AMARA POV

PRESENT

Life has a certain way to test people. I never understood the quote - the person you love the most hurts you the worst until that very person left me broken. Never had I even thought that he could betray me, break my heart and leave me stranded in this journey of life. I still don’t get it how anyone could break three years of a relationship and got engaged the next day. My heart still argues with me, defends his crime. Were all those moments, laughs and confession of love a scam? I hate how much it affects me even after four years. I hate to feel that I wasn’t enough. Was it me? Where did I went wrong? I hate this sense of helplessness I feel . He scarred me for life. After three years of useless therapy to get over him, I started dating again. But never did I felt anything for anyone besides him. How could you even love a liar, a cheater? He must’ve got married. Does he have any children? He always wanted kids.

O God! Amara you need to stop thinking about him. He is happy in his life and so should I. But it is hard to forget the person whose name has been inked in my heart quite literally. Getting his name inked on my skin never felt wrong. He never had let anyone hurt me. But that night he himself became the reason of my misery.

31st May, 2016

“Babe, I’m home.” Teaching kids to dance is more tiresome than it looks. But I love teaching them. Its more like a hobby for me. I designed clothes for living. My brand is not as famous as Prada but surely in the span of few years it’ll be more like it.

“ Babe, is everything okay I bumped into Noah and he looked very furious. Did you two have an argument?”

Standing up from the couch, he walked in front of me. He looked strangely calm. He was staring me with emotions I couldn’t read.

“Richard, is everything fine? You’re scaring me baby. You know you can talk about anything with me.” But even in my strangest dream I could have never prepared myself for the words that came tumbling out his mouth.

“I want a breakup.”

“Um..what are you saying hun?”

“Well , I said it in simple English. Is it too difficult for you to understand that I want a breakup.”

“ Ric, baby. Did something happen? Was it Noah? Did I do something wrong? Please tell me we can talk about it.”

“ What’s there to talk. I said I wanted a breakup damn it. Why are you being so difficult? I have already packed your belongings. If there’s anything left I’ll send it to you. Now leave.”

“I..I’m being difficult. You don’t even want to talk about it. And I’m not leaving. This must me my decision. We are in a relationship Ric. Talk to me.”

“You want to know why I’m breaking up with you. Okay so how about you are always nagging me to do something. Ric, do this do that. You are a selfish girl Amara. This relationship has always been about you. Your likes, your comfort all about you. Being in the same place as you starts suffocating me. You don’t want a boyfriend. You want some puppet. And I’m not one. You are toxic Amara, even poisonous. We don’t have any future together. So Leave.”

Is this what people means when they say words give wounds deeper than knives. It surely felt like that. I can’t control the sobs escaping from my mouth . It hurts so damn bad.

“Baby, I never did anything to make you feel like this. If I did it was never intentional. Babe, if this is how I act, I’ll go therapist. We will do it together. I’ll change . I’ll do whatever you say. Please don’t leave me. I can’t live without you.” I started crying, saying everything to change his mind.

“You can’t live without me or my money. You are afraid how are you going to live your lavish lifestyle without my debit and credit cards. You are practically living on my money. Damn woman you are a leech sucking up to my money. And I fucking love someone else.”

I slapped Richard so hard that his face swayed in another direction. Disgust. I am feeling disgusted to think this is what he thinks of me.

“You said Iwas selfish, I believed it, you said I was controlling, I thought maybe it was true, you said I was suffocating you I thought maybe I wasn’t giving you space but accusing me of gold digging this is where I draw line Richard. I never used your money for my lifestyle. I’m a fucking designer Richard I earn more than I spend in a year. And don’t worry I will never be with a man who professes his love for another woman in front of me. You are a cheater. I fucking hate you. I hate you and your money.”

I never thought I would have to bid him goodbye but sometimes nightmares do come true. I can’t stop myself from crying not because he was leaving me but he turned out the opposite of what I thought he was. He betrayed my trust. I was fool for loving him so much.

PRESENT

“Miss Wesley, the models are ready for their dressing trials. The director wants you to be there.”

“Tell him I’m coming.”

Even after all of my efforts that day always creeps into my memory. I may have failed in my love life but I am damn good designer and I am proud of it. I have never let the past determine my future. Is it possible to hate and love the same person at the same time? I never think I am weak for loving him. Its rather my hard will and strength that makes it possible for me to love him.