I was finally letting go, letting go of my expectations of not being good enough for him, for not being pretty enough all I did was let my body flow against his and white-girl dance to the music amplified from the vinyl.

Seriously though, it was nice to feel free.

The alcohol in my system was nothing new to me but my bloodstream picked it up much quicker than normal like it caught it passing by and wasn't letting it go.

I drank more on the dance floor, straight from the bottle of firewhiskey passing it between Fred and I. The brightness of the lights blurred my vision, my other senses were heightened. I could smell not just the alcohol in the air but the weed too. George was definitely smoking somewhere.

A slow song started and Fred and I slowed our movements. We placed our hands in the proper positions and danced along. I noticed something in his eyes when we were dancing. He looked so sure of the moment we were in. I had decided then.

I was too.

***

We were at the drinks table again, but this time only water. I was currently at a steady level of alcohol intake. Anymore would risk me actually being drunk. My herbology test tomorrow wasn't going to survive with a hangover. Once I stepped out of the harsh light and back to the drinks table I sobered up quite quickly. I saw Fred still dancing in the middle of the common room.

I caught his eye and he immediately walked over to me.

He waved his friends off and arrived in front of me. Fred placed a kiss on my forehead and held his hands under my chin so I was looking up at him. His hair was bright and messy from dancing around and his hands were soft.

"What are we still doing here?" I asked Fred with a glimmer of hope in my eye. His head quickly turned away, looked away from me, contemplating. I put my hands on his waist and slid them up and under his shirt earning me a sharp inhale.

"Miranda." He said croakily.

"Yes." I moved my eyes from his chest back up to him.

"Let's go." He said, his voice much deeper now. Fred turned around eyeing Lee and George with warning and mouthed something incoherent. We reached the steps and turned left at the 3rd staircase into the boy's dormitory. As soon as we were behind the door Fred turned to me pushed me straight against the back of the door as it closed shut. We were not kissing yet but he was so close I could feel his hot breath against my lips. "Hi." my voice was only a whisper.

I trailed my hands slower this time. On the outside of his shirt down his chest and then down his sides. I reached my hands around the back and started to trail up and inside his shirt. Fred now had his head back, jaw tightened.

"Is this okay?" I asked.

"It's perfect, darling." As he confirmed I drew my nails down his back lightly feeling a shiver pass through his body. Fred was unravelling under my touch. I couldn't pretend I didn't love it.

As I caught his eyes with mine he leaned in again slowly, closing the gap between us and placing a meaningful kiss on my lips. I pulled back to admire him. Just as I did he scooped up my legs from underneath us to rest around his hip and pressing me into the wall. We both leaned in again kissing more breathlessly this time.

I squeezed tighter with my legs now at his waist and my arms enveloping his neck. We were closer than ever but still, it didn't feel like enough.

"Bed, now," I grumbled. I heard Fred's small involuntary moan against my cheek. Fred gripped the underside of my upper thighs and brought me over to his bed placing me underneath him.

He kissed me more and ran his over and over my waist. My sharp inhales raised in volume. Our mouths were open in intensity and I pulled up on his hair. Fred moaned into my mouth and kissed me more. I pulled on his hair again, after the prior response. Then he stopped.

He removed himself from me and sat on the side of his bed shoulders hunched and head down.

"Are you okay? Why did you stop?" I looked to Fred and sat up leaning against the headboard.

"Yes, I am fine, I just need time to, you know, cool down." Fred smiled shyly.

Fred had always been a gentleman in controlling himself. But I didn't want him to pause, I didn't want this moment to be over.

"Why do you need to cool down."

"Randy, come on, you know." Fred chuckled.

"We don't have to stop." I said clearly. "I don't want to stop."

"Yes, we do." Fred was clearly trying to convince himself more than me.

"Why?" I stared at him, wondering.

"Why? Because it's you." Fred looked at me now. His eyes warmed in golden when he looked at me, then faded as thoughts crossed his face. Fred turned away from me a twisted look on his face. I felt my insides turn cold.

"Do you not want to have sex with me?" I felt small so it only came out as a whisper.

"What?" Fred turned back to me in confusion.

"Do you... not want to have sex with me?" I said feigning confidence.

Fred's face was interesting to watch, it was all his emotions blended together. But they stopped when his expressions wrapped into a smile.

Then he started to laugh. Like a full-on laugh. A hearty laugh.

I sat there awkwardly and decided to cross my legs at this moment and sit up a little straighter. He spoke when his laughter died down.

"You know for a smart girl you are pretty bloody blind." I smiled in relief. "Was the moaning just then not enough?" He chuckled lightly.

"No, I just." I breathed out. "Last year, you were quick to sleep with a girl." His manner emulated annoyance. "Trust me, I know you've made changes and I'm so happy you have but it's weird, it doesn't seem like you crave it all." I was allowing myself to open up more. "Every time I try to take things further you pull away. I know it sounds selfish but I crave all of you and I feel like you don't even want me that way."

Fred threw his head back and groaned in frustration. "Oh my god, Benny."

He turned to me, swinging his legs back onto the bed and crossing them. Fred looked at me straight in the eyes and made his next words distinct. "There is nothing more I want to do than to make love to you. In fact, I have been thinking about it for way too long. But I'm not gonna rush because you are so much more than a quick fuck." He gripped me tighter on these words. "I wanna make it special for you."

Well, I feel like a fucking idiot now. How did I get so lucky?

"Look, I know you feel the rejection when I pull away but I am only doing it to control myself. If I didn't stop and you were fine with it we would've had sex in the common room, the astronomy tower, the hallway. Oh god, we would've had sex in the middle of that fucking party downstairs." I laughed, at peace with his reasoning.

He continued "I want your first time to be special because you are Miranda fucking Benson and you are the most beautiful girl in England." I felt my cheeks turn bright red and Fred smiled smugly at me.

I pulled him into a sweet loving kiss. "Wait." I still had my hands on his cheeks when I spoke to him. "How did you know I was a virgin?" Fred avoided eye contact suspiciously.

"Lucky guess?" He prompted.

"I don't even want to know." I pulled him in again.

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