"So, I've got all the things I usually need when I go through a break-up. A few boxes of Kleenex ultra-soft tissues- they'll be kind to your nose, believe me. Some nice chocolate and 'Ten Things I Hate About You'," Imogen says, sorting through the items in front of her as she lists each one.

Oliver crinkles his nose. "I see 'Avengers Assemble' cheering Rubes up much more than that sappy film," he says, stuffing the last of his pizza into his mouth. Imogen appears downright insulted.

"Sappy?" she cries. "That film is-"

"I don't care what film we watch," I interrupt, my hollow voice dull in comparison to their lively ones. Both of my friends abandon their oncoming argument and stare at me awkwardly. I can tell how strange they find this situation, that for once it's me hung up over a break-up rather than Imogen. And because of that, they don't quite know how to act.

"Sorry," Imogen says, putting down the DVD. She reaches up and squeezes my arm. "Are you alright?"

For the fourth time within an hour, we're talking about Ryan again. A constant thought has been thrumming through my mind all lunch and, against my better judgement, I voice it. "I think I need to talk to him," I say, sitting up straighter. "I need to smooth things out and-"

"You're not going try and get back together with him, are you?" Imogen asks. I notice the worry that creeps into her voice and I stop myself from rolling my eyes. I think Granddad must have told Imogen to look out for me wanting to reconcile with Ryan ever since I'd told him I wanted to.

"No," I say, and it's true, I have no intention to. At least, now I don't. Over the weekend, after that horrible afternoon, I'd wanted to do all kinds of things. I wanted to go over to Ryan's house and beg for forgiveness, to crawl underneath my duvet and pretend everything's OK and to try and forget everything and just carry on as normal.

I ended up doing the latter, but not very successfully. Me being 'normal' doesn't involve crying and wanting to avoid everybody at school.

"Alright," Imogen says. "I think that's the best thing to do, at least for now."

I nod, wanting to move off the topic of Ryan and mine's break-up in case of any eavesdroppers. Word of us splitting has gotten out, through one way or another, and the general reaction to it's been surprise. I guess everyone thought Ryan and I were smitten. But surprise generates curiosity, and curiosity leads to a whole load of questions I don't want to answer.

"Did I tell you guys about my date with Chastity?" Oliver suddenly says. "To be honest, it wasn't really a date... Rather than the cinema, we spent the evening in my bed."

I get he's trying to lighten the mood but it doesn't stop me from crinkling nose whilst Imogen looks at him, evidently grossed out.

"Given her name, she knew her stuff- and I'm saying she really knew," he continues and Imogen and I both groan. I can't help but laugh, however. The bell rings then, altering us that lunch has ended. We all get up and I feel a rush of affection for my best friend as he leans in to give me a hug.

Oliver squeezes me tightly. "It'll feel better you know," he whispers and I nod, leaning into his shirt and breathing in his familiar smell.

"Yeah I know," I say as he pulls away, grabbing his bag.

"I'll see you later?" Oliver says as he begins walking to the door of the Sixth Form common room* to his next lesson which I think is Computer Science. "I'll bring Avenger's Assemble to yours tonight," he adds with a wink to Imogen who just glares at him. As much as I love 'Ten Things About You', watching a film about my favourite superheroes seems a bit more fun right now.

Imogen and I both leave the common room together. Imogen's starts a conversation on how the perfection of a good teen romcom can't be beaten when I see Ryan. A wave of nausea-inducing anxiety hits me. It's the first time I've seen him since the weekend, since we'd broken up on Saturday.

He's standing quietly with his friends who are surrounding him; they're laughing and talking loudly. He's not joining in. Everything about Ryan seems grey, his expression's lifeless and he doesn't respond to one of his friends who's nudging him about something. He just stares, straight ahead, his jaw tense and his eyes pink-rimmed.

In that moment, never have I felt so guilty. It's because of me he looks like he hasn't smiled for years, he wouldn't be so miserable if I hadn't been such an idiot.

