal of her hand seemed to make him more anxious because his eyes briefly squeezed shut before he violently shook his head.

"I should. You're obviously. Fine. You're fine so. I should. I should go," he struggled to say as he tried to regain control of his breathing.

"You don't have to go," she called out hopefully, causing him to stop in his tracks to look up at her worried gaze. "You shouldn't be driving. You can... You can go cry in a room for a few hours if you need to but... Please don't go."

Eddie swallowed uncomfortably and despised his body's decision to have an anxiety attack in front of the woman he wanted to impress. As if she didn't have enough reason to hate and ignore him, this was sure to do the trick for good. But now that she was asking him to stay, after seeing how ridiculous he seemed firsthand, he reconsidered.

"I... I don't think..."

"Lay on the floor," she moved aside and pointed to the open space between the hall and the living room.

"Whuh-" Eddie huffed out in disbelief.

"I'm serious," she moved even further back, sliding slightly on the socks on her feet as she presented the ground to Eddie. "It's gonna get worse before it gets better. Lay on the ground," she playfully mocked him from the time he caught her having a panic attack and remembered how he mentioned the technique he wished someone could've done for him in the past. She guessed now was better than ever to try it.

"You're joking..." Eddie took a deep breath and held it, wondering if that would've forced his lungs to work properly but the air was pushed back out like water over a cliff. He couldn't contain it.

"No," Lennon was staring at him in earnest. "You remember the code word?" she asked him.

Eddie furrowed his brows with confliction. She was so charming and alluring but he genuinely wanted to be left alone to cry so his feelings were contradicting.

"Eddie..." she called out, causing him to realize he had lost himself to his thoughts for a moment. "Code word?" she asked.

Eddie shook his head doubtfully. "I can't. Fucking believe you," he sniffled and took a few steps forward with forced confidence before laying down on the ground and wincing as a clear breathing pathway seemed impossible now.

"That's not the code word," she warned him, watching him as he got on the floor, took his jackets off, tossed them towards the staircase, and scrunched his face up in discomfort.

"Just lay on top of me. Already. Jesus H. Christ," he grew impatient and weary as Lennon got to her knees and the world started to feel scarier by the minute. "Just do it already..." his upper lip went stiff with distaste but he refused to open his eyes.

He didn't know if he was annoyed because his nerves felt like they were as itchy as wool or if he was annoyed because his ego was being torn to shreds like a child getting ready to make a paper-machete. Either way, he didn't like it. But Lennon insisted and seeing as she was doing the exact thing he did to her, he felt like he couldn't refuse.

Lennon pushed past her initial discomfort and did exactly what Eddie did for her. She took her wet hair and slid it over her shoulder before pressing her damp back to his chest and laying her head beside his.

She was holding her breath as she settled in on top of him. His whole body went rigid and she was just waiting for him to scream the safe word so she didn't think she would need to get comfortable. She too was stiff but when Eddie continued to lay still with his face screwed shut like he was shutting out the world, she had no choice but to lay her head on top of his feathered curls and shift her body to center against his.

He was warm and his chest rose and fell rapidly as he tried to find the pattern that was going to keep him alive.

He had his face turned away from her as his face burned with heat and the tears coated his covered eyes. He didn't want her to see him like that. He just wished he hadn't reacted like that. He wished he didn't feel like the world was ending. He wished he wasn't crying and he wished he could be with this charitable woman on top of him without feeling self-conscious and scared.

Lennon didn't want to say anything that would alarm him but after a few minutes of MTV and the sound of his breathing, she felt inclined to check up on him.

"Hey, Eddie?" she sang out curiously.

"Yeah?" he asked curtly.

"Sorry..." she muttered, realizing he probably stayed quiet because he wasn't okay. She wanted to ask if her weight was helping but he didn't seem like he wanted to chat so she went cold and quiet.

"'Bout what?" he wondered, turning his head and pinching between his eyes but feeling a tug that stopped him. Lennon's head was rested on his hair.

"Just take your time," she took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to ease her nervousness to be so close to him in an empty home.

Lennon could feel him grumble slightly as the vibrations ran through their skin. She felt warmed by the notion of feeling things like that through her back. Then she started to feel the softer places of his body against her back. His ribs and chest were tough but his stomach was soft and cushioning to her lower back.

She had the bottom of her spine pressed to one side of his hip, keeping some of her weight off of him with the heel centered between his open legs and she felt strange folding her arms over her chest as she felt more exposed than Eddie now.

"Can I ask something from you?" Eddie wondered softly, turning his head and opening his eyes to find Lennon staring nervously up at the ceiling as she waited for him to calm down.

"Sure," she replied with a subtle furrow to her eyebrows.

"Can I wrap my arms around you?" he asked innocently.

Lennon could feel the rapid beating of his heart through their shirts and the rough rise and fall of his breathing caused her belly to swarm with butterflies.

"Whatever you need," she nodded her head, looking down at the runway of her body propped up on his as she didn't know what else to do.

She knew two people who barely knew each other or even considered each other friends wouldn't be this intimate. But she didn't want it any other way. She wanted to feel more of him and talk more to him and watch his mannerisms and laugh at his humor. She wanted to immerse herself in him if possible but she knew two ordinary people without feelings wouldn't do that.

But they weren't ordinary people, were they?

