I opened my eyes just to look right in the sun observing me from outside the window, and probably making me literally blind and the next time I open my eyes I won't see anything, but first I gotta get some more sleep.

I turned onto my other side, cursing under my breath, "Fuck you."

I was about to fall asleep again, when I heard someone chuckling quietly beside me. I frowned but then I realized who that is, why he is here and what we did yesterday. I was no longer sleepy.

I still pretended to be asleep, though, and tried not to smile at all so Johnny wouldn't notice I'm awake.

I felt slight shifting in bed before he started planting soft kisses on my bare shoulder, right next to my bra strap. I completely lost it when he carefully removed some hair from my forehead and tucked it behind my ear. I grinned instantly, covering my face with my forearms.

"Good morning." He said and I could hear the smile on his lips. Goddamn it, why can't I stop grinning?

"Morning." I mumbled. I definitely wasn't a morning person, and other people seeing me right after I wake up always made me somewhat embarrassed. And I certainly didn't want Johnny to see me or he'd run away or something.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Around 1 pm," he answered and suddenly started tracing butterfly kisses from my stomach up to my collarbones. I giggled, but still covered my face. Finally, he grabbed my wrists with his hands and gently took them away, keeping both of them on either side of my head.

I opened my eyes right in time to see how he leaned down and pecked my lips softly. I suddenly forgot about what I thought earlier and kissed him back. Maybe he will be the reason I start liking mornings? I mean, definitely if he keeps waking me up like that.

We kissed and cuddled for like an hour before we decided it's pretty much the time to eat something decent. While Johnny went downstairs to make coffee, I decided to get myself together in the bathroom. I also snitched one of my boyfriend's t-shirts, since it's just impossibly comfortable and smells like him.

On my way there I noticed my phone died, so I added charging it to my mental to-do list. I don't think anything too important happened throughout the night that I'd have to charge it immediately.

I stood in front of my bathroom mirror, smiling to myself like an idiot. I lifted up my shirt to see all the love marks on my chest and collarbones. I didn't regret last night at all, in fact it was quite scary how happy it made me feel. I knew I'll definitely wanna have it anytime soon.

I tied my hair so it wouldn't be everywhere and washed my face. I brushed my teeth and made my way downstairs, to the kitchen. I noticed there were two cups of hot coffee on the counter, but Johnny was nowhere to be found. I thought that most likely he's on the balcony, smoking a cigarette. I grabbed one from my own pack and decided to keep him company.

I don't smoke that much anymore, only sometimes with Johnny and when someone offers me one. I don't know, chain-smoking is not it for me no more.

I put my phone in the charger and made it to the balcony. It turned out I was right and Johnny stood there, leaning on the railings, his back facing me. I smiled and approached him quietly, hugging him from behind.

"Hi," he greeted me softly, turning around. I kissed him on the cheek and wanted to put my cigarette in my mouth, but he stopped me. He enclosed my chin with his fingers, making me look at him, and kissed me deeply on the lips. I couldn't really think much other than how I love this man.

He took out his lighter and soon I inhaled the nicotine. I looked at the pretty view in front of me. Some actual perks of living in New York.

"Hey," I started. "Do you remember when you lighted my cigarette for the first time?"

"That morning at Alice's? Of course I do." he replied. "God, I thought you are so beautiful."

"I saw that look you gave me!" I answered excitedly.

"You did? Oh my god!" he laughed and I noticed his cheeks got pink. "Well, that's it when I try to be discreet."

I looked at him and observed his side-profile as he took a hit from his cigarette, before I leaned more to him and stole it. I kissed him as a way of saying 'thank you' for yesterday, and every other day. I'm positive I wouldn't have made it in any other way.

When we broke the kiss he still glanced at my lips, shaking his head a little. Then we made eye contact.

"I adore you." he said, kissing me back.

I really wish you loved me instead, Johnny.

We suddenly heard my phone ringing from inside the house, but decided to ignore it as we wanted to finish our cigarettes in peace. Yes, that's how annoying we've become. From coming late to everything to not answering calls.

But then it rang again, and I got a little bit concerned. I mean, someone wouldn't call twice if it wasn't important, right?

I quickly went in the house to pick up, cigarette still hanging from my mouth. Before I made it to the phone it stopped ringing, but I still saw that I had 12 messages from Elsie and few missed calls. I frowned, unlocking my phone.

Oh no.

Pictures. Photos, candid ones, made from afar but you could still clearly see what's going on. I started cursing in my native language, yet even that wasn't enough.