Ryan's eyes abruptly meet mine. They stop appearing so downcast and instead are filled with something I can only call hatred. My insides lurch, as though I've just been violently shoved forward. Ryan glares at me and I watch his body turn ridged as I stare at him back, unable to do anything else.

Finally he looks away, like he doesn't want to waste any more time on me. He turns, paying attention to his friend who'd been nudging him.

I sigh shakily in relief as soon as Ryan stops looking my way and notice how weak my knees have turned. I've never imagined he could look at me like that, not when all he's ever given me are friendly smiles accompanied with warm eyes.

"Ruby?" Imogen asks, facing me. "Hey, are you OK?"

I nod quickly, hoping she doesn't notice how my eyes have started welling up. "Yeah," I say, hating how my voice sounds so choked, "I'm fine."

* * *

The day crawls by, hours filled with distraction and barely any attention paid to the lessons. My behaviour's noticed by my Chemistry teacher, Mrs Hounslow, and she asks me to stay behind to talk about why I was staring at the window rather than filling in my worksheet. She doesn't get much of an answer, and after ten minutes she gives up.

The corridors are eerily silent now that school day's been over for a short while. It's strange to think the unobstructed, quiet path that leads to my locker is the same one that's usually full of jostling, rowdy teenagers.

I head to my locker, unlocking it before carefully taking off my bag and taking books out to put back. The weight of them in my bag has made my shoulders ache, as though I were dragging along boulders instead of a few textbooks.

The heavy weight remains sitting on my shoulders, even when I'm wearing nothing.

I inhale heavily, leaning my head against a neighbouring locker and welcoming the feel of cool metal against my skin. Today has gone pretty crapply. I've been able to handle the gossip that always comes whenever someone's relationship status suddenly changes to 'Single' on Facebook, but seeing Ryan look at me like that, not having him around even as just a friend anymore- suddenly it's taking its toll.

My eyes prickle and for what feels like the hundredth time, I'm near to crying. There wasn't a doubt about the fact that Ryan and I weren't going to last forever, what relationship does when you're seventeen? But I didn't want it to end like this. I didn't want our break-up to be so messed up, so awful that Ryan's unable to glance my way without wearing a look of disgust.

I press the balls of my hands up against my eyes, willing myself not to start crying- not here, anyway.

"Hey?" A voice says, and though quiet- it sends me jumping sharply in surprise. I hastily get off the locker and pivot on my heel to face the speaker. As soon as I do I immediately regret turning around.

Levi stares back at me, wearing an expression I've never seen him look at me before. His eyebrows are furrowed, his lips are slightly parted and his deep brown eyes scrutinise me carefully, if I didn't know better, I would've said he appears concerned.

My insides feel like they're being tossed around with an emotion I can't quite identify, I do know it's certainly not happiness. It feels more like agitation that's making my grip on my bag a whole lot tighter. I press my lips together and shut my eyes momentarily, torn between cursing and praying to God that nothing happens. I don't think I'll be able to respond to Levi's usual irritating remarks with a scowl; instead, I'll either end up crying or yelling.

"Levi, I really can't handle anything right now," I say, trying to keep my voice steady.

"I know," he replies, in a voice I've never heard before. The words that leave his mouth are soft and quiet; they don't have their usual amused lilt and sound... caring. I glance up at Levi to see him properly and noticed his brown hair's tousled from the strong wind we've been having recently.

I haven't seen him since the afternoon we'd spent at the Park. I remember how he'd appeared hurt, even if it was barely so, when I'd asked him to leave. I remember how I'd missed his presence as soon as he'd gotten into the car, how suddenly facing Ryan seemed a much more frightening task.

I rarely see Levi at our lockers, seeing as his is the one above mine we inevitably cross paths occasionally but, usually, at the end of the day Levi's gone before me since I normally go to Imogen's locker before mine. That's also true for mornings, seeing as he drives to school and gets here earlier than me.

"Are you... alright?" Levi asks, shifting his weight onto the lockers as he rests his shoulder against it. I nod hastily, blinking a few times to get rid of any tell-tale signs of tears. Having Levi see me cry will only make my day even worse.

