Ah, yes. That was the Fern I knew and loved.

Fern froze, Cage glared at her, and everyone else burst into laughter. Nick even pulled out a phone and took a selfie with Cage's furious face. He shoved Nick away and kept glaring at Fern. If I was on the receiving end of that glare, I would have burst into tears.

But no, not Fern. She wasn't scared of anything.

"November!" Fern whisper-yelled, trying not to wake the baby in her arms. "What the hell is this? Where have you been? Who are these assholes? Why are they so freakishly big? What the hell, November? I was looking everywhere for you! Five days! Nothing. Not one goddamn peep for five days! I had no idea where you were, November! Oh my God, I'm going to kill you." She glared at me and then turned her attention to Cage.

She suddenly reached over and slapped the side of his head. "Listen to me, you idiot!" Fern growled to Cage, who suddenly had a pained look on his face. "If you're here to demand ransom for my sister, you've got another thing coming. I haven't slept in five days, all I've been drinking is coffee, and I'm going to shove that cactus-" Fern pointed to the cactus by the door. "-so far up your ass that the doctor's gonna be picking the pricks from between your teeth. Get the hell away from my sister."

"Fern-" I said meekly. Cage looked like he was about to cry, Nick and Heath were still laughing, and Fern was glaring at everyone like she really was going to kill us all.

"You have some explaining to do." Fern growled at me.

"I know." I said nervously. "And I will but-"

"No buts, November!'' Fern snapped. "Who are these people and why the hell is this idiot looking at me like-" She hit Cage again. "-he wants to kill me? Not today, you ugly freak! Go away before I call the cops."

Nick frowned at her. "In what ever loving fuck is this-"

Fern reached over and smacked him, too. "Do not curse around my baby!" She shouted angrily.

"He's sleeping, he can't even hear-" Heath began to mumble but he was instantly cut off as Fern took a wild swing at him.

"It's a girl!" Fern snapped.

"Okay!" Cage growled suddenly, his tone filled with so much authority that it silenced all of us. "Enough of this." He looked at Fern and then back to me. "This is your sister?"

"Of course."

"And this is your house?"

"No Cage, I just gave you directions to a stranger's house."

Cage skittered at my sarcastic tone but didn't pursue it. He looked down at his coffee-soaked clothes and then sighed. Fern, finally deciding she wanted the explanation that she oh so deserved, moved back to let everyone in. Cage stepped into the house, and then Nick, and then Heath who didn't meet Fern's eyes. I tramped in at last, hoping that the apologetic look on my face was enough to make up for the sudden five day disappearance and then dramatic reappearance. Of course, it didn't work and Fern gave me a look that said I might be dead soon.

We all walked to the living room. Cage pulled me down beside him on the couch. Nick and Heath, hesitating for a moment, also sat down beside Cage. Fern, with the baby, took a seat opposite of were we all sat. The living room was a mess, with packs of diapers and baby formula everywhere. The television was showing a news report. Fern grabbed the remote and turned it off, giving me a pressed look filled with anxiety. I could only imagine what she must have been thinking.

There were a couple minutes of silence. Uncomfortable, I stood up and walked over to Fern, taking a seat beside her so it was essentially the Crows on one side and us on the other. I peeked at the baby, a little bundle of pink cheeks and cuteness. I was dying to hold it, my very own niece, but I held off on account of our uninvited guests.

"Who are they?" Fern asked angrily. "And what are they doing in our house?"

"I think you know who we are-" Nick started to say but one look from Fern silenced him.

She turned to me. "November."

"Okay." I took a deep breath. "Here's what happened. After I came back from the restaurant, I was putting the food in the backseat of my car. Hey, I think it's actually still there, you wanna go check it out-"

"November!"

"Sorry." I said. "Like I said, I was putting the food in the backseat of the car. And then I see them-" I pointed to Cage, Nick, and Heath "-running. One of the Ivey police dogs were chasing them."

"Wait." Fern said in surprise. "So you actually were kidnapped by the Crows?"

"Hello." Cage smiled and waved.

"Accidentally." I corrected. "They, um...killed the dog-"

Fern glared at Cage. "You killed the dog?"

"Yup." Cage said, popping the 'p.'

"Don't kill dogs, you ass!" Fern growled.

"I know, right? That's what I was like." I added unhelpfully. After a murderous glare from Fern, I continued. "Anyways, they hijacked my car. I was still in the backseat. I don't think anyone realized it until we were too far out-"

"Why didn't you scream for help, November?" Fern stared at me.

"Yeah, why didn't you?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, why didn't you?" Heath repeated.

"Because I was scared!" I defended myself hotly. "I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what was going to happen. Never mind that. So they took me deep into the forest-" Fern made a funny noise in the back of her throat at this part. "-and Cage-"

"Cage Vickers?" Fern cut me off, staring at Cage. "The criminal Cage Vickers? That's him?"

