I groaned, hearing the doorbell ringing. I reluctantly stood up, dragging myself to the source of the sound. I stole a brief glance at the clock, too, seeing that Johnny will be back in an hour. I couldn't wait to hug him after he was gone the whole day.

I didn't bother looking who it was through the little hole, I just opened up. I immediately froze and all the color from my face disappeared, leaving me pale. I suddenly couldn't breath from how scared I was.

Alex. Alex stood there, but he looked more.. evil? since the last time I saw him. So evil the blood in my veins froze, not allowing me to move. I wanted it so bad, I wanted to run away from him and call Johnny, call anyone.

His eyes weren't ocean blue anymore, they were black. How can they be black? And why was he grinning in such way?

He didn't say anything. He just looked at me.

Why can't I fucking move?!

My gaze slid down, to his hands. I suddenly had a feeling like my heart stopped. His knuckles had wounds. Like he has just beaten the shit out of somebody.

Blood. Blood started pouring down his fingers, dripping down to the floor. My breathing got so rapid I got dizzy. I looked up again into his eyes, even though I was terrified.

He suddenly made a step forward, entering my house.

"No!"~

~I abruptly sat up, breathing heavily. I put a hand over my mouth to not make too much noise and wake up Johnny sleeping soundly next to me.

Fuck, what even was that? And why that nightmare was so fucking scary? My imagination really is something else.

But it's fine, it's gonna go away. I'll just hug Johnny and fall asleep again, feeling safe.

I heard shifting beside me, most likely signalizing Johnny woke up.

"It's nothing, only a bad dream. Go back to sleep, Johnny." I said in half-whisper.

But nobody moved. Nobody said anything back.

"Johnny?" I heard a strange voice say. No, not strange. I recognized it.

Oh no. Fuck no.

"Sweetie, Johnny's not here. I am. Didn't you miss me?"

I quickly turned my head to see those black eyes staring at me again. No, that's impossible. That- That was just a dream-

A startled scream escaped my mouth when he grabbed my forearm and-

-I looked down, seeing a hand on my arm. Someone was saying something, but I focused on the tattoo I saw. Crow tattoo.

"..El? El!"

I stared up at the person sitting next to me. I found a pair of extremely worried dark orbits. They were different. They weren't evil.

With the corner of my eye I saw the bedside lamp is on.

Skin all over my body felt sticky and uncomfortable. I tried to steady my breathing but it felt like I was starving for air and there was not enough of it in the whole world. At least not enough to kinda fully fill my lungs and maybe stop my vision from spinning so bad.

"El, are you okay?"

El. Only one person calls me that.

I tried to respond but it was somehow so hard, like something was squeezing my throat from the inside.

"I- I'm fine." I mumbled mindlessly.

He pulled me into a hug anyway, locking me in his arms. I realized how it wasn't just a nightmare and I wasn't just fine. I was still scared. Too scared to fall asleep again.

I curled up in his grip and pressed my cheek against his chest, wanting that awful feeling to go away. I shut my eyes close and tried to forget that horrible image, those black eyes..

"El, you're not fine. You're shaking." he whispered, more to himself. "God, you're trembling."

I got a bit calmer once he kept me like that for a while, locked tightly in his arms. The scary nightmare-memories slowly started fading the more I felt safe. I truly started thinking that nothing can get me while Johnny's with me. Holding me like that.

"I just had a nightmare in a nightmare." I breathed out as he caressed my hair.

"Alex?" he asked quietly. I nodded. "You almost screamed his name in your sleep. Along with let go and no."

"I still don't know why I was so afraid." I said and breathed out shakily. I didn't hear blood pumping in my head anymore, so I'll take it as a good sign. "It was so bad. He was different. He-"

I suddenly felt that gulp in my throat, so I just shut my mouth and sat there, enjoying how Johnny still held me, carefully tracing patterns on my back. He'd sometimes even kiss the top of my head.

"I'll get you a glass of water-"

"Please don't," I interrupted. "Stay here, with me. I don't want to be alone right now."

He obeyed and after a while we laid down, spooning. I wanted to have him as close as I could, and he knew it. My back found his chest as he bended his knees and touched the back of my thighs with his own. One of his arms went under my head and I took his other hand, connecting his fingers with mine. It was weirdly comforting, feeling his breath on the back of my neck.

I was calm now, but by no means sleepy. I laid wide awake, my mind going thousand miles per hour.

Except the fact that it was a nightmare, and - as nightmares do - it scared me, it also activated some.. I don't know, I guess the bad feelings I had drowned in drugs, but they somehow still made it to the surface. I was mad at myself that I let Alex treat me like he did, but I mostly, simply, just felt sorry for myself.

