My pointing finger hesitantly caressed the Enter button of my laptop's keyboard as I was busy biting off the literal skin from around my nails. My eyes nervously scanned the screen over and over as I couldn't decide.

Send it or not?

What if it's trash and the whole plan fails? I don't know if I can handle rejection-

Oh, don't be such a coward. On the other hand, what if it's just the best ever? You won't know 'til you send it to them. A little believe!

Fuck it. You only live once, right?

*Click*

Done. The story I've written for the writing company, the one Johnny gave me contact for, has been packed into an email and sent. I spent almost 3 whole days writing it, making sure I'm doing my best. I think it turned out pretty cool, but really, really important is how the people who give jobs will find it.

I've called the number from the little piece of paper Johnny gifted me, and found out that the first thing you gotta do is write a short story about whatever topic they give you. This way they can simply know what you're capable of. Believe me, I've never tried so hard to do something right.

Anyway, if I pass, I can write articles or stories for magazines and papers, all kinds of. That would literally be a dream come true, since I could be doing what I love and also get paid for it. I think that thing is called success, isn't it?

When the hilarious amount of adrenaline finally left my bloodstream, I decided I'll try to go to sleep since it's almost 11 pm. Honestly, I believe sleep is good for everything. I mean, at least I won't have to pace around and be stressed about this whole thing. Also, I'll feel probably way calmer by tomorrow morning.

I got under the soft sheets of my bed and tried my best to relax. I turned all lights off and as soon as I gently rested my head on the pillows, my eyelids started feeling heavy..

Oh, I beg so the ringing is only in my dream..

Well, surprise, it's not. When I opened my eyes I got this weird feeling telling me that it's not 11 pm anymore, but probably the middle of the night, even though it's equally dark. For god's sake, who calls other people at this time?

I grabbed my phone and had to squint my eyes at the sudden source of light. In fact, I barely could see anything at all, due to the sleepiness still overcoming my senses-

Johnny?

Why would he call me at such hour?

I picked up and put the phone to my ear, laying my head on the pillows again. I felt a rough urge to just close my eyes and go back to my land of happiness, but instead I managed to murmur a tired Yeah? into the phone.

"El?" Johnny's fragile voice made its way into my ear. Wait, is he.. drunk?

My eyes opened wider and I frowned. "Johnny? Are you ok?"

"Yeah- sort of." he said in a way where I had no doubts he's been drinking. I popped myself up on one elbow, now seriously worried. "El.. I didn't know who I should call and- Jeez, that's really stupid but.. I need someone right now, El, I don't know what to do-"

"Hey, it's alright. Do you want me to come over?"

"Yes." he replied, "Please."

The way he said please sounded so painful, like he has already shattered into pieces and desperately wanted someone to help him. I ignored the pain forming in my heart.

I was fully awake by now and, what's not hard to guess, trying to figure out what happened so that he calls me in the middle of the night. I've never seen or heard Johnny being that kind of drunk, and I'm incredibly anxious because I wonder how bad things are if he even wants me to come over at 2:43 in the morning.

I knew he's been struggling lately, and I really hoped he's aware he doesn't have to go through it alone. But still, he always said it's alright and that he has it under control. He kept everything inside. That's why I can't imagine what he has to go through that it finally overwhelmed him.

I quickly got up from the bed, telling Johnny I'll be there in 10. I didn't even bother to change from my pajamas, I just threw on a hoodie and put my hair up with a hair clip to keep it out of the way. I obviously didn't want to be cruel and wake up Jack just so he could give me a ride, so I called a cab.

I got myself together and waited, 'til I heard a honk of a car outside. My mind kept wondering and worrying as I thought about Johnny. I wondered why there's such injustice out there and why it has happened to him - the kindest soul I know. I never really got to figure out the world, but I truly hate feeling hopeless and horribly powerless, especially when people close to me suffer from it.

When I was already in the car, I texted Johnny but there was no response from him; he didn't even read it. Now, I know there's no reason to panic, but I kinda did. I couldn't help the anxious butterflies making their way in my upper stomach.

--

I put my hands into my jacket's pockets and took a deep breath of the cold, night air.

I didn't have to wait long for the door to open, revealing- oh, dear lord.

I was met with a naturally beautiful pair of dark brown eyes, but they didn't look the same as always. They were puffy and red, and like Johnny hadn't slept in at least 2 days. His whole face almost literally screamed Tired! and I had to hold back the bitter urge to cry, seeing him like this.

"Hi," he smiled weakly, motioning me to come inside.

As soon as I stepped into the house, my nose scrunched a little on its own. The always soft and pleasurable scent of cigarettes was now disturbing, somehow mixed with the smell of alcohol and something else I didn't recognize.

