《What If Bowser Died?》If Bowser died...Luigi would eat a Mushroom
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(scene: Toad Town County Jail; cell #5)
: Urgh... Uh... a-What the... (opens his eyes, sits up)
: Hello, Luigi. (Pauline, Daisy, Peach, Rosalina, and Waluigi are standing outside the cell, looking in)
: (alarmed) a-Pauline? a-What in the... (glances around) A jail cell! Why am I in a...? (glares at them) What's a-going on? What did you a-do to me?
: What do you remember?
: I remember trying to beat a-level 25 of a-Diner Dash this morning.
: Uh, I'm pretty sure this happened sometime after that, bud. (He's wrapped in bandages from head to foot, and resembles a mummy)
: a-Wait! Those a-wounds... (points to Waluigi) I a-gave them to you! Because we were a-fighting! Over a-Daisy! Again!
: Yes. And then?
: And a-then...a-then Daisy said that she would a-marry me...so I ran towards her...and a-then there was this a-blinding pain...and... (frowns) Pain when I was a running to a-Daisy... Pain... (finally gets it- stares at Daisy) You a-betrayed me?
: I'm sorry Luigi. But saying all of that sappy stuff...that was the only way to get you to lower your guard so that I could knock you out.
: (tears in his eyes) a-How could you, Daisy?
: (angrily) Because you were out of control, Luigi! Kidnapping Pauline, using her as bait, taking over Bowser's Castle, threatening the Mushroom Kingdom and Sarasaland...you were out of line. Something had to be done. We had to stop you. So yes, I went in there and tricked you, the MK Army retook the castle, and we put you in jail. I'm sorry.
: (snorts) Don't be sorry. We probably saved the world today- hopefully, with Captain Bro back on the throne, the Koopa Kingdom will be less of a tyrant than it's been for the last few months.
: Yeah, maybe things can finally get back ta normal.
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: (sniffs and begins to cry, stunning everyone)
: Oh, Luigi, please don't cry. Don't worry, we talked to the DA, and capital punishment is off of the table. In fact, if you testify to the fact that your actions were done just to impress Daisy, the judge might even lower your sentence to ten years in supermax.
: (still sniffling) So it was-a...it was-a all a lie, a-Daisy? You didn't mean a-anything you said?
: (guiltily) No, Luigi. I didn't...
: So I was just being a-strung along like a a-fish on a a-hook. I was a-duped. Hoodwinked. And a-all I wanted was for a a-you to love me, a-Daisy...
: ... ... ...I'm sorry.
: No, you're a-not a-sorry. You're a-relieved. You don't a-care about how happy your a-words made me. Or how a-much they're a-breaking me a-right now. All you a-cared about was a-rescuing Pauline. You didn't want to a-mend fences. You didn't-a care about me at all!
: That's not true Luigi! (pause) Well, maybe it was true, but you were being such a bully that it was hard to like you at the moment. So I'm sorry that that's how the shoe dropped, but like I said, something had to be done.
: (glares up at her with tears in his eyes) This will a-not go unanswered, a-Daisy.
: (exasperated) Enough, Luigi. Enough with the threats and the childishness. It's over, okay? We won, you lost. All there is for you to do now is sit quietly in this cell like an adult until your trial date comes up. (Turns) Come on, guys.
: (shakes the bars) Don't you a-turn your a-back on me! I'm a-not some dummy you can just a-boss around and ignore! I am the a-King in Green!
: (snorts) Not anymore, buddy. Face facts, there's nothin' more you can do.
: Oh a-yeah? Wanna bet? (reaches into his overalls and pulls out...a Mushroom)
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: (gasps) Mushroom! (Yelled as if she were saying "gun!")
: What?
: Luigi?! Where did you get that?!
: Like I-a said. I am the-a King in Green. And you just a-underestimated me again! (swallows Mushroom whole)
: Blast it!
(Luigi's body begins to shake, and the jail cell lights up as rainbow-colored sparks spew around him. He hunches over slightly and begins to balloon in size, nearly filling the jail cell)
: Oh no!
: Guys! We've got to get out of here! Now!
(They turn and flee)
--
(outside)
It was a normal day in Toad Town, and everyone was minding their own business. When...
(The Toad Town Police Station suddenly explodes, and an enormous giant rises from within the rubble, towering over the town's tallest building. Toads stop and stare)
: Hey...ain't that Luigi?
: What's he doing?
: OH A-DAISSSSSSSSSYYYYY. WHERE ARE YOU? A-WHERE DID YOU GO? (kicks apart a nearby bakery) HERE? (punches through a nearby tower) OR MAYBE A-HERE?
(Below, pandemonium breaks out, and toads begin running in all directions, screaming at the top of their lungs as buildings collapse and rubble rains down on the streets. Luigi stomps slowly down the main thoroughfare, leaving a trail of destroyed buildings in his wake)
: OH A-DAIIIIIISSSSSSY! A-WHERE ARRRRRRREEEEE YOU? COME OUT, WHERE A-EVERRRRRR YOU ARE, SO I CAN A-HAVE MY REVENGE!!
(Down on street level, Daisy and company are hiding behind an intact building, huddled beside some trash barrels)
: Good googely moogely! How da heck did this happen? How he sneak a stinkin' Mushroom past the cops?
: (angrily) I don't know! (peeks around the corner; Luigi is currently stomping through the Toad Town's suburban quadrant, and is squashing houses beneath his giant shoes)
: Stars, what are we going to do? If we don't stop him, Toad Town will be in shambles!
: And how do you propose we stop him? In case you haven't noticed, he's a giant!!
: But wait, don't a Mushroom's effects fade after a while?
: Yeah, he'll probably revert to normal size in two or three hours! And by then, Toad Town'll be in ruins!
: Then what do we do? How do we stop him?
(No one replies; they continue to watch Luigi punch apart buildings and houses)
: COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARE, A-DAISY!!
--
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