(a/n: guys pls the photo 😫😩)

My hands visibly shook and I wasn't sure if slight waves of goosebumps going through my forearms caused by outside's cold had something to do with it, or because I was still subconsciously stressing over the gig. Either way, it didn't disturb me at smoking two cigarettes at once, so desperately trying to completely calm down.

Honestly, I'm not so afraid of messing up anymore. I'll try to do my best and see what happens. Though I think the most important is to have fun, that's all.

I still had some time until we'll have to play, and I decided to go outside the bar for a while, just to take a few breaths of the fresh, evening air. And also inhale the murderous nicotine, obviously.

I was having the best time here, I've already met some literal legends of music that I didn't think I'd even see in real life, like Brian Johnson, the lead singer of AC/DC. They seemed like cool dudes, and it kinda put me at ease. That's why I'm trying to figure out how it's possible my body reacts like I'm under the greatest anxiety of my life.

Or maybe it's the another thing. Ever since we've exited the bus few hours ago, I've been having this weird conviction that I got some unfinished business in my thoughts. About feelings, again.

It all started when I woke up after my little nap, noticing I'm wrapped up in Johnny's leather jacket. The fact is, it wasn't laying on me. I wore it, and I probably had to put it on in my sleep or something.

I slept curled up in the oversized jacket on my seat, nose nuzzled into the collar. Actually, the familiar scent of Dior and cigarettes was the first thing I smelled as I woke up. Heaven.

Anyway, I slowly realized it's Johnny who has put the jacket on me and kissed my forehead 'sleep well'. If not the goddamn butterflies, I probably wouldn't have suddenly remembered all the feelings that were supposed to vanish, and feeling them twice as hard now. Spoiler: they actually didn't go away.

Through the whole day I tried to cut off from these thoughts, but it had to have a breaking point sometime. Unfortunately, right now.

As I leaned my forearms on the random metal railing in front of me, all of a sudden I felt a soft material being put over my shoulders and touching my back. I turned my head to the side to see charcoal eyes, looking down at me insightfully.

I sneaked a glance at my shoulder, noticing the familiar leather jacket lovingly resting there. I'm getting an impression that lately I wear it more than him.

"Hey," he started. "Aren't you cold?"

He put an arm around my shoulders, his right hand rubbing my upper arm a bit and bringing me closer.

"No, not really." I replied, smiling and taking a hit.

"Then why are your hands shaking? Is it about the gig-"

"No, actually I'm excited to play. I got a little help from our Mother." I answered and he grinned beautifully. God, I adore every way of his cheeks rising and the smiling-wrinkles near his eyes forming when he does that.

"So what is it? Do you wanna talk? We still have time before the show starts."

I looked away from his face, watching the busy streets and cars passing by, but then fixed my gaze directly on his eyes again.

"I'm just so confused. I don't think now is a good moment to pursue these feelings I'm having, especially if they're platonic and i would just make a fool out of myself. I think the best way out of this situation is to lock these goddamn feelings and thoughts in a box and place them somewhere in the corner of my mind, and only rarely pay attention to it. Who knows, maybe the box will explode someday with such force I won't be able to control it, and that's when I, or we, will know and truly feel that it's real. Now, I guess, we gotta either wait for that day or just let go, because ruining one of my best relationships by just randomly catching feelings is the last thing I want. I'm not the person to risk it all."

"No, I'm okay" I replied, tearing my eyes away from him, and putting out the two cigarettes on the ground. "Shall we go inside now? I need to make sure I look stunning before we crash the stage."

He chuckled and we made our way towards the entrance. I hope he hadn't figured out even a slight bit of what I just told him in my thoughts.

I couldn't take that shit-eating grin away from my face as walked down to the backstage. In my humble opinion, it was fucking awesome. I dared to sneak a look at the audience, and all I saw were smiling faces, some old folks even cried, probably at the memories this song evokes.

Tequila and cigarettes did their job well, and all I thought about was how cool it is to stand here and play. My body still throbbed with the heat of excitement, and it made me feel so alive it tickled.

It's hard to explain the experience, for sure it's one of these you have to live through yourself to fully feel it. Right now I couldn't wait to play this song and like this again.

I sat cross-legged on some box, in a way where I saw the whole stage but from the side. I watched as they prepared to play the second song, Dead Drunk Friends. I honestly worship this piece and can't wait to hear it live.

I looked at Alice, Joe, Tommy Henriksen with whom we met earlier at the bar, and finally my sight landed on Johnny, finding his eyes already focused on mine. He smiled a bit and winked with his left eye, maybe two seconds before I heard the starting notes playing.