"Hey, Johnny. What's the matter?" I asked softly and he leaned back against the wall, hiding his head in his hands. I noticed they were shaking a little.

"I think I'm having the worst night of my life," he breathed out tiredly, going through his hair with both hands, kind of combing it back. His eyes stayed closed. After a moment of silence he spoke up again, but in a way like he has just changed his mind.

"Or you know what, I'm sorry for calling, you're probably fucking mad at me for waking you up. You can leave if you want-"

I interrupted him by opening my arms, silently offering my embrace. He didn't even hesitate to take a step and hug me tightly, like his life depended on it. I gently caressed the back of his head and whispered into his ear,

"Tell me what happened."

We moved to the living room and that's when I realized that he meant what he said about the worst night of his life. Bottles of wine were all around the room, some even on the floor, and a half-empty glass of a see-through drink rested on the table. I honestly doubt that it's water.

Vinyl records were thrown messily around the record player, like Johnny couldn't find what he wanted and got a little frustrated over it.

I told him to sit down and wait a minute while I get him some water from the kitchen. I somehow needed to get him sober, because even though he didn't act like it a lot, he was still under the influence. The worst part is that I'm not exactly sure what else he took.

When I came back to the living room I found him sitting on the couch, looking straight up at the ceiling. He looked lost in thought.

"Here," I said, handling him the drink. I sat down next to him on the couch, ready to listen to whatever he's about to tell me.

"I don't really know what to say," he started, observing the glass intently, like he was looking for the answer there.

"I guess I called you because I was afraid of what I can do." he continued. "I got some news earlier and I just started overthinking and- God," he breathed out, placing his elbows on his knees and bowing forward slightly.

"It feels like I'm losing my fucking mind!" he raised his voice slightly. "I don't even know what's happening anymore. Everything causes an awful pain or some days I don't feel anything at all. I don't know what to do! I don't know what's wrong with me!"

All of a sudden, he raised his hand and threw the crystal glass across the room. I flinched violently when it hit the fireplace and smashed into what seemed like million pieces, making hell of a noise.

I started to get seriously worried when he stood up, but only to brush past me. He made a few steps forward, his back facing me. My heartbeat fastened a bit.

"I wish I could somehow fix it, I don't know, fix my mind. But it keeps getting worse. And that's why I drank. To kill the pain. I've been drinking a lot recently."

"Johnny calm down-" at my words he turned around. I noticed his eyes shone because of the tears.

"El, I'm so sorry you have to sit here in the middle of the night and listen to me rambling about my problems, but I had really, really bad thoughts and I had to call someone. No, not someone. You. I apologize if it pissed you off-"

His body had to hit a wall at some point as he was backing away, still facing me. Once he did, he kinda slid down and sat on the floor. When he brought his knees to his chest I saw nothing but a oh, how sorrowful gaze, watching my reaction; sort of like he was afraid what happens next. He seemed almost paranoid, with the dark circles around his eyes and body shaking slightly.

I was too flabbergasted to speak, move or anything like it. I tried to understand what happened and how Johnny turned from being angry into suddenly so terribly sad or even scared, for some reason. I also couldn't help my eyes becoming a bit glassy, but I had to keep myself together.

I approached him and crouched down, making him raise his head and look up at me. It suddenly hit me in how much pain he really was when I saw tears streaming down his face.

When I was younger I used to think that celebrities only have to smile at the cameras, sign autographs and play it cool. I thought they didn't have bad days and were just living their best life, but young me was very, very wrong.

I cupped his head with my hands and wiped the tears off with my thumbs.

"Johnny, do you trust me?"

He nodded weakly.

"Then listen. Very carefully. There is nothing, nothing wrong with you and I promise you that. I can swear it. I'm so sorry that you have to go through such things, but remember that every night has a brighter day. Always. And that's how the world works."

"Believe me, this whole thinking shit is horrible, but you can turn it into something that will just work for you. Even if it seems like the farthest thing right now. Johnny, I believe you're the most special person I've ever met in my entire life, and I believe you can get out of this shithole of pain and misery."

He cracked a small smile, also nodding after a moment.

I pulled him closer once more and we stayed like this for a while. In the end, however, he wouldn't let me go.

"Johnny-"

"You smell soo good," he murmured, nuzzling his nose into my shoulder.

I chuckled, "Alright, alright, let's get you bit sober. How about a nice, cold shower?"

"Your wish is my command."

--

While Johnny was gone showering, I decided to clean up the place a little. I collected all the bottles of alcohol and emptied them into the sink before throwing them into the trash bin. I picked up pillows and messed blankets from the floor and opened a window. Soon the whole room was spotlessly clean.