The memories that suddenly came back to me ached all over my body. I remembered all the times he made me feel horrible, and it's just that time of the night when I blamed myself for that. All that was were his words and negative thoughts circling in my brain. Words and negative thoughts..

"Johnny, why do you like me?" I asked quietly, playing with his hand.

"What?"

I moved to lay more on my back so I could look at him. I placed a hand on his cheek. "Alex.. When we broke up, he told me something like I'm not good enough for someone to be truly interested in me. I know it shouldn't affect me, I mean, he's crazy, but.."

I saw Johnny's eyebrows had furrowed and his jaw clenched, but he didn't say anything.

"Do you think he was right?"

He shook his head a little before removing some hair from my forehead and kissing me there. "How could you believe that even for a second?"

We both talked quietly, almost in a whisper, despise the fact that we were home alone, since Arabella left back to LA yesterday. It was like we didn't wanna break that fragile night silence still present all around.

He popped himself up on his elbow and then moved so he was kinda hovering over me. I looked up into his eyes, hoping to find an answer to my question. I know it was probably stupid because he obviously really likes me for who I am, but.. does he?

God, I hate my mind sometimes.

"What I like in you?" he questioned. "You mean, apart from everything?"

I nodded, smiling like an insane person already.

He sighed, "Alphabetically or in random order?"

I giggled as he leaned down and kissed my forehead again.

"I really like your hair and the way you look at the world, but I sometimes can't believe you don't see how beautiful you are and don't notice that you're worth far more than you usually think,"

He moved down to my lips and kissed me, to which I kissed back.

"I like your lips and I like kissing you probably more than I should, but what I like the most is how it makes me feel. It's like you kiss all my worries away."

He kissed my neck.

"I like kissing your neck because of all the little sounds escaping your lips, and how your fingers tug at my hair while I'm doing it."

He now moved down to kiss on the right side of my chest, then went up to look into my eyes.

"I really, really like your heart. It's broken, too, but you somehow found the strength to handle me at my worst and all the weird moods I was in. You helped me more than anyone else was ever able to help me. You know, my last one made me believe I'll never ever try again because it'll be no different, but with you.. it was different, I felt something I haven't felt for the whole eternity and- and I realized how wrong I was. I don't know what I'd do without you."

I opened my mouth to say something, but he cut me off with a kiss, letting me know it's not needed.

I smiled, literally overwhelmed with happiness from what he was doing. I knew right there and right then that I never want anyone else, and I'm not even sure if I could be as happy as I am with him with anybody else. Looking back, I would never suspect that when I first met him in the club the other evening.

I brought both of my hands to his face and he broke the kiss, humming and grabbing my hands with his and then pecking my knuckles with his lips.

"I never feel more secure than when you caress my face or play with my hair. God," he breathed out. "I can't count how many times I was able to fall asleep only in that way."

My heart did a million flips just as a sudden flash illuminated the room, and few seconds later we heard the grumbling of a thunder, signalizing a thunderstorm. The windows in our bedroom were open since it was July and the night air was more fresh and colder than throughout the day, so soon we also heard rain pouring down. Oh my god, is there a better way to fall asleep?

"Alex was horribly wrong." I summarized quietly.

We eventually laid down in the same position we did before, but I suddenly realized I have to pee, so I un-snuggled from Johnny and went to the bathroom. Then I also visited the kitchen to get two glasses of water, one for me and one for Johnny.

I was in much, much more better mood than I was after the nightmare. I felt that possibly the worst night of my life was turning into one of the sweetest, just because of Johnny.

When I came back to the bedroom, I noticed it's almost 4 in the morning. I set the glasses on my nightstand and nearly threw myself onto Johnny, hugging him tightly. I started pouring a waterfall of thank-yous on him and he only chuckled, embracing me back.

I cupped his face, kissing him on the lips and thanking him once more. For everything. Especially for how he didn't let me get lost in all the ways my brain often lies to me.

We spooned again and I smiled like an idiot when I felt his chest against my back.

"No other dickhead can get you now. I'll make them all fuck off." he whispered.

I suddenly had that weird urge, that was just almost literally bottling inside of me, to tell Johnny how much I love him, repeat it like a prayer, to turn around and kiss him until I lose my breath. But I couldn't.

I don't know if that fear is real or not anymore, but I still wasn't sure if he loves me back. And I don't wanna make him uncomfortable or the atmosphere awkward, so I'll keep all the adoring thoughts to myself.

That's how I fell asleep that night. Close to Johnny, slowly drifting off to the sounds of rain and thunderstorm.

😭😭

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