"Hello." Cage said again, giving Fern a mocking wave.

"Unfortunately, yes." I said. "Anyways, we went to their lair. Fern, it's underground! That's why no one was able to find them. It was on government property, too."

"Wow, that's clever." She sounded impressed.

"I know, right? Anyways, they took me there. And then we climbed a whole bunch of steps and went on a roof. From there, Heath-" I pointed to him. "-forcefully injected me with a sedative that kills anyone who uses it over three times. And then we went to Chicago!"

The look on Fern's face was a mixture of shock and disbelief.

"And then, you know, the usual stuff that happens during kidnappings happened." I shrugged. "I was the honoured guest in an underground knife fight, we went to Canada after the Feds busted us at a remote cabin in the middle of nowhere and shot Cage in the back of the neck, and the bullet was pulled out by a former drug addict slash professional wrestler, we went to a carnival and became hostages to a group of crazy killer clowns who killed my best friend who bought me Captain America stickers, I made my great escape and pulled out the tracking chip they forced in me-" I pulled back the sleeve of my jacket and showed Fern the scar. "-but I was caught and dragged back. Cage seduced me and gave me another one of those sedative injections. Not in that particular order. Anyways, what is your daughter's name?"

I said all of this in one breath, hoping Fern would miss some parts and not freak out on me.

Fern's face was positively white. Cage looked on with amusement.

"Oh yeah!" I snapped my fingers. "I forgot to add, Cage made me hack into the CIA database and retrieve some files that their friend Jonah King sent after this really big betrayal that resulted in Cage killing him. So yeah, I'm an accomplice to their crimes now. You okay, Fern? You look like you're about to pass out."

Fern was silent for a minute. The blood had drained from her face. "November." She said nicely. "Can you hold my baby for a second?"

"Sure." Fern tenderly placed the infant in my arms, making sure she was all settled into her swaddled blanket perfectly before sitting back down.

And then she attacked Cage. I mean, she literally lunged over the coffee table and began hitting him with a Women's Health magazine that had the smiling face of Amber Heard on the cover. "How dare you put my sister's life in danger?" Fern shrieked, smacking him with it. Cage, surprised by the attack, tried to block the magazine. She was a lot stronger than I was and unlike me, she could actually hurt Cage. "How dare you? How could you do that-" Fern repeatedly hit him with the magazine. ''-to my freaking sister!"

The baby, woken up by all the noise, began wailing in my arms.

"Oh, no." I whispered fearfully. Fern was still hitting Cage with the magazine and Cage was desperately trying to get out of the way. Heath had a bored look on his face, as if things like this happened everyday, and Nick looked flabbergasted. Compared to Cage, Fern was tiny. I think it surprised all of us that she could put up a fight against him. It was pretty darn impressive, I'll give her that. The baby opened its big blue eyes, took one look at my one-eyebrowed face, and began to cry harder.

"Fern!" I called desperately as the baby started to squirm. Nick's face was torn between laughing and getting angry.

"November!" Cage suddenly jumped up and shoved Fern away. Fern, finally overwhelmed, threw the magazine at Cage in one last retaliation and sat back down. He glared at me, of all people. "Make your sister stop before I-"

"She's insane." Nick whispered, with a bit of fear in his voice.

The baby was starting to have a full out temper tantrum now. Panicking, I stood up as Fern walked over. She took her daughter back and sat on the couch. Slowly, the cries began to quiet down. Cage's hair was all messed up from Fern smacking him silly. He straightened his clothes, gave her one last scowl, and sat back down next to Nick. They were both breathing heavily. As happy as I was that Cage stayed, a part of me still hoped he regretting coming into our house now. One thing was beginning to learn was that you never mess with a woman who just had a child and lost her baby sister temporarily.

"Here's what's going to happen." Cage stood up, watching us intently. "We are going to stay here for a couple days-"

"You will not!" Fern and I both shrieked at the same time.

Cage ignored us. "-before we go back to Chicago. It was a long trip coming here and I think there are some things a couple of us need to clarify. When we leave, you won't ever see us again. If there's something anyone needs to say-" He was obviously talking about Heath. "-then I suggest we need to get it out into the open before we leave."

"Hotels." Fern said pointedly.

Cage gave her his winning smirk. "Yes, but where's the fun in that?"

"Fun?" I questioned skeptically. "An unannounced sleepover with criminals doesn't seem like a lot of fun."

The smirk returned, tugging up the corner of Cage's bruised lips in a way that made my stomach twist nervously. And then Cage said one carefully constructed sentence that made everything that happened in the past five days seem like child's play of feelings.

"Take me to your bedroom, princess."