"Fuck, I'm so fucked. So screwed." I murmured to myself, watching my reflection in the bathroom's mirror.

I was so angry at my feelings I wanted to cry. Why do they always, ALWAYS have to get in the way? And why I'm so vulnerable I always listen to them? Like, could I, for once, just erase the uncomfortable and unnecessary thoughts and realizations?

I huffed with frustration, sitting down on the floor and hiding my face in my hands.

What happened?, you may ask. It is already a few hours after Johnny has left my new house and after we've seen and talked through every corner of my new place. We had so much fun creating hectic plans for decorating it all and then throwing a huuge party for everyone to celebrate.

But now, as I sit alone, I found some weird thoughts in the back of my head and now I can't get rid of them. It's connected to the incident happening earlier, in the pool. I swear, I can't tell if it was only in my head or Johnny has also leaned in, feeling and thinking the same thing. Either way, now I only considered and thought of one particular thing in my mind, over and over again.

I think I'm catching feelings. I bet you already guessed for who.

I'm not sure though, I just know I had a specific feeling, like a small fire burning deep in my lower belly every time I looked at Johnny after it happened. That one thing alone led me to these exuberant conclusions, being careful to explore every single corner of it.

None of us ever mentioned it later in a conversation, but it wasn't, like, very awkward either. Although I'd like to know so bad what he thought about it, if at all.

Right now I was terrified of these emotions, literally of what I'm feeling. Because, I can't feel it. I simply can't suddenly start liking my best friend more than I should like my best friend. He's Johnny for fucks sake! My view of him changed completely, like when you click a switch.

Then again, just a quick reminder I have an actual boyfriend, who's away working, and it would be so horrible and cruel to catch feelings for another guy while he's gone. You just don't do that, and that's mostly why I can't feel what I'm feeling.

Tho, is it possible I like two people at the same time?

I mean, I recall so many feeling-full eye-contacts or being so sensitive to random touches, so maybe..

I swear to god, there are times where I'd like to assassinate my own brain. It's such a weirdo that sometimes I have no idea how to fix what's going on there. Intrusive thoughts are the worst.

I stared at the bathroom's ceiling, continuing to walk in the chaos of my mind's beliefs.

Another thing is that if somehow Johnny found out, I'd never be able to look him in the eyes. I would hate for him to think that I'm just another person who tried to get close to him, only to use him right after. I love mine and Johnny's friendship and I want to protect him at all costs, so if there was a situation where my stupid ass feelings would take over, I can't show it at any point.

What am I even talking about?! One more minute and I'm gonna start seeing Johnny as my crush, only because of my dumb overthinking. I need someone to help me get over this shit.

I hope Maxine isn't busy.

----

"You- I-" Maxine stuttered, looking at me with big eyes after I told her what happened. "You did what?"

"We didn't, we were about to." I replied, also sitting down by the counter in my new kitchen. "Now I don't know what to think anymore."

"Well, are you sure it's completely platonic?"

"Maxine, it can't be anything at all! You know how things are."

She nodded, playing with her fingers in silence for a while.

"Alright, first of all, don't think about it so much. You're not sure and it might be just one-time thing." she started, looking me in the eyes. "Second of all, don't worry and just observe how things will turn out. Do you remember how once I fancied this friend of ours in high school?"

I nodded.

"Some time had passed and the feelings just vanished."

It's true, I remember her telling me about it. She's got a point here.

"Though I wouldn't be surprised if Johnny felt the same as you now, and you two could finally-"

"Jesus, Maxine, not this again." I grinned and she chuckled.

Maybe she's right with all of this no-worrying. I'll try my best to think about things how they are, not changing them by overthinking. Yeah, good plan.

As Maxine was gathering her stuff to leave after a couple more minutes of talking, out of nowhere I suddenly noticed a bruise on the side of her neck. No, a hickey.

I stopped in my tracks as she was putting on her coat.

"Who's the lucky guy?"

She shot me a confused look, but I only sorta nodded with my chin at her neck, gluing my gaze there.

"Oh, yeah, I was planning to tell you.." she got perplexed, fidgeting with one of her rings. I rose my brows, waiting for the answer. "It's.. not a guy."

I furrowed my brows, but my forehead lightened up equally quickly. I started laughing, to which she shot me a unsure smile.

"Are you kidding me?" I asked and her face fell immediately. I looked at her more seriously. "No, no in that way. That's great! What's her name?"

"Marceline." she replied, blushing slightly. I've seen Maxine acting like this maybe two times in my entire life.

"Like the one in Adventure Time?" I asked, grinning. She returned it, nodding. "Is she pretty?"

"Duh, the prettiest ever." she replied like it was obvious, and we both began to laugh.

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