Johnny and I kissing. Johnny and I making out. Me looking like I'm having the time of my life. Johnny's hand on my thigh, going up on the next picture, then disappearing completely under my skirt on the last one.

I sat down on the floor, near where my phone was charging. My cigarette stopped burning as I kept going through all the possible articles and comments Elsie has sent me.

I shook my head, having difficulties in comprehending what all of this means for us.

It means everybody knows.

Well, fuck, shit, because that's not how it's supposed to be done. We were thinking of some public statement, maybe going on PDA on purpose, but definitely not through paparazzi and completely by accident.

Though the internet has gone crazy. Fucking insane.

The most ridiculous part is that someone tried so hard to take those photos, because even the quality was bad since it was night and if not that one street lamp no one would've seen anything at all.

Johnny entered the house as well, probably getting a little worried what I'm doing here so long. I could tell by his expression as he looked at me that he was slowly figuring it out.

I showed him the photos, and his brows furrowed immediately. I knew exactly what he was thinking when his eyes were back on mine.

Our relationship became public without us knowing. We weren't prepared. At all.

Suddenly Elsie texted me again.

It was a screenshot of an e-mail from my publisher. Elsie was basically the only one that knew about that secret of mine, and she was actually the person that made the meeting possible.

My heart dropped as I read it. Because of the occurred situation, we are hesitant about the contract we were supposed to sigh with your client. It is hard for us to make a decision right now.

"What the fuck do you mean by that?" I mumbled to myself.

They don't want to publish my book because of what? Because I'm dating Johnny?

"What happened?" Johnny asked.

"Fuck, the publishing house is hesitant to publish my book, because of the photos. Because we kissed there." I was pissed by now, but I would rather not let it out on Johnny. He doesn't deserve it.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No.. Yes, but I know it's not your fault." I replied, hiding my face in my hands. I then ran both of them through my hair and stood up, going to the kitchen and back.

"What is it, really?" he asked once I entered the living room.

"Nothing, Johnny."

"Tell me. I can't stand when you get mad and I can't help it." he said. I sat down on the armchair.

"It's just.. I know it was the heat of the moment, but your hand disappearing under my skirt was making it so obvious, and-"

"I thought you wanted to." he interrupted and I quickly shook my head.

"I did, but, god, in public, Johnny? Did we really have to make out in public?"

He ran a hand through his hair, sighing. "I'm sorry. I should've known better, I mean, these guys have followed me my whole life."

"Listen, it's not just you. I'm trying to find a reason, I- Johnny, I want to write that fucking book, I can't have it taken away from me because of something stupid." I was so fucking angry at the world I could feel my blood pressure going up. "And I'm scared-"

I started, but bit my lip. I knew that if I go there, I'll either start yelling or crying. I really could use a cigarette right now to calm down.

"Scared of what?" he kept asking.

"Nothing, now really."

"El-"

I stood up, ready to go to the kitchen and grab a glass of water. Our coffees were definitely cold by now.

He stood up as well, a frown but a calm expression still present on his face. "You can tell me everything, so just tell me, why are you scared?"

I couldn't keep it inside anymore. I felt as the pressure was leaving me along with the words rolling off of my tongue.

"Because I love you so much and I'm afraid to lose you over some stupid fucking articles, 'cause I know you're still scared and not ready for a public relationship!" I fired out without thinking.

He stood there, not moving, with his lips parted and in complete shock. Only after a moment I realized what I said.

Oh no, I've ruined it. Now he's going to tell me he doesn't love back and it'll all go to hell-

He shook his head, mouth opened but no words coming out. My heartbeat fastened and I felt as I was about to pass out.

"I-" he started. I slowly felt how bad what he's about to say will hurt. "I love you, too. In fact, I've probably never loved someone as much as I love you." he stated quietly.

Now it was my turn to stare at him in shock. He does what- "Really?"

"Yeah and I couldn't give a flying fuck about some articles. I actually realized it lately, that no matter what happens, the only important thing is that I'm with you. I know I'm safe with you. I was scared to tell you I love you because I thought you didn't."

"I- how could you? I think I loved you ever since you tickled me on the couch when you first came over to my house." I answered.

"I didn't understand how you could love someone like me. Or even that I was able to love again." he said. "But I guess I am."

We both cracked a smile and I almost

flew over to him, hugging him tightly. He was right. No matter what happens, the most important thing is that we're together.

He pulled away, kissing my forehead. "We'll handle this, I promise."

"We'll handle it." I repeated.

🌺