The 'perfectionist' and the 'cultist'. Beauty and the beast. The popular girl and the freak. The cheerleader and the drug dealer. They were anything but ordinary.

Lennon tried not to smile when Eddie's arms lifted around the pair of them and grabbed her by the waist.

The security of those arms around her body made every muscle in his body ease, causing the weight she held up with the heel of her foot to settle down on Eddie's torso and hip. The shifting weight encouraged his breathing. The comfort from beneath her and the feeling of pulling her closer resonated with him in ways he couldn't comprehend.

It was just a simple hug. There was nothing more than a mutual embrace between them but damn did it feel good.

Lennon sucked in a breath of air as his hands clasped over his forearms, holding her still and locking them together as gravity pulled them into one another. She was nervous, but not like when she was with Billy. This was a nervousness that she knew formed from resistance.

After all, it was denial that kept her so far from him. She missed seeing him in the halls and the lunchroom. She missed sneaking around with him and driving beside him. She missed hearing his band play music and she missed the smell of his room. But she wasn't supposed to feel that way.

She wasn't supposed to miss the smell of his pillow or find herself falling asleep with his beanie, reminisce on the way he tasted, long for those lips, or gawk over his big brown eyes.

Friends didn't do that.

"That..." she said in a soft, whimper-like voice, exhaling slowly and shifting her hands over her chest now that Eddie's occupied her waist. "That feels nice..." she admitted sorrowfully.

She began worrying at her lip as her eyes shot up to the ceiling, unable to ignore the thrumming of his heartbeat or the smell that radiated from his hair and neck.

She wanted what she wanted but she knew she shouldn't want it. Sometimes she wondered what would happen if she just submitted to the consuming want for him, and sometimes she regretted it when she had to pull away. It felt like teasing but when she let go it felt like the first sight of water in a lifetime of drought. He had an effect on her that she didn't want to resist.

But what she wanted and what she needed weren't the same. She couldn't be the survivalist Eddie saw her to be if she enjoyed it. Survival was war and love was the opposite. She couldn't have them both.

Either survive or let love consume you from the inside out.

She didn't know which she valued more.

"Yeah..." Eddie whispered beside her ear, blanketing the skin of her cheek with the gentle touch of his breath.

Lennon's eyes fell shut as she relished the feeling, trying not to look over and fall into the abyss of his eyes. She knew that if she looked into his eyes she wouldn't be able to restrain herself; not when he wanted the same thing she did.

"That's a lot better..." Eddie sighed, feeling his shoulders relax with the pressure of her weight on top of him. She kept him grounded and securely planted him in one place without feeling crowded or pressured into it. It was safe.

Lennon hummed amusingly, finding her own weakness humorous when she knew the simple termination of her longing was just two inches from the side of her head. But because they were chest-to-back, just bodies flushed against one another, Eddie could feel her hum and watched as she subtly shook her head in disbelief.

"What?" he questioned, finding his breath as time grew older and a sixth song was beginning to play on the TV since Eddie arrived.

"This..." she giggled dubiously, hating what she loved in her time with him. "This feels nice..." she drew out mockingly.

She was purposefully refusing to turn and meet his eyes as they ran across the length of the support beams above their heads. It felt right. It didn't feel weird or uncomfortable and it should've but it didn't.

He followed her home and was suddenly in her house all alone. She was laying on top of him on the floor and he was having an anxiety attack. It all seemed so surreal. Like it wasn't supposed to happen. But it did and it felt right.

"But why are you laughing?" Eddie asked benevolently, shifting the position of his arms around her waist and causing Lennon's eyes to shut again.

"You..." she grew breathless at the thought of turning and meeting his eyes until she couldn't refuse them anymore.

He was already looking over at her like he usually was and those glorious eyes of his were focused on hers now as his lips parted slightly. She sighed at the sight, feeling warm and welcomed when under the inspection of those whiskey-colored eyes of his.

"You always know what to do," a soft crease formed between her eyebrows as she lifted her head and shifted her body slightly to meet his eye better. "You don't get mad... Even when you have every right to... You never get mad..." she smiled sorrowfully.

Eddie let out a slow breath of air and felt the relief wash over his entire body. In that instant, he believed she to be magic. She was capable of healing the most sensitive parts of him without even trying. He couldn't explain it any other way. She had to be a witch. She had some kind of power over him and he fell helpless against her magic.

"What do you mean?" he asked, casting his eyes across the expanse of her face and noticing the spray of freckles across her cheeks and chin. He could see the natural curl to her eyelashes and the unplucked hairs by the arch of her eyebrows. He could see the little pores underneath her evergreen eyes and the scar hiding just above her upper lip. He wanted to remember that image for when she wasn't around. He wanted to have that with him at all times like a photo in his wallet. He wanted her just like that. Just as she was.

"People who get mad don't follow people who were mean to them home to make sure they made it okay..." she whispered. "People who get mad don't forgive as you do. Even people who don't deserve this... People who don't deserve your kindness or forgiveness... You're never mad," she stared at him like he was an unknown species of life that she didn't understand yet.

It was like she didn't know him at all but knew him better than anyone else. It wasn't enough, but it was more than most could give.

"That's funny to you?" he pondered, crossing his eyes slightly as his eyes ran to the tip of her nose and back to her eyes.

Lennon sat in awe over him before casting her eyes down to his supple lips begging to be touched and caressed.