Maybe 10 minutes passed and Johnny came back. He wore a new set of a t-shirt and some comfortable-looking baggy jeans. His hair was still a bit wet and messy, but he looked a lot better than earlier. Even his cheeks got a little rosy.

Though one thing I noticed while we were talking is that this one strand of his hair was constantly falling over his eyes, and Johnny himself seemed not so unbothered by that. Finally, I couldn't stand (or more like couldn't contain my laughter) seeing him struggle so bad, and an idea popped into my head.

"Can I braid your hair?"

It didn't take long to convince him, so few moments later I was sitting cross-legged at one of the couch's ends, in a way where I faced the another end. I put a pillow on my connected calves, on which Johnny's gonna lay his head down so I can have easy access to his hair.

Once he did, we started some random conversation and I began to do my job. My plan was to do a few little braids and then to tie it all up, so it wouldn't be so annoying anymore.

"Yeah, I think so too- Jesus Christ, why is the hair here shorter and there longer?" I huffed, actually kinda pissed that my braiding isn't going so smooth. "I wanna meet the man who did this haircut-"

Johnny giggled, sincerely, probably for first time tonight. I knew he's not gonna forget this night anytime soon, but I hoped I can at least make him not think about it that much right now.

"You're truly like a Lady Grinning Soul showing up at my door. You walk around and lay belief like it was the easiest thing to do." he said, looking up at me through his dark lashes.

"I'll take that as a compliment, thank you." I replied, grinning like an idiot. Which kinda suited my new nickname.

I was finally done, and it didn't look that bad actually. Johnny stood up and got the nearest mirror, checking the hairstyle-

"Shall we buy some coffee now?" he suddenly asked.

"W-what? Now?"

"Yes, why not?" he asked again, confused. Oh how I love how this man thinks.

"Johnny, it's almost 4 in the morning."

Long story short, after heated discussion we decided to go to the nearest coffee shop and buy some coffee. I guess we're gonna start the day early today.

I was about to stand up from the couch, when I got a tough head spin and had to sit again.

"Hey, you ok?" Johnny started, kinda worried. I said that it's fine and I don't think I'm dying yet. "Some time ago you said the same thing and then almost passed out." He raised his brows, and then oh-ed, like he just remembered something. "Right, what did the doctors said about the nosebleeds? Do you know yet?"

"Yeah, they said it might be just from the enormous amount of stress caused by the responsibility of being the funnier friend."

He rolled his eyes, "Very funny."

"You see?" I grinned contagiously. "No, but seriously. It's because of the big amount of stress or something. Or iron deficiency. That kind of stuff. Nothing serious."

"I hope so."

We somehow fell into a silly goofy mood before exiting Johnny's house, and the whole walk to the shop looked more or less like we were some madmen who escaped their mental hospital.

Though the aesthetic of it was just- I can't describe it in words. It was so quiet out here, and watching dark, night sky slowly turn into a early morning one only made it even better.

Although I also find out some bad news, the one Johnny mentioned. He said that very likely he's not gonna be in the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie, which I didn't believe in the beginning. Johnny Depp not being Captain Jack Sparrow? I literally can't even imagine that. And all of that because of his personal stuff? That's hideous.

--

We gulped down our coffees in record time and got back home when the sky was already decorated with pretty, bright pastel colors. I crouched down next to the record player, looking for some music, while Johnny collapsed on the couch.

"I'm exhausted," he started.

I snorted, glancing between Iggy Pop's Lust For Life and Rumours by Fleetwood Mac.

I suddenly stopped looking for records as another idea popped into my head. I stood up and walked to the corner, grabbing one of Johnny's black, acoustic guitars.

"How about some magical, morning tunes that are ready to put you to sleep right away?" I asked, sitting down in an armchair, where I was almost facing Johnny. He pretended to think about it.

"Well, that's a tempting offer. I guess I'll give it a try." he smiled brightly, his cheeks still flushed from the outside's cold.

Silence filled the room before I carefully started to strum the soft melody of Apocalypse by Cigarettes After Sex. I sighed, looking out the window at the day about to start.

Johnny fixed his gaze on me, glancing between my face and the fingers dancing around the guitar's neck. I noticed his eyelids were starting to get heavier with each note, and finally they closed.

I would take all of his nightmares if it meant him sleeping peacefully, just like right now.

At some point I stopped playing, noticing he has fallen asleep. I quietly put the guitar aside and grabbed a blanket. I covered Johnny's body with it and crouched down, having his face right in front of me.

I tenderly kissed his forehead and whispered,

"You deserve the world Johnny. I'll make sure you stay safe. Sweet dreams."

I then stood up, making my way to the main door.

Thank y'all for reading!!🌺

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