I smiled even wider, bringing my knees up to my chest and hugging them with both my arms.

My gaze somehow involuntarily followed his body, and in the blink of an eye everything around slowed down and the sounds became muffled. I rested my chin on my knees and gently scanned every single one of tattoos on his arms, feeling the familiar sensations going through my body.

Smoke exited his nose as he was about to perform the famous solo of his, and I couldn't help the goddamn sigh.

I got so mesmerized in watching his arm muscles flex and veins I didn't notice Jack walking up to me and leaning back on another box standing right next to mine.

"What are you doing?"

I snapped my head at him in surprise, feeling heat on my face.

"What?"

"Who were you staring at so intensely?"

I furrowed my brows but then my forehead lightened up.

Oh shit, that again.

"No one." I replied quietly, looking around to see if anybody else noticed. Fortunately, all the technicians seemed to mind their own business. I mentally slapped myself for giving in to the thoughts.

"Elektra, come on. I know it's Johnny." he said and I sheepishly gazed up at him. "What is it between you two?"

I was about to deny when-

"And don't deny," he added. "I've seen how you look at him and you can't deny stuff like that."

I took a deep breath, going a hand through my hair.

"Promise you won't tell anyone?" I asked and he nodded energetically. "Well.. I don't know what it is between us myself. Nothing confirmed, for sure. It's very complicated because I believe it's one-sided, but I don't want it to be any sided. I don't even want to think about him in that way."

"You know, it's alright that sometimes you have no idea what you're doing or feeling. We're all humans." he replied. "And I'm not so sure it's one-sided, but I'm leaving it to you."

"I don't want it, you can take it if you want." I answered, hiding my head in my hands. He chuckled, rubbing my back comfortingly.

"You'll make it through."

He's right. Get over it, Elektra.

--

"So, do you live anywhere near?" the pretty brunette man in front of me asked.

"I settled in New York, actually." I replied, taking a sip of my drink.

He chuckled, "Never been there, but I bet it's as beautiful as the girl living there."

I couldn't help but shake my head a little with a smile at his attempt of gallant flirting. I was on my way back from the bathroom, when all of a sudden we bumped into each other and started talking. I already felt a bit tipsy, so talking with this guy wasn't cringy, more like very funny. Although I didn't think of him much more than to have a quick chat and, respectfully, forget him.

We both stood near the bar, and it seemed like a whole crowd was walking back and forth. The chatter of each mixed with soft rock music playing in the background.

I was about to continue our little conversation, when among all the movement in here I suddenly heard a pardon said almost directly into my ear, and after recognizing that french accent I immediately knew who it was.

I didn't even turn my head, I just instinctively straightened up, thinking he needed space to go past me, but apparently it still wasn't enough and the next thing I felt ( that almost sent me into fainting) was his hand sliding around my waist and his chest making contact with my back for a quick second. My breath got stuck in my throat.

At first I thought his body set me on fire, but then I calmed down a bit as our bodies parted. Although he just needed to go past me, the sensations were killing me. I think I can officially blame it on alcohol, I guess.

"Meet me at the bar," he lowly said once again, and this time I turned my head only to see him sending a killer glance at the man standing next to me. I'm not kidding, he literally looked like he wanted to chop him in parts and bury in the woods.

"Mm, soo, I better get going," the brunette man awkwardly started, glancing at Johnny walking away, "It was nice talking to you, bye."

My bye was barely hearable over the noise. I frowned, a bit annoyed.

I wasted no time in going after Johnny, tugging at his sleeve as I got close to him.

"What was that?" I asked, receiving his full attention.

"What was what?"

"You scaring that boy off! We were just talking."

We reached the bar and Johnny ordered a bottle of vodka, but the barman had to go to the back room for it, so we had some time to talk. He turned his head in my direction.

"I don't know, I saw trouble behind those eyes." he replied loud enough for me to hear. "I'm sorry, though, for spoiling your fun." he added ever so sincerely.

"It's alright. You know, Johnny, I can stand up for myself." I answered. "Even if I would have had 10 drinks. I think I handle liquor better than I used to."

"Oh, really?" he asked, collecting the bottle from the barman.

"You don't believe me?"

"I didn't say that."

I suddenly came up with a perfect plan. "What about a little competition?"

"What are you suggesting, my dear?"

"You know damn well. Who can drink more and handle it better, me or you."

"Are you sure?" he questioned.

"Never been more. You?"

"Not so much."

"Oh, is the little chicken chickening out?"

He rolled his eyes with a smile, "Fine. But you better be prepared for losing."

"Yeah, right."

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