"Oh, come on! I can't just stare at it for the whole hour." I said to myself, leaning on my kitchen's doorframe and having full view on, what seemed to be now, heaven's door, but in this case I'm God and Johnny is on his way from the airport to meet me.

Alright, that's kinda a dark scenario. I wouldn't like him to visit heaven anytime soon, but I absolutely couldn't wait to see him again. I suffered two whole weeks without him. Without him had to happen right after that.. something. Confrontation of feelings? If yes, then without words, but the other way to do it wasn't so horrible.

I don't really know how to call it in the end, but I'm not complaining at all. I'm actually looking forward to what he promised, to give me as much of that as I will want.

It was so ridiculous to think, but I guess the other evening we leveled up with our relationship. We weren't just friends anymore, but he wasn't my boyfriend either. It's all so new and strange, and the fact that neither of us had mentioned it in our texts or talks was making me anxious that he regretted that or some shit.

Maybe he thought it's friends with benefits and he didn't want that? If we only had an opportunity to discuss it. Geez, I'm talking like Johnny was the only one responsible for this relationship. But, even though so much had already happened between us, I was still afraid I will ruin something. I would forgive Johnny anything, but probably not myself.

I just mostly couldn't get used to it. Me and Johnny a potential couple? Maxine would definitely flip out. And demand me confirming on a video that she was right.

I guess that now, after all, I can open that box with strange feelings I once locked up deep in corners of my brain. It was kinda comforting that even though I hadn't forced it in any way, they still came out and are twice as powerful as they used to be. I always had them. Whether I liked to admit it or not.

I couldn't name and point out all of the feelings, but I knew they won't ever disappear. Unlike I and Maxine thought, some time had passed and I'm still feeling for this guy like crazy, and we're talking about complete losing my mind if he doesn't walk right through this door that I'm staring into so I could hug and kiss the living shit out of him.

I decided to put on some unhealthily loud music to help with my thoughts, and make some snack in the meantime. The last text I got from him was I'll be there in an hour and was sent 30 minutes ago.

Ugh, I hate waiting, I never know what to do with myself. It's like when you order something online and you're so extremely excited and you wait and wait the whole day, and it feels like an entire millennium until it finally arrives.

I guess I lost a track of time a bit as I really started feeling it when singing Dark Paradise by Lana Del Rey and eating blueberries, because when I turned around at one point with a sense someone is staring a hole in the back of my head, my heart almost jumped out of my chest.

I didn't have time to think either it was because I got scared or so happy, as I quickly (in maximum meaning of this word) approached my favorite man and threw myself into his arms. He took a step back to balance us, and hugged me back tightly.

My heart was racing.

I pulled away and cupped his face with both my hands, kissing tenderly his nose, cheek, the other cheek, forehead and all over his face in general. Except lips.

"Did you miss me?" he asked, shit-eating grin plastered on his mouth.

"No," I replied. "I kiss other people's faces for sport."

He giggled, tightening his grip on my waist.

Suddenly a wave of anxiety washed over me. Should I kiss his lips? Why doesn't he? Oh no, I will jump off of a building if he regrets anything. Or maybe he forgot? Elektra, respectfully, how the fuck could he forget? Okay, thinking, stop! Just do someth-

He leaned in and kissed me so softly and lovingly, like he had read every fearful thought of mine and tried his best to cancel any doubts. I relaxed into it so much my eyes fluttered close, like two feathers falling down.

He pulled away.

"I missed you, too."

Movie was playing on the TV but neither of us was paying much attention to it, as Johnny spilled all the tea from England to me. I liked listening to him, and he was always able to sneak a few jokes into what he was saying, even if it was quite serious like court stuff.

We then cuddled, which was probably the nicest thing I've ever experienced, and thinking I could have that for a longer period of time was making me have happy butterflies in my stomach.

I thought I'm used to his touch after all this time and it can't make me feel better than it already did, but I guess I was wrong. Now all I wanted to do was curl up in his arms and stay there, letting him hold me and keep me in that somewhat weird, calm world.

"El?" he asked and I hummed as in I'm all ears. He seemed nervous, actually. "I've had a lot of time to think about it and- I want you to know that you made me feel like a human again. And the feelings I'm feeling, it's- I'm terrified, but you make it less scary. So," he stopped, looked down and then went back to scanning my face.

"Would you like to be mine?"

I turned my head more towards him, looking for sincerity in his eyes. I found it. Plenty. I wanted it too, just, some hideous flashbacks haunted my mind.

"Listen," My mouth opened, but no words flew out. He furrowed his brows a little.

"What is it?"

"I've heard this question before, Johnny. And I'm not saying- I don't want it to, but last time I heard these words it was just a series of unfortunate events after."

I think he understood as he nodded his head a little.

"Lemme put it differently,"

He kissed me, but not like before. It wasn't just a soft kiss or any other, and I'm pretty positive I've never been kissed like that. He did put it differently though, he told me how he felt and promised it's sincere and true with how his hands wandered to my hair and face, caressing it tenderly.

It was kinda scary though, how could he put so much feelings into a single kiss?

And how could I understand it just from the way he did it?

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