I remember the Santa hat that's lying in my bag. Over the weekend, I'd come to a decision. I'm not deluded enough to blame how everything went between Ryan and I on Levi. No, I've realised that I'm to blame.

But that doesn't stop me thinking why things went so wrong. Ever since Levi's turned up in my life, everything's turned chaotic. My emotions are in chaos more often than not, my heart feels like it's going to give out any moment now from how much it races recently, and there's just this constant presence of disarray whenever he's around.

Breaking-up with Ryan's made me realise how much control over my life I've lost. And now I get that I need to stop that, and to do that I have to stop whatever's going on between Levi and I. Before I met him things were fine, and 'fine' is all I want to be right now.

Swallowing and bracing myself, I start the conversation I'd recited one too many times past the last couple days. "I, er, need to talk to you."

"You do?" Levi asks, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

Anxiousness starts bubbling inside me and the sensation of my rucksack strap digging into my hand's verging on painful.

I nod, slowly. "About a couple of things."

Levi doesn't reply; he simply folds his arms, waiting.

"Er, first... We need to talk about the picture," I say. The picture was one of the first things that occurred to me when it had sunk in Ryan and I are over. Levi's expression is now withdrawn, lacking any tell-tale signs of emotion except for a slight glimmer of interest in his eyes. "Now, after what's... Now we're both not with someone the picture has no use."

I think back to all the flaws with the plan. It's caused so many problems it's been anything but useful, but now, especially now- it's pointless. "We're not with anyone anymore," I continue, "so now, technically, we have no precaution that'll make sure neither of us says anything."

Levi doesn't appear the slightest bit bothered. He's still leaning against the locker, as calm as ever. "So?" he asks. For the first time in a few days, I feel a shoot of annoyance flare through me.

"So?" I repeat. "What do you mean, 'so'?"

"I mean 'so', as in what does it matter?" Levi answers, in a voice that makes me feel like I don't know the order of the alphabet.

"Of course it matters!" I cry, dropping the bag by my feet. "Now we have no way of keeping things-"

"Don't you get it, Ruby?" Levi asks, weariness creeping into his voice. "We don't need the picture anymore." I stare at him incredulously, not daring to believe a word. Of course we need it, what do I have to know I can trust Levi? A million memories of being pissed off?

Levi notices my disbelief and rolls his eyes. He appears irritated for a moment and looks toward the ground, shaking his head. When he looks back up at me, the annoyance slowly disappears. He swallows, opening his mouth. It takes a few seconds for him to begin speaking, as though he's debating whether or not to go on. "As... As mad as it sounds, we're friends, you know that- right?"

I stop scowling and stare at him. The sudden appearance of the word 'friends' momentarily throws me.

"There's a likelier chance of you never glaring again than me saying anything," Levi jokes and that only makes me feel worse, knowing what the second thing is that I want to talk to him about. Why is he only, properly nice to me now?

I bite my lip and suddenly I'm unable to look at him. "That's the thing," I begin quietly, at the back of my mind warning bells are going off- urging me not to continue, to stop the conversation now. I ignore them. "I don't think we should be anymore."

Surprise flickers in Levi's eyes, he gets up off the lockers and looks down at me disconcertedly, as if the word's I've just spoken are the last he'd expected. "What?"

I shake my head, not knowing how to begin explaining myself. Any explanation I did have planned has abandoned me, and I'm left here, floundering as I attempt to think of something to say. "Things... things have effed up ever since the whole... you know," I say, to this day still finding it hard to mention the kiss five months on.

"When I think back to how things were before it, everything was calmer. Everything was drama free and easier to handle," I say, feeling guilt and regret pooling rapidly in me with each word I speak. "Now it's different. It's like... like my mind's been a jumbled mess for too long."

Levi stares at me quietly, not replying in anyway, not with his facial expression or with words.

I look down and pick up my bag before cautiously taking out the Santa hat, the stupid hat that I can already see myself missing. I squeeze the red, felt fabric, distractedly thinking of what I can put on the end of my bookshelf to replace its space there.

"We should go back to how things were before," I say, reaching forward and placing the hat against Levi's hand so he has to hold it. He takes it away from me and I furiously attempt to ignore the small jolt of electricity that ignites my nerves as our hands brush. I swallow hard, stiffly placing my arms by my side.

Levi stares down at the hat, and finally, he responds. He shakes his head. "I don't think I can or want to do that." My mouth turns dry as his eyes leave the hat and lock onto mine, his gaze is so strong, so direct it's like he's peering right into my mind and seeing the hesitance about my decision lurking there.

I don't know how to react to his words, but my chest does. It tightens and within it, my heart's started thumping faster.

"Making things alright doesn't mean running away, you know," Levi says, his voice has picked up its volume and isn't as quiet or gentle.

"What?" I ask, narrowing my eyes.

"You think that this," he says, gesturing to the space between us, "whatever it is, is a problem."

I don't reply, confirming that he's right.

"And you're running away from it," Levi finishes, crossing his arms as I shake my head defiantly.

"I am not running away from anything, I'm fixing-"

"Things change in life, Ruby," Levi says, and a shock of surprise and heat runs through me at the way he says my name. Each time he does is rare and this time, it's full of exasperation and something else- the word's afflicted with a tone he only uses with me. "You can't just bury your head in the sand whenever things go the way you don't want them to."

"That isn't true," I say, feeling my face rapidly warm as I grow angrier. "Can't you see how messed up everything's been since that- that stupid file mix-up? I just want things to be normal again!"

"No," Levi says, his voice remaining level. "You want to cut off ties with someone who actually ca-." Suddenly he cuts himself off himself off and momentarily loses his composed nature. Levi takes a quiet breath and returns to looking calm.

"Somehow, you've ended up being someone I look out for," he says, "I see you as a friend, even if I'm not yours."

I recoil ever so slightly at the word 'friend', the word sending my emotions into a state of disorder. All I can think of is how much I don't like it. It doesn't seem right at all.

"I don't want this," Levi says quietly, looking at the hat. It's remained in pristine condition; it's as red and Christmassy as the day he gave it to me.

Then, Levi steps forward- closing nearly all the distance between us. He places it on my hair, this time the gesture's totally different from the first time he'd done it. It's so gentle, so cautious it's like he's placing a crown of flowers on my hair, never mind a ludicrous hat that has no place at all in March. His fingers linger by my hair a moment longer than necessary before he retreats backward.

Within the space of mere seconds Levi's sent everything within me fluttering so much it's as though my insides have turned to butterflies and I'm struggling to keep them in control.

"I need to go," Levi says, and I don't know whether I've been successful or not. The fact I'm wearing the Santa hat tells me Levi doesn't agree with what I've said, but the faint look of dejection lingering in his eyes tells me that I've changed something. Ruined something.

Levi rubs the back of his neck and gives me a smile so faint it barely lifts the corners of his lips. "Santa hats really should only look good on Father Christmas," he says with a grin before sending one last look my way and walking off down the corridor. On second thoughts, maybe I haven't ruined anything.

I attempt to ignore both how appealing that idea is and how my face is blushing and completely crimson at his strange compliment.

Looking after him wordlessly, I can't help but think that the hat had looked good on him too.

As soon as the thought slips into my mind I force it out, shutting my eyes tight for a moment and cursing myself. I need to stop thinking like this- I need to stop all of this. No matter what Levi says, each of us knowing the other has made my life nothing but a mess.

We can't be friends or anything at all. The only thing I want that'll make our paths cross is our surnames, and even then it'll be easier if that's kept to a minimum.

A sigh whistles out of my mouth. I have to get everything back under control, to stop feeling like I'm delirious- I need to forget Ryan and get Levi out of my head. Turning to my locker I untack a picture of Ryan and me from the inside of my locker door that's been there for months. I then take the hat off of my hair.

I don't have the heart to throw either thing away.